0range33 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Hi guys, i was wondering if you can please help me. This has been quite a long relationship problem for me. i am a gentleman and always will be. Its the way i have been brought up and i am generally a nice guy to every girl i meet regardless of looks age size etc...... So i met a girl at work 10 years ago. She was 17 i was 23. we just started talking for a few weeks and we had a quick lunch together a few weeks before her 18th birthday. For her 18th birthday i got into work early and covered her desk in flowers and balloons as a surprise for when she got into work. a few weeks later she rung me up to pick her up one night after she had been clubbing, she stayed over and i never tried sleeping with her. we went shopping the following day and that was that. i never saw her again for a LONG time. years in fact. i met my previous girl friend when i was 25 we was together 6 years and have had 2 beautiful children together. During this time the girl in question contacted me 2-3 times in these 6 years. i went out with her for lunch on 1 occasion but didnt pursue her any more. she was interested in me on each occasion and would of gone out with me if i had asked. she has always stayed in contact with me sporadically over the time we was together and she started getting in touch more about a year before my current girlfriend broke up she got in contact again while i was on holiday and my current GF found her messages and deleted and blocked her on facebook, even know none of the message was explicit or would be seen in a cheating light. (do you ever notice girls want what they cant have). so two years ago..... which was 3 months before me and my current girlfriend broke up she had been in touch heavily with me, every day and she knew i was unhappy in my current relationship and she started cleaning my offices. 2 months before we broke up. there was a connection there and i always treated her like a gent, bought her a few gifts here and there. when i finally broke up with my ex (i had fallen out of love months ago) we went on a date a couple of weeks later and she literally rung my phone 247 every night for hours. texting me all day. i didnt do any of the pursuing but she always kept me at arms length. she told me she loved me very quickly and that was within a month. although she was in constant contact we very rarely met up, once a week tops. i was ALWAYS asking her out, i felt like i was begging for her time yet she continued to call me constantly. i was always a gent. left a dozen roses on her door step for when she went to work at 6 am. took her to nice restaurants. opened doors for her. always drove. took her to a beautiful hotel in london but we never slept together for some weird reason the affection never seemed to be there on her part and i was also very hesitant for some reason one week 3 months later she said she cant see me for a few weeks but was still calling and texting everyday. then bang she blew me off. she got back with her sons father. that lasted 4 months. and they split up. she rung me in tears but i never pursued her on this occasion. (this was 18 months ago) i got back intouch with her in feb 2014 for a catch up but i was seeing someone, we was due to goto lunch but i said no. its not right as i was seeing someone and she had just met someone. she in the next 6 months fell head over heel for this guy but had some rough patches where she continued to call me everytime in tears. they broke up in august time when she rung me in tears yet again. randomly she rung me up a month later and said can she come over with a friend for drinks at mine. i agreed her friend left early, we carried on drinking at mine, playing pool and on my arcade machines. we ended up going to a club where she was very forward with me like she never had been before. we went back to mine. she wanted sex but i said no. shes been my friend on and off for 10 years. im just not programmed like that. she thanked me for being a gent and thanks for the night out. we spoke the next day but i didnt contact her again. november 2014 she rung me up saying can we talk. she apologised for running away everytime we got close and promised this time it would be different. it was. to an extent. we dated once a week in novemebr and december. but over christmas we didnt see each other for 2 weeks. i had treated her absolutely amazing as i always have done. but she has the sons ex boyfriend stay over xmas eve which caused arguements. we went on holiday end of jan and we had a terrible time. she was ill. unaffectionate, and we ended up argueing as there wasnt much to do. the things i have done for this girl in these 3 months is unbeleivable. helped her with rent. sent some very thoughtful gifts. but she jsut wouldnt spend much time with me which was why we argued so much. honestly i have treated her like a princess. im very gutted but we have on ly seen each other twice briefly since the 2nd of feb. she opened up to me and said that shes knows i will always love her no matter how she treats me. and i cant help loving her. she said i was her security blanket and she knows im a kind hearted man and i will always be there for her. we spoke today and she deleted our holiday pictures off of facebook which caused an arguement. so there is obviously another guy in the picture. other wise why would she. ive tried everything over the last month, she is totally broke, i havnt given her money this month but have treated her to things like getting her hair done before a party. (i feel totally used) why would she do this to me. ive never mistreated her in my life. always looked after her. why does she keep doing this to me and then keep returning into my life. whether its 3 months later or 3 years later. i Just want her and myself to be happy togther. she dates total idiots who break her heart and then returns to me as her safety net. we argued today and i think thats it for this round, we just started to talk better this last few days, but when i saw the facebook pictures removed that really put a knott in my stomach. why does she treat me so badly when i only have her best interests at heart? I cant help but be nice. thoughtful. generous. im not changing who I am and I have fallen head over heel for a girl that has no respect for me.
Buddhist Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 why does she keep doing this to me and then keep returning into my life. whether its 3 months later or 3 years later. Because you keep responding to her msgs and her calls. i Just want her and myself to be happy togther. she dates total idiots who break her heart and then returns to me as her safety net. Because you keep acting like her safety net. Every time she's low and feeling down she knows she can call or txt you and you will make her feel better and help her get back on her feet. She has no actual feelings towards you, just enjoys the fact you help her. why does she treat me so badly when i only have her best interests at heart? Because she has no feelings towards you and never will. I cant help but be nice. thoughtful. generous. im not changing who I am and I have fallen head over heel for a girl that has no respect for me. There's a difference between being a thoughtful person and being someone who continually does favours for other people every time they contact you. Expecting nothing in return and never saying no. People are selfish, and if you have no boundaries they will invade them continually until you learn to put some boundaries in place. Being a gent doesn't mean you return every phone call, respond to every plea and instantly drop what you are doing whenever she calls. You've encouraged her dependance on you because you have not said no to her ever. Stop rescuing her. She is an adult, she makes her own messes and it's neither rude nor unfriendly to let her lie in her own bed. Now, you know that she is never going to be with you in the way you want. So it's time to unfriend her on facebook, stop returning her calls and msgs and find a woman who does want you. Right now you are just enabling a co-dependant and allowing other people to take advantage of you.
Zahara Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I cant help but be nice. thoughtful. generous. im not changing who I am and I have fallen head over heel for a girl that has no respect for me. There's a difference between being nice, thoughtful and generous and a doormat. Unfortunately, you're a doormat that extends himself in order to appease someone for their attention and affection. She has no respect for you because you are a doormat. You can be generous and kind but with boundaries. That means, you can give but when someone doesn't appreciate it, you stop giving and you implement a boundary. You don't keep on giving.
Author 0range33 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Well thank you for your input. I dont try to be a doormat. i just am who i am. i work hard, i have a succesful business and im easy going. the 7 year relationship i had with my ex i never had any of these problems. she was a genuine nice girl and we simply fell out of love so i ended it on good terms. Since ive been single these last 2 years, things are so different from 9 years ago. the girls are really ruthless that i meet. They simply do not want a nice guy. they always seem to stay in touch with me even though i have deleted their numbers and never contact them again. I have deleted this current girls number as well as far as im concerned shes out of my life. im 99% sure within the next 3-18 months she will make contact again when she has. when she does come back should i ignore her or change my attitude with her?
fitnessfan365 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 What does gentleman end in? Man. If you want women to see you as one, you need to start acting like one. Look at your behavior in the very beginning alone. Lunch (male girlfriend), grand romantic gesture for a woman you don't even know (needy and creepy), and you go shopping with her (male girlfriend). It only gets worse from there with paying her rent, buying her gifts, being her therapist every day, etc..I mean can you honestly blame the woman for having no sexual attraction to you at all? If this were Nice Guys' Anonymous, the first step would be accepting responsibility for your actions and admitting you have a problem. In the end, you were responsible for your behavior and how you acted. So the blame doesn't rest on her. It rests on you for allowing her to walk all over you and for acting the way that you did with her over the years. 3
Zahara Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Working hard, being easy going and having a successful business have absolutely nothing to do with your emotional intelligence. You may be great in those aspects but when it comes to relationships/women, you are submissive, dependent and lacking the ability to draw boundaries. 1
Author 0range33 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 I will take this on board and not make the same mistake again or next time. I am generally very firm and non caring with girls. never had a problem. i thought i could be different with this one. obviously not. even though she has crapped all over me this last month i have left things on a good note and cut contact. 1
fred123 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 v interesting thread and responses here. i am like this guy myself i think and its hard realising the problem. but surely if he was reqlly attractive or looked like say channing tatum she wouldnt treat him like this? why is she treating him like crap and what makes some girls treat their guy good and the same girl can treat another nice guy like this.
kendahke Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Well thank you for your input. I dont try to be a doormat. i just am who i am. i work hard, i have a succesful business and im easy going. the 7 year relationship i had with my ex i never had any of these problems. she was a genuine nice girl and we simply fell out of love so i ended it on good terms. Since ive been single these last 2 years, things are so different from 9 years ago. the girls are really ruthless that i meet. They simply do not want a nice guy. they always seem to stay in touch with me even though i have deleted their numbers and never contact them again. I have deleted this current girls number as well as far as im concerned shes out of my life. im 99% sure within the next 3-18 months she will make contact again when she has. when she does come back should i ignore her or change my attitude with her? Perhaps you need to change the kinds of girls you're usually attracted to. Stop going after drama queens who have no substance. If you've truly blocked her, then she's not going to be able to contact you. Deleting her number isn't blocking her. Privacy Starr is a great app for blocking phone calls and texts. You can set your email to block her emails, too--you can put it on tight restriction. Not doing those things makes you her doormat. It makes you one who sets yourself up for this mess because you're too invested in seeing yourself in a certain light instead of standing sentry to your boundaries. This really isn't rocket science, dear. And should she figure out a way to get past your blocks, you hang up on her/delete her texts without reading them and block that number she's using. It's not like your some hapless victim here--you can take concrete steps to rid yourself of vermin like this.
Author 0range33 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 I expected different with this girl. 12 years is a long time to "not" know someone you thought you knew. I know for a fact that she is going to come back into my life again regardless of whether i say yes or know. My feelings for her are so strong its actually frightening. i also know that this will die down soon. Really though.... Giving so much of your time, and heart to someone and getting kicked to the curb in a heart beat is frightening
smackie9 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 You foolishly invested in someone you hardly knew, and over the course of your messaging you developed a fantasy image of this girl. This girl owes you nothing, you only have yourself to blame for over investing your time and money on her. You gave she took.....she is a taker plain and simple. She's a loser and can't stand on her own two feet so she seeks out weakened men in weakened relationships to get what she needs. There are women that do this in order to survive, but it is up to you to protect yourself from being used. You need to wipe the slate clean, write her off and block/delete/NC.
Author 0range33 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Well as i said, i have cut contact. Everything you all say makes perfect sense. im just very frustrated with peoples morals. lesson learned huh. She had baliffs on the door threatening to take the TV what was i supposed to do? Im sorry i might of been burned but im not that heartless. Doesnt help she lives round the corner from my work place and shes literally just driven past and i ignored looking at her car. she blatently saw me. just put a massive knott in my stomach
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