Zahara Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I understand what you mean, and I should have worded it better. I don't mean "why?" as in I am looking for the definite answer, I should have just said "What do think about this?" Honestly, I just want people's insight because I find it myself to be creepy. I won't be friends, and I don't want to be friends with him. I just find it weird that he is so eagerly trying to be friends with me, then I don't hear from him, and he is the one that said I was "creepy", and all of that. It's weird to me. Like, why does he want to be friends, but never talk? Or engage with me in any other way? I was wondering if anybody else experienced this, or knew about this. You have good points, and I am not disregarding what you are saying, but I really do find this all to be strange. So someone that insults and mocks you -- you need to know why they want to be your friend. Try and think outside of the box, expand your thought process. Does it matter why when they've never treated you with respect or kindness? Or should you be saying to yourself regardless of why he wants to be friends I should stay away from someone that is disrespectful to me. Should you be saying even if he wants to be friends, I'm not investing time and emotion in someone that hasn't been a genuine person in my life. He saw you mad. He roped you back in. He regained power. Now he's gone silent. He got you to respond, he got you curious and he got you affected. Do you think he really wants to be friends? Think about it.
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 For him wanting to be 'friends' was simply a way of asking for peace, a truce, to go back to being civil to each other, and to stop the drama. You took it literally as in he wants to be 'buddies' and you start hanging out together. Try to handle this with maturity. Make peace, shake hands, go back to your life and simply be civil when you cross each other. Nothing more. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 For heaven's sake, he doesn't want to be friends with you. He just doesn't want drama. And you thrive on it. The threads you post about him read like highschool antics. You say you don't want this in your life, but I don't buy that. For you, sadly, any attention is better than none. This is not a complicated issue.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Ashley, you've posted time and time again with drama, and most times drama you inflict on yourself. Time and time again the consensus is to ignore the drama and stay composed and stay above the people that bring you down. Time and time again you respond with, "I did XYZ and I know it was wrong but I was...." Over and over again. I know and but -- standard responses over and over. And why in heavens name have you engaged with someone to the point of now asking what his need for friendship means when he's treated you poorly? You shouldn't want to have anything to do with him. He's insulted you and mocked you. And you engage? Where is your dignity? It's exhausting because you seem to have no ability to act maturely or even handle yourself with boundaries and self-control. You voluntarily run into a brick walk wide eyed and then ask why it hurts. OP, please read this and reach a state of self-realization.
mightycpa Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Ashley, aren't there any other drama queens in school who can do this with you? It would be so much more rewarding for you if you had a friend or two who see things the way you do: Ashley: So, I saw pizza guy at my house yesterday. He's so creepy! Friend_1:OMG! What did he do now!?! Ashley:He told me he wanted to be my friend, and gave me a hug!?! Friend_2:OMG! What did you do? Ashley:Ugh! I called him a parasite and left. Friend_1:Why does he keep coming around? Ashley:My stupid brother hangs out with him. I wish he'd stop! Friend_2:OMG! Your brother is so cute! Ashey and Friend_1 together: EWWWWWWWW! See, doesn't that sound like a lot more fun than what you get here? Seriously, you should find a couple buddies who can feed the need.
spiderowl Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) You are in a relationship with this guy, whether you think you are or not, because you and he are repeatedly engaging with each other. I'm not saying this is a positive relationship but you are obviously fascinated with each other. He wants you to admire him and you want him to pay you attention and (supposedly) stop winding you up, but then again you say things that wind him up. The two of you are involved in a dramatic form of flirting banter. Whether a better relationship will come of it, I don't know, but you really need to address this issue of why drama appeals to you (and him) because in the long term it's not a good way to conduct your life. You could end up being in one of those permanently warring couples. Couples like that tend to break up and get together again in an endless pattern. Is that what you want? Edited March 6, 2015 by spiderowl
Author Ashley S Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I get it, it's immature. I am sorry for that. I just really wanted some opinions on why he is so "gung ho" on being friends? I never said I was friends with him, nor do I want to be. It's not that I want drama in my life, it's the fact that I don't get why he want us to be "cool" or "friends" or whatever? Like I don't, and didn't care if he hated my guts, yeah I got upset when he would go to my brother and say "How is your crazy sister?" and what not, but it was my brother, so that is why I got upset, like if he said that to anybody else, I would just be like "Oh, yeah what a loser." And go about my day, and not really care. Otherwise, I don't and didn't care to be friends with him, or to be cool with him, I guess I am asking if I feel this way, why doesn't he feel this way? Especially him! Because he disrespected me, and acted like I didn't exist. I thought I was doing him a favor if anything! By not being in his life because it seemed like I was such a burden being in his life anyways lol. I don't trust him, and I want him to know that. I don't want drama, but I don't want his delusional ass thinking that we are "friends", and his ego is all high and mighty, like he can swoon any girl with his charm, and make her fall in love with him! (LOL) Please! Lol. I just don't want him thinking that we are friends again, because I was willing to talk to him to figure out why he wants to be friends with me, but since he hasn't called me, or anything then he can forget about me even remotely talking to him. I want him to know that nothing is "civil" or "cool" that I am not like the other girls that fell for his crap. He is strange, and I found it to be strange. I wanted everyone's insight on it because too he hasn't came over the house, and he hasn't called, so it's like he was "trying" to be "friends" with me, yet I don't say that we are, then he says "We're friends", then it's like "Ok, we're friends, but I will never talk to you again"? WTF? It's so strange! He hasn't came over, or tried to call me or nothing. SO what is really the point of us being "civil" or "cool"? It's not like we have to work with each other, then I could understand him wanting to be "civil" for the work environment. I understand what you all mean, but that is what I was more curious about. Thanks.
Author Ashley S Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 You are in a relationship with this guy, whether you think you are or not, because you and he are repeatedly engaging with each other. I'm not saying this is a positive relationship but you are obviously fascinated with each other. He wants you to admire him and you want him to pay you attention and (supposedly) stop winding you up, but then again you say things that wind him up. The two of you are involved in a dramatic form of flirting banter. Whether a better relationship will come of it, I don't know, but you really need to address this issue of why drama appeals to you (and him) because in the long term it's not a good way to conduct your life. You could end up being in one of those permanently warring couples. Couples like that tend to break up and get together again in an endless pattern. Is that what you want? Lol, he was just a platonic friend. I honestly don't care if he's in my life or not, I really don't. I am just curious about his behavior? Like why try and be friends? What is the point? And that is why I wanted to talk to him to ask him those questions, but he's too much of a loose canon weirdo, that he won't call or stop over, so I am not going talk to him at all. I don't want anything to do with him honestly. He thinks we are friends, and I want him to know we aren't. It's so strange because it's not like we have to be "civil" because we work together or we are around each other on a daily basis somehow, like if someone isn't bothering you, and you both left it on "good riddance", then just leave it at that. I understand what you mean, though about him wanting me to admire him because I was calling him a parasite, and I called him other names days prior to that, and he still didn't care, and wanted me to be "cool" with him or whatever. I know for a fact if someone called me a "parasite", I wouldn't even want to be around them, hell, I wouldn't want to be around someone or be "cool" with them if they were expressing how much they can't stand me, and what not. Which is what I was doing. I would be like "**** them" lol. I wouldn't even try. I find it so strange. Thank you for commenting, I do see what you mean about everything.
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Ashley, with respect why do you keep starting these threads? Do you just enjoy/thrive on all the attention? Albeit it's mostly negative attention .... but to attention seekers, even negative attention is better than no attention. You keep getting knocked down on here... which IMO is warranted, but yet you keep coming back for more! I just don't get it! 1
Zahara Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) He doesn't want to be friends. The thing is, no can understand your need to understand why someone that has insulted and mocked you wants to be friends with you. It's because you care. You care because you still like him. You still want his validation. You like the fact that he is paying you attention and you want to know what that attention means. You have no ability to stay away from toxic people, you are drawn to them and you live in drama. If you didn't really care, you wouldn't be posting about him. You wouldn't be engaging him and provoking him to react. You wouldn't care what his actions mean because he has no importance in you life. If you want him to know that nothing is civil or cool, then ignore. Civil and cool to him means not being called a parasite or getting yourself in a knot when you walk in the door and see him in your home. That means you both nod wave and move on along. It doesn't mean anything more than that. More importantly, it shouldn't matter if you don't want to be friends with him. Edited March 7, 2015 by Zahara
Author Ashley S Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 Ashley, with respect why do you keep starting these threads? Do you just enjoy/thrive on all the attention? Albeit it's mostly negative attention .... but to attention seekers, even negative attention is better than no attention. You keep getting knocked down on here... which IMO is warranted, but yet you keep coming back for more! I just don't get it! I start these threads because I am curious as to what others say. I said in one of my other threads that's it's almost like an open discussion I like to have. I know it appears that I am looking for attention, but really I don't like to talk to my friends about these things because everyone gossips and I don't want what I say getting back to him, so I would rather talk about my situations on here, to anonymous people. It's also a way for me to vent, and what not.
Author Ashley S Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 He doesn't want to be friends. The thing is, no can understand your need to understand why someone that has insulted and mocked you wants to be friends with you. It's because you care. You care because you still like him. You still want his validation. You like the fact that he is paying you attention and you want to know what that attention means. You have no ability to stay away from toxic people, you are drawn to them and you live in drama. If you didn't really care, you wouldn't be posting about him. You wouldn't be engaging him and provoking him to react. You wouldn't care what his actions mean because he has no importance in you life. If you want him to know that nothing is civil or cool, then ignore. Civil and cool to him means not being called a parasite or getting yourself in a knot when you walk in the door and see him in your home. That means you both nod wave and move on along. It doesn't mean anything more than that. More importantly, it shouldn't matter if you don't want to be friends with him. You're right to some extent. I just find it all to be strange, but I do care because I am baffled by it. I was just wondering what people thought about him? Like why would he come back and do that? Also I was seeing if anybody else had experience with this. Thanks.
Zahara Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 You're right to some extent. I just find it all to be strange, but I do care because I am baffled by it. I was just wondering what people thought about him? Like why would he come back and do that? Also I was seeing if anybody else had experience with this. Thanks. You care because you're affected by his attention and you want to know what it means. Whether he likes you, cares about you, etc. Doesn't matter what we think. You should have a clear indication already after how he has treated you. You need to stop analyzing why people like him do the things they do -- chances are it's not in any way in your favor. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 You're right to some extent. I just find it all to be strange, but I do care because I am baffled by it. I was just wondering what people thought about him? Like why would he come back and do that? Also I was seeing if anybody else had experience with this. Thanks. I think he's an idiot. Wouldn't ever give him the time of day. He's below my standards, both as a romantic interest and a friend. He came back and did that because he knows you like him. And he likes the attention. No, I don't have experience with this. Why? Because I don't have time for childish drama. I well and truly cut people like that out of life before it can even descend in the immature sh*tstorm this has become. Why do you keep getting sucked back into it? That's the better question. 1
spiderowl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I agree that it was immature. I yelled at him to not get involved, and I wasn't expecting him too because I am allowed to tell my friend if I am in distress. I was confiding in him by telling him why I was upset, but I didn't expect or want him to get involved. I am upset how everything went down, and I texted my brother because I thought my brother can give me a rational explanation through texting about why he's there at our house and what not. I thought by me calling would make things worse, that is why I texted my brother because I thought it could be more discreet, but my brother tells Rick, and creates even more drama. I know I played a role in this, but I see what you mean. Thank you for your insight. Basically, it sounds like two boys (one of whom fancies you - the friend) teasing you and trying to wind you up. The friend would not bother with all this if he wasn't attracted to you. It doesn't sound like you like him but maybe you do. Either way, they are both very immature and the friend's flirting technique is to pull pigtails till the girl gets angry. It's all very childish. 1
1040 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 OP, you would do well to read some of the techniques used by PUAs (pickup artists). Google it. Classic stuff here, utterly obvious. 1
Author Ashley S Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 I think he's an idiot. Wouldn't ever give him the time of day. He's below my standards, both as a romantic interest and a friend. He came back and did that because he knows you like him. And he likes the attention. No, I don't have experience with this. Why? Because I don't have time for childish drama. I well and truly cut people like that out of life before it can even descend in the immature sh*tstorm this has become. Why do you keep getting sucked back into it? That's the better question. Good points! I don't know how I get sucked back into it? I am not really sure, but are you talking about the drama? Yeah I get sucked into that a lot! I am not sucked into it, like, he's my friend, and we're going to be best friends, and I forgive him. I don't want to be friends with him, and I don't forgive him. Thanks for commenting!
Author Ashley S Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Basically, it sounds like two boys (one of whom fancies you - the friend) teasing you and trying to wind you up. The friend would not bother with all this if he wasn't attracted to you. It doesn't sound like you like him but maybe you do. Either way, they are both very immature and the friend's flirting technique is to pull pigtails till the girl gets angry. It's all very childish. Yeah, I agree. I hang out with some very immature people. That is why I keep my mouth shut because unnecessary bull**** like my friend getting involved when I didn't want him to. I was confiding in him, and thinking he was just going to listen, and then all of a sudden he texts my brother. Lol, he was texting as I was talking to him, but I thought he was just texting his friends, and I didn't even know he had my bro's number. But yeah I do agree with you, thanks!
Author Ashley S Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 OP, you would do well to read some of the techniques used by PUAs (pickup artists). Google it. Classic stuff here, utterly obvious. Really? This is "pick up artist" techniques? Well if it is, then what is the point of doing it? Does the guy think the girl will call them? Is that the purpose of it? To have the girl call? Haha. Oh man! Lol, who knows! It probably is with that weirdo. Thanks!
Author Ashley S Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Basically, it sounds like two boys (one of whom fancies you - the friend) teasing you and trying to wind you up. The friend would not bother with all this if he wasn't attracted to you. It doesn't sound like you like him but maybe you do. Either way, they are both very immature and the friend's flirting technique is to pull pigtails till the girl gets angry. It's all very childish. I can't edit my post lol. But no...I am not interested in my friend at all, I forgot to say that in my previous reply back to you lol.
Author Ashley S Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 Hi! I am doing another update, and I know a lot of you are probably disgusted, but I need to vent. I feel really stupid because even though I was rude to Rick, he weirdly still wanted to be friends with me. I finally caved, and said "When I talk to you, is when I will make my final decision." So, we talked, and both apologized for our behavior. Then we both decided that we are "friends". Then I would call him, and he wouldn't return my call, nor did he pick up my phone call. Then, I would text him, and it would be the same thing. I was trying to be civil and friendly. Then he said "I am not ignoring you, I work 80 hours a week, and I am really busy. I am really busy with work. I don't have time." I respected that, and I was ok with it. however, I noticed he still found time to text my brother, post things on Facebook and what not, but yet he couldn't reply to my text? That pissed me off because I finally caved, and forgave him for what he did to me, and this is how I get treated? He called my house phone, and was kinda rude with me, I said "Come over and have a couple of shots of Moonshine!" He said "I am working, I can't." Then he said "I need to talk to your brother." That really made me angry because he didn't want to speak to me I feel, and I am thinking WHAT THE **** WAS THE POINT DUDE? What was the point of us being friends if he doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't call me back, doesn't want to hang out, doesn't text me back? THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT? Why would he try so hard to be "friends" with me if he is just never going to engage with me? Makes no sense to me at all. Because it's like as if we aren't talking. I just feel really stupid, and I don't want to talk to him. I am done. But, maybe some of you can share your input on why he was trying so hard for me to be friends with him yet he never talks to me, texts me, or hangs out with me. I don't get this at all, and I feel really hurt because I was stupid and caved, and thought things might change, and I end up hurt once again.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) Hi! I am doing another update, and I know a lot of you are probably disgusted, but I need to vent. I feel really stupid because even though I was rude to Rick, he weirdly still wanted to be friends with me. I finally caved, and said "When I talk to you, is when I will make my final decision." So, we talked, and both apologized for our behavior. Then we both decided that we are "friends". Then I would call him, and he wouldn't return my call, nor did he pick up my phone call. Then, I would text him, and it would be the same thing. I was trying to be civil and friendly. Then he said "I am not ignoring you, I work 80 hours a week, and I am really busy. I am really busy with work. I don't have time." I respected that, and I was ok with it. however, I noticed he still found time to text my brother, post things on Facebook and what not, but yet he couldn't reply to my text? That pissed me off because I finally caved, and forgave him for what he did to me, and this is how I get treated? He called my house phone, and was kinda rude with me, I said "Come over and have a couple of shots of Moonshine!" He said "I am working, I can't." Then he said "I need to talk to your brother." That really made me angry because he didn't want to speak to me I feel, and I am thinking WHAT THE **** WAS THE POINT DUDE? What was the point of us being friends if he doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't call me back, doesn't want to hang out, doesn't text me back? THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT? Why would he try so hard to be "friends" with me if he is just never going to engage with me? Makes no sense to me at all. Because it's like as if we aren't talking. I just feel really stupid, and I don't want to talk to him. I am done. But, maybe some of you can share your input on why he was trying so hard for me to be friends with him yet he never talks to me, texts me, or hangs out with me. I don't get this at all, and I feel really hurt because I was stupid and caved, and thought things might change, and I end up hurt once again. He doesn't like you or want to be friends. You don't seem to be grasping that. However, you share one important thing: you both like the drama and attention. Simple as that. If you don't want this silly drama, stop stirring the pot. You got valuable advice here which you chose to ignore, because you crave the attention. We can't help you or explain anything about his behaviour - it's your behaviour that is the most concerning. Also, based on what you've described, he wasn't trying that hard to be friends with you. It was the other way around. Edited March 20, 2015 by ExpatInItaly 1
Diezel Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I think you really need to sit down, read all the threads you've started and realize who the common denominator is in all of this. 1
Redhead14 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Hi! Sorry I forgot what fake name I concealed his identity with, but it's the one that I wrote a letter to, and I haven't spoken to him, but he asked my brother recently "How's your crazy sister? What she's been up to?" Well this made me furious. I go to class, come home, and seriously Rick (I'll just call him that, again I apologize if I used a different name in my previous posts) But Rick was there and he had a pillow over his head, and was laughing, and my brother was too, and I immediately knew so I went into the other room, and I ignored him because I was in utter shock that he was unexpectedly here. So, I didn't engage with him, but he didn't really say anything to me. So, I left because I didn't want to see him, and I texted my brother saying "Wow really? That was really ****ed up of you to have Rick over there!" I was with my friend, and my friend asked me what was wrong, so I told him, I NEVER TOLD HIM TO TEXT MY BROTHER OR TO GET INVOLVED! THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANTED! My friend texts my brother saying "You're a little bitch, how dare you have that Rick guy over. You and that Rick guy are probably sucking each others dicks!" I yelled at my friend for getting involved and saying something immaturely. He also said he would fight him. Then Rick texts me saying this "Ashley, please have your friend talk **** to me in person rather than text to your brother about me or simply don't do it at all. Grow up and get over it. Always so dramatic. By the way...I am moving in. Me and your brother are building bunk beds." He thinks he's funny, but how was I dramatic? I didn't speak a word to him, and I left, and spoke to my brother about it through text? Was I wrong in this situation? Also he labeled me as a stalker, and a weirdo, so if I am those things, then why would he come around? He said I was unattractive, crazy, stalker, psycho, and weirdo, and yet I'm the "dramatic" one? And I should "let it go"? Seriously? What do you think about all of this? I think it's so bizarre, because I am not trying to be in his life, he's the one invading mine, but yet I'm the "crazy stalker"? Makes no sense. Ashley, leave it alone. It doesn't matter what he/they think. No you didn't do anything wrong here but you are in the middle of a seriously dysfunctional circle of friends and family. I would ignore everything they say and do and focus on yourself, your future and school. Extricate yourself from all these people as much as possible. Do you work? I'd recommend finding a job that fits into your school schedule and start saving some money and making a plan for getting out on your own. It's time for you to start putting your thoughts and energy into what you want for yourself. None of this makes any sense, you're right, but it's not important. What is important is you and what you do. Stop spending time with the friend you brought home now too, he's shown you he's just as immature as the rest of them. You don't need another immature, dysfunctional person in your life. 2
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