kellypinkyz Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 So I'm in relationship with my bf for about 3 months. I'm 22, he's 23. We work. I've been stay at his place a couple days a week. Once a while I come to my parent's house. The reason I stay at his place because it's close to my job (only 5 mins), but it takes me 20 mins to get to my parent's house. Also, he is the one pay for everything, I only pay for the grocery once a while. He cooks for me. We go along very well. If I have kid, he'd take care of us... Anyway, I got to the fights with my mom about it. She said if we want to live with each other that much then tell my bf to marry me. She's afraid that he will leave me after all or I will never get marry with anyone else later on because I live with him. It's hard to tell him what is happening between me and my mom. And I avoided to go home for about a week because I'm still mad at my mom about that. Understanding that she cares about me but that's too much. Just she is overreacting. And I can't explain to my mom anything because she is too stubborn to listening. She cried, text me stuffs like I just did something really horrible (like killing someone) :\I really want to move out after what happened between me and her. But I don't know how to tell her that I want to move out. Should I ask my bf to come over and have a little talk with her even I don't know what should he talk to her? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 You don't need to involve your bf but you do need to move out of your mom's house. It would be good to be on your own for awhile and to get away from the negative and controlling environment with your mother. It's also too soon to move in with your bf so your best bet would be to move into your own place. No matter how your mom takes this news, you're going to have to tell her. She knew this day would come so she can't be that shocked about it. If she continues to go nuts on you, you might want to suggest to her that she get therapy for her emotional problems. Her behavior is ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 If the BF is paying for everything,all she has done is changed ships and gotten a free ride from it all.No offense Poster, But your Mother is guiding you to gather some common sense and re-consider your habits. If you genuinely want to stand on your own two feet,do it because you are prepared for your own lifestyle and responsibilities, not because in your eyes, your mother is "over-reacting". She is most likely doing what parents do best, guide you to sensibility. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Your mother is over-reacting but your behavior & thinking are cause for concern. You have known this man for a whopping 90 days. You are already becoming financially dependent on him & you are thinking that he will support a child should you become pregnant out of wedlock. Instead, try staying on BC & adjusting your finances so that you can support yourself & any children you have by yourself. When you can do that -- put a roof over your own head & pay all of your own bills, plus start saving for retirement, then and only then should you even consider getting pregnant. Do not drag your BF into your fight with your mom. Needing him to fight your battles for you is further evidence you are not ready for independence and really not ready for parenthood. Your maturation & personal development will probably be accelerated if you live on your own possibly with a roommate but do not jump from mom's house to a BFs in so short a period of time. It's too soon. If you do this, mom's prediction will surely come true: You will end up back with her, probably with a kid you can't afford & have even few prospects for happily ever after. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I usually don't tend to comment stuff like 'she is your parent, thus she knows best', but at this time I have to side with your mother. You've been dating for 3 months, that's not even close enough time to get to know if one's personality is compatible with yours, yet you are walking a path to become financially dependent on him. That's dangerous. Yes, your mother is overreacting about you staying at your boyfriend's, probably because she's jealous and already feeling something about the empty nest...but again, you're acting too quick, don't move out of your mother's house to your boyfriend's just because she is annoying. Move out on your own first, if money is a problem, get a roomate or a friend to share the place. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Oh noooooooooooo, 20 minute drive? Let me guess, you want to move out into your boyfriend's place, but not your own... I'm guessing? And not only that, but you want your boyfriend to talk to her? Are you ever responsible for yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 While a lot of what the other posters here are saying make sense, and you would do well to think about their words, your mom lost my respect with the crying and texts. She needs to grow up, too. This is NOT the way a mature parent behaves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellypinkyz Posted February 26, 2015 Author Share Posted February 26, 2015 Thank you for your advices. I agree with yall. But there are something that I need to make it clear. First of, I'm not depending on my bf financially. I can get an apt on my own and pay for the bills. That's just what he said to me. I did offer to split the rent if I move in but he said no anyway. Second, we talked about kid. But we don't plan to have one right now. Finally, sound weird but me and him are so open up to each other. We don't really care about all the rules of dating Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 If the BF is paying for everything,all she has done is changed ships and gotten a free ride from it all.No offense Poster, But your Mother is guiding you to gather some common sense and re-consider your habits. If you genuinely want to stand on your own two feet,do it because you are prepared for your own lifestyle and responsibilities, not because in your eyes, your mother is "over-reacting". She is most likely doing what parents do best, guide you to sensibility. You have got to be kidding me. Her mother is not 'guiding her towards common sense', her mother is telling her to marry a man she's only known for 3 months at 22 years old because apparently that's a better choice than staying over at her bf's place a couple times a week!! That is NOT common sense and IMO is a terrible idea that is rooted in extreme conservatism. OP, I think you need to get an apartment of your own and establish your independence from your mother. There is no need to try and get your bf to talk to her. You don't have to haggle with her or ask her permission or anything, just go ahead and rent your own place and tell her nicely that you are going to live on your own now but you will visit her regularly. If she cries, it's not your fault. You are an adult and you have your own life to live now. Do not move in with your bf, 3 months is too soon. You can continue to stay overnight at his place a couple times a week as you are currently doing (I see no reason why consensual adults cannot do this) but you should have your own place. In the future when you've been together for a year or more, then you can decide whether or not cohabitation will be a good idea for you. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 You're making a huge mistake by moving too quickly with this guy. Did you know this is exactly how women get involved with abusive men? They schmooze them and make them think they're the best guy in the world, and then all hell breaks lose when they move in together. You need to date this guy for at least a year before getting involved any deeper. It would also be a good idea for you to be independent for awhile by having a place of your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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