arkansas Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 My girlfriend of one year broke up with me three weeks ago because of our difference of belief in god. One believes and the other does not. Two days later she says she realized that she is truly in love with me and it doesn't batter. Two weeks later (3 days ago) she says that she loves being with me, loves me, but when we are not together she doesn't think about me and doesn't think that is fair and breaks up. So let's get it out there....this was my most serious relationship and I do love her. She still texts me, I haven't started No Contact yet...i haven't begged here to take me back, but I have allowed her to still text me, call me and I have texted and called her. She says that the entire relationship that she wasn't quite over her ex boyfriend (long distance relationship), but is now 100 % over him and needs time to figure out if she wants to be with me. Do i need to go No Contact with her? Do i need to reply with her texts politely and shortly? Is she just doing this to make it easier on her? Would you consider taking her back if she came begging (and under what circumstances)? Help me out here because I haven't ever been in this position and it hurts....I don't know if the smart/realistic thing is to convince myself that our relationship was a sham, or to believe that she really is confused and may realize that she does want to be with me. Ahhhhh this sucks
Author arkansas Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) Not that it matters. but a little more backstory. For the last year we have practically lived together. We probably spend 90% of our time away from work together. Almost always stayed the night. She did during the relationship use Whats app to stay in contact with her ex (long distance) and I would ask her to stop and she would but i would find out she did. I know i should focus on that more than how good it felt to with her. Edited February 24, 2015 by arkansas
Light Breeze Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) First of all, don't agree with being in deep freeze, that when she decides to return she can just thaw you out. More likely than not, her "figuring" if she wants to be with you, translates to: "I wanna date other guys and see if I can find someone better". Second, it was unfair that she went out with you knowing she was still hung up on her ex. Imo, this contributed to your break up. Third, you need to go NC if you want to heal from the pain this caused you, it's the only way. Unless, you have superhuman mental strength that can withstand the friend zone while she dates other guys. Fourth, if she wants to come back then she should tell/show you in no uncertain terms, which I think wouldn't happen in the near future (I could be wrong). By that time though, your head will be clear enough to decide if you want to try again. If you do NC correctly, chances are you've moved on. EDIT: Just read your second post and it seems her EX was a BIG reason for the breakup. Probably emotional cheating. I'm sorry. Edited February 24, 2015 by Light Breeze
Author arkansas Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) So how should i do the No Contact. Reply to her next text/call and tell her that I need to move on? Or just don't reply and she'll get the hint? And would you try and date soon (not get in relationship but just go date) or would you wallow in grief for a while? EDIT: It was definitely emotional cheating....is that unforgivable? Edited February 24, 2015 by arkansas
d0nnivain Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 All of the reasons she gave you add up to one thing: she has determined that in the long term you are not the one for her. While your opposing beliefs concerning God are not that critical now, if you were to have kids they would become huge points of contention. She realizes that the depths of her feelings are not there her statement that she doesn't really think about you when you two are apart. While it's possible that she may change her mind, you can not persuade her to do so. Any attempt to do so will push her farther away. For now, keep the lines of communication open for her to come back if that is what you want, but you need to assume it's over and you need to sit still. Respond to her but don't initiate. She is the one who wanted out. Until and unless she changes her mind, there is nothing you can do.
Light Breeze Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Everyone's different some would say, just go ghost on her immediately, others would advice, tell her you're going to cut contact then radio silence. Either way the final result should be NC. Your choice. To your second question, again everyone's different. Personally, I'll just improve and find myself first before I go on any kind of dating. But, everyone would probably agree with me that you need to grieve the loss but don't wallow in it.
Light Breeze Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 EDIT: It was definitely emotional cheating....is that unforgivable? I don't know about you, but any kind of cheating for me will result in the red card for her.
Author arkansas Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 I don't know about you, but any kind of cheating for me will result in the red card for her. Yea it was a tough one for me....I would never tolerate physically cheating. I think i let this slide because at the end of the day, I was the one she was sleeping with every night. And i figured why throw away a good relationship over something like this....i figured it would work it's way out. I tell you getting on here and posting is good. I am just going to tell her the next time she reaches out that we need to move on. i'm going to just do that (move on) and continue working out, focusing on work, taking care of my dog. At the end of the day, despite how incredibly beautiful she is (smoking body), and how great it was being with her and how much i still would love to be with her...it's just wasn't to be. I loved her more than she loved me. There will be others
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