leechinater Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 So i seen a girl i knew from high school the past saturday and i got her number. I texted her sunday and our conversation went well and last night i asked her if she was busy this weekend and if not we should hang out and she said it was a good idea. I havent texted her yet today because i wanna see if she will initiate the conversation. Also is it bad that i didnt set a specific day or what we were going to do? And one more thing, if she doesn't text back tonight how long should i wait until i initiate a conversation? Thanks
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 You're too vague and not specific enough. Man up and take control of the situation.
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I dont think you have done enough to seal the deal...it as another poster said is vague and sounds quite lack lustre....set the time the date the place and confirm the night before.....thats manning up..otherwise known as assertiveness.......deb
Author leechinater Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Yes i agree, so what im asking is if i should just not text her for a day or two. Or if i texted her now would i be looking needy. I want to solidify a time and place.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Well she said it was a good idea which was a vague response to your vagueness. You need to follow up and cement the plans. "Hey I was wondering if you still wanted to go out this weekend? How does Saturday at ___PM work? I was thinking we could get drinks at _____" Or something of that nature. Always take the lead in things and be in control. The way you handled it before was very beta.
Author leechinater Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 You're right man it was beta. Should i say that tonight or is that too soon?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Do it now/today, just don't do it at night.
Mrin Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Yes i agree, so what im asking is if i should just not text her for a day or two. Or if i texted her now would i be looking needy. I want to solidify a time and place. Call her now or tonight with a firm proposal. 7pm, Saturday at.... If that time and dat doesn't work figure out what does. You wont come across as needy as long as you are calling to set the time and place. And you have to come with the proposed date you will be seen as assertive - like deb says. Do not come with a "what do you want to do?" or "let's hang out". Think about what you see here all the time - "if a man wants something he goes out and gets it" or "if a man wants you, you'll know it". By not locking down a date and playing this who will text first game, all you are doing is communicating that you are either not into her, see her as a backup plan or are a beta male. None of those are good things. Let us know how it turns out!
Author leechinater Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Alright i appreciate it! I said im off work saturday at 10 and that i can pick her up after that and we will go get something to eat and have a few drinks.
Author leechinater Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 She said she has plans with her girlfriends on saturday and asked me to do it friday instead. Its a good time for me so ill just accept that i guess? So if im coming off like a total beta to you guys and my apologies if its annoying, id just like for this to work out
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) 10pm? That's pretty late to start a date... I'd say maybe drinks, but being Saturday night most places will be incredibly loud and it won't really be a good atmosphere unless you want to go dancing or something... Haha. Um whatever you do - propose a time and if it doesn't work for her, let her suggest an alternate time. If she's interested but can't make it she'll counter-offer you. Otherwise go dark on her if she cold-declines you. EDIT: If it works for you , go for it. Wait 20-30 minutes and say "Hmm that should work, how about __PM?" She offered an alternate time/date so take that as an indicator that shes interested in you (At least initially). She also set aside her Friday night for you. Edited February 24, 2015 by barcode88
Mrin Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 She said she has plans with her girlfriends on saturday and asked me to do it friday instead. Its a good time for me so ill just accept that i guess? So if im coming off like a total beta to you guys and my apologies if its annoying, id just like for this to work out Not at all. If that works for you, then do it. The fact that you're locking down the date this early is anything but beta. She might be doing the whole "reject his first offer" thing anyhow. Now - I just wanted to add one more thing to my rationale above so this isn't for you since you already reached out. This is more for any other dudes reading this. So let's look at this from the woman's view. When a guy asks a woman out for say next weekend but doesn't specify a date and time and she says yes, the woman's brain enters this limbo period. The limbo period sucks (you see it here). She tries to keep as much time open so that when The Dude does eventually propose a date and time, she's still available. As the hours and days creep by she starts to experience all sorts of negative emotions. Like she's being foolish. Duped. That's she's Plan B. Frustrated that she can't commit. Stupid that she let herself get trapped in this limbo. Well, thanks to neurochemistry she starts to associate those negative emotions with The Dude. So when The Dude finally does show up with some stellar date idea, he's already been tainted emotionally in her mind and she may not even recognize it. Guys playing coy or hard to get hardly ever works or at least not in the long term. 1
Author leechinater Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 You're right! An hour after i said it i realized that i wasn't near specific enough and instantly regretted it, and then i felt like i was in this weird in between spot where i know she wants to go out with me, but i also have my doubts, you know? But she gave me a counter offer of friday, and i said id pick her up at 7 and all went well!! Thanks guys, im glad i found this forum, wish u all the best. Maybe ill even let you guys know how it goes.
Mrin Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 You're right! An hour after i said it i realized that i wasn't near specific enough and instantly regretted it, and then i felt like i was in this weird in between spot where i know she wants to go out with me, but i also have my doubts, you know? But she gave me a counter offer of friday, and i said id pick her up at 7 and all went well!! Thanks guys, im glad i found this forum, wish u all the best. Maybe ill even let you guys know how it goes. Sweet dude! Glad to hear it. And you have to let us know how it went. Also, the brass ring is to have the first date go so well you get a text on Saturday from her asking to meet up with her (and possibly her friends) when you get off from work.
fred123 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 what if he has got it all wrong and she only sees him as a friend and wants to hang as friends. how does a guy know if hes got the wrong end of the stick? good luck to the OP but just be careful. she could get with other guys if you go dancing in a club and if you are just friends hanging out then you csnt be mad. just play it cooll
Author leechinater Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Well i only really talked to her for the first time on saturday, we knew of each other but never really talked so theres a 0% chance of being in the friend zone already. Plus i was really direct with asking for her number and told her. I literaly said you're gorgeous and give me your number so we can hang out some time, she was totally excited when i said this. I acted very alpha when i asked.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 what if he has got it all wrong and she only sees him as a friend and wants to hang as friends. how does a guy know if hes got the wrong end of the stick? good luck to the OP but just be careful. she could get with other guys if you go dancing in a club and if you are just friends hanging out then you csnt be mad. just play it cooll Don't confuse the OP. No one knows how it will go until they try. Everyone starts out as friends on a first date (well usually... lol), you work your way up with some careful flirting and physical contact. OP, Be yourself, have fun, and #1 be CONFIDENT (not arrogant/cocky - important) 1
Author leechinater Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Thanks y'all, i will keep you posted. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 So i seen a girl i knew from high school the past saturday and i got her number. I texted her sunday and our conversation went well and last night i asked her if she was busy this weekend and if not we should hang out and she said it was a good idea. I havent texted her yet today because i wanna see if she will initiate the conversation. Also is it bad that i didnt set a specific day or what we were going to do? And one more thing, if she doesn't text back tonight how long should i wait until i initiate a conversation? Thanks Dude you sound WAY too needy and are doing WAY too much pursuing. My advice? Back off completely and give the girl some space. If she's interested, she won't drop out of your life. She'll send a text asking how you're doing, etc.. But.. if you do hear from her again, CALL HER AND MAKE DEFINITE PLANS. Women like men that are strong, confident, leaders. Your original invite saying "We should hang out if it's OK with you" sounded really weak. When making plans with a woman, you have to be more decisive. Also, texting is great for flirting/banter, or dropping a quick note to the women you're seeing. However, when making plans, do it by phone. It shows confidence and that you go after what you want. Texting a date invite seems like you're asking from a distance and hiding. Finally, once you've made plans, don't contact her again before the date. The point of a date is to get to know her in person. If you act like her texting buddy chatting endlessly, you will get the "nice guy but we should be friends' speech.
Author leechinater Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 You're wrong in a lot of ways. We are 20 years old man nobody at our age uses a phone to call anymore. If i called her and asked her out it would be very weird for her. People text all the time thats just how things are now. And i did tell her a time and place and she seemed eager to go, then she asked me whats up because she wanted to keep chatting. You're too old fasioned man. And i didnt say "we should hang out if its ok with you" , i literaly said whats your plans for the weekend because i want to see you. Theres nothing needy about that.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Yeah calling in general is a bad idea unless you're a natural phone conversationalist (most people aren't lol).
fitnessfan365 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 (edited) You're wrong in a lot of ways. We are 20 years old man nobody at our age uses a phone to call anymore. If i called her and asked her out it would be very weird for her. People text all the time thats just how things are now. And i did tell her a time and place and she seemed eager to go, then she asked me whats up because she wanted to keep chatting. You're too old fasioned man. And i didnt say "we should hang out if its ok with you" , i literaly said whats your plans for the weekend because i want to see you. Theres nothing needy about that. Dude, talking from past experience, I've dated a lot of women. EVERY single one says how much they loved that I called. I know people have the mindset that texting is "how it's done" these days. But women secretly want a guy to call. For example. Today this cutie sends me an email on Match saying she wants to get to know me better. I'm a direct cut to the chase type of guy. So I respond with a short email and leave my number. She sends me one text. I respond with "I'll call you tonight to see if your voice is adorable as your profile." She says "Really looking forward to it. I'm free before 6pm". After five minutes on the phone with her if she is normal and relatively charming, I'll have a date with her and won't have to spend days texting beating around the bush and waiting for her to respond. Always act like a woman's lover. Not her texting buddy. Make short phone calls to touch base, make plans, and get off the phone. Texting leads to spending more chatting with your phone than actually seeing her in person. Edited February 25, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author leechinater Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Yeah but im willing to bet you're not anywhere near 20 years old, people just dont do that at my age. 90% of the girls my age would find it weird, even if i was very good at it. People and their girlfriends rarely even call each other these days at my age.. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Yeah but im willing to bet you're not anywhere near 20 years old, people just dont do that at my age. 90% of the girls my age would find it weird, even if i was very good at it. People and their girlfriends rarely even call each other these days at my age.. I get what you're saying man. Generations change. But still, it doesn't mean that you have to go along with it. If you like a girl, don't you want to hear the sound of her voice? I'm 34, but even girls I've dated in their 20's still like a phone call. Plus, texting is an illusion. I'm not sure how many girls you've dated but let me ask you this. Ever gotten along really well in text, and then she was nothing like that in person? Happens all the time because people feel safer and more bold in text. However, it's not their real personality. If you had taken 5-10 minutes on the phone you could have gotten a basic sense of who she actually was. 1
Author leechinater Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 But i didn't meet this girl online. I met her in person at a bar, flirted, said she was sexy, and got her number. I also knew her from high school.
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