My ex wanted me back for 3 days.. Now my depression is worse than ever.

[edgar allan bro]

Please. Please. Do. Not. Break. NC.

 

Last Monday, I checked my ex's profile and found out he was actually dating the girl I was suspecting. In the past two months, he was telling me how he wanted to be with me "one day" and that he still has feelings for me, and this WHOLE TIME, he's been seeing her.

 

I called him in a murderous rage (big no-no), and he admitted to me that he was cheating on her this whole time. That he's been hooking up with multiple girls. And that, get this, he still loves me and wants to be with me. What a charmer. We texted back and forth for 4 days. In that time, he completely annihilated my self-esteem. He told me how sexy his gf is, that his friends all think she's a model, that he's never had a "body" of "her caliber". He told me that they were getting hotel rooms together, that she was crazy about him, that she always sent him nudes, bought him gifts on her daddy's credit card, etc. In his perfect world, he would have us both, and I told him to go **** himself.

 

He also complained to his whole harem about me, and had no trouble telling me how crazy they all thought I was for being emotionally invested in a guy who's been stringing me along for the past 4 months.

 

Simultaneously, he was also oddly warming up to the idea of being exclusive with me again. I made him think about why he was with her, and he realized it was for the wrong reasons. (He also added that he hated me for making him think in the first place.)

 

On Friday we meet up, and he tells me that he's going to break up with her tomorrow to get back with me. He kisses me, although I gave him no invitation to do so.

 

The next day, he does break up with her, starts feeling like ****, calls me in anger, and tells me to move on without him.

 

Yes. This is how the story ends. My guess is he's probably screwing her right now, and I'm devastated again. Ugh ugh ugh.

[boo26]

wow. this guy sounds like a complete jerk. I hope you know that you deserve so much better. this guy is just toying with your emotions. He is not going to be the faithful boyfriend you want him to be. I know it hurts and I know you love him, but I can tell you from everything you just described, he is so not worth it. There will be another guy out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Don't waste any more time with this jerk.

[ZiggyZoo]

I know that your self-esteem has got to be reeling right now, but your ex actually did you two big favors. First of all, he proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's moved on, and you don't have to fool yourself with that nasty denial stage. And second, he gave you plenty of reminders why you're much better off without him, for when you miss him. I am sorry that you had to find all this out though, it is hard when someone you cared about turns out to be such a completely different (and much, much worse) person than you thought they were.

[edgar allan bro]

wow. this guy sounds like a complete jerk. I hope you know that you deserve so much better. this guy is just toying with your emotions. He is not going to be the faithful boyfriend you want him to be. I know it hurts and I know you love him, but I can tell you from everything you just described, he is so not worth it. There will be another guy out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Don't waste any more time with this jerk.

 

I've been crying non-stop since. I know he's never going to be a faithful boyfriend, but it's so hard to make peace with it, especially since he kissed me not even 5 days ago. I want to move on sooo so bad.

[ZiggyZoo]

I've been crying non-stop since. I know he's never going to be a faithful boyfriend, but it's so hard to make peace with it, especially since he kissed me not even 5 days ago. I want to move on sooo so bad.

 

The hardest part of any of my break-ups was getting the heart and the head to agree. It's only been five days, and you've learned an awful lot of things about him all at once, but your poor heart is still attached to him. You'll get there, you'll get through this. This is a big blow to absorb, and I doubt anyone would bounce back from it in any small amount of time.

[edgar allan bro]

The hardest part of any of my break-ups was getting the heart and the head to agree. It's only been five days, and you've learned an awful lot of things about him all at once, but your poor heart is still attached to him. You'll get there, you'll get through this. This is a big blow to absorb, and I doubt anyone would bounce back from it in any small amount of time.

 

The hardest thing for me to accept right now is that it's not my fault. He didn't break up with me to sleep around because I wasn't enough, but because he's just wired to be unfaithful. Yet, in the back of my head, there's always that little voice that goes "What if this experience changes him, and he grows up, and settles down with a nice girl who fulfills him like you never could!!!" Ugh. Do cheaters ever get their share of karma?

[LivinDeadGrl]

The hardest thing for me to accept right now is that it's not my fault. He didn't break up with me to sleep around because I wasn't enough, but because he's just wired to be unfaithful. Yet, in the back of my head, there's always that little voice that goes "What if this experience changes him, and he grows up, and settles down with a nice girl who fulfills him like you never could!!!" Ugh. Do cheaters ever get their share of karma?

 

I wonder the same thing. I put up with so much crap from my ex and gave him so many chances that I feel extremely hurt he told me to get out of his life over something so small and meaningless. I surely do hope that cheaters get their karma. I surely do hope that men like him get what they deserve... I surely do hope we don't suffer for no reason.

[marimari]

I know you feel devastated, but you should try to think positive, he did you a favour, really, he showed you that he is not a good boyfriend. Cry, write songs, letter that you don't send, and break contact with him. Cause now he knows that he can treat you in any way that he likes, and you should stop that vicious circle. Heads up, pump your confidence, and don't let him treat you in a bad way cause it will only get worse.

[ZiggyZoo]

The hardest thing for me to accept right now is that it's not my fault. He didn't break up with me to sleep around because I wasn't enough, but because he's just wired to be unfaithful. Yet, in the back of my head, there's always that little voice that goes "What if this experience changes him, and he grows up, and settles down with a nice girl who fulfills him like you never could!!!" Ugh. Do cheaters ever get their share of karma?

 

I went through the same thoughts, when my ex-husband left me for the chick he had been cheating on me with. I had to tell myself every day that it wasn't my fault, and I eventually came to believe it. It took some time though. I don't get why they can't just end it, it's not like they care about our feelings, if they're willing to cheat on us. They're just cowards, who don't like to take any responsibility for their own actions. My ex would do stuff like hang up on me mid-sentence, so I'd have to call back, then say I was being a crazy stalker who wouldn't leave him alone. Or he'd be late picking up our girls, so I'd be running late to work. Just stuff to push my buttons, and it WOULD drive me crazy. But my therapist said that this is common with cheaters who get caught, because they need to justify their actions in their own mind. So if they get you to be the angry, crazy ex, it's easier for them to accept that they treated you poorly. Joke was on him though, because this just made me act sweet as pie so he'd have no excuse in his own mind. The other woman actually said something to him once about how mean he was being...

 

Oh, and you will be happy to hear that the woman he left me for, whom he married as soon as our divorce was final, left him on Christmas Day FOR HIS BROTHER! Oh, karma really overshot that one, huh? But he got his at least, and I think all cheaters will. They will never learn how to communicate and solve problems in their relationships, and will be very unhappy as a result. Sooner or later, this will catch up to yours, and he'll have no choice but to face the mess he's made of things. All by himself. And meanwhile, he'll be a distant memory in your mind, and you'll be that much smarter and stronger for this experience. Trust in that.