naya22495 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) I recently called it quits with my boyfriend of 4 years. I began to feel very expendable after I saw a text from his female best friend. The text read that though he never touched her she felt him ask over her body. At this point I never knew they saw each other at all seeing that she lives an hour plus away and he didn't have a car nor did he mention it. When I confronted them about they said it was in a friendly way which made no sense to me. He broke up with me but we still hung up and diff everything couples do, eventually forgave him. But recently I've been feeling off about them because I found out that after asking him to call me while at with sometime because he works and sleeps sun_Thurs and I never see him. He told me it wasn't going to happen because he is to busy. But when I saw his call log he has been talk to this best friend every night while at work for 1-3 hours. Again I confronted them and he says it's over again but he always says it and never leaves me alone I'm so tired and honestly hurt. So I'm letting go this time. This is the first time we have ever have this issue and she offered to stop taking to him and I declined because if he doesn't want to I'm not going to force it. Edited February 24, 2015 by naya22495
Ieris Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I'm sorry to hear what happened. I haven't been in your situation but speaking as a female best friend - I have been best friends with this guy for over 10 years and people think we're like a couple. He's like the male version of me, we think alike and like the same things but we're not into each other in that way. He's more like my brother/partner in crime sort of thing. If anything was to happen, it would have happened 10 years ago. Now I can spend the whole day with him and when he gets home we can talk for another 2 or 3 hours on the phone. I know what it looks like to other people, his girlfriends would get jealous but she really has nothing to worry about. A few of his previous girlfriends have mentioned how close we were and it made them feel insecure. No matter how much he explained to them that nothing was going on they would throw a fit. I wonder if it'll make a difference if I was male... I don't know if there is something going on with your bf and his best friend but if there isn't, then it's silly to throw away 4 years over a misunderstanding. Lots of girlfriends naturally turn that female best friend into their enemy which just makes matters worse and they're usually the ones that end up getting cut off. Could you possibly befriend that girl instead? If you're on good terms with her, she can help/side with you when issues come up with your boyfriend (who do you think he's going to talk to when he's having issues with you?). It's just like winning over his male friends/family, don't get defensive just because she is a female. I hope things work out for you x
Ruby65 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 The text read that though he never touched her she felt him ask over her body. Is that a typo? I don't understand that -- she felt him "ask" over her body? Anyway, I'd walk in your shoes as well. If they're lying about seeing each other, that's not cool. I don't know what this text was about, but it sounds pretty suspicious. On the other side of the "just best friends" story..... I dated a guy who was housemates with his female best friend. They had been friends for over ten years! I wasn't threatened by her at all because I trusted him and believed there was nothing there when he told me -- but was she ever threatened by me! It was horrible, she was always either making snide comments about me, or trying to "tell me about my boyfriend" in this really creepy proprietary way. I did everything I could to ingratiate myself and asked her to join us out for meals and stuff, and she would have none of it. After a few months of dating she broke down and confessed she was in love with him and forced him to choose, her or me. HE wanted to smooth things over and continue living with her and continue dating me.... so I walked. I mean, really? Life's too short. YOU are the girlfriend and YOU come first before any other woman in your relationship. He shouldn't be keeping secrets from you -- that he shares with another woman -- and he sure as hell shouldn't be going to HER about your relationship problems! Nope, not cool. I can't really say with certainty there's anything going on between them sexually because I don't understand the text that set this off.... but based on everything else you've posted, I definitely see enough red flags to walk. Just my take, anyway.
elaine567 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 But recently I've been feeling off about them because I found out that after asking him to call me while at work sometime because he works and sleeps sun_Thurs and I never see him. He told me it wasn't going to happen because he is to busy. But when I saw his call log he has been talk to this best friend every night while at work for 1-3 hours. . Truth is here that he spends time talking to her when that should be your time. He chose to speak to her for hours whilst at work, yet blew you off, saying he was too busy. I don't know if they are just good friends or something more, but he is choosing her over you and it should be the other way around, if you are to have a future. You did the right thing, he is not invested in you for whatever reason. Go NC. He is not the man for you.
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