MapleWish Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I know it's hard to look at someone's past relationships and tell them what they did wrong or right, I mean it's their love life and who are others to judge. I was with a guy for 2 years, ended in 2013, and loved him and I'd hate if I was talking to someone and they'd tell me it wasn't really love or things like that. But when it comes to this guy i know (who is my crush) I can't help but judge and I do feel bad for doing so. I judge because He was 20 going on 21 when he got his FIRST girlfriend, he NEVER dated before anyone before her. He'd only been dating a year and a half when he proposed. Sure he was young when he got married but he's not the only one who's ever gotten married at 21/22 (he is divorced now). But I tell him his mistake was 1. Getting married young 2. Marrying the first girl he ever dated 3. And marrying that fast He likes to defend it by saying he was in love, she was in love with him, and knew he wanted commitment. But I feel like that doesn't matter, I mean I was in love for 2 years but that wasn't enough for me and my ex to last and no we WERENT married, we were dating but still I wouldn't have married him just outta love. Still does this sound like my crush made a mistake? I know every person is different, some can get married to their firsts and stay together BUT their first may also have been from high school and they'd been dating for awhile, my crush's first gf was when he was 20/21 years old. Any thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Sure he was young when he got married but he's not the only one who's ever gotten married at 21/22 (he is divorced now) What more needs to be said? He's divorced. Obvious answer is yes, he was too young. I only know of ONE person who married before the age of 22 who is still happily married. I know WAY more people who waited much later and still are together. But anyone I know that got married between the ages of 18-24, are WAY more prone to divorce, it seems. But that's just MY sample size of people I know. Link to post Share on other sites
cactusgal Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I thought you had a boyfriend who you don't sleep with who didn't like your sex jokes? Is this a different guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Any reason why you're finding the need to psycho analyse your prospective partner? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Yeah, where I live, this happens all the time. When I went to college and came back, everyone was either engaged to their HS sweetheart or wound up marrying them. So the dating pool in my early 20s was dried up. Though, there are just a few people who desired to not follow the band wagon of getting barefoot and pregnant when not even legal drinking age and decided to go to college first, experience life there, and then consider finding someone. I could never fathom how someone that they dated in high school would have NO desire to explore their options after that? How do they consider the their prom date "the one"? I know it's hard to look at someone's past relationships and tell them what they did wrong or right, I mean it's their love life and who are others to judge. I was with a guy for 2 years, ended in 2013, and loved him and I'd hate if I was talking to someone and they'd tell me it wasn't really love or things like that. But when it comes to this guy i know (who is my crush) I can't help but judge and I do feel bad for doing so. I judge because He was 20 going on 21 when he got his FIRST girlfriend, he NEVER dated before anyone before her. He'd only been dating a year and a half when he proposed. Sure he was young when he got married but he's not the only one who's ever gotten married at 21/22 (he is divorced now). But I tell him his mistake was 1. Getting married young 2. Marrying the first girl he ever dated 3. And marrying that fast He likes to defend it by saying he was in love, she was in love with him, and knew he wanted commitment. But I feel like that doesn't matter, I mean I was in love for 2 years but that wasn't enough for me and my ex to last and no we WERENT married, we were dating but still I wouldn't have married him just outta love. Still does this sound like my crush made a mistake? I know every person is different, some can get married to their firsts and stay together BUT their first may also have been from high school and they'd been dating for awhile, my crush's first gf was when he was 20/21 years old. Any thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I'm on his side....he was in love! and of course he made the decision to propose during the honeymoon period. A lot of people during this time talk of marriage, you check out rings, name the kids you are going to have blah blah blah and they truly believe it's forvever!....he got caught up in it, oh well. The thing is for those who lack experience don't know you can't possibly know someone enough to step into a marriage, plus not enough life experience too. Most don't survive marrying this young etc. BUT some actually do. I know a few who married at 20 to the person who was their first everything.....5 years later still happily married. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 He was in love then...it happens! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 It's too young for most people because their brains aren't quite fully formed yet, but as long as they didn't dive right in and have kids young, then there's nothing wrong with it except that it was probably doomed to failure as they both continued to grow and change. Marrying young but not having kids could be a really good time. It's when kids come into it that I think it's a big mistake, because people that young simply cannot fathom the restrictions this will put on them for the rest of their lives, pretty much, and it can leave especially the mother with some aspects arrested development because everything else has to stop to care for the kids. The part of the brain that can predict consequences is the last part to fully form, and I've read it can be as long as mid-twenties -- and that seem right to me, just looking back on the maturity level and ability to make good choices of someone between 26 and 30 as opposed to 18-24. The simplest thing to tell him is just that people are still rapidly changing through their mid-twenties at least, and so it's nearly inevitable that they may grow apart. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I married at 20 I married my very first boyfriend - he was also my first kiss I was a mother by age 21 Now in my late 40s I know it was the stupidest thing to do but like your guy is saying I was in love and at the time I had no reasons to believe it would not last a life time. What is done is done. What do you hope to accomplish by making him feel bad about his past? No one likes to say 'yes I wasted my youth and I was wrong'. We did what we did because at the time we believed in it. Leave the poor man alone, who are you to judge how he felt back then. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 Maybe he wasn't too young. Maybe he's just an *******, or maybe it is her. I'm also curious why this matters to you, and even more curious to know why it matters so much you'd explain it all here looking for support? I think you should find other things to talk to your crush about. Telling him how you think he ****ed up one of life's major events doesn't seem like the kind of talk that will get you together for very long. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 Can't disagree with you more. Getting married at 22 is not too young, dating for a year and a half is plenty of time to know whether you are compatible or not, and marrying a person you love, whether they are the first person you have dated or not, is always a great choice. Marriage is commitment and when one ends it's always because one or both parties became selfish. It's not because they got married too young, too soon, or any other too. That's my opinion anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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