kanga Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 Hi everyone. After several weeks of things being low-key, friendly yet flirty with the guy I like, I finally had a breakthrough. Basically, this whole thing -- the several months of back and forth -- the reason it's not gone a step beyond is because I am distrustful of him and he knows this. I asked him if that's the issue and he said yes. I nodded my head and said, "Yeah, that's what I always thought." Many other things were said, including the fact that I am the one who controls where this goes, not him, even though we both know I thought he was the one who should be taking the lead. The trust thing is with me truly, btw. I had a bad ending to a relationship years ago and it's affected basically every relationship since then, including just my general trust of guys. Sooooo ... it's left me thinking. So, to you, fellow Shackers who have been here before - where do I go from here? How do I let myself trust him? Will I ever be able to? How do I convey that to him (that I have?) Or is this whole situation doomed, and I should take the control that I have and tell him that it's time for the long convos, the gift-giving, the make out sessions to end?
Devildog Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 So your question is whether you should punish this guy because of your issues and emotional baggage. Are you planning to spend the rest of your life alone because you can't trust anyone because of something that happened in the past?
Author kanga Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 Devil -- that's an awesome way of looking at it. I hadn't thought about it as punishing him.
Devildog Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 You have to realize who it was that betrayed you. It is very unhealthy to hold something against a person for someone elses transgressions.
Author kanga Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 Right. That is true. I know this. So how do I just give in fully and let the trust thing happen with him? By the way, he hasn't actually ever done anything. Well, there's a sketchy situation involving his ex-gf. I'm not fully convinced they are fully over each other. But I have no proof of this. Only his word. But otherwise, it's more a general distrust I have about his intentions with me. We have just been in a limbo state for so long that it doesn't seem normal. Except for the fact that he says I'm the one who has been controlling where things go. OK, so I know this is unfair to him and I know it's a personal issue and it's baggage. It's an issue I need to work on with myself. So I want to fully and unequivocally trust him and his intentions. Anyone have any positive experiences about being about to worth through the trust issues and make a relationship happen? Or is this a case where it's simply doomed?
Sckott Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 You need to find what's bothering you, identify it, talk about it and move on. If you have any emotional problems (baggage, trust issues) I would stongly suggest seeing a theropist if you cannot work past it yourself... In the meantime, you have to identify what you can and cannot do, be up front with your mate, make decisions and find a path to your personal freedom from these silly chains. With or without him, like someone else mentions, this needs to be worked on through you. Love and life is much more fun when you can trust people and make true friends.
Recommended Posts