Vixen32 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Ok - total noob here, but I've been out with a girl a 3-4 times (depending on if you count a get to know you coffee as a date) and I have gotten a variety of mixed/neutral signals, so I never bothered trying to escalate things romantically. That's a bit unusual for me, as I normally will kiss them on date 1 or 2, and if not, I rarely see them again. The only reason I went out with her a few more times is we get along great, can chat for hours, etc....so that was pretty fun. At this point, though, I'm starting to think that I don't really need another friend, so I either have to make her a romantic interest, or drop her. As such, I figure I'll go out with her one more time and try to escalate things romantically. This is where my noobness comes in, as the romance at this point is usually front and center - how can I go about escalating for the first time after I have already seen her 3-4 times? My fear is that it may come off as odd or awkward? Yeah, she could have put me in her friendzone (she's definitely pretty close to mine), but let's not worry about that right now. As mentioned, I don't really need her as a friend, so if it's awkward and fails, it's not that big of a deal, but ideally it would be a bit smoother to hopefully increase the chances of things flipping toward romance as opposed to, "see ya!".
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Are you getting other signs from her that she's interested more than particular? I would probably bail after date 3 if I hadn't kissed her yet.
Author Vixen32 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Are you getting other signs from her that she's interested more than particular? I would probably bail after date 3 if I hadn't kissed her yet. Like I said - I don't normally go more than ~2 dates without any kind of kiss or romantic escalation, so I'm with you on the bail by date 3. This is an outlier case, as she was pretty fun to hang out with. The potential positive signs are: 1. She initiations some correspondence and has asked me to go out with her once, although she never proposes anything definitive and she says that she's lazy (i.e. wants me to do the work)... 2. She's generally very responsive to call and/or texts, and when we chat on the phone, it isn't hard to do 45 minutes 3. She doesn't pull away from occasional casual contact, but she doesn't initiate (much, if any) contact and she doesn't seem to really appreciate it when it happens (the response is more of a, "it never happened" kind of thing, as opposed to getting a smile or anything positive) As such, I'm not really sure if those potential positives are really communicating any interest in romance - the above, when paired with neutral/lack of typical romantic signals (i.e. not overly flirty in conversation, no real initiation of physical contact, no cliche hair flips, etc.), may not actually be saying anything in context of romance. That's why I've been kind of treating her as a friend. That said, she's totally cute and we have a good time - I just don't really want or need her as another friend...so I have to put her more definitively into some category. The easiest is the, "never see you again" bucket, but like I said - cute and fun - I might as well try to put her in the romantic category.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Yeah I think you're probably in the friendzone. It's normal to try and want to see more in something than there really is - I'm guilty as charged as well. When you think something might not be right - it usually isn't though 1 & 3 aren't completely positive either. The lack of her initiative to plan a date and leave you to plan it (Despite asking you out) isn't a good sign. And if she doesn't seem physically receptive to you, you may just be wasting your time going on another date. Some girls are terrible at breaking things off and will just let things go nowhere.
Vintage79 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Vixen (what kind of guy calls themselves Vixen?) - It might be destined to be awkward - it's the 5th date. I suppose spend the first couple of hours out to get her comfortable with you (again). Make sure to ramp up and amp up the flirty conversation - this will give you a lot of information (how does she respond to it, does she participate?). Second half of the date, try to get her to either your (or her) place...get cozy on the couch, or wherever, and keep the flirty conversation going. At some point you're going to either have plenty of go signs (she's initiating contact, or you're giving it to her and she's not terrified of it - and by contact, it better be more than a casual arm bump - it should arm around her, holding hands, her head on your shoulder, etc.), or no signs - she sits on the opposite side of the couch from you. If positive signs, just get some actual eye contact going and when you think she's at least marginally locked on (i.e. not wanting to turn away in the next 1-2 seconds), just go for a kiss. It could be a bit awkward (although it may be smooth), but with the flirty conversation and non-rejected contact, it's probably going to be about as smooth as it can get for a 4/5th meeting.
Author Vixen32 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Yeah I think you're probably in the friendzone. It's normal to try and want to see more in something than there really is - I'm guilty as charged as well. When you think something might not be right - it usually isn't though 1 & 3 aren't completely positive either. The lack of her initiative to plan a date and leave you to plan it (Despite asking you out) isn't a good sign. And if she doesn't seem physically receptive to you, you may just be wasting your time going on another date. Some girls are terrible at breaking things off and will just let things go nowhere. Yeah - 1 & 3 are not necessarily positives, hence the "potentially" dropped in there. Regardless, I pseudo-friendzoned her, so it's only fair if she's done that to me (it definitely could be the case). Anyhow - I'm not sure if things are right or not. Different than usual - absolutely, but it is what it is. At this point, as mentioned a few times - I don't necessarily need her as a friend, so I feel just like giving it a shot, as it will likely put her in the right category pretty quickly. It's that reason - I've basically told myself I'm going to give it a shot and see where the cards fall - that I'm writing, as I might as well try to optimize the chances to elicit a romantic response. So how to minimize any potential awkwardness?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Yeah - 1 & 3 are not necessarily positives, hence the "potentially" dropped in there. Regardless, I pseudo-friendzoned her, so it's only fair if she's done that to me (it definitely could be the case). Anyhow - I'm not sure if things are right or not. Different than usual - absolutely, but it is what it is. At this point, as mentioned a few times - I don't necessarily need her as a friend, so I feel just like giving it a shot, as it will likely put her in the right category pretty quickly. It's that reason - I've basically told myself I'm going to give it a shot and see where the cards fall - that I'm writing, as I might as well try to optimize the chances to elicit a romantic response. So how to minimize any potential awkwardness? Good. Keep her friendzoned. I've always felt it feels better not to be the one being let down - lol. That's a ton of dates and without anything to show for it, you should make her chase after you. If she ACTUALLY likes you, make her work for your affection.
heart12 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 In my opinion a first date should never be coffee/during the day. You should also be able to close the first kiss on the first date EVERY time. It's not necessary to wait until you say goodnight to do it so you're sweating your ass off the whole time building up to it and the wussing out. You can do it much earlier... while you're having a drink somewhere (sit with her in the booth), as soon as you leave the place.... I never did well with waiting until the end. Guess that's just me and it makes it too predictable.
Author Vixen32 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 In my opinion a first date should never be coffee/during the day. You should also be able to close the first kiss on the first date EVERY time. It's not necessary to wait until you say goodnight to do it so you're sweating your ass off the whole time building up to it and the wussing out. You can do it much earlier... while you're having a drink somewhere (sit with her in the booth), as soon as you leave the place.... I never did well with waiting until the end. Guess that's just me and it makes it too predictable. Thanks for the comments. Anyhow, I met the person online - I never really do more than coffee or drinks for the first meeting with someone from online (which is where about 1/3 of my dates come from). Moreover, as mentioned, it's rare if I kiss them for the first time other than date 1 or 2...usually if not by date 2, I don't bother seeing them again. As mentioned, this is an outlier situation, and I had basically friendzoned her, but realized that I don't really need that, so I thought I'd try to force it the other direction, or just say good-bye. So I'm looking for thoughts on how to make it less awkward, given that it would be the 5th time I see her, if I try to push it...
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I think friendzone...I would tell her that you like her romantically and see if she will go for it!
Recommended Posts