Jordan2345 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I found myself in a pickle. To make things short. I started hanging out with this girl in the beginning of December. Now, we are in a relationship. About a month ago, she let me use her phone to put on an Internet radio station. I was pretty buzzed, and mistakenly decided to snoop on her texts a little bit. I noticed a convo with one of her male friends whom I have never met, and she never talks about him around me. It's a small town, so I do know of him. He seems like a nice guy. Around the time we started hanging out, she had texted him that she had wanted a bf/gf relationship with him, but he wasn't intersted so they continued to be friends. Everything seemed fine. I noticed the other day on her phone that they made plans to hang out this week. I've snooped on her phone a couple times because I was unsettled. I wish I never would have looked at her phone, but I did. Admittingly wrongfully. I don't know what to do. It bothers me that she made plans to hang out with someone 1 on 1 who she obviously liked or still likes. Especially without telling me. But, the only way to bring it up is to admit to her that I snooped on her phone, which I will never do. Do I just wait to see if she tells me they hung out? I'm so confused.
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Deceitful... pull up your big boy pants and tell her you snooped and ask her about it. you were grown enough to do it; be grown enough to stand in that truth and take your butt whippin' for it. Jeeez... 1
Dallers Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I found myself in a pickle. To make things short. I started hanging out with this girl in the beginning of December. Now, we are in a relationship. About a month ago, she let me use her phone to put on an Internet radio station. I was pretty buzzed, and mistakenly decided to snoop on her texts a little bit. I noticed a convo with one of her male friends whom I have never met, and she never talks about him around me. It's a small town, so I do know of him. He seems like a nice guy. Around the time we started hanging out, she had texted him that she had wanted a bf/gf relationship with him, but he wasn't intersted so they continued to be friends. Everything seemed fine. I noticed the other day on her phone that they made plans to hang out this week. I've snooped on her phone a couple times because I was unsettled. I wish I never would have looked at her phone, but I did. Admittingly wrongfully. I don't know what to do. It bothers me that she made plans to hang out with someone 1 on 1 who she obviously liked or still likes. Especially without telling me. But, the only way to bring it up is to admit to her that I snooped on her phone, which I will never do. Do I just wait to see if she tells me they hung out? I'm so confused. A: You do not trust her or you are insecure and possessive to look through her phone. B: She is your girlfriend, not your property. She can hang out with and do as she pleases. C: You are destined to damage the relationship early on by snooping because it is will lead to jealousy on your part and then arguments. She will deem you possessive once she finds out why you are angry. A real man trusts his woman, is confident enough to not worry about another guy because he is better than any other man and always looks after himself first. You need to work on those areas.
Author Jordan2345 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Deceitful... pull up your big boy pants and tell her you snooped and ask her about it. you were grown enough to do it; be grown enough to stand in that truth and take your butt whippin' for it. Jeeez... I won't do that.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Yeah you didn't really have a right to snoop - but the damage is done. Now that you have this info, you need to use it. It sounds like she settled for you. 1
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I won't do that. why am I not surprised? 1
Author Jordan2345 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 A: You do not trust her or you are insecure and possessive to look through her phone. B: She is your girlfriend, not your property. She can hang out with and do as she pleases. C: You are destined to damage the relationship early on by snooping because it is will lead to jealousy on your part and then arguments. She will deem you possessive once she finds out why you are angry. A real man trusts his woman, is confident enough to not worry about another guy because he is better than any other man and always looks after himself first. You need to work on those areas. I don't mind them hanging out one iota. I'm more concerned that she didn't tell me about it. I'm not jealous.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I won't do that. You need to fess up and confront her - or break up with her. Otherwise you're going to go crazy with possibilities of her and him. 1
Author Jordan2345 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 why am I not surprised? Because I admitted as much in my opening post.
Dallers Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I don't mind them hanging out one iota. I'm more concerned that she didn't tell me about it. I'm not jealous. If you weren't jealous this wouldn't bother you. 3
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I don't mind them hanging out one iota. I'm more concerned that she didn't tell me about it. I'm not jealous. that's rich... you're more concerned that she didn't tell you about this, but you won't tell her how you found out. deceitful... this relationship will have a short shelf life because you're already killed it. The truth will out and it will be when it's not convenient for you. 1
TigerCub Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I found myself in a pickle. To make things short. I started hanging out with this girl in the beginning of December. Now, we are in a relationship. About a month ago, she let me use her phone to put on an Internet radio station. I was pretty buzzed, and mistakenly decided to snoop on her texts a little bit. I noticed a convo with one of her male friends whom I have never met, and she never talks about him around me. It's a small town, so I do know of him. He seems like a nice guy. Around the time we started hanging out, she had texted him that she had wanted a bf/gf relationship with him, but he wasn't intersted so they continued to be friends. Everything seemed fine. I noticed the other day on her phone that they made plans to hang out this week. I've snooped on her phone a couple times because I was unsettled. I wish I never would have looked at her phone, but I did. Admittingly wrongfully. I don't know what to do. It bothers me that she made plans to hang out with someone 1 on 1 who she obviously liked or still likes. Especially without telling me. But, the only way to bring it up is to admit to her that I snooped on her phone, which I will never do. Do I just wait to see if she tells me they hung out? I'm so confused. Ok you can't expect honesty if you don't even offer it. So if she goes out with him and doesn't tell you - then what? How would you even know that they're just friends - you don't know if she still has feeling for him. It is quite the pickle - but HONESTLY (you can't get on your high horse about it if you can't admit to her that you snooped). 2
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Because I admitted as much in my opening post. you admitted you were confused. You're not. You're cowardly. Big difference. 2
Author Jordan2345 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 If you weren't jealous this wouldn't bother you. Im not jealous, and it does.
Author Jordan2345 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 that's rich... you're more concerned that she didn't tell you about this, but you won't tell her how you found out. deceitful... this relationship will have a short shelf life because you're already killed it. The truth will out and it will be when it's not convenient for you. Hence, the metaphorical pickle.
TigerCub Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Im not jealous, and it does. I get it, maybe jealous isn't the right word, but you are concerned because she would be with him if he did't turn her down. But now she's your girl and you have no way of knowing if she is over him and happy with you completely without asking her about him, and you can't ask about him without bringing up the snooping. You snooped that was wrong but I understand your position. So you either: a) don't mention it at all and just let it simmer and fester and eat you up, or b) admit to snooping and come out and ask. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Ok you can't expect honesty if you don't even offer it. So if she goes out with him and doesn't tell you - then what? How would you even know that they're just friends - you don't know if she still has feeling for him. It is quite the pickle - but HONESTLY (you can't get on your high horse about it if you can't admit to her that you snooped). This 1000x. This is why you don't snoop OP. You'll inevitably find something on her phone that could be misconstrued as cheating/sneaking around - its possible - or theres a perfectly good explanation for it. The only way to know is ask her - but by doing so you are telling her that you broke her trust and spied on her. Either you dodged a bullet, or she wasn't doing anything wrong and now you ruined your relationship. You already sound super jealous (don't deny it), so you need to confront her and work it out - OR BREAK UP. Honestly - based on what you describe it sounds like they're just friends. 2
Author Jordan2345 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 you admitted you were confused. You're not. You're cowardly. Big difference. That's fair. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Im not jealous, and it does. There's really nothing you can do. You're not willing to 'fess up, so you don't exactly have options here. Either accept it and move on or tell her what you know. I highly doubt she's going to offer up this info voluntarily. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Ask her to do something at the time she is suppose to meet him. If she lies, then call her out on it and ask her why she lied. If she tells the truth, than you can pass on telling her the truth.. but then doesn't that make you worse than her? Either way, I think you should ask her to do something then and see if she lies. If she does, what is next is up to you. I would do one of two things.. break up with her or tell her you snooped. Depends on how much you want to fight for it and if you think you can grow from this. There is one other thing, the grey answer: I am meeting a friend. Then you inquire, whom, and if she says this guy, ask her how she feels about him and if she ever wanted to date him. I like how many people will say "A girl not your property, she can hang out with whom she pleases" and yet, on the same day, you can read a post about a girl saying her boyfriend is going out with a girl that he found beautiful and everyone will say he is being disrespectful. I find this super funny. 2
Author Jordan2345 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 This 1000x. This is why you don't snoop OP. You'll inevitably find something on her phone that could be misconstrued as cheating/sneaking around - its possible - or theres a perfectly good explanation for it. The only way to know is ask her - but by doing so you are telling her that you broke her trust and spied on her. Either you dodged a bullet, or she wasn't doing anything wrong and now you ruined your relationship. You already sound super jealous (don't deny it), so you need to confront her and work it out - OR BREAK UP. Honestly - based on what you describe it sounds like they're just friends. I'm not jealous. I'd have no problem admitting so. I'm not even concerned about her feelings for him or vice versa. I'm bugged she didn't tell me about it.
TigerCub Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I'm not jealous. I'd have no problem admitting so. I'm not even concerned about her feelings for him or vice versa. I'm bugged she didn't tell me about it. Ok, wow, for a second I had your back by writing this I get it, maybe jealous isn't the right word, but you are concerned because she would be with him if he did't turn her down. But now she's your girl and you have no way of knowing if she is over him and happy with you completely without asking her about him, and you can't ask about him without bringing up the snooping. You snooped that was wrong but I understand your position. So you either: a) don't mention it at all and just let it simmer and fester and eat you up, or b) admit to snooping and come out and ask. I didn't think you were jealous, but then you go on to say that you're pissed that she didn't tell you about it! Really?! Ok well MR. Honesty - go tell her about how you're a snoop. Stop being a f**in hypocrite. 2
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Hence, the metaphorical pickle. This is not a pickle. Not my any stretch of the imagination. This is you not being an adult and acting like an adult. You're acting like a scared 8 yr old who just broke mommy's vase and knows your behind will get worn out when she finds out you broke it. You want to lie by omission to her about snooping on her phone. You already had trust issues with her that had nothing to do with this--otherwise, you'd have never picked up her phone in the first place. The fact that you're too afraid to own up to what you did says everything she needs to know to dump you, which she should. 1
Author Jordan2345 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Ok, wow, for a second I had your back by writing this I didn't think you were jealous, but then you go on to say that you're pissed that she didn't tell you about it! Really?! Ok well MR. Honesty - go tell her about how you're a snoop. Stop being a f**in hypocrite. Bugged. Far from pissed. It does make me a hypocrite. Agreed. I'm just unsure of how to proceed. 1
kendahke Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Bugged. Far from pissed. It does make me a hypocrite. Agreed. I'm just unsure of how to proceed. the truth shall set you free. It's going to eventually come out anyway--it won't stay hidden. Better to ride that wave instead of being pounded into the sand by it. 1
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