Paid for our first date

February 24, 2015

I respect your outlook with regard to this subject. You seem very sincere and it appears that you were raised to be the quintessential gentleman. Just becareful of the girls you date and make sure they don't take advantage of your generous nature (I'm sure you're doing that already).

So, let me ask you a question. If you're on a date and the girl takes her purse out and you see that she has every intention of paying her half of the dinner/movies/bowling/etc., what would you say to her?

.

I would tell her I'll take care of it. If she continues to insist, then I'll let her pay. At that point I figure it's probably not a game she's playing or she would have put her wallet away.

If a girl REALLY wants to pay their half, I'm not offended.

February 24, 2015

I'm curious. How do you compensate the men who only get one or two dates with you?

I usually shout the drinks by the second date. And I only accept a second date if I'm really into the guy. I don't let men take me out on dates if I'm lukewarm about them. I go for the men I have a keen interest in.

After dinner I make a habit of thanking the man for the dinner - I tell them " thanks so much for the lovely meal, please let me buy you an after dinner wine or desert "

I only date men who OFFER to treat me to meals; but once I find a man who genuinely enjoys treating me to lovely meals out, I insist on treating them to the drinks. It's their intent that counts.. I prefer a man who WANTS to treat me to the whole hog. I then offer to treat them to something after dinner. I offer to treat them but I don't date men who want me to pay for anything when it comes to meals out.

And frankly, a man with a full time job should be able to splurge on the odd dinner out, even if the dating doesn't last for more than two dates.

Call it entitled all you like. I simply only date men who actually prefer to spoil their date and treat them to a nice dinner. That doesn't mean I'm a princess, I do spoil the man in question right back.

I goes both ways. They offer to treat me to dinner. I'll then treat them to the drinks. And gifts and presents at random times.

February 24, 2015

Um even with all of the hardcore feminism today - most girls still expect guys to pay. Sure its acceptable to go dutch, whatever - but a lot of girls only offer to pay half and still expect the man to insist on paying. If the guy DOES actually let her pay when she offers - she thinks less of him. You can call it the "check dance" - guy reaches for bill - girl reaches for wallet - guy says no don't worry I got this.

I hate games and wish it were more clear cut but that's how it is.

Any guy worth his salt will just suck it up and insist on paying so he doesn't diss his date and shoot his chances of getting another date.

Any guy with half a brain won't spend a lot of money on the first date.

Also if the woman wants to pay half I'm not going to insist that I pay for everything. That's just a stupid game.

Now if you don't want to see that girl again, you can definitely take them up on paying half if they offer.

I really don't think it matters to most women, only the most shallow and entitled would lose interest in a guy who would "let her pay" her share.

February 24, 2015

Any guy with half a brain won't spend a lot of money on the first date.

Also if the woman wants to pay half I'm not going to insist that I pay for everything. That's just a stupid game.

I really don't think it matters to most women, only the most shallow and entitled would lose interest in a guy who would "let her pay" her share.

My first dates are never expensive. Usually I just do drinks - because hey I enjoy trying new Beer as much as the next person

Some girls will offer to pay but they don't intend to. I try not to fall in that trap.

Jeez somedude, which girl ruined your date?

February 24, 2015

My first dates are never expensive. Usually I just do drinks - because hey I enjoy trying new Beer as much as the next person

Some girls will offer to pay but they don't intend to. I try not to fall in that trap.

Jeez somedude, which girl ruined your date?

That's a question you should be asking yourself, calling it a trap.

The last girl I went dutch with for a few dates ended up becoming a girlfriend. She liked me so much I'm sure she would have been fine taking me out. That's how dating should be.

Edited February 24, 2015 by somedude81

February 24, 2015

My first dates are never expensive. Usually I just do drinks - because hey I enjoy trying new Beer as much as the next person

Some girls will offer to pay but they don't intend to. I try not to fall in that trap.

Jeez somedude, which girl ruined your date?

Do you find you are more reserved for online dating? What if it were a girl you've been flirting with in person for a week or two, are physically attracted to her and she seems keen on you? Do you think you'd try harder than just a drink/interview type date?

I guess if I did online dating, I'd worry about if the girl is worth my effort and $$$, but the majority of the time, not only did I meet the girl in person, but I somewhat already did the "interview date" for zero $$$.

February 24, 2015

I usually shout the drinks by the second date. And I only accept a second date if I'm really into the guy. I don't let men take me out on dates if I'm lukewarm about them. I go for the men I have a keen interest in.

After dinner I make a habit of thanking the man for the dinner - I tell them " thanks so much for the lovely meal, please let me buy you an after dinner wine or desert "

I only date men who OFFER to treat me to meals; but once I find a man who genuinely enjoys treating me to lovely meals out, I insist on treating them to the drinks. It's their intent that counts.. I prefer a man who WANTS to treat me to the whole hog. I then offer to treat them to something after dinner. I offer to treat them but I don't date men who want me to pay for anything when it comes to meals out.

And frankly, a man with a full time job should be able to splurge on the odd dinner out, even if the dating doesn't last for more than two dates.

Call it entitled all you like. I simply only date men who actually prefer to spoil their date and treat them to a nice dinner. That doesn't mean I'm a princess, I do spoil the man in question right back.

I goes both ways. They offer to treat me to dinner. I'll then treat them to the drinks. And gifts and presents at random times.

Basically, the man receives nothing if things don't go past the first date. He is also required to "spoil" you with dinner, so I imagine it's not a low cost meal. If there is a second date, he might be treated to drinks. Covering the drinks is good since they do add up quickly, but the one-date guy is out of luck. This is still better than many of the women I've dated, so I'm not sure what conclusion to draw.

I prefer to spoil my girlfriend rather than spoil my date.

February 25, 2015

I usually shout the drinks by the second date. And I only accept a second date if I'm really into the guy. I don't let men take me out on dates if I'm lukewarm about them. I go for the men I have a keen interest in.

After dinner I make a habit of thanking the man for the dinner - I tell them " thanks so much for the lovely meal, please let me buy you an after dinner wine or desert "

I only date men who OFFER to treat me to meals; but once I find a man who genuinely enjoys treating me to lovely meals out, I insist on treating them to the drinks. It's their intent that counts.. I prefer a man who WANTS to treat me to the whole hog. I then offer to treat them to something after dinner. I offer to treat them but I don't date men who want me to pay for anything when it comes to meals out.

And frankly, a man with a full time job should be able to splurge on the odd dinner out, even if the dating doesn't last for more than two dates.

Call it entitled all you like. I simply only date men who actually prefer to spoil their date and treat them to a nice dinner. That doesn't mean I'm a princess, I do spoil the man in question right back.

I goes both ways. They offer to treat me to dinner. I'll then treat them to the drinks. And gifts and presents at random times.

Leigh...at first, I didn't know what to make of your initial post and then this one. I had to think about it for a bit. You definitely march to the beat of a different drum!

Hey, each and everyone of us has our own beliefs and mannerisms with regard to dating and who pays for what and when. I like the fact that you treat the guy who treats you initially...you're just making sure his INTENT exists with regard to wanting to treat YOU. That's definitely a different spin to how I feel about this!

Do whatever works for ya, girl.

.

Edited February 25, 2015 by BlackOpsZombieGirl

February 25, 2015

In turn - I also spoil my men. I am generous by nature. What I buy for my men as surprise gifts and plane tickets balance out the fact that they take me out and treat me to all the meals. It is just a gentlemanly thing to do. I still prefer the guys to as me out, do the chasing and courting and take me out and treat me to nice meals

.I just love to spoil my men; think 600 dollar vintage watches even though I am a full time podiatry student who works just 15 hours in a podiatry shoe store.

How do you afford to spoil your men with those watches and plane tickets when you just work 15 hours???

:confused: How many men? Anyway I don't think very many men would be interested in a girl who is obsessed with being "spoilt" (that just sounds unpleasant coming from a grown woman) and who is measuring their expectations based on what you think your friends are "getting" but maybe that's just me, it doesn't really have anything to do with this guy walking out on the bill though.

February 25, 2015

i will always offer to pay...what he did was awkward ...leave the bill on the table .....he would have know you had to pick it up......so he didnt even ask if you could pay......all the bill....you were right to walk away that guy was not a gentleman at all.......very arrogant move on his behalf.....deb

February 25, 2015

In my opinion, a first date should always be really low key and inexpensive. Like grabbing ice cream/frozen yogurt. Even if the date sucks, I am out like $5 tops. Bums make more than that pan handling. Plus, it's a great test of her intentions. When a woman demonstrates value, I love to treat her to great dates and spoil her.

But why would I take a woman I know nothing about to an expensive dinner or some other extravagant first date? In the end if a woman's intentions are honorable, she won't care what the first date is, as long as the company is good. If she's the type of woman that automatically writes me off because I didn't wine and dine her on date one, she's too high maintenance anyways.

February 25, 2015

No - Men pay because its what a man does.

Letting the Woman pay is something you do after you know each other well enough - then its OK to take turns sometimes.

Cultural programming at its best.

February 25, 2015

In my opinion, a first date should always be really low key and inexpensive. Like grabbing ice cream/frozen yogurt. Even if the date sucks, I am out like $5 tops. Bums make more than that pan handling. Plus, it's a great test of her intentions. When a woman demonstrates value, I love to treat her to great dates and spoil her.

Now that I can agree with!

I like it when a guy treats, but there's no more points for an elaborate meal than something cheap and lowkey. I love cheap and low key.

One of my favorite dates ever, we went jogging together midsummer and stopped and got a gelato.

February 25, 2015

Cultural programming at its best.

Exactly.. When slavery existed, most people were like "Uh, thats just how it is".. When women didnt vote, men and women were like "Thats just how it is"

I have a business owner friend going through a divorce and he called to go out for beers.. I agreed.. he is a guy.. Was there any confusion as to who pays? Should I have pulled the "oh dude, you asked me.. You are paying"

So it continues.. What it comes down to is seemingly many women feel they are too good to actually pay, and they will find a man who will pay for them. This extends far past a first date. Women seldom will admit this, so they come up with all types of justifications for why men should pay.

Sure, back in the day women were virgins until marriage, didnt work, and expected to be homemakers. If a woman wants a true partner in life she should enthusiaticallky pay. most women are not seeking a true partner, and more or less want to trade sex for money.. Not explicitly in most cases.. But more or less that is what they bring to the table, as the old fashioned respoinsibilities they used to have are now outdated and frowned upon.

February 25, 2015

Now that I can agree with!

I like it when a guy treats, but there's no more points for an elaborate meal than something cheap and lowkey. I love cheap and low key.

One of my favorite dates ever, we went jogging together midsummer and stopped and got a gelato.

Exactly!

My last GF was a knockout of a woman. I'm a personal trainer, so you can imagine the type of women I'm around. We still keep in touch and things ended amicably. We just ultimately weren't a great fit. But I like to use this as an example.

She was used to guys always taking her to expensive dinners, etc on a first date and trying way too hard. We met up at a Barnes and Noble. Walked around the store chatting, using various sections as conversation starters. She said it was the most creative and fun date she'd ever been on. She appreciated that I got to know her in an original way and the date was free. If anything she loved my confidence in that I didn't feel I needed to impress her and that my company was enough.

February 25, 2015

I think the women advocating for a man to pay are turning a blind eye to the grand scheme of things. If you feel that a guy should pay and can afford to and "its only a lousy coffee", consider that a guy has 5 first dates in a month and pays £10 each time because the girl thinks he should and 'hey its only going to cost him £10 for a couple of coffess each' etc. Then has another 5 first dates the second month thats £100 spent which is a significant amount. As much as its nice to shoot the **** for a few hours for me spending that amount with no progression from the first date would start to grate. Nevermind considering dating girls like Leigh where its gonna cost you a few quid on a decent meal each time and then you start racking up £30-£40 bills per date.

The irony here of course is that the female response to this is "suck it up or you are a cheap loser, its only £100". However if you told the same female that she would end up paying £100 on dates over the next couple of months she would be horrified and spitting feathers. Its good for the goose, but not for the gander as they say. Female privilege in action? Strange how people can object to paying their share so much and yet judge the other person so harshly for not doing what they refuse to.

February 25, 2015

Exactly.. When slavery existed, most people were like "Uh, thats just how it is".. When women didnt vote, men and women were like "Thats just how it is"

I have a business owner friend going through a divorce and he called to go out for beers.. I agreed.. he is a guy.. Was there any confusion as to who pays? Should I have pulled the "oh dude, you asked me.. You are paying"

So it continues.. What it comes down to is seemingly many women feel they are too good to actually pay, and they will find a man who will pay for them. This extends far past a first date. Women seldom will admit this, so they come up with all types of justifications for why men should pay.

Sure, back in the day women were virgins until marriage, didnt work, and expected to be homemakers. If a woman wants a true partner in life she should enthusiaticallky pay. most women are not seeking a true partner, and more or less want to trade sex for money.. Not explicitly in most cases.. But more or less that is what they bring to the table, as the old fashioned respoinsibilities they used to have are now outdated and frowned upon.

That's only the beginning you will be expected to cook if you don't take her out. If you move in with her you will be expected to do the chores on top of the chores that women won't or can't do.

February 25, 2015

Wow have I learned a LOT in this thread! During my dating years (over 20 years ago) it never even occurred to me to go dutch. Guess I'm old school where a guy pays for dates, though I have treated old bf's to dinners, concerts, etc. Guess when I begin dating again (currently separated) I'll have to be more conscious of offering to go dutch! I think going for coffee or light snack is a great place to start. I remember going out on a date where I could not wait to get out of there. The guy literally ogled me throughout dinner and a movie! I should have feined a headache after dinner, lol!

February 25, 2015

I have a business owner friend going through a divorce and he called to go out for beers.. I agreed.. he is a guy.. Was there any confusion as to who pays? Should I have pulled the "oh dude, you asked me.. You are paying"

So it continues.. What it comes down to is seemingly many women feel they are too good to actually pay, and they will find a man who will pay for them. This extends far past a first date. Women seldom will admit this, so they come up with all types of justifications for why men should pay.

Sure, back in the day women were virgins until marriage, didnt work, and expected to be homemakers. If a woman wants a true partner in life she should enthusiaticallky pay. most women are not seeking a true partner, and more or less want to trade sex for money.. Not explicitly in most cases.. But more or less that is what they bring to the table, as the old fashioned respoinsibilities they used to have are now outdated and frowned upon.

Why are you so hateful? Almost every single thing you've written in this thread is hateful. If women are so awful, why do you date them? I hope you stay single for a long time and work on that attitude because its appalling and a massive turn-off.

As someone mentioned, best thing to do is go low-key. Coffee dates are great. My first date with my boyfriend was a coffee date, I paid. It was so good that we spent all day together and went to dinner, splitting the bill. We split a few more times and then when we became official I suggested we take turns.

Frankly OP, I can see why you were disgusted. The guy acted like he expected you to pay. It doesn't matter what gender this concerns, its always disgusting when someone expects you to pay.

February 25, 2015

Exactly.. When slavery existed, most people were like "Uh, thats just how it is".. When women didnt vote, men and women were like "Thats just how it is"

I have a business owner friend going through a divorce and he called to go out for beers.. I agreed.. he is a guy.. Was there any confusion as to who pays? Should I have pulled the "oh dude, you asked me.. You are paying"

So it continues.. What it comes down to is seemingly many women feel they are too good to actually pay, and they will find a man who will pay for them. This extends far past a first date. Women seldom will admit this, so they come up with all types of justifications for why men should pay.

Sure, back in the day women were virgins until marriage, didnt work, and expected to be homemakers. If a woman wants a true partner in life she should enthusiaticallky pay. most women are not seeking a true partner, and more or less want to trade sex for money.. Not explicitly in most cases.. But more or less that is what they bring to the table, as the old fashioned respoinsibilities they used to have are now outdated and frowned upon.

If you can justify it then thats something, what I cant stand is people who say "so and so should do ______ ......why? Because thats just the way it is.". Most people, unfortunately, are sheep and will do what is socially 'accepted' without thinking about why they are doing it. Paying for dates is a classic example, it became a cultural staple because women didnt have the money to date and whilst women have fought for financial independance in everyday life and have achieved that dating chivalry still remains an accepted normnm although nobody quite knows why- its just the way it is, apparently!

February 25, 2015

Frankly OP, I can see why you were disgusted. The guy acted like he expected you to pay. It doesn't matter what gender this concerns, its always disgusting when someone expects you to pay.

Well put. The expectation of men paying runs thick through this thread and yes, regardless of gender its not very classy. Dont hold other people to higher standards than you set for yourself.

February 25, 2015

Did he ask you out again? Have you guys spoken since?

February 25, 2015

I have a business owner friend going through a divorce and he called to go out for beers.. I agreed.. he is a guy.. Was there any confusion as to who pays?

No. In the case of someone going through some tough times, it's similarly clear etiquette. Person consoling the other one pays.

February 25, 2015

I give him props.

That was pretty bold of him lol.

February 25, 2015

Here's a story for ya.....on a thread long long ago a woman posted about a guy that took her out on a date to an expensive restaurant. The minute they sat down he orders a bottle of expensive wine and started drinking....ordered dinner $$$ and another bottle of wine they ate dinner,..then ordered another bottle of wine. By this time he was so belligerent he was escorted out.....she got stuck paying the bill as he hopped into a cab home....now that's ballzzee

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