thelastunicorn Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I've been dating a guy for a month and a half. He's nice, funny, nerdy, and seems to be pretty open. On our first few dates everything seemed to be going great but now that he's invited me over for a date I feel very uneasy about him. I've dated guys where our second/third date was at their place and I didn't question their motives or get an uneasy feeling at all. I didn't spend as much time talking to those guys as I do this guy but this is the most uncomfortable I've ever felt about someone. Major Points: -Introduced me to his best friends already -Invited me over to his place like 3 times (he wants to have sex with me obviously-that in itself is not an issue for me) -he's talks about himself ALOT. I don't know if he's just really into himself or is too eager for me to like him. -We've talked somewhat about what our priorities are right now (we're not on the exact same page but that's partially due to circumstances but we're both okay with casual dating for now) Could this be true intuition? I feel if I truly needed to be wary of him it would've been something that manifested on earlier dates not just now. Or could it be that I'm just being weird or just not into him enough yet? Note: I only started to freak out after he asked me over and I said yes. At first, I didn't think anything of it and then about a day later I began to feel weird about him.
Erised Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Umm, I can tell you women's intuition as a concept has been completely disproved in actual research. It's no more reliable than any other guessing. That said, actual red flags are not intuition. They are things to examine and consider and react accordingly. 3
PegNosePete Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Listen to your gut. It is seldom wrong. 4
Timshel Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 If you don't feel comfortable and something is bothering you about going to his home, why don't you trust that? I wonder why you are questioning your own feelings and trying to force yourself to do something you clearly are not ready to do. It does not matter if it is "real" intuition or not. What matters is that you are having a gut feeling, your psyche is trying to tell you something and you are trying to talk yourself out of it. Please don't do that. I have met a few people who's gut feelings have saved their lives. I am not saying it is anything that extreme but really, what is the point of ignoring how you feel? If your not ready, your not ready. Trust yourself. Tell him you've given it some thought and want to slow this down a little. How about dinner and movie instead? Suggest another activity. What's the worst that can happen? He does not want to see you anymore because you aren't moving fast enough? That should tell you plenty then and you saved yourself some trouble.
Toodaloo Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 If you don't feel comfortable DO NOT DO IT. You have red flags there already in that you are not both singing from the same song sheet... He seems to be rushing things a bit as well. 2
rocketman122 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Umm, I can tell you women's intuition as a concept has been completely disproved in actual research. It's no more reliable than any other guessing. Exactly. No such thing as a womans intuition. its not being better than anyone elses. women are more suspicious and look for the negatives more than men so they say its intuition. They look for the negative.
fred123 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 If you don't feel comfortable DO NOT DO IT. You have red flags there already in that you are not both singing from the same song sheet... He seems to be rushing things a bit as well. he seems to be rushing things a bit? er did u not read that OP said she went to other guys houses after second and third dates and she never questioned it. so they didnt rush it? some double standards here 1
Author thelastunicorn Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Exactly. No such thing as a womans intuition. its not being better than anyone elses. women are more suspicious and look for the negatives more than men so they say its intuition. They look for the negative. This is part of the issue. I believe this too. I would rather lean on the side of logic than "feelings."
rocketman122 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 This is part of the issue. I believe this too. I would rather lean on the side of logic than "feelings." Women hype each other up to reject guys. The womans gf's brainwash them so much. Check his facebook, search on google, maybe hes married, he didnt reply back, maybe hes dating someone else, let me chexk his old profile and see if hes active. Wait ill send him a wink/flirt card and see if he goes for it. Thats the "intuition" of the female brain. Its deceiving and manipulative and working at full throtle trying to purposely reject you.
Toodaloo Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 he seems to be rushing things a bit? er did u not read that OP said she went to other guys houses after second and third dates and she never questioned it. so they didnt rush it? some double standards here You are probably right... However in this instance she doesn't feel comfortable. Correct me if I am wrong but I don't think any one, man, woman nor child should go to a persons house unless they feel completely comfortable and at ease with the situation. It doesn't matter if this chap has done everything right or if he is wrong the fact remains is that she doesn't feel comfortable with the possible results. So the answer is simple. DO NOT DO IT. There is no hype, no drama, no pressure. Its is simple. If you do not feel comfortable do not do it. 4
kendahke Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I've been dating a guy for a month and a half. He's nice, funny, nerdy, and seems to be pretty open. On our first few dates everything seemed to be going great but now that he's invited me over for a date I feel very uneasy about him. I've dated guys where our second/third date was at their place and I didn't question their motives or get an uneasy feeling at all. I didn't spend as much time talking to those guys as I do this guy but this is the most uncomfortable I've ever felt about someone. Major Points: -Introduced me to his best friends already -Invited me over to his place like 3 times (he wants to have sex with me obviously-that in itself is not an issue for me) -he's talks about himself ALOT. I don't know if he's just really into himself or is too eager for me to like him. -We've talked somewhat about what our priorities are right now (we're not on the exact same page but that's partially due to circumstances but we're both okay with casual dating for now) Could this be true intuition? I feel if I truly needed to be wary of him it would've been something that manifested on earlier dates not just now. Or could it be that I'm just being weird or just not into him enough yet? Note: I only started to freak out after he asked me over and I said yes. At first, I didn't think anything of it and then about a day later I began to feel weird about him. I believe in it. If you don't want to go over there, then tell him that you're not ready to do that yet. Don't go over there just because you dont' want to be seen as "not nice"; if your gut is telling you to not do it, then listen to that. Either he will not want you to feel uncomfortable and will suggest an alternative plan or he will show himself plainly for what he is and you will know it was good policy to listen to your gut.
kendahke Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 he seems to be rushing things a bit? er did u not read that OP said she went to other guys houses after second and third dates and she never questioned it. so they didnt rush it? some double standards here WTF? This isn't a double standard. This guy isn't those guys. This guy has no entitlement claims. With this guy, she feels it's rushing it. He isn't owed anything just because of what has happened in the past with her. 3
Toodaloo Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 WTF? This isn't a double standard. This guy isn't those guys. This guy has no entitlement claims. With this guy, she feels it's rushing it. He isn't owed anything just because of what has happened in the past with her. Thank you. You put it more eloquently than I did. Every single time I have told myself to use logic because I am "just being silly" its gone very wrong. 1
Author thelastunicorn Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Update: Talked to him and he was fine with changing our plans and is pretty excited about what I suggested we do instead. Was I being paranoid? Probably but if I felt uneasy the entire time it wouldn't have been much fun for either of us anyway and he would've probably taken it personally. I appreciate the responses and the overall concern for my well-being.
preraph Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Listen to your gut. The most cutting edge criminal profilers will tell you never to ignore your instincts. They were used for survival and developed over thousands of years. There is nothing more valid than instincts. Sounds to me like you know this isn't right for you at this time and that you are being rushed. Just because you go over to his house does not mean you have to have sex with him. Insist on taking your own car or whatever, and leave when you're ready. He's rushing you and you're simply not sure about him yet. Don't let him rush you.
Buddhist Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Women hype each other up to reject guys. The womans gf's brainwash them so much. Check his facebook, search on google, maybe hes married, he didnt reply back, maybe hes dating someone else, let me chexk his old profile and see if hes active. Wait ill send him a wink/flirt card and see if he goes for it. Thats the "intuition" of the female brain. Its deceiving and manipulative and working at full throtle trying to purposely reject you. Yes we look out for each other to prevent our friends from being used by guys with entitlement complexes. It's not a perfect system but works pretty well. Deceiving and manipulative? No more so than guys coaching each other in red pill bro-philosophy. It's not our job to just passively accept a guys manipulations and deceptions. 2
somedude81 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 The simple rule with men and sex is to never be alone at your place or his until you are completely sure you are ready to have sex. 2
Gary S Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Intuition, sometimes called gut feelings, is very real, and the area in a woman's brain that handles it is twice as big as a man's. You could say that men have pea-brains! It's that little feeling inside which tells you something is wrong, but you can't necessarily explain it. It's based on observing body language. 93% of communication is body language and voice inflection. It's learned in the formative years. The best security experts in the world will tell you it's your biggest safety tool. It can also tell you whether or not a person likes, loves, or hates you, and too what degree. In extreme cases, it can warn you if someone is likely to harm you. If you had no intuition, you would not know how to relate to people, would be crazy, and have to be locked away in a rubber-room. As a relationship writer, I have to tell people to listen to their gut everyday. So yeah, if you feel creeped out by this guy... you might be sensing something unspoken, there is a chance either he could hurt you emotionally (reject you), or physically. You should feel comfortable about going to your date's house... if you don't, don't go. 6
Toodaloo Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Update: Talked to him and he was fine with changing our plans and is pretty excited about what I suggested we do instead. Was I being paranoid? Probably but if I felt uneasy the entire time it wouldn't have been much fun for either of us anyway and he would've probably taken it personally. I appreciate the responses and the overall concern for my well-being. Good. Glad all is well. It doesn't matter what it is in life though. If you do not feel comfortable do not do it. Doesn't matter if its men, work, getting in a car etc... If you feel in any way in danger or unsure so not do it.
guest569 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I dont think "women's intuition" is a thing, but people can be very perceptive with this sort of thing.l you pick up on a lot of things subconsciously and piece them together which creates this feeling of uneasiness. You should listen to it.
guest569 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 (edited) The simple rule with men and sex is to never be alone at your place or his until you are completely sure you are ready to have sex. Haha, wow.. really? I would hope not. Some men are horrible rapists etc. but you would think and hope this is a rare thing. Edited February 26, 2015 by smiley1
Arieswoman Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 As GaryS says - post #18, a lot of communication in personal interactions is non-verbal. We pick up clues from people from what they say/don't say, how they say it and also body language - sometimes called "non-verbal leakage". Nonverbal Signs of Lying - Truth About Deception I would always say, listen to your intuition - it's never wrong. 1
Rko28 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 but how can you differentiate between intuition/gut feelings and just general anxiety. For example. You have been cheated on in the past and that person used to not use their phone in front of you. In new relationship and the new person also doesnt use phone in front of you. This then sets off you thinking that they could be cheating. Probably not the best example but hopefully you get my jist?
kendahke Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Thank you. You put it more eloquently than I did. Every single time I have told myself to use logic because I am "just being silly" its gone very wrong. You're not being silly on this. Just because a woman has had sex with men in the past under certain scenarios doesn't mean she owes sex to every other man she meets in the future. There is such a thing as "I don't want to", and too bad for him if she does. I don't know where that messed up comment is coming from, but women are fully entitled to determine who they will and won't sleep with and their past has nothing to do with their decision. Let's turn that mentality around. A guy has taken most every woman he's met in the past out for an expensive, sumptuous first date dinner. He meets a new woman and decides she's not wrapped tightly, doesn't like her vibe and doesn't want to take her to dinner. Just because he's done this in the past doesn't mean he owes her or any other future woman the same consideration *if he does not want to do it*. 1
kendahke Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 but how can you differentiate between intuition/gut feelings and just general anxiety. For example. You have been cheated on in the past and that person used to not use their phone in front of you. In new relationship and the new person also doesnt use phone in front of you. This then sets off you thinking that they could be cheating. Probably not the best example but hopefully you get my jist? You're assigning behavior to someone you don't know based upon what someone completely unrelated to them did; and if you're doing that, it may be too soon for you to enter into another involvement, since you're dragging your baggage from your ex to this person to sort through. The person who cheated on you set up months of patterns which indicated that they were not on the level with you. The new person has not. They may not use their phone in front of you because they think that it is rude to not focus on you while with you. I dont' use my cell phone in front of my guy and I'm not cheating on him. I just think it's rude to do that. 1
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