blackcat777 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Long story short, I set up two of my good friends who are a great personality match and seem to be at roughly the same place in life. The girl's ex came back, and now she's posting fresh pictures of her and the ex all over facebook. She can have a tendency to do destructive things for attention... and... it looks like this is what she's up to. I asked her why she was doing that and was concerned that my male friend may feel disrespected, but she's not open to discussing it. I feel for my male friend and don't want him to get burned. I never would have set them up if she was going to default to some of her old tricks. I really thought she was past most of that, but... apparently not. I'd feel equally protective of her if he were being a jerk, but, he's not. Should I say anything to either of them at all? Ugh, moral of the story, never set friends up with friends.
mortensorchid Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Hey, you tried. And that's a good thing that you did. Whatever happens will happen and it's not your problem. If they are both true friends they will look past this and remain your friends. If not, well then they aren't true friends. These are the moments in life when you find things out when you would rather not, but it happens. You're not the only one who's been in said situation unfortunately, but you did a good thing for those around you and that's all you can do.
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 being a friend means being a friend even though you disagree......let her know how hurtful it is to your male friend......and make her think about it ....tell her how bad it is making him feel or would make him feel.....appeal to the heart of her...if she is a good and caring person at heart....she will not want to hurt someone like that..or make you feel bad either....and she will take them down...facebook is a demon...the way people do things to hurt others on there...one reason why i dont let my private life go too much up there on facebook..it isnt right ....if i want to let people know intimate happenings in my life...i see them or talk to them in person.........deb 1
ascendotum Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I gather they have not been together all that long, so maybe it might be for the best to play a part again. imo, the sooner you realize someone is no good for you the better. You did the right thing by having a chat with her about her inappropriate behavior by flashing around pics of her and her ex. Seems like she has well embraced the ex coming back on to her, and I'd say its very likely she is cheating (not just emotional) on her bf (your friend). I don't think you should say that to him, but just have a chat with him, about how things are going between them, since you noticed those pics on fb. It basically will give him a heads up to do further investigation/have a heart to heart chat with her over what the hell is going on. I think you owe allegiance to both, and she is clearly doing the wrong thing. I'm sure you'll get posts telling you to stay right out of it also. 1
Author blackcat777 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 I appreciate the feedback, thanks everyone. I was leaning toward finding a very diplomatic way to say something to my male friend... nothing to break them apart or anything bad, just some kind of gentle heads up, maybe along the lines of me misjudging my girlfriend's readiness for a relationship. It's only been two weeks since they got together, so there's no deep emotional investment, but they are both honeymooning hard.
LostOnes05 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 In this situation it seems like talking to the woman will be a dead end. If she wants the ex back, she will take him back. If they get into a rough patch again (which is likely), I wouldn't entertain the conversation. I would talk to the guy and let him know what's going on since I was the one that put him in the predicament in the first place. That way, he understands what the other friend is doing and you can help him move past it. You had good intentions and she felt like a trip down memory lane was worth it...nothing you could have foreseen.
Toodaloo Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I was leaning toward finding a very diplomatic way to say something to my male friend... nothing to break them apart or anything bad, just some kind of gentle heads up, maybe along the lines of me misjudging my girlfriend's readiness for a relationship. This happened to me a couple of months ago. She was an absolute cow and my cousin was an absolute gent. Made me laugh when after not even thanking him for meals, flowers etc, never contacting him, using him as a taxi service and counselor and going on about her ex, she left it 2 - 3 weeks then accused him of being rude for not contacting her! He had said a few times to her that he would like a more even relationship if it was going to happen, while paying wasn't a problem at all (he is the type that would be mortified if a woman ever paid with the sole exception of his birthday and then he would struggle) the rest was beginning to take its toll after just a couple of dates. I will not be setting her up any time soon and certainly not with such a quality man again. Its not going to stop me setting people up but I have to say I am going to be a bit more careful in the future. Women can be their own worst enemies sometimes. She will end up with dross...
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