justin4 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Hi all, Ok I met this wonderful lady who is going through a divorce because her spouse was abusive, very horrible guy. He has not been in the picture since she was 7 months into pregnancy. She cut all ties and now working through the divorce. The waiting period is over and now just have to have the failed court appearance for her to finalize without his consent. The baby is now a year old. I knew coming into this relationship I'd have to be secure with myself but at times that can be difficult. It's been going great for 4 months, we both get along very well. Such a wonderful, loving and fun relationship. Way different than I ever had in the past. I love her and her baby. At this point it would be very heart breaking to see things end. I've never been married, but I have dealt with an abusive woman. For me I can understand how in her past she could try loving a person who is horrible to you, until you finally give up. My insecurity I keep having is wondering if she can ever get pass her bad experience. For me at least, I grown the most when I was single after a failed relationship. Her being a mother she had to coup very quickly and put her experience behind her to give the baby a happy day to day life. She has told me she can't possibly think of marriage again after going through such a failed attempt and no help during pregnancy but abuse. I understand we are only 4 months into dating and that it's still very young. I am just wondering if this is something she could eventually move on from and be just as excited about marrying again one day, as she was the first time. All my thoughts started happening after a couple just recently asked us how long we been married and we said we are dating. The next question was so what made you want to have a baby. Since then I have just been feeling down she went through those choices with her horrible ex. Where I never had experienced those choices and worried she may always be hurt and never get excited with me with those decisions. Other Details: I am 28, she is 26.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 It sounds like her marriage really jacked her up. If she is unwilling to get married again - and marriage is one of your goals, you might be incompatible. 4 months is a bit early to have that talk I'd say - so you will either have to wait around and see if she changes her mind - or move onto someone else who isn't damaged. 1
Buddhist Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Chill. She's not long out of her relationship and is putting the brakes on everything until she can sort her head out. Let it go another 6 months before you have this conversation again. So saying that sometimes people never change their minds about these things. I know I never will and it's been a decade since the damage was done. But don't leap to conclusions just yet, it's still too new. 2
smackie9 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 All relationships need to grow, and you can't rush it. With relationships there are no guarantees either. My advice is to be supportive, don't think too far ahead and take one day at a time. I think one day she will think about marriage again, but not for awhile. Her feelings are still raw, and she is still healing from the experience. Sadly you run the risk of being a rebound. People who are so emotionally hurt, seek out refuge quickly to ease the pain by dating someone so soon after the split. And with what is going on with the divorce, etc....you might end up being a reminder of this painful chapter in her life which can plague your relationship. For now it is way too early to tell like Buddhist said.... I would set a deadline tho. There is no sense in being with someone that can't fulfill your expectations as painful it may be.
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