xbbnx Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I guess all Im really looking for are words of encouragement as I've never been in this position. So here we go.... I just broke things off with my girlfriend a couple days ago of 9months. She's 29 going on 30 come June, I'm 22 going on 23 come May. Notice the 7year difference? It'll come into play later. Anyway, we met at a club 9 months ago and because of the age difference I thought it'll end up being nothing serious, sexual, occasional hang outs etc. She was my first serious relationship, and the maturity was definitely what drew me to her, she took good care of me as I did her. Met her mom/ some of her family, it was getting really serious quickly. She's at the age where she wants kids before she's 35, and married at 32. The only problem is that I don't feel like I'm going to be ready for that type of commitment, initially I agreed and maybe I thought I would, or maybe I agreed just to please her but deep down I knew I wouldn't be ready. I didn't want to lose her because she was so good to me and would literally do anything for me. But the guilt of lying to her and leading her on started weighing on me heavily. On top of that there was this pressure of being some body else, of being a "man". Being a provider and protector, I always felt like I had to act a certain way to fit that mold. The night before I broke up with her she was telling me about some guy at work how he was a man because whenever she needed him he he was there and he took charge, she went on saying "and there just something about him, I don't know what it is he's just a man" almost as if she was in a daze and her mind was wondering away about him. Here was another pressure. It just got too much. I decided that we just weren't on the same playing field, I was just too young in this stage in my life to be the type of protector and security she needs, and she just too old for me and desired something more that maybe I wasn't giving. I decided to end it yesterday. I know it's for the better but I miss the companionship of having someone always there, and she was so good to me and would do anything for me! I fear I wouldn't be able to find that again. She has been blowing up my phone begging me, saying that she loves me and that she's willing to wait for me for however long till I'm ready for marriage and kids, but I feel that's just her talking out of a sense of desperation and loss, and grasping at anything to keep me. Idk I guess I'm just looking for words of encouragement or advice. I'm very young and relatively inexperienced with these kinds of things. I just know I'm gonna get very lonely and miss having her there, and I fear I might slip. Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance.
mightycpa Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 You've got a good head on your shoulders. You're probably not ready for that, and the alarm bells are going off in her head like you'd never believe. You've got to want it, really want it, or else you're settling in a way. She's old enough to understand that, and if you need 5 - 7 years, then she'll be 34 - 36. That's a long time to wait, especially because you can change your mind anywhere between now and then. Plus, you've only dated 9 months. I think you're doing the right thing and not promising more than you're prepared to deliver. 1
Poppyolive Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 You did the right thing. You both will work through this and be happier in the long run. I say this because, my ex was like you, 3 year age gap. He played along for 5 years. Always telling me he was ready for the "next step" (marriage & kids) when we split, it was because he wasn't ready and didn't want to hold me back. Which still angers me, because I'm now 33 and five years wasted, where I could of found someone willing to go in the same direction as me. In the end it caused arguments & resentment. So, let her go. Fully & completely, to find a partner that is on the same page.
Satu Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Your reasoning is sound. Stick to your decision. 1
imss_1 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I think you're doing the right thing, the kindest thing really and the best thing for her. It's also quite selfless so I congratulate you on that. Please try not to slip and contact her - post on here before you do. It wouldn't be fair on either of you to end up back in a relationship where you have to compromise so much. 1
marimari Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 You were honest, and you didn't want to lead her on. You did the right thing. First break up may be tough, you may feel lonely, you may feel a rollercoaster of emotions, but try not to beat yourself down.
Author xbbnx Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 I messed up guys, I gave her another chance and decided to get back together but I feel like I might have made a mistake going back on my decision to call it quits. Now I feel stuck and I feel like my heart is tugging me two different directions, please help!
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