Am I the OW?

[Am I the OW?]

Originally posted by Debster

Well, you lied to her. How can you call her gullible when you lied?

 

 

 

Hello pot, it's me kettle.

How gullible are you?

 

Debster, you are probably right. I guess why I called her gullible is because obiviously she knows something is going on or why would she call me and believe me? Maybe she isn't gullible, maybe she is in denial and doesn't want to admit to herself her husband is not being faithful, even though they are going through a divorce.

 

Maybe I am gullible for believing what he tells me. This may sound awful of me, but this affair is exciting. The sex is great, and so is just so much fun being with him. We have so much in common, so much to talk about and the laughter is endless. If he is just using me it wont be the first time that I have been used, hurt, and he will just be another pr!ck of my past. I am a big girl, I can handle it. And if he does go back with his wife I will find someone new. I don't want to get married again, and since he wants to be married (so he says), then it wont last because he wont stick around if I am not willing to make that commitment. If this doesn't work out, I am still young and can find someone else. There are plenty of other men I work with that I have fun flirting with and flirt back. If this isn't meant to be, it wont last, and life goes on.

[whichwayisup]

Honestly, I think it's kind of funny, when she asked me what was going on between her H and I, I had to laugh. It just struck me funny that the rumors got around so quickly. I have been attracted to this mm for so many years and to finally have him, it is just so wonderful, words can't explain it. Actually hearing his wife asking ME what is going on between us just makes me feel like I got him, and she lost him. I know that is pretty selfish of me but I can't help the way I feel. I lied to her because I don't want to tell her the truth because that is mm's problem to tell her. If I tell her the truth he will end up hating me, and I don't want that.

 

Cheese, we were emotionally involved before we started having a physical affair. MM told me I am part of the reason for him divorcing his wife, but only a small part. I never told or asked him to leave his wife, he did it on his own.

 

What was his marriage like before the EA started?

 

It's not your place to tell her, but it is his. I would encourage him to come clean and BE honest with her. You both are making a fool of this poor woman. It's not funny at all. Actually made my stomach churn reading that you're enjoying it too. Rumours spread fast...And it will only be a matter of time before SHE goes out on her own to find proof he's cheating on her...Just you wait. Then it won't be so funny anymore.

[Mr Spock]

Both of you (women) are making the mistake of thinking you're truly special to this man. You're not really, either one of you.

[StillHurtin]

I have to agree, this makes my stomach churn!!! She will find out, eventually, they all do, especially if you aren't being very secretative about being see 2gether. Ppl will tell the W, and eventually, she will hear it from someone she trust enough. Even though it was hard for me to hear the rumors (which turned out to be mostly true) it tore me apart. But, I needed to hear it. I wished it would of been from H (he told me the truth when he wanted to work it out). He told me since he wanted the M to work he thought he had better stop lying to me. My H wrote poems to the OW and said he loved her too, but my counselor asked me if I have ever thought I was in love w/ someone but actually, deep down was I? That opened my eyes, he was right. I think I was in love w/ the thought of being in love. You are a new, exciting, thing in his life. You are probably exciting to him, you make him feel good about himself, ect. Why not get out of this mess and start dating these SG you flirt w/? Why a MM? Maybe he will continue w/ the D, maybe he wont. Who knows, only he does. Just don't waist your time on him.

 

Spock, hmmmm, I don't know if I really agree w/ that one. We don't know the MM. My H made a STUPID mistake by having an A w/ the OW, but I know deep down inside he did feel it was wrong. Yes, we were having M problems, and yes, he screwed around on me, but he came back to me and that is all that matters. He made a lot of life changes to make the M work. Changes that he refused to do during the M. He refused to go to M counseling, he refused to go to individual counseling (too much pride), but when he wanted me back I made him go to counseling, and he went. How do I know he went? B/C his last bill was sent to us at our new address, w/ all the dates that he went. Proof right in hand. Another thing I demanded was him getting a vasectomy. I begged him for 8 years to get it done and he refused. I didn't want anymore children, and I figured since I went through pregnancy, labor, and a c-section he could have his nuts cut. He got it done shortly afterwards. He even put our house up for sale and moved away from all his friends to start a new life w/ me and our children several miles away from them, he hardly ever sees them. If he didn't care about my feelings, or the M, he would of told me if the marriage was going to work I needed to be the one to move back there, which I wasn't willing to do. Men, like women, make mistakes and they learn from them. Instead of getting help w/ our M he thought divorcing me and starting a new life over w/ the OW was what he wanted, but honestly, it wasn't. He was thinking w/ the wrong head at the time.

[kalie]

Why on earth, or marz, would anyone want to be 2nd best? Unless Im having an affair for physical satisfaction only, not an affair of the heart, I would never mess around with someone that isnt committed to me, and only me. Anyone that believes that the married S/O is going to leave a spouse, children, a mortgage and maybe more is fooling themselves. It may happen rarely, but only rarely. And once a cheater.....most of the time always a cheater.

 

I will say Ive been on both end of the fences. Both. I have messed around with a married man. The wife found out and the guilt I felt was not worth it. I left that marriage to heal and never called that man again. Ive been cheated on. And my ex that cheated , in return recheated on his new gal. Then wanted to come back to me.

 

So my opinion may seem harsh, and like I said please its not to offend anyone. Ive experienced both ends of cheating. Its not , in my book, worth it. Finding a nice S/O that is single and not feeling like 2nd best wonderful.

 

Just my thoughts. Only an opinion

[I Am the OW]

I had posted a reply but it must have not gotten through. I have came to the realization that I am the OW but I can live with it. WOWY, the marriage wasn't all the great before our EA (that is emotional affair right?) started, so he says. I just think he finally got so tired of the fighting he finally wanted to end it. Maybe he just wants to tell her he wants a divorce, files, and has an affair with me because he figures if he filed for a divorce we aren't having an affair. But obiviously she doesn't see it that way and either does her friends if they are telling her everything they hear, or see.

Why would a person honestly spend almost $2,000 retrainer a fee to a lawyer for a divorce if they want to work it out? Seems like a lot of waisted money, money he doesn't have to waist. Honestly, I think when he goes to pick up the kids and sees her again after a few days the feelings for her come flooding back. I think if he would just stay away from her for awhile it will be easier for him to get over her, but I know that is hard when you have children. He had them last night and she went to a friends house to visit while he stayed and spent time with the kids. I am glad they didn't sit around and talk about the marriage again. Can a person still be in love with someone but not be able to live with that person? I can't wait for her to move to be with her family (they live somewhere else in the state) MM told me she was packing up her things to move.

Kalie, I don't see myself as second best, I see his wife as second best right now. We spend more time together, go out together, than he does with his own wife. He doesn't see her on the weekends anymore because she goes back to her hometown, he comes and sees me, or we spend time on the phone several times a week. He goes to see his kids only 2 or 3 times a week and she hasn't been hanging around anymore. I am just taking it day by day.

[I am the OW]

Mm went over to his w's (they own a house together but he is staying somewhere else) to pick up more of his clothes and see his kids. He told me she had the whole house packed up and she is moving as soon as the kids finish up their school year. I think he is getting a little upset about it. He mentioned that he wont be able to just go see his kids as much as he would like because they are going to live so far away. But, things seem to be going pretty well with us. We have no major plans of starting anything serious, we just enjoy being around each other.

[cheatersrsad]

I read thru this entire thread and you went from being gullible yourself to **** in a mere 5 pages.

 

What makes you think that all of this was some silly "contest" that you luckily have won? Your darling cheater laughed with his wife, planned a future, married her and had children with her. And regardless of why, the result is that he CHEATED on her with you. Do you honestly think that if a man could share all those things and profess love and want children with someone...and then screw them over...that he won't do the same to you? Holy Hannah get a clue.

 

You also at one point seemed to be pleased that he spent more time with you than his wife-and his kids. C'mon now. Who cares about your mental/physical needs, if he's not seeing his children enough, then I feel bad for them. The day my husband put his needs before my son's needs is the day I would feel very sad for my marriage.

 

You say you are young and if this doesn't work out then you will move on. Too bad that didn't cross your mind earlier before a marriage and childrens' lives were affected. Because whether you were the only reason or part of the reason, you were a reason for the divorce and that is not something to be proud of.

 

You think his wife is gullible because you lied to her and she believed. Not that I expect you to consider this...but maybe she was drowning in the thought that her hubsand left her, her kids would be hurt and separated from Dad as a result, and her life as she knew it; friends, family, job; home was changing. Sounds like she has her hands full If you want to truly test your relationship with your man then tell his wife the plain old truth. Someone should. Let the chips fall where they may, but are you honestly fooling yourself that by both of you lying to her that he is who he says he is and feels strongly for you and vice versa? Your relationship seriously sounds more like a fun time for him to test the waters and use you as a scapegoat.

 

The reason this and other stories like yours get me so peeved is because women do this to each other and shame on them because women are strong and brave and shouldn't let this BS enter their lives. But some dumb girl decides that she is all her man even needs and throws caution to his wife, family, kids, etc. If I could have one wish it would truly be that every cheating man and woman had done to them what they did to their spouse(s). Now that would be justice of a sick kind.

 

And before anyone tries to blast me with the "oh you must be a woman scorned"...nope. sorry. not I. I am happily married to a man who I did not meet while he was married to anyone nor was I. It's amazing how many people are indeed single and available if you're looking...

 

Ciao

[StillHurtin]

Well, I am glad you finally figured out that you are the OW whether he is divorcing his W or not. Ya know, I am sitting here thinking to myself how gullible YOU are! I was in denial of the A also and was stupid for believing the backstabbing whinch (she knew me, even tried to be my friend, probably to get closer to my H!) Even her own mil said she is very convincing and can make almost anyone believe what she says is true. I don't know if the OW lied to me b/c she actually wanted to protect my feelings, deep down, or what the he!! she was thinking.

 

I hope he goes back to his W and if she is willingn to work on the M that is fine, if not, I hope she tells him to go to he!! and stays w/ you. Then I hope he dumps your for someone else!

 

I am sorry to be so harsh, but you just sound, like you don't care about the W's feelings at all. Are you just using the mm for sex?

[whichwayisup]

I guess what I don't understand is how you can trust him. In 6 months say, he moves in with you. The 'real' relationship starts...The good, the bad and the ugly...Meaning - Day to day life! Moods, illnesses, family, friends, etc...No more 'excitement' and 'all around butterflies..."

 

Is he the kind of person who will hold your head over the can if you're throwing up? Do you know the in's and out's of his looks, his genuine personality? What's deep in his heart? Just giving you stuff to think about here.

 

I feel bad for the kids. And the wife will find out about you soon enough. Especially if he at sometime allows the kids to come meet you...They'll run home and tell mom everything.

 

Be happy for as long as you can...But I can see you posting back here in a year cuz he either met somebody else and you found out about it or the upcoming 'trust' issues between you both will ruin it completely.

[lindya]

Kalie, I don't see myself as second best, I see his wife as second best right now. We spend more time together, go out together, than he does with his own wife. He doesn't see her on the weekends anymore because she goes back to her hometown, he comes and sees me, or we spend time on the phone several times a week. He goes to see his kids only 2 or 3 times a week and she hasn't been hanging around anymore. I am just taking it day by day.

 

So the fact that this man sees less of his children counts as some sort of victory for you?

[newbee]

quote"I was in denial of the A also and was stupid for believing the backstabbing whinch (she knew me, even tried to be my friend, probably to get closer to my H!) Even her own mil said she is very convincing and can make almost anyone believe what she says is true. I don't know if the OW lied to me b/c she actually wanted to protect my feelings, deep down, or what the he!! she was thinking. "-quote~stillhurtin

 

yes i agree, wives would be in denial not simply gullible. this however just shows that the original poster is very young.

i think that MOST ow would not tell the wife because the relationship between ow and mm is all in the mm's control whether the ow wants to admit this or not, she takes her cues from him. also the relationship between mm and his wife has nothing to do with ow, really, she doesnt even know the truth of that relationship, even if she did it is not her place to tell the wife, it is his. he is the one having the relationship with the wife.

[I am the OW]

Are you just using the mm for sex?

No, not really, even though the sex is great, I do have feelings for him.

 

 

Whichway, I guess I never sat down and thought about that because I honestly don't think there will be anything more serious between us but dating, and sleeping with eachother. I don't want to remarry again, I have been married 3 times and I'm not even 40! Marriage just isn't for me anymore. I would rather be single and do what I want and not have a man to answer to. I have enjoyed life a lot more since I filed for a D and my H (third marriage) moved out.

 

 

 

 

 

lindya quote:

" So the fact that this man sees less of his children counts as some sort of victory for you? "

 

I am not saying that him seeing his children less means victory for me. He can go see his children any time he wants and he needs to, but he is busy with his own things (his hobbies) twice a week so he doesn't see them on those days because when he gets done it's his kids bed time. So, he stops over and spends an hour or two with me. His W goes out of town every weekend and always takes their kids with her so he can't see them then either. The other two or three days he spends with his children. He chooses only to spend that much time with them. He could not do his hobbie and go see his kids, but he doesn't want to quit. Besides, the man was hardly home even when they were together and way before me. Once they move away he probably will only see them twice a month on his visitations. He is spending more time with them now than he will be when she moves.

[Mr Spock]

Gawd, burned spouses get off your soap boxes.

 

It's funny how those spouses who get their wayward cheaters BACK seem to regard it as a victory-yet it's not OK for the flip side of the coin to express those feelings.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

Gawd, burned spouses get off your soap boxes.

 

It's funny how those spouses who get their wayward cheaters BACK seem to regard it as a victory-yet it's not OK for the flip side of the coin to express those feelings.

 

How can it be a victory for the BS if they didn't even try to win their WS back but they came back anyhow? I don't see that as a victory. If you don't try to win a person back but they come back on their own free will doesn't mean it's a victory. I see it only as a victory if the BS fights to get their WS back. JMO

[shellys-trying]

It sounds to me that MM is still devoted to his family. You are making a big mistake stepping into it. MM is just that, HER husband. HERS.

There are too many single men out there for you to settle for this guy. If he cheats WITH you he will cheat ON you. What comes around goes around. You don't want that. It doesn't feel good to be cheated on by someone you love more than anything.

Is that how you REALLY feel about this MM?

 

I'm sorry to sound mean, but that's the way it is. MM generally stay with their W. This MM you are speaking of really sounds "still in love" with his W.

[shellys-trying]

I was crowing in my heart as I read every single word you wrote!

 

Finally, finally!

 

I almost broke into tears I was so full of admiration for you, Cheatsrsad, because what you said is true! ALL OF IT!

This girl who's happy she's broken upa fixable marriage and the kids involved....it breaks my heart!

 

You haven't even dealt with being cheated on, but you know, YOU KNOW deep in your heart how you would feel and what it would do to you inside.

 

I bow to you and ask that you continue with your opinions because they make a whole he!! of alot of sense!!!!!! TRULY!

 

Thank you!

[I am the OW]

Things were going pretty good between the mm and I. He rented us a motel room one night and we spent some time alone, for once. We had a wonderful time. That was what was going pretty good until a the next weekend. He went to a ball game with some friends last Friday night. He usually comes over after the game but he said he couldn't this time, he had plans afterwards.

 

Yesturday we talked and I asked him how his night went. He seemed to act differently and when I asked him what was up he said that he seen his W and he slept with her after he got back from the ball game.!!! I asked him why (I thought it was totally over with). He told me it was their anniversary that night and he wanted to spend some time with her! I'm I stupid or what! I can't seem to break it off with him. I don't want to break it off with him.

 

My son and I went to the baseball game with him Saturday and his W found out. Someone told her they seen us together at the ball game. It was an innocent thing, all we did was go and watch the game. Of course she called me and asked me what was going on. I told her nothing. Like I said in my previous post, it's not my job to tell his wife we are involved, that is his job. I am so sick of her calling me and asking me what is going on between her H and I. She keeps bothering me at work and I am going to get into trouble, I haven't told her that though. I finally bitched at the mm and told him I was tired of her calling all the time questioning me. He said he would do something about it.

 

I know that I am not a good person for doing what I am doing, but he doesn't want to be with his wife anymore, if he did, he would stop the divorce proceedings and he hasn't yet. When he tells me himself it's over, I will accept it and move on. Until that day I will enjoy every minute I have with him.

[shellys-trying]

I think "Am I the OW" is a selfish little piece of work.

 

What you think you deserve may be FAR different than what you get! I hope you do get your mm and I personally hope he treats you like he's treated his wife.

 

I think you enjoy the whole thing simply because you are a lonely little girl who wants what everyone else has.

 

Best of luck to you in your endeavors, cause, Honey, you'll need it! Your day's comin' and I hope your mm's wife is there to watch it happen!

[Nara]

Originally posted by I am the OW

.... I think he is getting a little upset about it. He mentioned that he wont be able to just go see his kids as much as he would like because they are going to live so far away. But, things seem to be going pretty well with us. We have no major plans of starting anything serious, we just enjoy being around each other.

 

 

Huh, in one breath you say, he's "little upset" about not seeing his kids often and "but things are going pretty well with us" - that sounds very cold to me, I'm sorry.

And in some way quite ignorant.

You seem not to see the pain...who knows, maybe your MM is not that concerned or simply very cool, but if I think of my MM and his son, I can't really separate them, as the wee one belongs to him like his laughter and soul and heart does. If I got in the situation, that he'd say "I leave my wife" I'd be worried about both of them, him and the wee one. I do want him so much, but I don't know, if I could handle him leaving his son for me....but we have a long-distance-affair and leaving is out of the question....and it's easier with the distance, there's more "discipline".

But if he came here and would say I leave my son, my wife, for you - would he be really happy then ? Would I ?

I love him and I want him to be happy. And if that means that I'm sore.

It's up to me to end this.

But I can't. Yet.

 

Got bit emotional there...sorry...

[I am the OW]

I don't know his kids that well. Once in awhile I will see them when he brings them into work to finish things up. They seem immature for their age, and I even told mm that. He of course, said they weren't but that is how I feel. I don't look at the situation that I am breaking up his family because he is the one that filed a divorce from her. He obiviously doesn't want to be married to her anymore. As for his kids, he was hardly ever home to spend time with them anyhow so this is nothing new to them. Heartless of me to say? Maybe.

[shellys-trying]

What does his kids' immaturity have to do with the price of eggs?

 

Since his children act too young for their age, he doesn't have to be around them?

When you catch (and if you get to keep) a MM, his children go along with the package. YOu don't get to leave them out of the "sale package"; there is no pick and choose.

 

If I'd ever heard the OW in my H's life say anything bad about my kids, I'd have ripped her a new one.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by shellys-trying

What does his kids' immaturity have to do with the price of eggs?

 

Since his children act too young for their age, he doesn't have to be around them?

When you catch (and if you get to keep) a MM, his children go along with the package. YOu don't get to leave them out of the "sale package"; there is no pick and choose.

 

If I'd ever heard the OW in my H's life say anything bad about my kids, I'd have ripped her a new one.

 

Hey Shell! I agree, but it seems to me the poster doesn't give a s*** about anyone's happiness but her own. I can't see this relationship getting serious, at all. She is a hurtful, shelfish person. I think she only cares that she "won" the MM from his W b/c she has been attracted to him for so long and now she finally has him, she thinks she is king s***.

 

Anyhow, to I am the OW. You sound so much like the OW my H had an A w/ (and yes, we were seperated when he had the A). Your attitude seems so familiar. And if the OW H had an A w/ said anything bad about our children, I am sure he would dump her @$$!!! Don't be suprised if he does just that, it's coming!! How dumb of you to tell him his kids are immature. If ya think so, fine, but keep your stupid mouth shut and not tell HIM that. DUH!!!

[shellys-trying]

You go, GF!

Nice to see ya, J!

[I am the OW]

Originally posted by shellys-trying

What does his kids' immaturity have to do with the price of eggs?

 

Since his children act too young for their age, he doesn't have to be around them?

When you catch (and if you get to keep) a MM, his children go along with the package. YOu don't get to leave them out of the "sale package"; there is no pick and choose.

 

If I'd ever heard the OW in my H's life say anything bad about my kids, I'd have ripped her a new one.

 

I never said because his children act too young for their age that he doesn't have to be around them. We were just discussing my children, and his, and I just flat out told him I thought his children seemed immature. I am the type of person to say what I feel. I love to flirt with men, married or not, and I am not going to let anyone stop me. Just the way I am. I was very shy when I was younger and I have came out of my shell and it's been so much funner being outgoing and having fun.

 

As far as me keeping mm, I don't plan on marrying him. I have been married three times and now that I am going through a divorce myself, I don't want to be married again. The mm has brought up wanting to get married as soon as his divorce is final but I told him no, I don't want that kind of commitment.

 

Still, I don't feel I was dumb for saying what I did. If he truely loved and cared for his children he would of said then and there if I thought that way about his children, then he couldn't be with me. He never said a word about it.