Lisax3 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Hi guys Hope you can help me. I met a guy over 6 months ago, it was kind of like a whirlwind he couldn't message,phone and be with me enough, we spoke about the future together and I thought I'd found the one. Only recently he became really distant with me like a completely different person, he's self employed and works basically 7 days a week. I work away from home sometimes so we didn't always see eachother but when I got home we spent amazing time together. I questioned him about his distance and he said I'm so stressed with everything I'm sorry IM treating you this way (however he didn't change how he treated me) I tried giving him space. After about a month I decided to call it a day. I messaged him after not speaking to him for 3 days and said I can't handle it no more, shockingly to me he said he didn't know what he wanted anymore and couldn't deal with the fullness of the relationship and didn't want to hurt me. I deleted him off everything and said it was finished as I don't deserve what he's doing. I'm scared he's not going to miss me and he's going to find someone else , I have initiated no contact but I'm hoping he will get in contact with me. Any advice?
Toodaloo Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Stay no contact. Keep busy doing things and be sociable with friends, family etc. When you find yourself thinking about him imagine him having a really smelly poo while picking his nose. Remember all the bad times, write them down if need be and read them back to yourself. 1
Light Breeze Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Well. In my opinion, this was a full blown infatuation on his side that fizzled out after the honeymoon phase. After all those butterflies were gone, he couldn't commit because he was not that in to you. I'm sorry. Right now, focus on healing and moving on. Treat this as if he is not coming back, because trust me, that hope of him coming back that you're holding into within an inch of your life will be detrimental to you. There will be someone out there who would actually make a conscious decision to stay and commit to you. Stay strong. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Hi guys Hope you can help me. I met a guy over 6 months ago, it was kind of like a whirlwind he couldn't message,phone and be with me enough, we spoke about the future together and I thought I'd found the one. Only recently he became really distant with me like a completely different person, he's self employed and works basically 7 days a week. I work away from home sometimes so we didn't always see eachother but when I got home we spent amazing time together. I questioned him about his distance and he said I'm so stressed with everything I'm sorry IM treating you this way (however he didn't change how he treated me) I tried giving him space. After about a month I decided to call it a day. I messaged him after not speaking to him for 3 days and said I can't handle it no more, shockingly to me he said he didn't know what he wanted anymore and couldn't deal with the fullness of the relationship and didn't want to hurt me. I deleted him off everything and said it was finished as I don't deserve what he's doing. I'm scared he's not going to miss me and he's going to find someone else , I have initiated no contact but I'm hoping he will get in contact with me. Any advice? At about the 6 month mark men typically go through a period of uncertainty and especially if they have other stresses going on in their lives. I would give him plenty of space. Do not text or call him first at all. Let the time go by. If he has been missing you and realizing that he wants to move forward or to the next level, he may reach out after a couple of weeks just to test the waters to see try to see if you are still angry. It will likely be just a lite text to say hi and how you are doing. If you are not angry still and are interested in moving forward, you respond with a similar response. Don't say you miss him or anything about the relationship of feelings. Leave it at that. Don't get into much of a texting volley wiith him. Then see if he contacts you again. If you get say three texts like this over the course of a month or so, then he is just keeping his options open. If he is serious about you, he will pursue you and ask to meet or call you. He may start with more substantial texts about him missing you or talk about things he misses about you. You'll know if the texts are "more seriious" or not. If he asks to meet, let him do all the talking. He should apologize profusely for hurting you and mentiion specific reasons for missing you outside of intimacy. Liike missed going places wiith you, missed little things you did, etc. If he's not pretty specific, then he just wants you for intimacy. If he asks if you want to "try again", you say yes, and ask what he has in mind for moving forward. I wouldn't do anything to "punish" him for taking the time think about things. Just kinda hit the reset button and start dating him again without intimacy for a bit until you are comfortable about things with him. But let him pursue you again. You never contact first for a while. In this case, though, I would not put much stock in his return. Start dating other men, don't be intimate with them. If you don't hear from him for another month, you can become intimate with whichever new man interests you enough to be exclusive with. 1
Author Lisax3 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Thanks for the replies I just don't get it. He was saying how stressed he is with work Etc and I completely understand that. When I broke up with him he just said I don't know what I want etc. No answer what so ever. I liked a guys picture on Instagram (we argued about it before we got together) later that evening he was on a dating website!!!!! I text him and asked him what the hell he was doing and he said he thought I was moving on and he was annoyed. Do you think he will contact me again? Only for Christmas and Valentine's Day he buys me such meaningful gifts implying he wants a future with me, I just do not get it. He doesn't really show his feelings? Is it maybe he needs space?
Light Breeze Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Thanks for the replies I just don't get it. He was saying how stressed he is with work Etc and I completely understand that. When I broke up with him he just said I don't know what I want etc. No answer what so ever. I liked a guys picture on Instagram (we argued about it before we got together) later that evening he was on a dating website!!!!! I text him and asked him what the hell he was doing and he said he thought I was moving on and he was annoyed. Do you think he will contact me again? Only for Christmas and Valentine's Day he buys me such meaningful gifts implying he wants a future with me, I just do not get it. He doesn't really show his feelings? Is it maybe he needs space? First, that thing about him being stressed at work, that's bull****. If he really wants to be with you, he'll find a way. That's included in the handbook for crap reasons to break up. Those gifts? Another 101 in this forum. They are called "breadcrumbs", dumpers often drop those to dumpees to keep them hooked while they "explore", this is to ensure that you're available when they decide that the grass ain't greener on the otherside.
Author Lisax3 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 So basically you think it's all a lie he's got bored and found someone else?
Light Breeze Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Nope, what I'm saying and I could be wrong, is that he was totally infatuated with you, but as those feelings fade as they normally do, he pulls the the "stress at work" card to avoid commitment. I'm not also saying he found someone else but I think he wants to explore or just be single and free. I don't think what you had was a lie. It was true all right... While it lasted. But, that's just me. I'm sure others will give you their 2 cents. Stay strong and for now keep NC. Make your healing a priority.
sabd Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 He started blowing cold once the honeymoon period was over. I wouldn't be surprised if there was someone else on the scene now. And he's on a dating site? Tells you a lot, right there. You need to continue with No Contact and treat this as if it's OVER. Let him go and move on with your life.
Redhead14 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 So basically you think it's all a lie he's got bored and found someone else? There is no way to know if he got bored or found someone else, that's not what he said. He told you he was stressed and apologized for treating you the way he did. At that point, you give him space and a ton of it. You become Houston and let him contact you when/if he realizes there's another problem. You did go no contact and about 3 weeks in you put more pressure on him and he became overloaded. When you give a man space, you give it totally. I would say that in this case breaking no contact from you pushed him over the edge. A month to deal with significant stress is not a lot of time. It would have been OK to reach out to him with a message of support after a couple of weeks or so but not push him or mention the relationship. If he was going to come back to you, it's unlikely now. Keep the no contact from you now and plan to move on. You will need to decide whether you want to continue with him again if he contacts you more than say another month from now, but I wouldn't recommend it. Two months of "uncertainty" means he certain he doesn't really want you for anything serious.
Author Lisax3 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Thanks for the advice. I'm just so hurt at the min, guess your right I just need to get on with my life. 1
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