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Ex is getting married this coming weekend; strangely, I am at peace.


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Posted (edited)

So I found out this weekend, mistakenly via mutual friends on social media, that my ex is getting married this weekend.

 

Although I was never trying to get this ex back, I was incredibly angry about the breakup. Even though I loved her, I felt it was best to break up with her in October 2013 (compatibility issues, plus she has major personality disorders and has difficulty with finding jobs that work for her) and I moved back to my home town 1000 miles away, and although she was crying and begging me to stay and propose to her, it was too late (I had already rented an apartment and asked my employer to move me back). I packed my stuff and moved back.

 

We both slowly started dating others after I left, not a big deal. But what threw me for a loop, was that 7 months later, she was suddenly engaged to someone she had just met a few months prior. To me, it would seem that it would take much longer to get over someone you love like that, than just 6 months or so. I wasnt over her.

 

The reason this all threw me for a loop, and angered me, was that she was begging me to propose to her, and then less than a year later, she is engaged to someone else....this all made me question her character and her true motives and whether or not she really loved me (or really loves him either).

 

It came up on my friend's news feed, and although I didnt intend to find out any info, I did see my ex's photo at her bridal shower. She does look like she has gained about 40 pounds. I love it when you find out the ex has gained a lot of weight! LOL

 

According to what was posted there, the wedding is taking place this weekend!

 

I have been angry for the last seven months about her engagement, because I feel that my entire relationship with her might have been fake. But now, I am at peace.

 

What is also odd, was that even after she accepted the engagement, and found out I was angry, she texted me telling me she still loved me and that she was "just as confused about everything" as I am. What does everyone think about that?

Edited by 6Pack
Posted
plus she has major personality disorders

 

What is also odd, was that even after she accepted the engagement, and found out I was angry, she texted me telling me she still loved me and that she was "just as confused about everything" as I am. What does everyone think about that?

 

Bullet dodged.

 

Her marriage can more than likely be timed with an egg timer...

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Posted
Bullet dodged.

 

Her marriage can more than likely be timed with an egg timer...

 

I agree! Other people have said the same thing...I dodged a bullet.

 

Also, she is in fact, married once before.

 

I get the feeling, that she just needs to be married to somebody....ANYBODY...who is willing to support her. She is very physically attractive (a 9, I would say), and is a good person deep down, I know for sure...but because she has several diagnosed personality disorders, she uses that as a reason for why she cannot work...although she did manage to find a job right after I left. I get the feeling that she just needs a guy who is willing to support her financially.

 

The other thing that angered me, was that after telling me that she loved me, she later went on to imply to me that I was a weak male because her problems "affected" me, which is BS. I just wanted a girlfriend who was more balanced, and brought more to the table. This girl brought no job, no money, she wasnt intimate (she loved sex but was not very good at it, and didnt like to kiss or make out - which is a requirement for me). She did like staying at home with me and watching movies etc...but there just wasnt anything else beyond that.

Posted
So I found out this weekend, mistakenly via mutual friends on social media, that my ex is getting married this weekend.

 

Although I was never trying to get this ex back, I was incredibly angry about the breakup. Even though I loved her, I felt it was best to break up with her in October 2013 (compatibility issues, plus she has major personality disorders and has difficulty with finding jobs that work for her) and I moved back to my home town 1000 miles away, and although she was crying and begging me to stay and propose to her, it was too late (I had already rented an apartment and asked my employer to move me back). I packed my stuff and moved back.

 

We both slowly started dating others after I left, not a big deal. But what threw me for a loop, was that 7 months later, she was suddenly engaged to someone she had just met a few months prior. To me, it would seem that it would take much longer to get over someone you love like that, than just 6 months or so. I wasnt over her.

 

The reason this all threw me for a loop, and angered me, was that she was begging me to propose to her, and then less than a year later, she is engaged to someone else....this all made me question her character and her true motives and whether or not she really loved me (or really loves him either).

 

It came up on my friend's news feed, and although I didnt intend to find out any info, I did see my ex's photo at her bridal shower. She does look like she has gained about 40 pounds. I love it when you find out the ex has gained a lot of weight! LOL

 

According to what was posted there, the wedding is taking place this weekend!

 

I have been angry for the last seven months about her engagement, because I feel that my entire relationship with her might have been fake. But now, I am at peace.

 

What is also odd, was that even after she accepted the engagement, and found out I was angry, she texted me telling me she still loved me and that she was "just as confused about everything" as I am. What does everyone think about that?

 

A needy person will latch onto anyone who will give them the time of day. She got with new guy so she didn't have to deal with the break and for the illusion that will be her marriage.

 

Lucky escape for you my friend.

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Posted
A needy person will latch onto anyone who will give them the time of day. She got with new guy so she didn't have to deal with the break and for the illusion that will be her marriage.

 

Lucky escape for you my friend.

 

Yes very true. And that is part of the doubting of the relationship...was she latching on to me just out of neediness, or was she a needy person who genuinely thought I was a great catch? I guess I will never know.

 

Her neediness is also what makes me very very sad. Here she was...a somewhat broken person who has been through the ringer in life, in many ways...and all she wanted was to be loved, and I thought I was too good for her...and now I feel really guilty about kicking her to the curb like that. I gave it 15 months with her, but just wasnt getting anything out of it beyond a movie-watching companion. She was an animal lover, very concerned about animals and that was great. She taught me how to love animals and so I learned that from her. But thats the funny thing...she was like an injured animal herself, whimpering in the dark, but instead of me loving her, taking care of her, and accepting her faults, I harshly rejected her.

 

I think the other guilt, was that I left that state altogether and went back to my home town, which is way more expensive. I did meet someone here that I dated for 3 months, like a rebound....but after this expensive return to home, I dont have anything to show for it...no new GF etc.

  • Like 1
Posted

The girl that brought me here got married last week to the guy she eventually left me for. I found out the same way you did via mutual friends on Facebook.

 

I remember after her (she was my first everything), I thought I'd never get over her or the way it ended. When I saw she was married, I smiled peacefully, because I knew that I didn't care anymore. Hadn't cared for a while. I hope she's happy.

 

Healing happens, people. Just hang in there.

  • Like 2
Posted

i dont know how i would feel if my ex told me he was getting married......i do know i would be hurt......i gave him fifteen years three girls and he never saw it necessary to marry me and unite our family as one...so it would hurt me......

 

not because i would want him now to marry me.....or want him to come back...but the shame i would feel .......that ultimately i was good for one thing......would hurt me..i have taken worse blows to my self esteem.so that is why i say.....i dont how i would react...i believe ultimately i would be hurt......but i do want him to be happy...no matter what i felt...i would wish him the best..i consider him a distant friend......mixed bag for me....

 

i think its tough what you are dealign with.....and i wish you well.....hold your head up.....i guess everything has a reason and season to happen...thats piss poor as comfort....but i wish you that some kind of comfort in knowing it was for the best.......deb

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Posted
The girl that brought me here got married last week to the guy she eventually left me for. I found out the same way you did via mutual friends on Facebook.

 

I remember after her (she was my first everything), I thought I'd never get over her or the way it ended. When I saw she was married, I smiled peacefully, because I knew that I didn't care anymore. Hadn't cared for a while. I hope she's happy.

 

Healing happens, people. Just hang in there.

 

Yep, you eventually do heal and move on. You eventually get to the point that you feel 'normal' again, like the way you felt before you met the ex or started dating them.

  • Like 1
Posted

Hmmm, sounds kinda familiar. I found out through the grapevine that my ex is getting married in May. What was shocking is that he got engaged 5 months after we stopped speaking. 5 months before his engagement, he was telling me that he was still confused and was going to keep my engagement ring in case we could work it out. Telling me he still wanted me to adopt his son. We were together for 3 years, and he gets engaged to someone else after 5 months. I had the same feelings you did. Our relationship must have been a complete sham, or he can just jump from one person to the next. Basically, he was selling my ring on ebay while he was proposing to another woman. It's sleazy to say the least. The entire thing made me more disgusted with him than I already was, and whatever love we might have shared diminished into nothing. So I guess that was the good part.

 

He also had deep issues like your ex, and I truly believe he views people as objects to be used for his benefit. There is no love there. Not healthy love at least. I'm at peace also and glad to be rid of him. I can't believe I actually wanted to marry him at one point. It seems like another lifetime:D

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Posted
Hmmm, sounds kinda familiar. I found out through the grapevine that my ex is getting married in May. What was shocking is that he got engaged 5 months after we stopped speaking. 5 months before his engagement, he was telling me that he was still confused and was going to keep my engagement ring in case we could work it out. Telling me he still wanted me to adopt his son. We were together for 3 years, and he gets engaged to someone else after 5 months. I had the same feelings you did. Our relationship must have been a complete sham, or he can just jump from one person to the next. Basically, he was selling my ring on ebay while he was proposing to another woman. It's sleazy to say the least. The entire thing made me more disgusted with him than I already was, and whatever love we might have shared diminished into nothing. So I guess that was the good part.

 

He also had deep issues like your ex, and I truly believe he views people as objects to be used for his benefit. There is no love there. Not healthy love at least. I'm at peace also and glad to be rid of him. I can't believe I actually wanted to marry him at one point. It seems like another lifetime:D

 

Thanks BC - yes, I agree.

 

I think in the case of my ex, she *had* to find someone, because she cannot hold jobs very well (She has depression, cycling bi-polar, ADD, OCD). She does not do well with typical employment scenarios. She was living with her parents the whole time I dated her. So, after I left, she had no choice but to look for a man to take care of her. No job, no career, no marketable skill set, no money in the bank, so she found a guy who is not that attractive, but apparantly is a "nice guy" who doesnt mind her problems, he just wants a pretty face to come home to, so he is willing to support her. Ok, fine.

 

I did go back one last time and looked at her text to me where she told me that she had accepted a proposal, and I didnt see this before (I was too enraged at the time, LOL) but she mentioned that this has been really hard on her, because she still loves me. I didnt see that part before. Apparently, she was suffering. But this only reinforces the point, she was supposedly still in love with me, while accepting a marriage proposal from another guy, who she had only met months prior. Who does that? Who agrees to marry someone when they are still in love with someone else?

Posted
Thanks BC - yes, I agree.

 

I think in the case of my ex, she *had* to find someone, because she cannot hold jobs very well (She has depression, cycling bi-polar, ADD, OCD). She does not do well with typical employment scenarios. She was living with her parents the whole time I dated her. So, after I left, she had no choice but to look for a man to take care of her. No job, no career, no marketable skill set, no money in the bank, so she found a guy who is not that attractive, but apparantly is a "nice guy" who doesnt mind her problems, he just wants a pretty face to come home to, so he is willing to support her. Ok, fine.

 

I did go back one last time and looked at her text to me where she told me that she had accepted a proposal, and I didnt see this before (I was too enraged at the time, LOL) but she mentioned that this has been really hard on her, because she still loves me. I didnt see that part before. Apparently, she was suffering. But this only reinforces the point, she was supposedly still in love with me, while accepting a marriage proposal from another guy, who she had only met months prior. Who does that? Who agrees to marry someone when they are still in love with someone else?

 

 

Dude, she has ADD, OCD, BPD, XYZ and anything else you want to on there! She's got problems. And you decided that you didn't want to live like that anymore. So, do you really need to ask those questions at he end of your post?

 

 

Dude, her marriage isn't going to last more than a few years.

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Posted
Dude, she has ADD, OCD, BPD, XYZ and anything else you want to on there! She's got problems. And you decided that you didn't want to live like that anymore. So, do you really need to ask those questions at he end of your post?

 

 

Dude, her marriage isn't going to last more than a few years.

 

No I totally agree, the questions at the end of my post were mostly rhetorical. Its just that I feel great that I am finally at the end of the cycle of being angry and hurt that she moved on. It took finding out about the marriage date this Saturday to finally get clarity about it, and to actually let go.

Posted

Exactly as stated above, bullet dodged!!

Posted
No I totally agree, the questions at the end of my post were mostly rhetorical. Its just that I feel great that I am finally at the end of the cycle of being angry and hurt that she moved on. It took finding out about the marriage date this Saturday to finally get clarity about it, and to actually let go.

 

When I found out my ex was engaged, it was like the last piece of the puzzle for me. Then, when I discovered the timing, it just disgusted me to the point that I could never have feelings for him. I think I might have handled it badly if I had found out in real time because I wasn't over him at that point. As it stands, I was able to process it much quicker and use the knowledge to finally be done with it. The predominant emotion I felt was relief that he would never come back and try to manipulate me back into a relationship with him.

 

Your ex sounds pretty unstable. She's texting you that she loves you while accepting a marriage proposal. I don't think the marriage will end well with a foundation like that, but just be glad it's not your concern. People usually undo themselves by their own hands. I never said much to badmouth my ex around our mutual friends and work colleagues, but I've been amazed at how many people have told me they found what he did was terrible. How they were so shocked at what he did and felt terrible for me. I don't wish anything bad on him, but he tarnished his image by his own hand.

Posted

Interesting scenario, one i definitely expect to encounter anyway due to the friendship between my family and my exes family.

I guess everyone goes through the same cycle perhaps? My ex wanted to get married probably still does, she more or less jumped on the whole looking for marriage thing after we broke up.

Similarly so did i forcing myself, very soon i realised its not what i wanted, im very laid back and i dont necessarily like "hitting" on girls. Even now, id maintain mutual respect for the opposite gender but wouldnt go as far as trying to get another girlfriend, and even when friends push me in that direction, i do bluntly tell them i dont want to get to know the girl, i am recovering of course.

So i guess, regardless if she went as far as marriage, her actions are just a manifestation of her trying to cope with your loss right?

Thus the ultimate question is, will such a marriage even last, as it just becomes a committed, legal rebound? Can a person make such a marriage last? Maybe a few years before reality hits?

Im saying this as i do want to get married myself in a few years time, but right now dont feel anywhere ready to let anyone walk into my life like that again.

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Posted (edited)
Interesting scenario, one i definitely expect to encounter anyway due to the friendship between my family and my exes family.

I guess everyone goes through the same cycle perhaps? My ex wanted to get married probably still does, she more or less jumped on the whole looking for marriage thing after we broke up.

Similarly so did i forcing myself, very soon i realised its not what i wanted, im very laid back and i dont necessarily like "hitting" on girls. Even now, id maintain mutual respect for the opposite gender but wouldnt go as far as trying to get another girlfriend, and even when friends push me in that direction, i do bluntly tell them i dont want to get to know the girl, i am recovering of course.

So i guess, regardless if she went as far as marriage, her actions are just a manifestation of her trying to cope with your loss right?

Thus the ultimate question is, will such a marriage even last, as it just becomes a committed, legal rebound? Can a person make such a marriage last? Maybe a few years before reality hits?

Im saying this as i do want to get married myself in a few years time, but right now dont feel anywhere ready to let anyone walk into my life like that again.

 

These are good questions. I dont know if she rushed into marriage with this guy just to cover up the heartbreak from losing me, or because she needs a guy to support her. Who knows? Maybe the guy she met really is a good guy. I saw his photos, he is no where near as attractive as me (Im not trying to sound arrogant here - I really do think I am just better looking). But she tried to make it out like they get along better than her and I did...it may be true, or maybe she is just trying to make me mad.

 

Three months after I left her, she started dating around, and then three months after that, she was in this relationship with this guy. And then three months after that, he proposes....I just think its rushed, and too rushed considering she had just gotten out of a relationship with me. Then a month later I heard about it, and I texted her and that was when she texted me back, telling me all of this has been hard on her, because she still loved me. She was either lying when she said that, which is bad, or telling the truth....which is worse. It made me feel like the dumpee, even though I was truly the dumper here. I was so freaking angry when I found out. I still am a little bit...but slowly accepting it and more and more at peace. When I saw the photo of the bridal shower, it makes you feel like there is no way possible at this point to get her back. Not that I was trying - I mean I live 1000 miles away...but still, the door is shutting now and there is no way for that to happen....so it gives you a type of closure either way.

Edited by 6Pack
Posted

Whatever her personality issues may be, she is confused about how she feels and what she wants and for what reasons.

 

 

Its sad, for all involved.

 

 

I would not say that her ?quick marriage is a statement about your relationship being lacking. I would say that her statement so close to getting married is out of bounds, and sounds like she is trying to get you to reach out to her.

 

 

Invitation for more high-risk drama.

  • Author
Posted (edited)
Whatever her personality issues may be, she is confused about how she feels and what she wants and for what reasons.

 

 

Its sad, for all involved.

 

 

I would not say that her ?quick marriage is a statement about your relationship being lacking. I would say that her statement so close to getting married is out of bounds, and sounds like she is trying to get you to reach out to her.

 

 

Invitation for more high-risk drama.

 

Well after her and I broke up, her and I stayed in touch for many months, mainly because I felt bad about dumping her and moving away, and I didnt want her to become unbalanced. But eventually the calls became less and less (and, to be honest, I tried a short term rebound scenario with someone here as well). Suddenly around June, she went public on facebook about dating someone new, and so I called her to tell her I need to break contact with her and unfriend her, as I cannot stand to see the photos of her and that guy. She said ok, but then started sobbing deeply, like an incredibly deep crying from deep in the soul. I could tell it wasnt fake. I explained the reasons why, and we talked for about an hour.

 

I went NC and didnt talk to her until August. Suddenly I had an intuition that she might be engaged. I texted her and asked her, and she said yes he had proposed and she had accepted. That was when I got angry and she replied to tell me about how this was all hard on her and she still loved me, but that they had just gotten back from Los Angeles where they had met his family. We talked on the phone a week later and she told me the details of it all. I went NC but we would text back and forth about minor things. She said something that pissed me off, so I stopped talking to her in September, and we havent spoken since. I heard nothing until this past Saturday, when a mutual female friend (and the friend's husband) called and asked me when I am coming back to visit there in TX. Suddenly, the next day, there was a photo on this mutual friend's facebook page from a bridal shower that had just taken place that day, and people making comments about the marriage next weekend.

 

I dont know if the ex is trying to reach out to me or not. It is weird though that the friend called me, and that friend is now getting involved on my FB page all of a sudden, when for the past year I hardly ever heard from her.

Edited by 6Pack
  • Author
Posted

Hey everyone, just wanted to follow up on my thread.

 

I did today, check my Ex's Facebook page, and as of today, her name did in fact, change to her new married name.

 

I looked briefly yesterday, and it was still her maiden name, but as of today, it has changed.

 

I never look at her page anymore, but today I did scroll down and did see that they flew to Florida and are having a small private wedding on the beach, which I believe took place today.

 

This last week (and today!) brought clarity, healing, peace, and RELEASE.

 

Right now, I am listening to an album called "Random Friday" by an artist called "Solar Fields". I feel like I am soaring thru the clouds; I feel very "cosmic" right now, for lack of a better word. I feel FREE. I am sobbing as I type this, not because I miss her, but because I am legitimately FREE. Legitimately happy. They are tears of joy, tears of freedom after 16 very difficult months. Tears of happiness that we both loved each other, as well as tears of happiness and gratitude for the lessons I l learned from her, both during the relationship and afterwords. Tears of happiness for HER. I know how hard she has had it in this life. She just wanted to be loved, and after all of the tough times she has gone through, finally found someone to love her for who she is.

 

This door is now closed; this chapter in my life with this person has ended, and there is only one way to go at this time: Onward.

 

Onward to new adventures and new experiences, and to the next great Love in my life.

 

Thank you to everyone who took time to comment on my thread. May you all find what you are looking for.

  • Like 1
Posted
Hey everyone, just wanted to follow up on my thread.

 

I did today, check my Ex's Facebook page, and as of today, her name did in fact, change to her new married name.

 

I looked briefly yesterday, and it was still her maiden name, but as of today, it has changed.

 

I never look at her page anymore, but today I did scroll down and did see that they flew to Florida and are having a small private wedding on the beach, which I believe took place today.

 

This last week (and today!) brought clarity, healing, peace, and RELEASE.

 

Right now, I am listening to an album called "Random Friday" by an artist called "Solar Fields". I feel like I am soaring thru the clouds; I feel very "cosmic" right now, for lack of a better word. I feel FREE. I am sobbing as I type this, not because I miss her, but because I am legitimately FREE. Legitimately happy. They are tears of joy, tears of freedom after 16 very difficult months. Tears of happiness that we both loved each other, as well as tears of happiness and gratitude for the lessons I l learned from her, both during the relationship and afterwords. Tears of happiness for HER. I know how hard she has had it in this life. She just wanted to be loved, and after all of the tough times she has gone through, finally found someone to love her for who she is.

 

This door is now closed; this chapter in my life with this person has ended, and there is only one way to go at this time: Onward.

 

Onward to new adventures and new experiences, and to the next great Love in my life.

 

Thank you to everyone who took time to comment on my thread. May you all find what you are looking for.

 

That was really powerful to read, as i said before im expecting my ex to be in the same situation either this year or the next, so i can completely relate to what youre going through, and just wow.

  • Like 1
Posted
So I found out this weekend, mistakenly via mutual friends on social media, that my ex is getting married this weekend.

 

Although I was never trying to get this ex back, I was incredibly angry about the breakup. Even though I loved her, I felt it was best to break up with her in October 2013 (compatibility issues, plus she has major personality disorders and has difficulty with finding jobs that work for her) and I moved back to my home town 1000 miles away, and although she was crying and begging me to stay and propose to her, it was too late (I had already rented an apartment and asked my employer to move me back). I packed my stuff and moved back.

 

We both slowly started dating others after I left, not a big deal. But what threw me for a loop, was that 7 months later, she was suddenly engaged to someone she had just met a few months prior. To me, it would seem that it would take much longer to get over someone you love like that, than just 6 months or so. I wasnt over her.

 

The reason this all threw me for a loop, and angered me, was that she was begging me to propose to her, and then less than a year later, she is engaged to someone else....this all made me question her character and her true motives and whether or not she really loved me (or really loves him either).

 

It came up on my friend's news feed, and although I didnt intend to find out any info, I did see my ex's photo at her bridal shower. She does look like she has gained about 40 pounds. I love it when you find out the ex has gained a lot of weight! LOL

 

According to what was posted there, the wedding is taking place this weekend!

 

I have been angry for the last seven months about her engagement, because I feel that my entire relationship with her might have been fake. But now, I am at peace.

 

What is also odd, was that even after she accepted the engagement, and found out I was angry, she texted me telling me she still loved me and that she was "just as confused about everything" as I am. What does everyone think about that?

 

I have not experienced the same but I can confidently say that this has nothing to do with you and how she felt about you. I doubt your relationship was fake to her. Seems to me she can't be alone or at least doesn't want to be.

 

I don't know what her weight has to do with anything so I missed that point. If it's because you believe she looks worse than she was with you so ha-ha on her then I think you have some issues from that relationship you need to resolve from within. Just my observation.

  • Author
Posted
I have not experienced the same but I can confidently say that this has nothing to do with you and how she felt about you. I doubt your relationship was fake to her. Seems to me she can't be alone or at least doesn't want to be.

 

I don't know what her weight has to do with anything so I missed that point. If it's because you believe she looks worse than she was with you so ha-ha on her then I think you have some issues from that relationship you need to resolve from within. Just my observation.

 

Thank you for your input.

 

I know it sounds superficial, but yes, I felt better knowing that she gained weight. I know that sounds harsh, but it helps to let go of the obsession, when you realize your ex is just human, and that even though they are marrying someone else, their life isnt perfect. A lot of people who are sad about breakups, tend to imagine that their exes are living perfect amazing lives with their new partner. But a lot of times, that isnt true.

 

But yes, it was a "haha" moment for me, but the only reason I laughed was because at some point in our communications post-breakup, she tried to claim he was somehow a stronger male than me, because "he is not affected" by her problems, they allegedly roll off of him (???). Which infuriated me, because it was never that her problems "affected" me, it was just that she didnt bring anything to the table, and I wanted someone who was more balanced. So yes, I was bitter at her jabs. But her jabs were probably based on bitterness of me breaking up with her.

 

But its ok - I am glad she has found happiness. I will find happiness again as well.

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