mnrdgz Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 My ex left me after me battling with depression for 1.5 years. I was in denial that I needed help and tried to hold on to things that would make me feel ok. I become controlling and needy. She got tired of it and left. Here is my issue: About 2 weeks before I left, I got diagnosed with a large DVT (a blood clot that covered all my main veins starting at the left elbow up until my left clavicle). Doctors told me that I was lucky that I had come in, because if it had reached my heart, or lungs it would have been fatal. It scared me. Suffering from anxiety, my emotions became even more unbalanced. I had spoken to her about hating my field of work and wanting to switch. I had spoken to her about going to therapy and treating my anxiety which is what was basically paralyzing me from moving forward career, and social wise. I believe anxiety is what caused the depression because I was too afraid to do anything. Including too afraid to call a therapist for help. She knew all of this. She helped me by calming me during anxious episodes, she looked for therapists for me. She told me it was ok to want to change careers. Yet she always left it up to me. I unfortunately was too afraid to move forward and ended up stuck. She knew this but was pissed that I didn't do anything for myself. Knowing all that I was going through, she just up and left. She knew I was depressed, had high levels of anxiety, was going through medical issues that were not a joke, and she just left. Her reason: We are toxic for each other right now. I can't help you out of the depression, therefore we are not compatible. I have never really been single and explored myself and you need to fix yourself. If she lost interest, got the GIGS, just plain fell out of love, got tired of dealing with me: THAT'S FINE. But she could have gone around it differently. She could have forewarned me, prepared me, given me an ultimatum, stuck it out at least till the DVT was gone. Something. But she just left. She said she wanted to explore herself and that I needed time to myself. She just added another thing on top of everything I was dealing with to my life. I'm dealing with so much at the same time and she decided to add one more thing. It was a 4 year relationship, you'd think she'd have more compassion. TOO LAZY; DIDN'T READ: I was dealing with depression, anxiety, being lost career wise and having to start from scratch (feeling like a dissapointment), and serious medical problems and my ex of 4 years was well aware of everything and decided to leave to explore herself. Was it a dick move not to at least forewarn me?
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 There is never a good way to break up with somebody: fast or slow it still hurts. She may have seen your latest medical issue as one more thing she no longer had the capacity to handle. I am glad your doctors found the DVT & you go treatment. Focus on your health for now then when you get that under control, you can work on your next relationship.
elaine567 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 She was your gf not your nurse, she had had enough. That was hard on you, but sometimes we have to do stuff that is good for us and not good for someone else. That is life. The most illuminating sentence you wrote - "I become controlling and needy. She got tired of it and left." It wasn't a dick move. She had to protect herself. 2
mightycpa Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 That reminds me of a friend who was in a serious relationship, they were in love, planning to get married, etc. Then, she was diagnosed with a certain form of cancer. Within two weeks, the wedding was off and the boyfriend was gone. He told her that he wasn't prepared to sign up for the trouble and difficulty that her cancer would cause. Was it a dick move? I don't know. You'd like to think that people are selfless, but on the other hand, who wants to invite problems into their lives? Not me. I have a whole lot of sympathy for the position "you've got to fix yourself." It's just the way I see things. Does that make me a prick? Maybe. But look at it from her point of view. If your best friend described a potential girlfriend for you in the same way that you described yourself: [she is] dealing with depression, anxiety, being lost career wise and having to start from scratch (feeling like a dissapointment), and serious medical problemswould you really be interested? Why would that change because of 4 years together? It's still unattractive. You're perfectly entitled to waste energy resenting her if you like, but I suspect you've got more pressing things to think about. 1
Hija77 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 The timing of the break-up was bad, but what can you say? Should she have stayed for an indeterminate amount of time until you got better? Your relationship would've been a lie! I have the utmost sympathy for your situation, but to be fair, she doesn't have to stick around just because you're in a bad way. It sounds awful, but it's the truth. If it were me, I'd resent the hell out of her, too. I'm not judging you on that. Not at all. You're working on your physical and metal health. That is crucial!!! Don't worry about some girl who left you when you were down. It's her choice, but that doesn't make it any less lame.
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