missrissa09 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) Hello all. I have a rather long story, but I am just going to try to hit key points so this isn't so lengthy. First of all I met my ex and things were good. I ended up moving to his state which was about 5-6 hours away from where I was currently living. He was the only person I knew there. I had no other family or friends. About a year or so later I end up pregnant. We were both nervous but excited. 8 months into my pregnancy he starts going out a lot and tells me he just wants freedom before the baby comes. He wouldn't come home until 3 or 4 in the morning. It gets to where it is ridiculous and pretty much every night. I finally find out he has been hanging around a lot of younger people and doing drugs. I was so upset. We were living with his parents at the time. They ended up kicking him out once they find out. He then moves in with all these people and 2 weeks later he is in a relationship with some other girl. I was completely heartbroken and couldn't understand. About 2 weeks later I had my son, he was at the hospital for the birth, but left a lot. I debated moving back home after all this, but could not find a job and his mom offered to babysit at zero cost while I work. So at this point I stayed. When my son turned 2 months I got my own place there. My son's father (ex) was still seeing the other girl and would come and see his son once in a while. Finally he calls me one day and tells me he misses what we had and our life. I wanted to help him and be a family so bad I took him back. But he was still seeing the other girl and told me he wanted to be with both us. He also tells me she is pregnant with his kid!! My heart completely dropped, but a few weeks later they got an abortion. I could not handle this. Well one day out the blue he comes over and says he wants his family and wants to quit the drugs and we should move back to my hometown and start a new life, just us. This made me the happiest and we did just that. I thought everything was going pretty good. Well about a month later we are watching a movie and he says he is going outside to smoke a cigarette. I am feeding our son. About 10 minutes pass and he still hasn't came back in. I walk outside and he is just gone! I start balling my eyes out calling him and texting with no answer. He just left his son and me and went back. I found out this whole time he was still talking to that girl and taking pills. The next day he sends me a message saying he wants to talk and he couldn't just leave me and his son like that and he wants to come back. 3 days later he is back. I start a job here and he agreed to watch our son while I work. One day I come home from work about 2 weeks later and he is saying he needs a break and he just wants to see his family. I am baffled and cannot believe this is happening again. I try to talk him out of it and figure out the problem. He says he just wants to clear his head and he won't take anything so I know he is coming back. He says he will only be gone a week and will talk to me. So after battling him I knew I could not force him to stay as bad as I wanted and he left. I tried to trust him after everything, but a week later he doesn't come back and his MOM called me and said he decided to stay. He could not even be man enough to tell me. I was so upset and hurt. It has now been a little over a month and I am still depressed and I am trying to move on and get over it. It is so hard though. I am taking care of our 6 month son alone and he hasn't even called or texted or even asked about his son. I see pictures of him with that girl and they look so happy and I am really taking this hard. I don't know what to do because I want him to be a father to our son but he is not even communicating with me. Any advice would be appreciated. Edited February 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs~T
NC-Thomas Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Hi missrissa09, I feel very sorry for your situation right know. May I ask how long you two have known eachother? And how old are you both? First off all, it really seems like he got the goosebumps and wants a way out of his responsibility as a father. Was the pregnancy planned, i guess it just happened? Somehow it seems he is not ready to be a loving father and won't be for a long time. When a person keeps bouncing back and forth like him, they are obviously not up the task of raising a baby. I can't really give you any good advice here, because i have never been in this kind of situation, but what I want to ask you: 1. Do you ever want him back as a father for your child after what he has done? After he had sex with another woman? (?) And bailed out multiple times? 2. Have you looked into getting alimony, if you seek financial compensation for raising your child alone?
Author missrissa09 Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 We are both 24. He is about to be 25 and have known each other about 3 years. I know it was crazy how he has been going back and forth, but I guess he finally made his decision. It is just messed up I feel he moved me and his son 300 miles away then left like this was his plan or something. So he didn't feel so guilty living in the same town and not seeing him like he had an excuse now. It just kills me. 1. I still have feelings for him but I am trying to move on. I wanted him in his son's life and to be his father but by the looks that isn't going to happen and I feel sad because I didn't think he was that cold hearted and they really bonded. 2. I haven't went to court because he works under the table and doesn't get an actual real paycheck. But his mother has been sending money every week so far. Claims it is from him but I don't know. When we were together I paid for everything. He was broke 99% of the time.
sabd Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 What a massive A-hole! Clearly this guy has zero integrity and very poor character - something's not right when a man can abdicate all responsibility for their child and just walk away. Good grief. I had exactly the same thing happen to me when my son was born - the "father" simply disappeared on us. Completely selfish. Hon, this is so hard for you, I know all too well. Best you treat this situation as if he's gone forever and just focus on what you need to do to get over him and look after your child. Your ex is out the picture and if he ever wants back, he's going to have to grow up.
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 You need to be done with him. Talk to a lawyer. Figure out child support which you will never get. Figure out if his parents who sound like OK people still want to be in their grandchild's life & if you want that. One of my BFFs still has a relationship with her kids' grandparents & the kids still talk to them almost 30 years later even though the bio dad has been a loser all this time. So it's possible. You need to arrange your life for what is best for your child. The bio dad is anything but & you cannot trust a lying druggie to keep your kid safe so never leave the baby alone with this guy.
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