ByMyself01 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 This is the most pain I have endured in my lifetime and I'm slowly trying to let go, but it's so very hard for me. I have to vent and I really need help, almost to the point of needing therapy. Imagine this: ---Traveling over 1500 miles to be with someone and they end up treating you like crap afterwards. ---I found out he steady talks to random women online and tries to be with them without even knowing them and when I ask him about it, he denies it ---He will not even allow me as a friend on Facebook anymore and everytime he gets mad he blocks my number ---A female friend of his that was jealous of our relationship, he steady lets her talk about me and takes up for her over me ---He expected me to buy him a laptop because his blew out and I really wanted to help him out because I felt sorry for him, but I can't allow myself to be used anymore ---I told him I'm pregnant and he refuses to talk about it ---His family hates me After all of this, I am psychologically impaired on how evil someone can be. I have no family here in this city and he is all I know. He goes back and forth on if he loves me or not and I know he doesn't. I feel helpless. Sometimes I just want to pack my things and go home to my state, but I have accomplished so much here. I have a steady job and I have my own place which I pay next to nothing for. Just Imagine loving someone so much and they reject you, deny you and cut you off, but yet and still they get mad when you ask them to be friends and they want all or nothing only for them to act as if they don't want you anyways. I tried NC, but it hurts so bad not to have anyone to talk to. It's hard being by yourself in a new city. Me and him used to talk everyday about anything, and now when we talk, I don't know what to say because either he gets mad or criticizes me. I just don't see how someone can be so cruel. If someone moved somewhere for me and I didn't like them anymore, I would be honest in a nice way and allow them to move on. He keeps playing with my heart strings and it hurts so bad. He chooses a friend over me and treats other women with more respect than he treats me. I feel like a pregnant, used, washed up rag. I will never be the same after this. I will remember this for the rest of my life. And he has absolutely NO sympathy. And if I could put everything down, I'm sure someone would want to hit me over the head for being so stupid. I need therapy and someone to talk to.
LeCanadien Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I could only sympathize with your exact situation. My experience involved the stalling of my career and personal desires in order to support my ex-gf during graduate school. We just broke up 4 months ago but considering it was a 3.5 year relationship, I still have intense and depressing waves (like now). On top of it, I lost her to my ex-best friend of 10 years. It wasn't just her though, I made many blunders and my low self-esteem caused me to freeze up. One of the first things that I did during my downward spiral into insanity was talk to myself and list out what I did wrong and what they did wrong. Your boyfriend's ignorance is a big item on that list, but there may be a lot more that you could think of. Another significant event that you mentioned, which I could never experience the mental stress of this, is your pregnancy. This is already a very emotionally straining event. Throwing in the hormone fluxes from a pregnancy and you have the makings for mania and severe depression. I would strongly suggest looking for local contacts for a support group. As much as these internet boards have helped me, I know that it was a physical audience and conversation that helped me through the darker times. I hope that you know that you are not alone. Though the details of a person's breakup are varying and vast, a broken heart and a shattered self image are common results. What we can do is hope that those who have been fragmented can share with us a piece of their pain so that we can move on together. P.S. If you like adorable animal videos, there is one with red pandas playing in the snow at the Cincinnati zoo. Pretty adorable. Edited February 24, 2015 by LeCanadien
elaine567 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 YOU need to sort yourself out, it is heartening you have your own place and a good job, as you do not need him financially. Cut him off NOW, as this relationship is going nowhere fast and he is dragging you down with every nasty thing he does to you. He is using you, he doesn't love you and you need to get away from him. Work out how you can survive with your baby, make plans with your work as to how you can make enough money for you and your baby to live. It may be that you will have to go back home for initial support, but as you have managed to carve out a nice life for yourself here, you will be able to do that again, nothing is impossible. Men like this will drag you down, once alone with a baby, he will have even more control and he will isolate you or just dump you when something better comes along and you are left a shell of your former self. Get out whilst you still can. (I don't know how pregnant you are, but abortion may be an option in the circumstances, but that of course is entirely your decision to make, no-one can decide that for you) 3
LivinDeadGrl Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I know exactly how you feel, I am also alone in a city that I moved 4000km with my daughter to be with my ex fiance of 4 years. I have very few friends here and 1 family member that I never see...but just because most of your friends and family aren't near you doesn't mean you can't reach out to them. They are still there for you. I have spoken to my sister every day since my break up, it has helped. If you need to vent or talk pm me! 1
stillafool Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Me thinks you should travel the 1500 miles to back where you came from. He obviously doesn't care a bit about you. By going home at least you will be with your family and they will help you heal. Staying with him will only bring about more pain and destruction. You have no other choice but to go back home. 4
Author ByMyself01 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 UPDATE: Well that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and I'm still in the city because of work. I find it hard to date in this city (New York City) because the men here are so rude and they like to deal with a lot of women. My dating selection here is very small. To be honest, I see myself being single for a very long time, if not forever. I only get approached my desperate men and when I do find one I like he either thinks I'm not attractive enough or interested in someone else.
stillafool Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Why don't you move back to your home city so at least you will have your family. I'm sorry about the miscarriage. I don't see anything holding you back from moving at this point. Work is good but happiness is better. 1
Author ByMyself01 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 Why don't you move back to your home city so at least you will have your family. I'm sorry about the miscarriage. I don't see anything holding you back from moving at this point. Work is good but happiness is better. The reason being is that I don't want to go back with nothing. I eventually plan to move back but I don't want to go back staying with family. In the past, it has been very stressful staying with people. I need to save up enough to move back into my own place.
casey.lives Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 you got yourself in a pickle.. you moved for the guy, instead of the other way around. If you want to be the man in the relationship... which is how you have set it up.. then keep initiating and pursuing .. that's what you got him used to. The love dance is a timeless game with old principles - FOR A GOOD REASON!! GOOD LUCK!
stillafool Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 The reason being is that I don't want to go back with nothing. I eventually plan to move back but I don't want to go back staying with family. In the past, it has been very stressful staying with people. I need to save up enough to move back into my own place. I didn't mean move back in with family I meant be there to be closer to your family so you won't feel so lonely. I see you are saving up to move back and that is good.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I'm sorry for what you're going through OP but you need to shift your perspective. Yes, he is a scumbag, cruel, heartless, selfish and evil. No one deserves to be treated as you have been. No one is excusing HIS behavior BUT at the end of the day YOU have the power to change your life and for the better. You're already leaps and bounds ahead of the curve in terms of being able to provide for yourself (aka you're not financially tied to this idiot). You also need to stop acting like a victim and use this experience to empower you. We've ALL had fair share of sh*tty relationships at some point in our lives so you're not alone as you can clearly see by some of the other posters. I always advise members going through these types of heartbreak to look at these experiences as something to learn from. Even it's just realizing the things you want and things you don't want. Right now you're feeling very jaded about dating and men in general which is very normal but don't let it define your whole life. Not every guy is an a**hole after all. Good luck. 1
Author ByMyself01 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 I'm sorry for what you're going through OP but you need to shift your perspective. Yes, he is a scumbag, cruel, heartless, selfish and evil. No one deserves to be treated as you have been. No one is excusing HIS behavior BUT at the end of the day YOU have the power to change your life and for the better. You're already leaps and bounds ahead of the curve in terms of being able to provide for yourself (aka you're not financially tied to this idiot). You also need to stop acting like a victim and use this experience to empower you. We've ALL had fair share of sh*tty relationships at some point in our lives so you're not alone as you can clearly see by some of the other posters. I always advise members going through these types of heartbreak to look at these experiences as something to learn from. Even it's just realizing the things you want and things you don't want. Right now you're feeling very jaded about dating and men in general which is very normal but don't let it define your whole life. Not every guy is an a**hole after all. Good luck. You're right. I just cant fathom how someone can go on to treat anyone that bad even if it wasn't me. If I didn't like a guy I wouldn't sh*t on him. Some people have no remorse or anything for other human beings. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 You're right. I just cant fathom how someone can go on to treat anyone that bad even if it wasn't me. If I didn't like a guy I wouldn't sh*t on him. Some people have no remorse or anything for other human beings. Sadly these types of people exist. I like to think Karma will do it's bit and take care of business at some point. What does around, comes around. That gives me some peace of mind We all have a war story or two, consider this one to be yours. You'll be telling this story to your kids one day warning them about people just like him
Recommended Posts