Rko28 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 All has been going pretty well, not seen much the past week as shes been away so contact has mainly been over text. No leaving each other hanging etc or game playing over texts, replying when/soon as possible. She knows all about the past relationship I had, and how I possibly got cheated on which has in a way given me slight trust issues but last night she said something which really hit a nerve. She was saying she has the house to herself this weekend as her parents are away, im also away on holiday too. In the text she said, her mums away, you're away (me) house to myself, I can get with someone and bring them home Straight after that she said "im kidding" and then "well I could but im not going to" I said that was disrespectful to say that to me, even though shes joking I didnt find it funny and it hit a nerve with me. Her reply was that it was a joke and im too sensitive, if I didnt like it then I should walk away, which I replied saying I didnt find it funny and are you trying to push me away by saying that which she said no of course not and that im over thinking things. In the past she has said things like this, Ive always felt shes said them to get to me. I just see no reason why she said that.
LoveRefreshed Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 funny thing about sarcasm... there is a lot of truth behind it.
PegNosePete Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Initially I was on her side. Yes she was just joking around and you took it too seriously. But her way of dealing with your reaction was pretty terrible. Saying that you should walk away if you didn't like it, is a really bad sign. It seems to me that rather than trying to fix the situation, she wanted to escalate it and cause a bigger issue. Seems she's not very committed to the relationship and would rather bail than resolve. Oh and final thought, don't have this kind of conversation over text. CALL her. 90% of human communication is non-verbal. You miss out on all the voice tone, emotion and timing when you try to express yourself in 160 characters or less. 2
Author Rko28 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Initially I was on her side. Yes she was just joking around and you took it too seriously. But her way of dealing with your reaction was pretty terrible. Saying that you should walk away if you didn't like it, is a really bad sign. It seems to me that rather than trying to fix the situation, she wanted to escalate it and cause a bigger issue. Seems she's not very committed to the relationship and would rather bail than resolve. Oh and final thought, don't have this kind of conversation over text. CALL her. 90% of human communication is non-verbal. You miss out on all the voice tone, emotion and timing when you try to express yourself in 160 characters or less. Yes I was half asleep at the time so thought maybe I had over-reacted. I agree about the phoning rather than text too Since that message she has since said that she has also been cheated on too and something like that wouldnt bother her as it was a joke. She said that my reaction is quite off putting.
PegNosePete Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 She said that my reaction is quite off putting. Yeah, but IMO her reaction to your reaction was even more off-putting. 1
Author Rko28 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Yeah, but IMO her reaction to your reaction was even more off-putting. Agreed. Now to think is that just an age/lack of maturity kind of thing or is it her true personality.
Gaeta Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Since that message she has since said that she has also been cheated on too and something like that wouldnt bother her as it was a joke. She said that my reaction is quite off putting. What she is doing here is dismissing your feelings, turning the table around on you. It's a way of not recognizing her words maybe have hurt you. Sounds like something a 15 yo would say. If you date young it also means dating immature. Get used to it, I have a feeling it's not the last time you will be faced with her being unable to take responsibility. Her comment about her parents being away therefore she can have someone over is juvenile. 1
Gaeta Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I just read in your profile she is 18 and you're 30. You are dating a teenager. No need to add anything. 2
todreaminblue Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 it wasnt funny at all......her dismissing how you feel is a concern.....how can you over think someone saying to you oh i might bring someone home because i can..nothing to overthink ... and as far as her thinking it was a joke.....i think she meant it...she said it for a reason...it was either to make you jealous or she thought about bringing someone home then turns it on you to make you the one in the wrong....there is no right in that...and its no joke....deb 2
Author Rko28 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 I agree. Its a huge red flag and one thats a massive turn off. As one poster said (although ages slightly wrong) its maybe to be expected with the age gap.
Mrin Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 At first i was seeing all sorts of red flags here until I saw the age gap. Not so much the age gap but rather her age. I would chalk it up to dating someone still in her teens. They do not know better... I could actually see myself saying something like that at 18 too. 2
Author Rko28 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 At first i was seeing all sorts of red flags here until I saw the age gap. Not so much the age gap but rather her age. I would chalk it up to dating someone still in her teens. They do not know better... I could actually see myself saying something like that at 18 too. shes almost 20, but yes I agree it is most likely down to her age. I know for a fact if I said something like that it wouldnt go down well.
katiegrl Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 it wasnt funny at all......her dismissing how you feel is a concern.....how can you over think someone saying to you oh i might bring someone home because i can..nothing to overthink ... and as far as her thinking it was a joke.....i think she meant it...she said it for a reason...it was either to make you jealous or she thought about bringing someone home then turns it on you to make you the one in the wrong....there is no right in that...and its no joke....deb I think she meant it too...or at least considering it. I mean, who even thinks something like this... let alone say it...even to make a joke? It wasn't a joke...there was a reason she said it and it wasn't to make you laugh... 1
Author Rko28 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Posted February 27, 2015 she actually apologised for this last night, saying it was immature and childish and she was only trying to have a joke but realised it wasnt funny at all.
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