lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 This site is awesome! Advice is great! I broke up with the ex seven months ago. I would not speak on the phone to him in over seven months. I finally agreed because I went in the hospital and got weaker. Then I felt intuition he had some other girl and told him to stop calling me ever again. It felt totally wrong and I had to call him on valentine day. He told me he got rejected by some other girl and I got so jealous. Since that day I called him he's calling everyday. Two days this weekend his days of he didn't call and I panicked. But he's not talking he loves me, misses me, or wants to get together again. He's not good in expressing feelings but we've been talking on the phone for hours each day and I know he didn't like talking long in phone when we were together.. . Tonight after two days of him not calling I started to feel awful and abandoned,like we do when he doesn't call. So tonight I seemed a little jealous on the phone and when we got off I told him I missed him. But he just sighed an by d told me to sleep well. Was I to needy. Did I make a mistake. Two days seem like forever not to talk to the man I love. What do i do. He's not saying he wants me back.. Etc. I told him wed be friends on the first call. Does he seem interested? Why is he calling everyday?
mightycpa Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I totally misunderstood what this thread was going to be about. Oh well. So you still love him, and he's playing a little hard to get, but is not letting go. If I were you, I'd tell him to stop ****ing around, buy you a big bunch of flowers and to come over and tell you how much he loves you, like right friggin' now! That will end in one of two ways, and you'll know what to do from there.
Toodaloo Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Lola lola lola... You are heading down the rocky road to booty call. This is not a good place and this guy is not good for you. You haven't blown it... But you need to! He needs to go. This whole thing is messing with your head. Don't be friends. Be young free and single. Find someone who does want to be with you and who you don't need to worry if you haven't spoken to them for a couple of days. This isn't love its serious crushing. 2
Author lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 I totally misunderstood what this thread was going to be about. Oh well. So you still love him, and he's playing a little hard to get, but is not letting go. If I were you, I'd tell him to stop ****ing around, buy you a big bunch of flowers and to come over and tell you how much he loves you, like right friggin' now! That will end in one of two ways, and you'll know what to do from there. LOL to your whole reply. Actually I forgot to add we r not in the same city presently. He is far away in the same country. But he couldn't just coke over and before I did everything wrong. I was the man chaser. Now I'm trying to reverse all that I did wrong before. He couldn't commit to me because I never knew how to inspire him to commit. Now I know. So, what's the advice for long distance?
mightycpa Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) Lola lola lola... You are heading down the rocky road to booty call. This is not a good place and this guy is not good for you. You haven't blown it... But you need to! He needs to go. This whole thing is messing with your head. Don't be friends. Be young free and single. Find someone who does want to be with you and who you don't need to worry if you haven't spoken to them for a couple of days. This isn't love its serious crushing. TD, You do know that if what you say is true, he'll balk at buying the flowers, especially if she specifies roses, amirite? But if he loves her, he'll make it happen, regardless of the cost. EDIT: well then, for LD, he's going to have to really love you, isn't he? I imagine they have cars, trains and planes in your country. I didn't say it would be easy. Probably though, you should just abandon this. But, what have you got to lose? Edited February 23, 2015 by mightycpa
Author lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Lola lola lola... You are heading down the rocky road to booty call. This is not a good place and this guy is not good for you. You haven't blown it... But you need to! He needs to go. This whole thing is messing with your head. Don't be friends. Be young free and single. Find someone who does want to be with you and who you don't need to worry if you haven't spoken to them for a couple of days. This isn't love its serious crushing. No boots call is possible. We live two days away from each other on the train. Keep in mind I broke up with him.
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 This site is awesome! Advice is great! I broke up with the ex seven months ago. I would not speak on the phone to him in over seven months. I finally agreed because I went in the hospital and got weaker. Then I felt intuition he had some other girl and told him to stop calling me ever again. It felt totally wrong and I had to call him on valentine day. He told me he got rejected by some other girl and I got so jealous. Since that day I called him he's calling everyday. Two days this weekend his days of he didn't call and I panicked. But he's not talking he loves me, misses me, or wants to get together again. He's not good in expressing feelings but we've been talking on the phone for hours each day and I know he didn't like talking long in phone when we were together.. . Tonight after two days of him not calling I started to feel awful and abandoned,like we do when he doesn't call. So tonight I seemed a little jealous on the phone and when we got off I told him I missed him. But he just sighed an by d told me to sleep well. Was I to needy. Did I make a mistake. Two days seem like forever not to talk to the man I love. What do i do. He's not saying he wants me back.. Etc. I told him wed be friends on the first call. Does he seem interested? Why is he calling everyday? You can't be friends with someone for whom you have deep emotional, romantic feelings and he doesn't. He's all for taking up your time, but he's not for being your boyfriend. You really need to let this go, get over him for good and move on with your life. As Toodalo said, this is the road to booty call/FWB, not relationship rekindling. You're not going to get out of him what you want. 1
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 No boots call is possible. We live two days away from each other on the train. Keep in mind I broke up with him. but you're the one pining for him to emote on a level on which he's clearly not interested in emoting.
Author lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 You can't be friends with someone for whom you have deep emotional, romantic feelings and he doesn't. He's all for taking up your time, but he's not for being your boyfriend. You really need to let this go, get over him for good and move on with your life. As Toodalo said, this is the road to booty call/FWB, not relationship rekindling. You're not going to get out of him what you want. Why do u say this.. What makes you conclude this. Please explain everything. Thanks.
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Why do u say this.. What makes you conclude this. Please explain everything. Thanks. re-read your posts. What I said is pretty clear.
Author lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 but you're the one pining for him to emote on a level on which he's clearly not interested in emoting. Oh. So him calling daily doesn't really matter? Sharing all his work personal growth, daily life things. It doesn't mean he loves me still?
Toodaloo Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 No boots call is possible. We live two days away from each other on the train. Keep in mind I broke up with him. Why on earth are you bothering at all then? CPA you can buy me flowers any day - not so into roses though!
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Oh. So him calling daily doesn't really matter? Sharing all his work personal growth, daily life things. It doesn't mean he loves me still? No. Him calling everyday and never saying "Lola, I really want to be with you. I want a relationship with you. Give us another chance, please" doesn't mean anything, except that he wants to share the vicissitudes of his day with you. It has nothing really to do with him loving you. Has he said "Lola, I love you"? Absent that, no. It's nice, but it really doesn't mean anything except he likes talking to you daily for hours on end.
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) Let's review, shall we?: But he's not talking he loves me, misses me, or wants to get together again. when we got off I told him I missed him. But he just sighed an by d told me to sleep well. He's not saying he wants me back.. Given this, I"d say no, he's not interested in being with you. He likes talking with you, but if he was interested, he'd be about getting you to take him back and he'd make that abundantly clear. Generally speaking: a man who wants you in his life in all ways will tell you that. The fact that he's telling you about other women who've rejected him says you're in the friendzone, because a woman you want to be with is not someone you'd say that to. That's what you discuss with your friend. Edited February 23, 2015 by kendahke
Author lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Let's review, shall we?: But he's not talking he loves me, misses me, or wants to get together again. when we got off I told him I missed him. But he just sighed an by d told me to sleep well. He's not saying he wants me back.. Given this, I"d say no, he's not interested in being with you. He likes talking with you, but if he was interested, he'd be about getting you to take him back and he'd make that abundantly clear. Generally speaking: a man who wants you in his life in all ways will tell you that. The fact that he's telling you about other women who've rejected him says you're in the friendzone, because a woman you want to be with is not someone you'd say that to. That's what you discuss with your friend. Thank u. Of course there is so Much to the relationship u know. The issue of him telling me the truth was one reason why I broke up. Okay. I get what u say. Thanks for the advice everyone. I wish it was different.
Author lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Thank u. Of course there is so Much to the relationship u know. The issue of him telling me the truth was one reason why I broke up. Okay. I get what u say. Thanks for the advice everyone. I wish it was different. How do i get out of the friend zone
Author lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Can I ask please one more thing isn't it possible he could be acting guarded? I broke up with him last year. He was trying to get me back for some time. I didn't go back. Then we reunited again for about a month and we went home again and told his family we were getting married . Then i left again. Long story short. Isn't there a way he may have gotten hurt and is trying not to get hurt again.. Hence he is not speaking all the things?
mightycpa Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Can I ask please one more thing isn't it possible he could be acting guarded? I broke up with him last year. He was trying to get me back for some time. I didn't go back. Then we reunited again for about a month and we went home again and told his family we were getting married . Then i left again. Long story short. Isn't there a way he may have gotten hurt and is trying not to get hurt again.. Hence he is not speaking all the things? Certainly it is possible. The common wisdom is that the dumper (you) go back on your hands and knees begging for reconciliation... it is all on the dumper (you). So maybe it is really you who should go jump on that train with a big bunch of roses and be the one who puts their feelings totally at risk. You're right, if that's what you really want.
Author lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Certainly it is possible. The common wisdom is that the dumper (you) go back on your hands and knees begging for reconciliation... it is all on the dumper (you). So maybe it is really you who should go jump on that train with a big bunch of roses and be the one who puts their feelings totally at risk. You're right, if that's what you really want. Oh god. I'm so lost. Haha. With the bunch of roses joke spreading thru this thread. I was just preparing the goodbye sms email. But I really don't know what to think. My intuition tells me he doesn't know what he wants. And I'm usually right. So how do I handle this if he doesn't know what he wants.. And if he's scared. The first night I called valentine's he told me that if I was depressed I could come to him and he'd buy me a house in the future. Ugh. Why do relationships have to be so difficult? All this trying to understand men and women. We r so fundamentally different! Even tonight I mentioned another guy and he seemed jealous and was asking who he is. I'm thinking I'll make up a fake guy to make him a little jealous. Just kidding. I heard that works though. Really. I love him so much. But I'm also afraid to get hurt again. What should my next step be? Is there some get your ex back program I should buy? Which one is best? Help!
Author lola108 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Also i know if I see him well definitely be instantly together. The attraction is strong. But really I don't know if this can with between us. He doesn't get that in perfect for him. There is one small thing in his mind that makes me think I'm wrong for him spiritually. I don't think I should go there to him.. Because he needs to feel that he wins me.. And chases me so he can feel commmited. That was missing last time. Oh I love and miss his so much.
mightycpa Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Also i know if I see him well definitely be instantly together. The attraction is strong. But really I don't know if this can with between us. He doesn't get that in perfect for him. There is one small thing in his mind that makes me think I'm wrong for him spiritually. I don't think I should go there to him.. Because he needs to feel that he wins me.. And chases me so he can feel commmited. That was missing last time. Oh I love and miss his so much. Ok,, so it goes something like this: Two people are together. One (dumper) decides to call it quits... doesn't matter what the reason is, that is the decision. The dumpee has two choices, accept it or "fight". Nobody believes that you should fight someone in order for them to want to be with you. When your RS gets to the point of separation, there is either a problem with the RS, or a problem with the dumper. So, if it is going to really bother the dumpee, then he/she is counseled to go NC, so that he/she can heal. Usually, they can't stand it, and they go back and beg and plead, or they try to worm their way in. Sometimes, it works, and they get back temporarily, but the old problems reappear, and one of them pulls the plug after a while. Sound familiar yet? If it is the dumper who ends it again, then the dumpee is told that they were warned, and the advice is repeated. NC! The only hope for reconciliation for the dumpee is that the dumper changes his/her mind, and makes it known in no uncertain terms that this is intolerable, and that they want to be back together. It's a pretty serious step. The dumpee is counseled not to even respond to these entreaties until the dumper is breaking down doors and walls to reconcile. Apparently, that's not you. So, you can continue to be cruel to your now twice former beau, and feed him breadcrumbs of hope from across the country, or you can bite the bullet and put an end to this madness, one way or the other. Either you want him bad enough and you think it will work, or not. Act accordingly. You're the one with her eyes open, and you're the one who should take all the risk to start it up again, because you're the one who ended it. 3
Author lola108 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 I just want to thank u all so much for actually replying so fast. It really helps when u are in a state to get help fast. I love him but the fundamental issue may still be there.. He couldn't commit because of one quality He THOUGHT I didn't have.. Which I actually have. It's a weird thing. So I felt it was up to me to make him chase me.. So I can work on myself in the process.. And if he wants to change his mind about the erroneous idea in his head. Then he can. But I know now he's not ready for such a serious relationship with anyhow. So now I'm taking this chance to grow myself. I can't see myself going to him at all.. Because a man should chase the woman.. And last time I did all the work. So really I have to lean back as the relationship experts say and see what he does. So far he is trying to prove to me that he is changing like I forced him to. But we both know he's not ready for marriage now. Also I want to see who else is there for me as well. So thank u for this guidance it really helped.
Toodaloo Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Lola - give it up. Quit messing with this guys head! Go no contact. Leave him be and find someone closer to home.
Author lola108 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Lola - give it up. Quit messing with this guys head! Go no contact. Leave him be and find someone closer to home. I am NOT messing with his head. If anything he is messing with mine. There's a lot u don't know about. I am his first girl friend and first sex partner. After me he got very open to the idea of other girls. If anything I'm trying to protect myself from him. He lied to me repeatedly...doing sex chats online and more. I won't get into it now.. But he may be a cheating kind of guy. I love him more than anything but he's not well mentally. Do not judge a relationship based on a few posts. There is a huge history in each person's life. I'm in no way messing with anybody head. We nearly got married and if I knew he was sure about me, which I know he is not, then I'd marry him today.
Toodaloo Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I am NOT messing with his head. If anything he is messing with mine. There's a lot u don't know about. I am his first girl friend and first sex partner. After me he got very open to the idea of other girls. If anything I'm trying to protect myself from him. He lied to me repeatedly...doing sex chats online and more. I won't get into it now.. But he may be a cheating kind of guy. I love him more than anything but he's not well mentally. Do not judge a relationship based on a few posts. There is a huge history in each person's life. I'm in no way messing with anybody head. We nearly got married and if I knew he was sure about me, which I know he is not, then I'd marry him today. Right so he was mean, horrible and manipulative and you want to go back? Oh dear Lord. Even more reason to STAY AWAY. Drama does not equal love. Last advice still stands even more so. Go no contact Leave him alone Find someone closer to home.
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