Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Online dating works, but like Gaeta said, it takes a couple of years or so. Not 60 messages. You look good, but maybe you're short. That would be a disadvantage. Maybe you're personality is not too attractive. Who knows? You also don't take advantage of online dating. Even if you have to send hundreds of messages, there is an infinite supply of women there and you have nothing to loose. I'm not short, I'm 5'10 about 200 pounds. I look kinda like a professional football linebacker. I'm not ripped right now (working hard on that) but I definitely look very athletic in street clothes. as far as online dating goes, the fact that it takes 60 messages to get 1 response is incredibly frustrating. Is it going to take then 600 messages to get 1 date and then 6000 messages to actually get a second date? I understand rejection is a part of dating and I'm okay with that, but that much rejection for someone who has never had any real luck dating is just not a good recipe for keeping the confidence levels strong. Once you're demoralized, you've lost the game before it even starts
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 You hit the nail on the head there, brother. Best to stay away from OLD unless you are just looking for easy sex. it's just absolutely terrible man Women on online dating sites treat it like a catalog. The decent looking ones get 50,000,000 messages a day so unless you're a top 0.0000000001% catch in everything, you really have no chance I can't blame them though, if you got that much attention online, you would be holding out for a playboy playmate yourself. You can't hate the player, the game just sucks
BluEyeL Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 That's true that OLD can lead to a lot of anxiety and loss of confidence. I felt the same. It's tough but if you're strong, it's totally doable and you get to meet people you'd otherwise never have met. You need not to care too much when you send those 60 messages. Just a chore, send them and expect to have a 1% success rate. You just need one great match in the end. Quitters don't win.
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 That's true that OLD can lead to a lot of anxiety and loss of confidence. I felt the same. It's tough but if you're strong, it's totally doable and you get to meet people you'd otherwise never have met. You need not to care too much when you send those 60 messages. Just a chore, send them and expect to have a 1% success rate. You just need one great match in the end. Quitters don't win. 1% success rate in terms of 1% reply rate? That would obviously be atrocious If I met a great girlfriend out of sending a 100 messages, I would be totally fine with that but I don't even know if I could get a number out of a 100 messages. What I would consider success rate then wouldn't be 1%, it would be like 0.000000001% Online dating really is one of the worst things out there
Phoe Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I can't see any one specific thing that would for sure cause a failure, so all I can say is that some people have a harder time than others. Not for any particular reason, it just so happens that that's the way things played out. Doesn't mean that you can't find that success in the future, but it definitely doesn't mean that you're a failure.
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 I can't see any one specific thing that would for sure cause a failure, so all I can say is that some people have a harder time than others. Not for any particular reason, it just so happens that that's the way things played out. Doesn't mean that you can't find that success in the future, but it definitely doesn't mean that you're a failure. yep, it's just very frustrating phoe You read book after book on what to do in dating and you do everything in your power to improve yourself as much as you can and it just goes nowhere I'm not letting it cloud my overall thinking though. I'm still very grateful everyday for everything I've been given and I work hard to improve and advance myself a much as I can everyday
Phoe Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 yep, it's just very frustrating phoe You read book after book on what to do in dating and you do everything in your power to improve yourself as much as you can and it just goes nowhere I'm not letting it cloud my overall thinking though. I'm still very grateful everyday for everything I've been given and I work hard to improve and advance myself a much as I can everyday I say what I said because I too "fail" at dating, so to speak. Analyzed everything. Tried everything. Changed many things about myself, obsessed over "improving". I overdid it and really wore myself down mentally. So I stopped. Change my mindset and step back from it all for a bit. Maybe come back fresh after some time, or maybe continue to keep myself stepped back from it. May not see any point in throwing myself back into a sort of thought process that can easily become draining. 2
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 I say what I said because I too "fail" at dating, so to speak. Analyzed everything. Tried everything. Changed many things about myself, obsessed over "improving". I overdid it and really wore myself down mentally. So I stopped. Change my mindset and step back from it all for a bit. Maybe come back fresh after some time, or maybe continue to keep myself stepped back from it. May not see any point in throwing myself back into a sort of thought process that can easily become draining. very good advice. Yes it is exhausting because you never feel like you're doing enough to make yourself a decent catch I feel like I have to be a billionaire male model football player who is a fire fighter on the side who rescues puppies from burning buildings and then reads to blind kids at orphanages for fun just to get a date with a decent looking girl my age. All my previous efforts were obviously not good enough or I wouldn't be in this position. I need to stop and reset myself mentally 1
Macattack Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Why do you bother? Enjoy your freedom there's plenty of things to do out there.
Phoe Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 very good advice yes it is exhausting because you never feel like you're doing enough to make yourself a decent catch I feel like I have to be a billionaire male model football player who is a fire fighter on the side who rescues puppies from burning buildings and then reads to blind kids at orphanages for fun just to get a date with a decent looking girl my age Haha, see, and I KNOW in the back of your head you know you don't have to be all of that.. I'm sure you're reasonable enough to know that you are plenty good enough and know that you have something to offer. The analyzing though... sometimes it feels addicting. Us analyzers are our own downfall! What I would give to be able to turn off my brain sometimes.
Ann253 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I have a friend. He's an incredible guy. He's smart, good looking, fit, business owner, great personality, has a huge heart. All around good guy. But he has the worst "luck" in dating. From reading your post you remind me of him. I could be off base, but I'll share my observations with you. I consider him somewhat shallow when it comes to dating. He dates extremely attractive women, but they never fulfil him because the personalities don't match. My friend has often overlooked ladies who are still pretty, but not "hot", who have great personalities. I wonder, are you, like he, too focused on looks and letting the good girls slip through your fingers? Although everyone needs to be attracted to whoever they are with, I have found that attraction can grow as you get to know the person. My current bf I thought was "ok" looking when I first met him, however the more I have gotten to know him the more attracted to him I am. While I don't want to say lower your standards, I do suggest you focus more on personality and less on looks. My two cents worth... Good luck 2
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Haha, see, and I KNOW in the back of your head you know you don't have to be all of that.. I'm sure you're reasonable enough to know that you are plenty good enough and know that you have something to offer. I don't know, I've made dating to be an impossibly difficult task in my head because of how little positive feedback and success I've received It's tough to snap out of that cycle. The less success and positive feedback you get, the more you feel like you have to be absolutely perfect just to get a date. It just keeps feeding into itself 2
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 I have a friend. He's an incredible guy. He's smart, good looking, fit, business owner, great personality, has a huge heart. All around good guy. But he has the worst "luck" in dating. From reading your post you remind me of him. I could be off base, but I'll share my observations with you. so far, I can see the similarities and I thank you very much for the positive comments I consider him somewhat shallow when it comes to dating. He dates extremely attractive women, but they never fulfil him because the personalities don't match. My friend has often overlooked ladies who are still pretty, but not "hot", who have great personalities. ...and there's where all the similarities quickly end - I don't get dates at all, much less dates with extremely attractive women - I don't complain that those women don't fulfill me because they lack personality - I don't overlook cute women with great personality I actually pay a ton of attention to character traits in people. I would much much rather date a woman who is, let's say a "7/10" but is really a great person and has all the things I want (warm, affectionate, caring, supportive, unselfish, intelligent, considerate, etc...) over the super hot girl who doesn't have any of those traits. I take a lot of pride in having positive character traits and I only like to associate myself with good people.
Ebelskiver Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Get out of the game. Or move to Santa Cruz. Women can't find any men here either. My guess is that you're boring. I've met tons of cute guys who were just the most boring people.
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 (edited) Get out of the game. Or move to Santa Cruz. Women can't find any men here either. My guess is that you're boring. I've met tons of cute guys who were just the most boring people. California? No thanks chief, I don't want to pay 800K for a 2 bedroom house Where I live at, a reasonable income (say 150 or 160K) can take you a long long way. I don't know how people can live in those places where you need to make 500K to live a high quality of life Edited February 25, 2015 by Agalloch7
lil_missy Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Hi op, I'm an average girl that does online dating. Send us or me your profile or a sample profile and I'll let u know if I'd respond to you online! I'm really surprised no one responded to you but one. Usually I respond to most guys unless I think he is an absolute no go. Otherwise I give him a chance even if the convo dies later.
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Hi op, I'm an average girl that does online dating. Send us or me your profile or a sample profile and I'll let u know if I'd respond to you online! I'm really surprised no one responded to you but one. Usually I respond to most guys unless I think he is an absolute no go. Otherwise I give him a chance even if the convo dies later. I killed off my profile a while back I dunno if I'm going to do online dating again, I suppose we will see how desperate my lack of success in real life will make me Maybe I will just say **** it and send a message to every woman within 40 miles
Echo74 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I'm debating trying e-harmony. It's just so much damn work to go through all the questions and considering that's it's online dating, I imagine the odds of success are still astronomical. With regular dating, at least you're not wasting that much time on something that's about the same chance as winning the lottery for men True, they have tons of questions but that's suppose to give you a better match. Since I haven't actually tried any sites, I can't say how successful the majority members are. Well I didn't find my guy till my mid 30's! For women who want children it's even harder, I wanted kids in my 20's but never found the "right" person. Keep your head up, there is someone out there for you. It's just a matter of time.
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 True, they have tons of questions but that's suppose to give you a better match. Since I haven't actually tried any sites, I can't say how successful the majority members are. Well I didn't find my guy till my mid 30's! For women who want children it's even harder, I wanted kids in my 20's but never found the "right" person. Keep your head up, there is someone out there for you. It's just a matter of time. I gotta be more positive. I have a tendency to be very negative and defeatist in regards to dating The ****ed up thing is that I'm so positive and have such a winning mindset in everything else in life, but I've had great success everywhere else so my mind has been conditioned that way. With dating, it's the opposite 1
Versacehottie Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I gotta be more positive. I have a tendency to be very negative and defeatist in regards to dating The ****ed up thing is that I'm so positive and have such a winning mindset in everything else in life, but I've had great success everywhere else so my mind has been conditioned that way. With dating, it's the opposite so you totally have quite a good sense of what's going on with yourself. I think it's just about doing a "reset" like you said. i wouldn't withdraw from your activities--you are doing the right things. But change your expectations. You have a great life yet you have a harder time seeing it that way because of what you are missing or call it a failure. It's not. It's a step in the direction that will take you to that right person. When you love your life and THAT is enough, you will be in a better mindset for the best girl for you. Right now you're frustrated so it's like beating your head against the wall. If you re-engage with the life you actually have, it will be good for you and be most attractive to girls. It's all metaphysical speak but hopefully you get what i mean. keep us posted.
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 so you totally have quite a good sense of what's going on with yourself. I think it's just about doing a "reset" like you said. i wouldn't withdraw from your activities--you are doing the right things. But change your expectations. You have a great life yet you have a harder time seeing it that way because of what you are missing or call it a failure. It's not. It's a step in the direction that will take you to that right person. When you love your life and THAT is enough, you will be in a better mindset for the best girl for you. Right now you're frustrated so it's like beating your head against the wall. If you re-engage with the life you actually have, it will be good for you and be most attractive to girls. It's all metaphysical speak but hopefully you get what i mean. keep us posted. I don't have trouble seeing that I have a great life. I go out of my way to be very grateful. I haven't mentioned it so far in this thread but I was born overseas in a poor country. The level of success I'm achieving coming from a 3rd world country is pretty astonishing especially when you see how people back home are living. The problem is that I'm getting older and older and this issue is not going away or even getting the slightest bit better. I want to have kids and family at some point and that process is incredibly daunting knowing that I can't even get started. and you know what's messed up? I was born in the absolute only demographic that would be having this problem. If I was a gay male, I would have 5024502385032 gay men after me (gay men absolutely love me). If I was a woman, I would obviously have no problem dating - both of my sisters are gorgeous
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I jumped to the end of the thread but since you mentioned your sisters, do they have any insights? They see you IRL. Also ask if they have any cute friends to fix you up with.
mightycpa Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Maybe you're too nice. I had a friend, decent looking, had a job, house, car, money, all that stuff you have. What he also had was this offputting personality of putting other people first a little too much. He was too earnest, too decent, too friggin' much. He couldn't get a girl either, and the more he got rejected, the more he came on like a sad little puppy dog, so happy to see you and so willing to be your nice friend. You could smell the desperation on him. Is that you? You ever been told you're too nice and wondered WTF that means?
Author Agalloch7 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Maybe you're too nice. I had a friend, decent looking, had a job, house, car, money, all that stuff you have. What he also had was this offputting personality of putting other people first a little too much. He was too earnest, too decent, too friggin' much. He couldn't get a girl either, and the more he got rejected, the more he came on like a sad little puppy dog, so happy to see you and so willing to be your nice friend. You could smell the desperation on him. Is that you? You ever been told you're too nice and wondered WTF that means? No Those people are too nice because they want something in return. I'm just nice because I enjoy being nice to people I also have plenty of self respect
Rko28 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 when you stop looking is when you will find her. This can be true a lot of the time. I was going through something similar last summer, I felt lost, like I had missed the boat when it came to getting a girlfriend. I was the same as you, nice guy, looking for more than just sex. In the end all the online dating drained me, I had lost focus on life and made getting a girlfriend my priority. I made the decision one night to delete my online profiles and spend the rest of the summer with friends and ignore getting a girlfriend. The very next day I went out with friends and guess what? I met someone and spent the next 6 months with them which at the time was fantastic (dont read how it ended haha) I know its easier said than done but sometimes stepping back is the best thing.
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