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How do guys feel about dating a girl for a month before expecting...

BlackOpsZombieGirl

By BlackOpsZombieGirl
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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
Probably due to the fact there are men who will pump and dump women. It is actually encouraged with a group of men.

 

Then she wouldnt be doing it to get to know the guy, but rather to wear his patience thin. Nothing wrong with that either if it's a concern, but it is different.

Macattack Established Member

Macattack

Posted
Posted
Then she wouldnt be doing it to get to know the guy, but rather to wear his patience thin.

 

Patience is a virtue.

rocketman122 Established Member

rocketman122

Posted
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I understand wanting to get to know each other but why a month? How can you put a timeline on that and guarantee you'll know him after a month? Just sounds arbitrary, almost in the way it sounds arbitrary when guys say things like "I expect sex after 2 weeks or 3 dates" etc.

 

You really don't know when it will feel "right".

 

correction, I said "I expect sex within 3 weeks"

if you dont know Its hard to explain but when you It starts with the first call and usually its quite a long chat and the discussion sets the mood for the relationship. when we meet and theres physical attraction then both sides are pulled to one another. the ones who have walls and masks are the ones who take things slow and want to see where it goes. the ones who really want to love are more open and let things fall into place much quicker.

 

the ones I dated who were distant and had the mindset of lets take things slow and see where it leads are the ones I dont continue with. they tire me out and im out. the ones who really want to love and bond and build something are warmer and want fall into it faster. those are the ones I have success with. I always have intentions of a LTR and so do the women I date. the ones with walls that need to come down can go away, its not for me. in my eyes, intimacy and getting to know one another go together.

 

It could go either way. I could have slept with her and I could not and still decide to not continue if things didnt work out moving forward, but If I dont have any intimacy with her, I wouldnt give a crap to fight and stay. I would walk away wihout a millisecond of hesitation.

 

but when I have slept with a girl, I will put effort and fight. those with walls to me sets up a distance between us and more of a mindset of we dont owe each other anything so if something bothers me, I simply walk away with no second thoughts. the one I slept with, is the opposite for me because ive already bonded with her. so I will put effort in and make sure it works out.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

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A woman im dating now is doing the "..but i dont want to be pressured into sex and want us to het to know each other a bit" thing with me and I think im at my limit to walk away. I didnt mention sex but i did notice that touching her even a bit in a sexual way and she slows down. I have a feeling today will be the day i do the houdini. We are supposed to meet later in the evening. But i have this built up tension and some issues im not happy with her.

 

To me sexual intimacy goes hand and hand with getting to know a person. I dont wait to know them a long time to be able to sleep with them. Granted those women i date want a ltr and so do I. We both have sensed that. My limit for sex is 3 weeks and considering cutting it less. If you talk on the phone twice everyday and meet 2-4 times a week, 2 weeks is more than enough time. im 43 not a 20yo. Puwsey isnt this magical myth prize i get to have after proving myself and spending tons of money for dates. Screw that. If i dont sense its going that direction im out. Like i probably will tonight. Im tensed up and feel I wont hold. I have a lot of options. And im never single for a long time.

 

How many weeks have you and this woman been dating? I agree with the parts of your post that are highlighted in bold. Each of us have our own internal timetable with regard to when it feels right to initiate the beginning of the sexual intimacy aspect of a current dating situation.

 

Most men want things to happen sooner, while most women want things to happen not as soon as the men want it to. For me personally, 3 to 4 weeks is when I would feel comfortable engaging in sexual intimacy with a guy as long as things are going well so far and if I like his personality and am attracted to him physically. Of course, if things aren't going well within that time period and there are things about him that I'm not attracted to, then I would end it and then move on. I wouldn't want to waste his time or mine.

 

 

 

Maximum I would wait is two weeks, my spidey sense would be tingling after that. Not that waiting for sex in a problem, rather I would just be wondering if this woman has some other agenda besides a healthy relationship. I've just never been with a woman who wasn't interested in getting in the sack within date two or three of the relationship.

 

That being said I can definately empathize with a woman who clearly expresses the wish for things to go slow, as long as her reasons aren't something regurgitated from Dr. Phil.

 

I can't believe that people have to have exclusivity talks these days. Sometimes I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

 

I'm 33 by the way.

 

I can identify with (and agree with) the parts of your post that I've highlighted in bold. I also realize that most men have sex with a woman to see if he is sexually compatible with her (in addition to taking her personality into consideration), thus allowing him to make the decision of whether she would be good relationship material. I'm also the same way, although I probably wouldn't sleep with a guy the second week out.

 

But, sexual compatibility is very important to me. I mean, the guy could be great in almost every way: great personality, awesome character traits, good work ethic, responsible, great sense of humor, etc.; but um, if I don't feel a sexual spark when I kiss him or if I don't feel amazing chemistry when we're sexually intimate for the first time, then I would most likely end things with him. Sexual intimacy is one of the (pleasurable and fun!) ways that I like showing a man I'm with how into him I am and how attracted to him I am. I usually can tell by the way a man kisses me as to whether he'll be a good lover or not. Usually, if a man doesn't kiss well, doesn't know how to kiss or is clumsy at doing it, it doesn't bode well for intimacy in the bedroom.

 

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
correction, I said "I expect sex within 3 weeks"

if you dont know Its hard to explain but when you It starts with the first call and usually its quite a long chat and the discussion sets the mood for the relationship. when we meet and theres physical attraction then both sides are pulled to one another. the ones who have walls and masks are the ones who take things slow and want to see where it goes. the ones who really want to love are more open and let things fall into place much quicker.

 

the ones I dated who were distant and had the mindset of lets take things slow and see where it leads are the ones I dont continue with. they tire me out and im out. the ones who really want to love and bond and build something are warmer and want fall into it faster. those are the ones I have success with. I always have intentions of a LTR and so do the women I date. the ones with walls that need to come down can go away, its not for me. in my eyes, intimacy and getting to know one another go together.

 

It could go either way. I could have slept with her and I could not and still decide to not continue if things didnt work out moving forward, but If I dont have any intimacy with her, I wouldnt give a crap to fight and stay. I would walk away wihout a millisecond of hesitation.

 

but when I have slept with a girl, I will put effort and fight. those with walls to me sets up a distance between us and more of a mindset of we dont owe each other anything so if something bothers me, I simply walk away with no second thoughts. the one I slept with, is the opposite for me because ive already bonded with her. so I will put effort in and make sure it works out.

 

I happen to agree. But I am one where physical attraction and connection doesn't happen that frequently with guys, so when it does, I let it happen naturally. If I sniff out that he's a dog/player then I will just stop talking to him.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
but when I have slept with a girl, I will put effort and fight. those with walls to me sets up a distance between us and more of a mindset of we dont owe each other anything so if something bothers me, I simply walk away with no second thoughts. the one I slept with, is the opposite for me because ive already bonded with her. so I will put effort in and make sure it works out.

 

If I sniff out that he's a dog/player then I will just stop talking to him.

 

OK, rocketman122, I get your stance, and you seem genuine, but surely having sex or pushing for sex early is going to have the dog/player sniffers on high alert.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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I dove back into the dating pool as a 35 year old woman. While I can't say I never had casual sex, at that point in my life I was looking for serious.

 

 

You can't really measure this on a calendar or by a # of dates, you have to have a sense about what is right for you. I know my own libido & didn't want it driving the relationship so I put some artificial brakes on to control myself.

 

 

I dated a number of guys casually . . .less than 4 dates, nothing more then kissing and stopped seeing them because they weren't right for me.

 

 

One guy we waited about 3 months & ended up together for about 2 years.

 

 

The other guy ended up becoming my husband. We had a talk about exclusivity around the 1 month mark. I had not intended to push for it. I simply wanted to know where he stood on the subject. He said he hadn't been dating anybody else & didn't want to. He told me he took his Match program down. A few weeks later we became intimate.

 

 

As long as you own whatever decision works for you: Sex on the 1st date through no sex before marriage & the entire spectrum in between, IMO most men will at least respect you for being true to yourself.

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BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
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It's the wrong question to ask. Who cares how do men in general feel about dating a girl for a month before sex? Know what YOU want, and then do it, without worrying about how the man will feel about it. Have your standards, abide by them and don't let anyone pressure you, don't give sex out of fear that they'll leave. If they are to stay, they'll stay anyway. If they are to leave, they'll leave anyway. This will weed out the players too. That's what I did and it didn't go too badly for me. Let other women be insecure and weak, you do what is good for you and don't ask questions like this one.

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Jethro Established Member

Jethro

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Posted

Ok, personally I think a month is reasonable, if you have like 1 or 2 dates a week. But after 6-8 dates or so, if we are not dying to get each other clothes off, I'm going to think it's a sign that maybe we are good friends. Problem is, I'm not looking for more friends, I'm looking for a lover. However, and this is a big factor, this is me and my personality and what is important to me. I am a very sexual person and I am going to be looking for a likewise mate. You on the other hand are a different person, and will be attracting and soliciting a very different kind of person. You might find the people you make dates with are more "on your level" or at least I would hope they are. So for one person a month might be a foolish amount of time, but for another it would be moving very fast.

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AVarma Established Member

AVarma

Posted
Posted
Usually, if a man doesn't kiss well, doesn't know how to kiss or is clumsy at doing it, it doesn't bode well for intimacy in the bedroom.

 

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Holy crap really? The thing is I've never kissed a girl before or had sex so the first time I kiss someone will obviously probably be bad. I didn't think this was a dealbreaker though!

 

As for your original question I guess it depends. For a man my age who is still a virgin I'm not going to lie and say I'm not curious and wouldn't mind it happening early. Having said that if I really liked a woman and she wanted to wait that would be fine as well. It really just depends on the connection.

Atheism Era New Member

Atheism Era

Posted
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Do i have to be above 30 to answer this ? :laugh:

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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It's the wrong question to ask. Who cares how do men in general feel about dating a girl for a month before sex? Know what YOU want, and then do it, without worrying about how the man will feel about it. Have your standards, abide by them and don't let anyone pressure you, don't give sex out of fear that they'll leave. If they are to stay, they'll stay anyway. If they are to leave, they'll leave anyway. This will weed out the players too. That's what I did and it didn't go too badly for me. Let other women be insecure and weak, you do what is good for you and don't ask questions like this one.

 

^^ I agree with this. Have sex when YOU feel comfortable...it could be a week, a month, 3 months..your motivation for having sex should not be contingent on what the man thinks about, but when YOU feel comfortable enough having it..

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clevelander321 Established Member

clevelander321

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The best sex and relationships I had started naturally. Amazing chemistry, as humans we are a bit intuitive, we connect, and have sex when it occurs. When you wait a certain amount of time, just to wait, it kind of builds up expecatations and it is not nearly as good.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

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Thanks to everyone for the responses to my thread! I like knowing what different people think about topics that interest me.

 

@BluEye: Thanks for your post and I agree with everything you said.;) I want you to know that I wasn't asking this question for myself personally. If you've read some of my posts in this thread, you would see that I already have my own timetable set in place as to when *I* would feel comfortable sleeping with a guy. For me, it's something that has to happen naturally; and everything has to feel comfortable for me, including the vibe I get from him, liking aspects of his personality, sharing mutual chem with him, being physically attracted to him and sharing the same core beliefs about life in general.

 

I have never been - nor will I EVER be- rushed by ANY guy with regard to becoming sexually intimate. I would respect his timetable, sure...but, if he's bothered (or is impatient) by the fact that I might want to wait longer until *I* felt comfortable with it, then that would be the time where I would end it right then and there. If the guy is itching to become intimate right away without respecting MY timetable and my feelings about it, then there are plenty of other women out there that he can have sex with at the drop of a hat.

 

And, there are some guys who feel that - if they're made to "wait" too long to have sex with a particular woman - they have "plenty of other options" to have sex. And what I've noticed is that my own personal timetable - which will sometimes vary depending on the type of guy I'm with - is very efficient at weeding out those types of guys.:cool:

 

To the posters questioning as to whether they can chime in on my thread because they're not in the particular age bracket that I listed in my OP, sure you can!:D I just put that age bracket in my post because those are the ages of guys that I would date and would not go under or over it.

 

Holy crap really? The thing is I've never kissed a girl before or had sex so the first time I kiss someone will obviously probably be bad. I didn't think this was a dealbreaker though!

 

Well, if you're a virgin and never kissed a girl before, then that part of my post would NOT apply to you.;) I made that statement with regard to men who are experienced with kissing a woman and having had sex with them.

 

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mysteryscape Established Member

mysteryscape

Posted
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I'm an older middle age male, for whatever it's worth.

 

A month is NOTHING. Wait as long as you want. If someone is not happy with that, tell them they can walk, and be prepared if they do.

 

I read a paper about a scientific survey, many years ago now, I wish I could find it. Said the "typical" woman wants to know a guy for 6 months before having sex. The typical man is ready after a week! Of course, a huge range within each category, I'm sure. Reality is probably some compromise and I'd guess that is at least 2 months.

 

I know one much younger guy mid 20s quite well, he has been seeing someone for at least 3 months, she hasn't let him do the deed yet. So these numbers are not necessarily just pertaining to old fogeys.

 

On OKCupid, there is a how long to wait for sex question that is very frequently answered. I believe something like 7% say "only after the wedding." This on what is supposed to be a hip, generally liberal website known for a goodly number of sleazers.

 

I would guess that the most common answer is 3-5 dates or 6 or more, with 1-2 being a small minority.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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I think what donnivain said about being true to yourself is right.....

 

I am not having sex till marriage I actually have a really high sex drive and its hard for me if i really like a guy to say no.....but to be true to me I have to wait.....and it takes control.....I would hope the guy i was eventually with would want me to stay true to my heart...of the no sex till marriage thing......that the dates will have to be public......even then i have had guys grope me in public.....i know that if i really like a guy that i wont wait too long to get married or i would go insane.....

 

I think it comes down to if a guy really respects me and cares for me and loves em like he should .....he would understand my view...and if he cant wait or has no intention of getting married he would let me go......which i would prefer.....deb

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BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

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I'm an older middle age male, for whatever it's worth.

 

A month is NOTHING. Wait as long as you want. If someone is not happy with that, tell them they can walk, and be prepared if they do.

 

I read a paper about a scientific survey, many years ago now, I wish I could find it. Said the "typical" woman wants to know a guy for 6 months before having sex. The typical man is ready after a week! Of course, a huge range within each category, I'm sure. Reality is probably some compromise and I'd guess that is at least 2 months.

 

Six MONTHS?!:eek: Good Grief!! I wouldn't be able to wait that long lol. Maybe that scientific study you read wasn't written years ago...maybe it was written HUNDREDS of years ago!:laugh:

 

You seem to have a good attitude towards this, Mystery.:cool: Are you currently dating now? And if so, how is it going?

 

 

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mysteryscape Established Member

mysteryscape

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Maybe that scientific study you read wasn't written years ago...maybe it was written HUNDREDS of years ago!:laugh:

 

You seem to have a good attitude towards this, Mystery.:cool: Are you currently dating now? And if so, how is it going?

 

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As I remember it was written 15-20 years ago. Maybe things have changed a lot since then but I doubt it.

 

Yeah, "dating" now if you want to call it that. Sort of willy-nilly got into seeing several women at once. About 6 in two months, maybe gone out 15-20 times. About half online and half real-life. Online is much much harder. All have pretty much trickled to nothing, have a couple more in mind. I don't feel comfortable with "multi dating" as people who have read my posts well know. Really, I would just like to find one person that I'm really into and vice-versa.

 

So, while I am "successful" at finding people to "date" it's not really getting me what I want.

 

I would gladly wait quite a while for the right person, at this point in my life the idea of a series of affairs that don't last just doesn't interest me in the least.

 

Keep in mind I'm a good deal older than you. But in reality, I think I felt pretty much the same when I was your age.

fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
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First of all BOZG, you're ****ing hot. So any guy is going to be thinking about it. But, I think society as a whole has become way too focused on instant gratification. A month is not a long time at all. If a guy has an issue with just waiting a month, he doesn't take you seriously.

 

Now me personally, I'm a busy guy. So a month for me, is like 4-5 dates tops. I don't make a woman a priority until she has shown she deserves it. So having sex on the 4th or 5th date really isn't that long of a time. Also, I'm dominant sexually and love building a submissive mindset in the woman I'm sleeping with. By having will power and waitng, you get to know her body and really seduce her mind. Then she ends up practically begging for it. I'll be the first to admit, I have a high sex drive. But my will power is equally as high.

mysteryscape Established Member

mysteryscape

Posted
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Things have changed immensely. I have never had a woman expect or want to wait 6 months to have sex, and I have dated a variety of women. Most are trying to get laid by date 3 at the most.

 

I doubt that human nature changes that fast, but could be wrong of course.

 

See what I wrote above about "how many dates to have sex" on OKC. That is for an older age group. It would be interesting to check for say 25-35 year olds. From what I can tell, they are more conservative than the older ones.

mysteryscape Established Member

mysteryscape

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OKCupid question:

 

"Say you've started seeing someone you really like. As far as you're concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?"

 

Note that it says "someone you really like."

 

I checked on a random bunch of 25-35 year old females distributed across the US.

 

Results:

 

0 said 1-2 dates

16 said 3-5

19 said 6 or more

1 said "only after the wedding" :D:)

 

They are more conservative than older middle age women.

SycamoreCircle Established Member

SycamoreCircle

Posted
Posted
...anything intimate to happen?!

 

I guess I'm just wondering how guys 30 - 45 think about dating a woman (IF they like her and are interested in her) and getting to know her for about a month (give or take) before expecting to see how sexually compatible they are with each other?

 

The reason I ask is...because, I was very much in love with my ex before I had made the decision to let him go and to live his life to mature and to learn about life and about certain aspects of being in a relationship - that I'm asking this question. I'm trying to accept the realistic ideals about the dating atmosphere in 2015 and am somewhat MORE cautious about who I let into my life, into my heart...and into my bed.

 

As such, I cannot bring myself to have sex with a guy that I don't love...I have to at least care about him before I'd even consider sharing myself intimately in that way...so, I would need to take the time to get to KNOW him; to learn what his core personality traits are...and to see if I even share any type of personality type of chemistry with him (as well as physical chemistry) before I'd even consider sharing something as intimate, personal and awesome (to ME) as sexual intimacy.

 

How do the guys on this forum feel about this? Now, I do realize that there are MANY guys on here who are only after "random" and FWB type of sexual encounters on here - those are the guys who this question is NOT aimed towards.

 

To all the rest of the guys on here who are looking for something more meaningful than just a "roll in the hay"...what do YOU think about getting to know a woman for a month *before* you even consider having a sexually intimate encounter with her?? Do you think that this is too long of a time period? Do you think it's not long enough? Do you think that older women shouldn't "make a guy wait so long" for him to become sexually intimate with her?

 

Just trying to take the proverbial "pulse" of the men on this site. I have a thick skin, so please be completely HONEST with how you feel about the question I'm asking, okay?:)

 

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BlackOps, I'm with you all the way. I'm 38 and I have no interest in being with someone I don't deeply care about. A month seems very sensible to me. I met a woman over the summer who told me she had a really amazing romance with a man, which lasted several months, and no sex was involved. She said it was one of the most intense relationships she's had. Why did it end? He was leaving to work on the other side of the world. I do think it's rare to find people, though, that can practice that much foresight and restraint.
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Phoe Established Member

Phoe

Posted
Posted

I have not dated or had sex with many men, but I've never had a man pressure me or not be okay with moving at a slightly slower pace. Most of them actually wanted to move slow as well.

 

Some men will be okay, some will get suspicious if you wait.

 

It's just a matter of dating a man whose views on that match up with your own. If those views don't match it doesn't mean anyone is "wrong" for what they want, but it does mean that you two just are not compatible on that, and should move on.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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As long as the possibility of sex is there, I'm fine waiting a couple of months.

 

Of course, I really doubt that any woman I've kissed will be able to even resist me at all :cool:

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BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
Posted
Things have changed immensely. I have never had a woman expect or want to wait 6 months to have sex, and I have dated a variety of women. Most are trying to get laid by date 3 at the most.

 

Even I didn't wait 6 months in my current relationship. I waited 3 months.

 

With my first boyfriend, 20 years ago, I waited one year.

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