SweetLikeCinnamon Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 So I'm wondering if this guy I am interested in (but hardly know yet) is interested after 'events' that took place this weekend. I posted some more information about the guy/situation previously in this thread https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/510681-could-guy-interested But here are some quick background notes: - I'm 23, he's 21 - He's not into womanising or anything casual from what I know, and basically not someone who is an alpha male who is confident and approaches girls (I never like guys like that, which is a problem cause I assume they don't like me cause of their coyness and find out they do when it's too late) - We know each other as we're both in the same university society and share mutual friends - We don't know each other well and have only said a few words to each other here and there in real life - I always thought he was exactly my type but assumed he wasn't interested so didn't think about it - It only dawned on that he could be interested recently as I realised he comments on my Facebook posts more than any of our other 20+ mutual friends, despite barely knowing me, and he also stares at me intently when at the club night we both attend - Recently I started commenting on his posts as well to return the favour and he'd always reply to my comment and often only mine, even if like 6 others would also comment - Since deciding I like him I've only seen him once (until this weekend) at our uni society club night. I was too shy to talk to him as usual (I'm bad with guys), I didn't even look at him when I walked right by him at the door as he stamped my hand (he was on door duty). Though through out the night we had eye contact and ended up speaking shortly once. Fast forward a month to this weekend at the same club night. This is what went down: - I come to the club a little late but I see him staring at me from near the bar as I enter - A bit later he's standing next to me at the bar but I turn away and then he starts talking to the guy on the other side of him - At one point I put my bag near him under a table and he just states at me for ages, I think as a joke. Then later when I go to get it again he's talking to a friend but he interrupts to help me with my bag (though I'm already holding it). - Later (when more alcohol had been consumed) I'm dancing with friends. My friends leave me for a second and he calls over to me and excitedly gestures for me to come over to him and his group who are dancing (I know about 30 more people on the dance floor other than him so wasn't necessary). - When I'm there his friend next to him tells guy I like to put his arm around me (cause once we got close we both got awkward and his friend had his arm around him on his other side). - Later on I find myself sat in between another guy I know and the guy I like. Me and the other guy were having a conversation (I didn't think guy I liked would be listening). The other guy is drunk and telling me how I'm so pretty and that he doesn't get why I'm still single and thinks I must be too intimating, the usual stuff. Guy I like interrupts out of no where and says to the guy 'why are you still *enter personal borderline offensive comment*? Me and the other guy look confused and guy I like looks me in the eyes and asks if other guy was asking why I'm single, and I tell him yes. He then turns to other guy and says that that's a personal question and repeats comment to guy. They sort of argue for a minute cause the guy seemed offended. - After they're done the guy continues talking to me and says I could have any guy in the room that I wanted if I was more confident and then says he could set me up. He points to guy I like since he's right there and says 'is he your type?'. I get awkward but he keeps asking so I just keep saying 'I'm not answering that, that's awkward.' The guy I like is clearly listening and looks happy (from my drunk recollection). - Here's where I mess up. Cause I was fed up with the guy asking I end up saying 'no!'. I actually meant 'no, I'm not answering that' but not sure if I got that across. I turn to guy I like to say something but then he just walks off (didn't look happy but it could just be his resting face). The other guy makes a joke about how he scared him off. - The next morning I comment on guy I likes status to test the waters and he doesn't reply, which is the first time that's ever happened. So basically now I'm worried he likes me but thought I said I didn't like him? So I guess I'm asking: - Does it seem like he likes me from the very few interactions we've had? - Did I mess up or am I looking too much into it? - How can I show I'm actually interested? He'll be at a mutual friend's birthday on Saturday so that's my next chance Thanks in advance.
preraph Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Well, you've blown it a number of times and sent him the message that you are snubbing him, so I think only blatant directness can possibly salvage this. You never should have passed him by without saying hi at the door. WTF?? And then that guy probably knew the guy you liked likes you and was feeling you out about it, but then the guy you like thought he was getting self-serving and stopped it, and then you tell that guy you don't like him! Three strikes! The only possible way to salvage this is to be a (wo)man and private message him "Hey, I don't like your friend, but I do like you. I'm a little shy. He embarrassed me." Now, DO IT! You can't save this any other way. It's gotten too insulting to him.
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Well I did say thanks when he stamped me at the door, but just didn't look at him. We're not so friendly that we need to say hi to each other so it wasn't unusual, but yeah if I wasn't so nervous I know I should have said hi. He also barely knows the guy I was talking to as far as I know, if he knowshim at all, and once he left the guy started pointing out other guys so I do think it was random. But saying that I do agree I should say something like you said. The problem with me is I get so worried about showing interest in case the guy doesn't like me back and want to save face and then I find out they do when it's too late. It's really not something I want to repeat again. But do you not think it's best to talk to him in person?
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Any other opinions?
fred123 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 as a guy i would think she only likes me as a friend. how can he or a guy possibly know you like him?! he doesnt want to be humiliated and shot down. you havnt done anything to show u like him. commenting on his social network status means nothing!! plus u were chatting up the other guy all night.
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 I know I haven't but has he really shown he likes me either? And that guy was chatting to me, not the other way round.
fred123 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 i always wonder do you girls ever out yourself in guys shoes and think how it is for us. its funny or ironic that u suggest that cos he has commented on your facebook a lot indicates interest. boy how wrong i was thinking that about many girls. apparently it means nothing when a girl does it. u need to be more direct! we find women ckmplicated
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 So Facebook comments only mean something when it comes from a guy? I'm confused. If he does like me I'm in the same situation as him as I don't know how he feels either. Fred, how do you think I should go about showing interest?
Mrin Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 SMH. Wow. I mean, wow. As a society, have we delegated the ability to flirt to Tinder? Your story is right out of the movie Sixteen Candles. I absolutely agree with preraph - the only thing to do is put on your big girl pants and go talk to him in person. Say what preraph suggested. Be really clear. Don't beat around the bush. If he rejects you or declines - so what. Leave quickly and go drown your sorrows on red wine and binge watching Netflix. What's the worst that can happen? You'll write sad love poetry and have the makings for a lost love song. Rejection is a far worse thing when you are contemplating it rather than feeling it. Just go ahead and risk it and so what if the guy demurs. At least you'll know and can move on. My guess is he will be interested. EDIT: oh yes, you did mess up but you can salvage it
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 I don't think my story is any reflection on society. I'm just generally very shy with guys I like and have a lack of confidence in that department. But I will say something to him on Saturday when I see him. Though I am reluctant to go as far as to bluntly say 'I like you' or ask him out, as a lot of guys say they get put off by that directness, so I'm not going to risk it. Does anyone have any slightly more subtle ways of showing interest and seeing if he's interested?
preraph Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 And saying "I like you" doesn't need to be anything to be embarrassed of. You're not saying "I love you." You're saying you care what he thinks of you and you're sorry his friend is a dink.
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