Anyone here share the same feelings as I do? I don't ever want my EX back anymore

[Stercrazy]

Thank you. I needed that. I needed someone to tell me that it's okay to continue being anti social (at least for now).

 

Friends and family have been encouraging me to go out. To socialize. I know they meant well but I just could not do it at the moment. Its so hard to get myself out there.

 

As you can see..even signing up and browsing a dating site have given me anxiety and broke me down..I'm just not ready..

 

Knowing that you're not ready is EXTREMELY important. You don't want to mess yourself up further or anyone else for that matter. I try sometimes to get out and socialize but sometimes I just want to stay home and do my thing.....clean house....play guitar.....whatever.

I also did the dating sites but I'm just not ready either. I went out on 4 dates with different women since September......nothing clicked. So now I started working out again and maybe spring/summer I'll be ready.

[LYNNLH]

Saying "it was bad" is an extreme understatement. Saying "it was devastating" really doesn't do it justice. It was like being cut in two and left to die.

 

I got through it by going through it and not stopping the grief or distracting myself from the work grief needed to do. That and my doctor prescribing Atavan, lol. Having friends and family in my corner (and his family--his mother blew a gasket when she found out) helped out a lot, but at the end of the day, they all went home and I still had to sit with those feelings and process them. I saw a therapist, but she really didn't tell me anything that I already didn't know. I really didn't make an effort to find a more effective one. I made it through work--some days, I cried, other days I royally screwed up my work, but my boss ran defense for me, thankfully. I would get home and sit on my bed, rock and sob--for months. It's all really a distant memory now--thankfully. My sorrow fully lifted at about the 3 1/2 year mark--but that's me. Your mileage may vary, so to speak.

 

During that time, I learned to trust myself and my feelings again. I learned to not put up with BS from any guy--if he didn't want to treat me with respect, then he had to go. No relationship is worth gutting your self esteem just to be able to say "I got a man". Yeah, a man who cheats. Whoopie!!! What a prize.

 

I think that the whole self trust thing is probably the biggest gift I gave myself--that and the permission to be selfish. Not in a negative way, but in a way that what I want and what I need comes first. If I can't have that, then I'm in the wind. I do not fear to speak up for myself and what I want/need. But long gone are the days where I sacrifice what I want and need in order to keep someone who is basically doing what they want and need in spite of me.

 

Thank you for sharing, kendahke..Wow..those are some difficult times.

 

Your advice taken to heart. You are right. I find myself in this predicament largely because I do not love myself enough and have low self esteem.

 

Over the years, I have always had that gut feeling he has never been that into me. He never really accepted my family, may cheat (there were signs), never really gotten over his ex ( I even felt that he may drop me like a hot potato if she ever wanted him back)..etc. All in all, a little (or maybe a big part) of me knew we will never last. That he will leave me (for whatever reasons) one day. Yet, I hung on..if you were to ask me why..I guess for the comfort of having someone (him?) in my life. Sometimes, I question myself if I really loved him at all.

 

Even as he moved away, I would always suspected one day, he may find someone else and dump me. But little did I expect that he will do it in less than 3 months after he moved. I thought then, even if he were to find someone and drop me, that would be much later in time..

 

Like his friend said, he planned way before he left. He knew we would not last. He didn't want us to last. My gut feelings about him were right all along.

I was in denial.

[LYNNLH]

Knowing that you're not ready is EXTREMELY important. You don't want to mess yourself up further or anyone else for that matter. I try sometimes to get out and socialize but sometimes I just want to stay home and do my thing.....clean house....play guitar.....whatever.

I also did the dating sites but I'm just not ready either. I went out on 4 dates with different women since September......nothing clicked. So now I started working out again and maybe spring/summer I'll be ready.

 

Thank you, Ster..

 

Being really anti social at the moment..I can't even bring myself to hang out with friends (I can only see my closest friends who know about my break up at the moment. At least with them, I need not pretend that life is good and everything hunky dory..)..let alone date or meet new people.