How do guys feel about dating a girl for a month before expecting...

February 25, 2015

My shortest wait time was 4 dates. The next after that was 2 months, all the way up to 6 months.

A big factor in that is how often I am seeing the person in the first place. Frequently? Infrequently? The more often I see a man, the quicker I am getting to know a man. If I am not seeing a man frequently, it takes a longer time to get to know him.

February 25, 2015

Once my husband and I decided to date I think we held out for about 15 minutes before hopping into bed LOL. But then again we had known each other for years. If I were dating again I would definitely wait at least a couple of weeks before sleeping with someone I was just getting to know.

February 25, 2015

BlackOps, I'm with you all the way. I'm 38 and I have no interest in being with someone I don't deeply care about. A month seems very sensible to me. I met a woman over the summer who told me she had a really amazing romance with a man, which lasted several months, and no sex was involved. She said it was one of the most intense relationships she's had. Why did it end? He was leaving to work on the other side of the world. I do think it's rare to find people, though, that can practice that much foresight and restraint.

You have a reasonable (and rare) attitude towards waiting to be intimate with a woman until it gets to the point that you deeply care about her. I am the same way; but as a woman, it's very difficult - if not impossible - to meet guys (or even ONE guy) who feel this same way.

I've heard a LOT of guys in my age bracket say, "I'm not getting any younger...I don't have time to wait around until she's ready to have sex...older women shouldn't act like virgins or 20 yr. olds when it comes to dating and having sex, she should give it up right away...if a woman doesn't have sex with me by the second date, I'll dump her and move on to the next one...I have plenty of opportunities to have sex and if a woman makes me wait past two weeks, I just move on to the next one..." etc. etc.

So, it was very refreshing to read your post today. And, it gives me hope that I might meet someone like you here in my area.

.

February 25, 2015

First of all BOZG, you're ****ing hot. So any guy is going to be thinking about it. But, I think society as a whole has become way too focused on instant gratification. A month is not a long time at all. If a guy has an issue with just waiting a month, he doesn't take you seriously.

Now me personally, I'm a busy guy. So a month for me, is like 4-5 dates tops. I don't make a woman a priority until she has shown she deserves it. So having sex on the 4th or 5th date really isn't that long of a time. Also, I'm dominant sexually and love building a submissive mindset in the woman I'm sleeping with. By having will power and waitng, you get to know her body and really seduce her mind. Then she ends up practically begging for it. I'll be the first to admit, I have a high sex drive. But my will power is equally as high.

Um, thanks for the compliment FitnessFan. I like what you had to say about this subject; it's encouraging to read that you don't consider waiting for a month that long of a time. And yes, society has devolved to satisfying their desires of obtaining instant gratification with regard to sex. It's sad but it is what it is - and um, it's not going to change any time soon.

.

February 25, 2015

There's not wrong with waiting a month. In fact, to me it is common sense. If you are looking for sex, yes, a month is way to long, and you should move on. But if you look for a long term functioning and lasting relationship, a month means nothing. The physical attraction needs to be there, the non-verbal cues need to be there, a hug or a touch, kiss. But sex itself, is the manifestation of those feelings towards each other and that takes a little while to develop.

I think this period in a relationship is very important, and can be very rewarding, because it can add meaning to it all.

February 25, 2015

Having sex with people you don't really know, and don't love, is only for shallow people.

February 25, 2015

Having sex with people you don't really know, and don't love, is only for shallow people.

...And people who want to have sex.

OP: NO, a month is not too long to wait. It's also not too early. I say if your intuition has a good track record then you can generally trust your first impressions about a person, and may be able to make a right choice more quickly if you want. But many people (I included) do not have a good track record. Which presents a great case for waiting, if you are looking for a meaningful and potentially long-term life partner relationship with that person. And/or being very clear on your short-term expectations to both yourself and your partner. Honesty before all.

February 25, 2015

Um, thanks for the compliment FitnessFan. I like what you had to say about this subject; it's encouraging to read that you don't consider waiting for a month that long of a time. And yes, society has devolved to satisfying their desires of obtaining instant gratification with regard to sex. It's sad but it is what it is - and um, it's not going to change any time soon.

Haha no worries. I'm a direct guy so if I think a woman is hot, I tell her so. A lot of women actually like it, but some that don't handle compliments well get a bit weirded out. I'm guessing you're more of a quiet, shy, reserved type initially?

But it's good that you stick to your beliefs and values. In the end, you want someone that wants you for who you are. Besides, there is a lot to be said for field research. If a guy spends time getting to know your body, and really seduces your mind, you'll develop a sexually submissive side to him and things will be like they should in the bedroom with you being a good girl.

February 25, 2015

There's not wrong with waiting a month. In fact, to me it is common sense. If you are looking for sex, yes, a month is way to long, and you should move on. But if you look for a long term functioning and lasting relationship, a month means nothing. The physical attraction needs to be there, the non-verbal cues need to be there, a hug or a touch, kiss. But sex itself, is the manifestation of those feelings towards each other and that takes a little while to develop.

I think this period in a relationship is very important, and can be very rewarding, because it can add meaning to it all.

Thanks for your contribution to my thread, Elias. You are the type of guy that I hope to meet in the near future. You don't appear to have any emotional damage with regard to relationships or anything having to do with sex. SO many men are emotionally damaged to the extent that it is irreparable and it's SO obvious with their attitude and the things say they and do, which brings me to my response to this next post:

OP: NO, a month is not too long to wait. It's also not too early. I say if your intuition has a good track record then you can generally trust your first impressions about a person, and may be able to make a right choice more quickly if you want. But many people (I included) do not have a good track record. Which presents a great case for waiting, if you are looking for a meaningful and potentially long-term life partner relationship with that person. And/or being very clear on your short-term expectations to both yourself and your partner. Honesty before all.

I guess I'm lucky in that regard. I can usually tell within the first hour of talking with and being with a guy I'm dating as to how emotionally damaged he is regarding becoming sexually intimate. When I sense this about a guy or when he exhibits glaring and obvious signs that he's only dating me in the attempts to have empty and meaningless sexual relations, I end that date IMMEDIATELY, thank him for his "company", pay my portion of the bill...and politely and gracefully make my permanent exit.

I will NEVER have any "short term expectations" with ANYONE. I know what I want - which is to have a meaningful relationship which includes love, affection and sexual intimacy - and I will continue to seek it (or hopefully it'll just happen naturally!) until I give up and no longer will put forth the effort in the attempts to find it.

.

February 25, 2015

Haha no worries. I'm a direct guy so if I think a woman is hot, I tell her so. A lot of women actually like it, but some that don't handle compliments well get a bit weirded out. I'm guessing you're more of a quiet, shy, reserved type initially?

But it's good that you stick to your beliefs and values. In the end, you want someone that wants you for who you are. Besides, there is a lot to be said for field research. If a guy spends time getting to know your body, and really seduces your mind, you'll develop a sexually submissive side to him and things will be like they should in the bedroom with you being a good girl.

For real? I get that's your thing, but don't put it on every woman you talk to. I am a sub/switch, and get the general scene, but I don't try to make every man I see into a Dom.

Do you know if OP is into being submissive? Do you know if it is a compliment that you think she would make "a good girl?" If not, it is kind of presumptive to say so, IMO.

February 25, 2015

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For real? I get that's your thing, but don't put it on every woman you talk to. I am a sub/switch, and get the general scene, but I don't try to make every man I see into a Dom.

Do you know if OP is into being submissive? Do you know if it is a compliment that you think she would make "a good girl?" If not, it is kind of presumptive to say so, IMO.

So you've been keeping an eye on me have you?

In my experience, most women are naturally submissive sexually and the ones that are "dominant" do so out of necessity because they keep meeting weak men. For me, it's a fun flirtation that lets women know what I'm about on a basic level. More often than not it's reciprocated playfully. But in the end it's a numbers game. All you can do is be yourself.

February 25, 2015

Haha no worries. I'm a direct guy so if I think a woman is hot, I tell her so. A lot of women actually like it, but some that don't handle compliments well get a bit weirded out. I'm guessing you're more of a quiet, shy, reserved type initially?

But it's good that you stick to your beliefs and values. In the end, you want someone that wants you for who you are. Besides, there is a lot to be said for field research. If a guy spends time getting to know your body, and really seduces your mind, you'll develop a sexually submissive side to him and things will be like they should in the bedroom with you being a good girl.

Well I'm not shy, I'm an outgoing person because of the nature of my job and I tend to strike up convos with people I'm standing in line with or basically with anyone that interests me. When someone compliments me, I'm humble about it though and appreciate the gesture.

Yes, I will ALWAYS stick to my core beliefs and values. And if a guy doesn't like me or appreciate me for who I am, then he's history. The rest of your post though, omg LOL...I really found it humorous! Thanks for the chuckle, it was welcomed after a hard day at work. You must've watched the ever recently popular trash movie, "Fifty Shades of Grey" and have fully embraced it. And, if you haven't seen it yet and this is just a lifestyle that you've chosen to adopt, then um, God Bless ya lol

.

February 25, 2015

Well I'm not shy, I'm an outgoing person because of the nature of my job and I tend to strike up convos with people I'm standing in line with or basically with anyone that interests me. When someone compliments me, I'm humble about it though and appreciate the gesture.

Yes, I will ALWAYS stick to my core beliefs and values. And if a guy doesn't like me or appreciate me for who I am, then he's history. The rest of your post though, omg LOL...I really found it humorous! Thanks for the chuckle, it was welcomed after a hard day at work. You must've watched the ever recently popular trash movie, "Fifty Shades of Grey" and have fully embraced it. And, if you haven't seen it yet and this is just a lifestyle that you've chosen to adopt, then um, God Bless ya lol

.

Haha.. Good looking and a playful sense of humor. Good to see that you're not uptight.

LMFAO @ 50 SOG. Funny story. Was at family dinner one weekend. My aunt sent all three of the books to my mom. She read them and started describing scenes at the dinner table. I said "Mom please shut up. If you were a woman I was dating this would be fun, but I don't want to hear this coming from my mom" and everyone laughed. It's funny though because I hate BDSM. Not not into it at all. I'm just very agressive/dominant in bed and am attracted to women who are naturally feminine.

February 25, 2015

Wouldn't phase me.

I've waited that long in the past. People get some very odd ideas about time... it's 4 weeks. That's it.

I'm with you OP. I prefer to wait and get to know the person first. You're certainly not alone.

February 25, 2015

Haha.. Good looking and a playful sense of humor. Good to see that you're not uptight.

LMFAO @ 50 SOG. Funny story. Was at family dinner one weekend. My aunt sent all three of the books to my mom. She read them and started describing scenes at the dinner table. I said "Mom please shut up. If you were a woman I was dating this would be fun, but I don't want to hear this coming from my mom" and everyone laughed. It's funny though because I hate BDSM. Not not into it at all. I'm just very agressive/dominant in bed and am attracted to women who are naturally feminine.

Naah, I'm not an uptight kind of person. I mean, there are some things that I feel strongly about and won't tolerate. But, as long as someone isn't shoving their ideals, lifestyle or beliefs down my throat, then it's all good and I make light of it.OMG @ dinnertime with your mum LOL:laugh: I just assumed that BDSM was what being a dominant man and a submissive woman was all about. I found out about that kind of lifestyle here and there through the years by reading articles about it or hearing about it from other people. From what I've read and learned about the dominant and submissive type of lifestyle, it's a real turn off for me and am grateful that I'm not into that sort of thing. But hey, to each their own, y'know?! There are some people who are into weirder and grosser things than that, so I try not to judge others for what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom.

.

February 25, 2015

Naah, I'm not an uptight kind of person. I mean, there are some things that I feel strongly about and won't tolerate. But, as long as someone isn't shoving their ideals, lifestyle or beliefs down my throat, then it's all good and I make light of it.OMG @ dinnertime with your mum LOL:laugh: I just assumed that BDSM was what being a dominant man and a submissive woman was all about. I found out about that kind of lifestyle here and there through the years by reading articles about it or hearing about it from other people. From what I've read and learned about the dominant and submissive type of lifestyle, it's a real turn off for me and am grateful that I'm not into that sort of thing. But hey, to each their own, y'know?! There are some people who are into weirder and grosser things than that, so I try not to judge others for what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom.

.

The reason why I hate BDSM is because I love/respect women too much to treat one like a piece of property. The idea of degrading a woman like that makes me uncomfortable. Also, I HATE a Stepford personality. What makes me want to be aggressive and dominant with a woman is if she is feisty, independent, and pushes my buttons.

But it is a huge turn on when she has a soft feminine side that likes to take care of her man, wear sexy outfits for him, and give herself to her man in the bedroom. That's the sort of dominant/submissive relationship I can get behind. Plus, it also builds intimacy because there is a lot of trust involved. That's why even though I love a woman with a sense of self and independence, I could never date a hardcore feminist.

February 26, 2015

OK, rocketman122, I get your stance, and you seem genuine, but surely having sex or pushing for sex early is going to have the dog/player sniffers on high alert.

I never mention sex once. I dont talk about sex. but if I see she doesnt let me touch her intimately or she doesnt touch me in any way then I lose interest. talk and getting to know one another for me will not hold me. being intimate is what will. I have no obligation or commitment to stay if its all talk. I wont blink an eye. and thats what I did with this one now. so be aware that the person says "lets take it slow" the guy may say ok, but when he does the houdini dont be surprised. im not a little kid. and you surely can see im serious. so if its "take it slow" my patience is very thin.

puwseey isnt some prize one needs to be rerwarded for because he held up x amount of dates and put in x amount of money beforehand. that doesnt work. intimacy will hold me. talk is just fluff.

How many weeks have you and this woman been dating? I agree with the parts of your post that are highlighted in bold. Each of us have our own internal timetable with regard to when it feels right to initiate the beginning of the sexual intimacy aspect of a current dating situation.

But, sexual compatibility is very important to me. I mean, the guy could be great in almost every way: great personality, awesome character traits, good work ethic, responsible, great sense of humor, etc.; but um, if I don't feel a sexual spark when I kiss him or if I don't feel amazing chemistry when we're sexually intimate for the first time, then I would most likely end things with him. Sexual intimacy is one of the (pleasurable and fun!) ways that I like showing a man I'm with how into him I am and how attracted to him I am. I usually can tell by the way a man kisses me as to whether he'll be a good lover or not. Usually, if a man doesn't kiss well, doesn't know how to kiss or is clumsy at doing it, it doesn't bode well for intimacy in the bedroom..

3 weeks. I went on the date with her 2 nights ago. went to a restaurant on the 10th floor roof of a building. not my style at all but ok.

we sat at a bar with another woman sitting next to me with her back leaning against mine. I got very pissed when I drove her home. all night shes touching me, shoving her tongue in my mouth nonstop. she opened two buttons in my shirt and was running her hands all over my pecs and delts. and I have no issue doing this in front of everyone. but she wouldnt let me grab her ass or touch her tits. I dont squeeze her tits like a honk honk thing but do it discretely. her ass is facing the wall so whats the issue there. ad to that she has a low cut cleavage dress. I drop her at home and more kissing outside and im ready to go and "bye handsome good night" and she walks home. doesnt let me touch her but fires me up well and doesnt stop with the heavy foreplay in front of everyone but I cant touch. you dont get me all worked up then dont let me have my fun. thats it! im done.

yesterday I sent her a good morning have a great day message like a good boy. god forbid she ever initiate. and I do wait but still nothing. she replies with a long delayed reply of "thanks" and that was it. I opened my OLD account and found two messages waiting for me and I went after one. she doesnt reply all day. no messages, no calls. I didnt either. I was waiting. at 10;40pm she calls. I dont answer. im not there anymore. she sends me "my name, whats going on?" I dont reply. figure it out bitch now fek off.

so here it is. from now on im not waiting more than 3 dates. if she says "take it slow" it ends right there. I cannot connect on talk alone. it must be with intimacy. Im very serious about a LTR and they see that but if they make me wait. I walk away. I have too many options and I saw my competition. there isnt any. thats why they always try contacting me after a few days ive dumped them. so women you need to figure out fast if he does the right things to show that hes serious and wants a LTR. the smart ones can. the dumb ones with no experience cant and will lose out. use your so called "womans intuition" so called but its bs. im not doing the take it slow crap anymore.

sexual attraction is first and foremost. If I dont want to be naked with her, it wont go further than that date. its primal for me. and that adds to me wanting to be with her. she has to be attractive to my eyes. not a worldwide standard.

kissing is very intimate in my eyes. the worst is when you do the first kiss and you have that minute monment and you say to yourself I hope they know how to. and ive come accross women who are just horrible at kissing. they dont know what to do, clench their lips and close it and nothing else but that. I always have a sigh inside when I kiss a woman and say "god dammit, not another shetty kisser. I have to teach her also?! wtf" or what abotu those who dont know what to do with their hands and cant do carressing and kissing together. women are supposedly good at multi tasking. not from what I saw.

Edited February 26, 2015 by rocketman122

February 26, 2015

I never mention sex once. I dont talk about sex. but if I see she doesnt let me touch her intimately or she doesnt touch me in any way then I lose interest. talk and getting to know one another for me will not hold me. being intimate is what will. I have no obligation or commitment to stay if its all talk. I wont blink an eye. and thats what I did with this one now. so be aware that the person says "lets take it slow" the guy may say ok, but when he does the houdini dont be surprised. im not a little kid. and you surely can see im serious. so if its "take it slow" my patience is very thin.

puwseey isnt some prize one needs to be rerwarded for because he held up x amount of dates and put in x amount of money beforehand. that doesnt work. intimacy will hold me. talk is just fluff.

3 weeks. I went on the date with her 2 nights ago. went to a restaurant on the 10th floor roof of a building. not my style at all but ok.
we sat at a bar with another woman sitting next to me with her back leaning against mine. I got very pissed when I drove her home. all night shes touching me, shoving her tongue in my mouth nonstop. she opened two buttons in my shirt and was running her hands all over my pecs and delts. and I have no issue doing this in front of everyone. but she wouldnt let me grab her ass or touch her tits. I dont squeeze her tits like a honk honk thing but do it discretely. her ass is facing the wall so whats the issue there. ad to that she has a low cut cleavage dress. I drop her at home and more kissing outside and im ready to go and "bye handsome good night" and she walks home. doesnt let me touch her but fires me up well and doesnt stop with the heavy foreplay in front of everyone but I cant touch. you dont get me all worked up then dont let me have my fun. thats it! im done.

yesterday I sent her a good morning have a great day message like a good boy. god forbid she ever initiate. and I do wait but still nothing. she replies with a long delayed reply of "thanks" and that was it. I opened my OLD account and found two messages waiting for me and I went after one. she doesnt reply all day. no messages, no calls. I didnt either. I was waiting. at 10;40pm she calls. I dont answer. im not there anymore. she sends me "my name, whats going on?" I dont reply. figure it out bitch now fek off.

so here it is. from now on im not waiting more than 3 dates. if she says "take it slow" it ends right there. I cannot connect on talk alone. it must be with intimacy. Im very serious about a LTR and they see that but if they make me wait. I walk away. I have too many options and I saw my competition. there isnt any. thats why they always try contacting me after a few days ive dumped them. so women you need to figure out fast if he does the right things to show that hes serious and wants a LTR. the smart ones can. the dumb ones with no experience cant and will lose out. use your so called "womans intuition" so called but its bs. im not doing the take it slow crap anymore.

sexual attraction is first and foremost. If I dont want to be naked with her, it wont go further than that date. its primal for me. and that adds to me wanting to be with her. she has to be attractive to my eyes. not a worldwide standard.

kissing is very intimate in my eyes. the worst is when you do the first kiss and you have that minute monment and you say to yourself I hope they know how to. and ive come accross women who are just horrible at kissing. they dont know what to do, clench their lips and close it and nothing else but that. I always have a sigh inside when I kiss a woman and say "god dammit, not another shetty kisser. I have to teach her also?! wtf" or what abotu those who dont know what to do with their hands and cant do carressing and kissing together. women are supposedly good at multi tasking. not from what I saw.

What she did was soooooo WRONG. It almost seems as if she behaved like a d!ck tease - which is not only classless, distasteful, disrespectful to herself (and to YOU) - but it is something a woman should NEVER do while out on a date with someone she does NOT know very well! One day...she's going to behave this way with the WRONG guy...

After reading your recent experience, I can now understand why you feel the way that you do about the topic of my thread. It is unfortunate that you have only encountered women of this nature and have not yet met a decent, respectful, NON game-playing woman whose intentions are honest, straight-forward, honorable and is THE *SAME* as YOUR intentions.

Yes, finding a person who is a sensuous kisser is difficult. At least it was for me, until I had met my ex. He was THE most passionate and sensuous kisser I've ever had (or will probably ever have) in my entire life. And not surprisingly, he was the same way with regard to the sexual intimacy we shared. It was extremely PASSIONATE, loving, lustful...and heartfelt. It was very sad that there were other issues which made ending our relationship inevitable. Because he had set the bar so high, I doubt that I'll ever find another man who I'll connect with sexually as I have had with him.

OP, you KNOW what you want (and what you expect) with regard to sexual intimacy within a relationship and in the dating arena. So...if 3 dates is your limit in waiting to become sexually active with a new woman, then stick to it. I'm sure sooner or later, you'll find a woman who feels the same way that you do.

Good luck. ~

.

February 26, 2015

A few thoughts:

- Some religious people wait until marriage. This may sound crazy to some, but it sure would weed out the players

- But for people not waiting for marriage, the average is three dates. Note that this as an average, not a rule.

- You are not going to fall in love in one month. It takes two months for that

- you don't need road tests - sexual incompatibility is very rare for peeps with good attitudes who are in love

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