I want the right to choose to have a child, rather than he decide for me.

[sophieadi-k]

I'm looking for advice on a topic that, until recently, i had never really given any thought to.

 

I've been with my partner for a few months now. I'm twenty-one and he is thirty-five, but so far the age gap hadn't really bothered me.

 

But at the weekend we had a kind of row where quite a few things were released off one another chests. We sorted things out and are stronger for it, but there's one issue that we have differing opinions on, and that is the issue of children.

 

He has two children, aged five and fifthteen, from a previous relationship. They're both great kids and I dont mind taking them on at all.

 

The thing is, during our row, he mentioned that he'd done the children thing and he doesn't want anymore. I'm only twent-one, so i'd never really considered children. But since that conversation, it's all I can think about. Now that that I know there's a chance of not having children, I feel like I haven't really been given the choice.

 

I wonder how he felt when each of his children were born. Was it a feeling of a strong rush of love? Pride? Extreme elation? If any of these are true of him, then how can he tell me he loves me, yet deny me that feeling? If you love somebody, you do anything for them, but he doesn't want to do that for me.

 

I understand he already has children, but that makes me feel like his previous partner was worth having children with, but i'm not.

 

How do I tell him how I feel?

 

I can love his children, but it's not the same as loving my own.

 

I want to have at least one, and be proud of them and be able to say to myself: "I did that."

 

If he already has two, would one more really make much of a difference?

 

If anybody could help, i'd be very grateful.

[Stone]

Your young and if this is something you are sure that you want don't settle for less. you can't blame him for not wanting anymore kids, but if being a mother is something that you are sure you want to be one day than this is going to cause a huge problem later.

 

Maby this is a dealbreaker? You can't make him want any more kids if he is done he is done respect that BUT don't stay with him if you are positive you want children

[Debster]

IMO, the only thing worse than being with someone who doesn't want any more kids, is having a child with someone who doesn't want that child. It appears as though you guys have different goals. If you really want a child, than your future with him is limited. If you decide to stay you may end up resenting him. Try to find someone where your goals are more compatible.

[moimeme]

One of Dr. Phil's better pieces of advice is that deciding to have a child requires two yesses but only one no. It would be an extremely bad idea to try to persuade, coerce, or trick him into having kids. Which is one reason why relationships between people so different in age is often a bad idea.