rp512 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I've only liked(genuine feelings) two girls in my life. The last one was in high school when I was a sophomore (college senior now). This girl is f*cken awesome in so many ways. However, I was never able to be myself her because I tried to impress her based on what I heard about her from other people. She was amazing in so many ways. I acted like a complete b*tch (too nice, constantly texting, never made the right move, etc.) and she lost feelings for me and I got friendzoned lol. People thought she lead me on and she got a lot of **** about it. But she didn't, it was me who messed up. There are a few huge regrets I have in my life, and this is one of them. She had everything I liked in a girl, and I lost her because I couldn't be myself. Anyways we ended up going to the same college(big state school). We would have small talk once in awhile. However, whenever I would run into her (not often), it's like the switch that makes me, me, shuts off. My hearts starts racing, can't think of what to say. Girls don't make me feel that way, like I'm so comfortable talking to girls, but she manages to do this me every time. No matter how frustrating it is, I like that a girl can still do that to me. Last october, I randomly hit her up and she was excited to hang out again. We hit it off and she definitely was giving me a shot. However, over the past 4 years, all I knew about her was the sh*t people talked about her. I kinda had an impression she was only into as*holes that just wanted to have sex with her. So I acted like one of those guys(smh). Yeah basically she slept over 4 nights and I kept trying to initiate sex because I thought she would get bored of me if I didn't. We were talking one morning and she asked me what was I my mind (long story, kinda funny, can explain why if you want), and I blurted out "I kinda wanna go down on you" (this was in dec). Yeah, she stopped hanging out with me after that. I talked to her best friend and she told me she is so sick of guys only trying to have sex with her. That I needed to treat her like a girl. This is one of the most frustrating situations in my life. She doesn't like me for who I'm not lol. I know the kind of guy I am. I've put a lot of realistic thought into this. I know this girl pretty well, and if I truly did think she wouldn't like me for who I am, I wouldn't even waste my time. The person I am everyday with friends/family, and the person I've been w/ her are two completely different people. I've had a lot going on in my life, but when I hung out with this girl again, I forgot about the bullsh*t momentarily and I actually felt good inside. It's the regret from hs, the butterflies she gives me, and the sh*t I heard about her that has been messing with my head and preventing me from being me w/ her. But for the first time in my life, something in my head finally clicked, and I know I can be myself w/ her. I'm not desperate, trust me. I know girls that are dtf, but I don't want meaningless sex. I genuinely like hanging out with her. She makes me feel some type of way. That is why I've been trying to have one last conversation with her in person. Just to let it all out and finally free myself from the regret. I have been so mad at myself about this. I am so ready to let this part of my life go, but I need her to know the truth so she knows who I am. If she talks to me after, great, I know we'll get close. If she doesn't, well at least she knows the truth. I don't want to write a long sappy text/message, because I won't get what I want to say across properly. But every time I ask her to hang out in person (just me and her) she doesn't want to and I can't blame her at all for this. I would prob say no if I was her too. We have hung out a couple times after the last night she stayed over(and I blurted out what I said). But every time, it was with mutual friends we have. It just didn't feel right so I never brought up this convo. I texted her about a week ago to get drinks, but she didn't respond. Coincidently, I ran into her today on campus, but again, I'm not desperate and I don't want to seem desperate, and I just didn't feel it was the right time again. So we just waved to each other and I didn't stop her. I need to get this off my chest. I really do. I don't text/talk to her often because I don't want to annoy her. If you made it this far, I appreciate your time for the long read. I know most of you are going to say, you need to move on, and I will, but after I tell her the truth. Because if I've ever done anything right with her, it would be me telling her what I need to tell her. What do you think I should do?
preraph Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Send her an email. Tell her you misjudged her and now you feel badly and have given her reason to misjudge you. Tell her you were afraid that if you didn't try to initiate sex right away, you'd get friendzoned. Tell her it's not that you only want sex; it's that you just didn't want her to think you weren't interested in her as a girlfriend, but that now you realize it didn't translate that way. Ask her if she'll give you another chance if you promise to behave yourself. You haven't said whether you two fooled around. You said she slept over four nights and you initiated. But was she cool kissing you at least? If not, she may have already friendzoned you. You don't stay at a guy's house four nights and expect him to not get ideas. If she won't even let you kiss her, I'd say she's just not interested in you that way. If she seemed okay with that but was hitting the breaks at sex, then maybe your email will get you another shot at her. Good luck. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Hey RP I think it would be courageous of you to come clean.For me I would respect a guy who made that effort that made himself vulnerable and told the truth regardless of what the outcome was.....that is brave. I don't really understand why you felt you had to be a dick to her....I don't think or in any way feel, any woman on earth, no matter what she does , deserves a guy to be a dick to her.....I know it happens though.I think the idea that you should never listen to what others say and make your own decisions based on first hand knowledge before you judge someone is a sound idea..... I think what you are doing is true and just, I dont know what her response will be, I am not her, but i would respect a guy who laid his cards out on the table, dont make excuses though...own it If i were her and you did that, I would give you a chance but then people say i am a sucker and that i am stupid....and i guess i am a sucker for people who are brave and vulnerable all at the same time.....to me it shows their humanity........i wish you well.....deb 1
Author rp512 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Send her an email. Tell her you misjudged her and now you feel badly and have given her reason to misjudge you. Tell her you were afraid that if you didn't try to initiate sex right away, you'd get friendzoned. Tell her it's not that you only want sex; it's that you just didn't want her to think you weren't interested in her as a girlfriend, but that now you realize it didn't translate that way. Ask her if she'll give you another chance if you promise to behave yourself. You haven't said whether you two fooled around. You said she slept over four nights and you initiated. But was she cool kissing you at least? If not, she may have already friendzoned you. You don't stay at a guy's house four nights and expect him to not get ideas. If she won't even let you kiss her, I'd say she's just not interested in you that way. If she seemed okay with that but was hitting the breaks at sex, then maybe your email will get you another shot at her. Good luck. I kissed her in the morning, the 3rd day, but she didn't brush her teeth (I thought she had), so we just got breakfast after. She told me she thought it was cute that I tried though. The 4th night she slept over, I asked her "I'm confused, I don't know if your into me or not". She said she didn't know either, but she was giving me a shot. I am just so mentally off when I'm with her, that even something as a simple kiss becomes complicated to me in my head. I don't know why this girl does that to me. It gets me so mad sometimes.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Your latest comment makes me think that she is not going to fully commit...she sounds indecisive which could lead to heartbreak. You sound like a nice guy, just be careful! (And good luck)
Author rp512 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Hey RP I think it would be courageous of you to come clean.For me I would respect a guy who made that effort that made himself vulnerable and told the truth regardless of what the outcome was.....that is brave. I don't really understand why you felt you had to be a dick to her....I don't think or in any way feel, any woman on earth, no matter what she does , deserves a guy to be a dick to her.....I know it happens though.I think the idea that you should never listen to what others say and make your own decisions based on first hand knowledge before you judge someone is a sound idea..... I think what you are doing is true and just, I dont know what her response will be, I am not her, but i would respect a guy who laid his cards out on the table, dont make excuses though...own it If i were her and you did that, I would give you a chance but then people say i am a sucker and that i am stupid....and i guess i am a sucker for people who are brave and vulnerable all at the same time.....to me it shows their humanity........i wish you well.....deb Thanks, this helps a lot. I would never manipulate a girl and say something I do not mean. If I truly didn't feel this way, I would not make up a story so intricate just to get a girl. I am not desperate, it's just this girl is special to me. I felt I needed to be a dick because of how I acted in high school (Back then she was also into this guy that was a complete douchebag who ended up having a domestic violence charge couple years later. I had no idea how to get a girl, plus back then, I used to let people step all over me. The guy I am today, and the guy I was back then are two different people. I'm still a genuinely nice person, but I don't let people f*ck with me anymore. I alway felt she thought I was a b*tch cause of that. I asked her last time we hung out when we went out for dinner, but she told me she didn't think of me like that.
Author rp512 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Your latest comment makes me think that she is not going to fully commit...she sounds indecisive which could lead to heartbreak. You sound like a nice guy, just be careful! (And good luck) Yeah that was after she denied sex twice. Thanks
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 (edited) Don't let a girl stay over unless she's willing to fool around/have sex. Otherwise you tell her its time to go home. It sounds to me that your physical chemistry is shaky at best and your personality is a bit more beta than alpha (nothing wrong with that, just need to work on it). She probably did like sleeping with guys who use her for sex. You did the right thing by trying to get sexual with her, especially since she was staying at your place. It sounds like she just doesn't see you as a guy she wants to have sex with otherwise she would have done it. I think you're setting yourself up to fail whichever person you try to be. EDIT: If you think by coming clean and being the "nice guy" is going to win her over - you're wrong. EDIT2: Go dark on her for a while, and you can try to reset later I think. But you don't owe her an apology by any means. Edited February 24, 2015 by barcode88 1
Author rp512 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Don't let a girl stay over unless she's willing to fool around/have sex. Otherwise you tell her its time to go home. It sounds to me that your physical chemistry is shaky at best and your personality is a bit more beta than alpha (nothing wrong with that, just need to work on it). She probably did like sleeping with guys who use her for sex. You did the right thing by trying to get sexual with her, especially since she was staying at your place. It sounds like she just doesn't see you as a guy she wants to have sex with otherwise she would have done it. I think you're setting yourself up to fail whichever person you try to be. EDIT: If you think by coming clean and being the "nice guy" is going to win her over - you're wrong. EDIT2: Go dark on her for a while, and you can try to reset later I think. But you don't owe her an apology by any means. I don't feel I owe her an apology. It's more about me needing to forgive myself on how badly I messed up. I feel that when I finally let this out, and she knows, I can finally start being myself with her. I don't text her often. That is why when I saw her yesterday, I didn't make an attempt to talk to her. I'll see her eventually, I know that. I am in the middle of the "reset" that you're talking about. When the time is right, I'll talk to her. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I don't feel I owe her an apology. It's more about me needing to forgive myself on how badly I messed up. I feel that when I finally let this out, and she knows, I can finally start being myself with her. I don't text her often. That is why when I saw her yesterday, I didn't make an attempt to talk to her. I'll see her eventually, I know that. I am in the middle of the "reset" that you're talking about. When the time is right, I'll talk to her. I wouldn't say **** to her. She just doesn't want you using her for sex. Should have been what her friend told you. Don't believe for a second that if the right guy was there she wouldn't have let him go down on her. The only reason she LEFT you is because she sees you as this innocent friend that she can control - and when you showed your sexual nature towards her, she knew her charade was up.
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I don't feel I owe her an apology. It's more about me needing to forgive myself on how badly I messed up. I feel that when I finally let this out, and she knows, I can finally start being myself with her. I don't text her often. That is why when I saw her yesterday, I didn't make an attempt to talk to her. I'll see her eventually, I know that. I am in the middle of the "reset" that you're talking about. When the time is right, I'll talk to her. just because a woman doesnt have sex with you off the bat doesnt mean she isnt interested so in my opinion you might want to consider that perspective as well as others on here.... especially considering she is actually weeding guys out who want sex...........and i think if you follow your heart, ultimately it will be the right thing to do regardless of what others say.....i stick with that principle..... follow your heart she is hesitant to get physical with you......i would suggest that may be directly related to a fact that you were being a dick......give her time...and if you care for sure.....you would give her that time to know the real you......i hope it works out for you ...i restate what you are planning on doing is brave...stick to those guns.......deb 1
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