Paid for our first date

February 24, 2015

Would you (or any other women here for that matter) let the guy pay if you weren't interested? Lol.

Hmm, good question... If I wasn't interested in dating him again? Um, probably not. And the only reason why is because I wouldn't want him to think that I expected a "free meal". As another poster stated, it's always a good idea for a woman to bring money with her when she goes out on a date fully expecting to pay her half. If the guy insists on covering the bill, then that would be up to her as to whether she should graciously accept his offer to pay or not.

There are so many guys who are paranoid about that; but maybe they are paranoid about it because most of the women (or a lot of them) that they took out on a date didn't offer to pay their half or really did just go on a date with them for a "free meal".

For the record, ANYONE who goes out on a date with someone for the sole purpose of getting a "free meal" is classless, a user and a LOSER.

.

February 24, 2015

Once you keep seeing a woman who plays games about paying at the beginning, way more often than not she will be the type who will resent you if she ever has to pay.

It does not matter how many women come online to say how they pay in the future, or later pay half etc. In real life that is typically not the case. Once the precedent is set that the guy pays, this is really awkward and uncomfortable to change in the future.

These are the types of women to avoid. I agree with that. It's easy to vet these women, though. That's why I don't understand the men getting bent out of shape over paying for dates. My first date with my current girlfriend was sharing a 6-pack on a picnic table in a park. Second date was pizza. As it turns out, and this has been my typical dating experience, she offered to pay half, and when I refused, she offered to pay for drinks afterward. Had she not offered either of this, I would have started to wonder about her intentions. This would have been my cue to be more cautious on future dates with her. In the end, I would have probably taken her out on one more cheap date and if she expected more or didn't offer things to be equal, I would have recognized that she would not be the woman for me. Luckily it didn't turn out this way.

February 24, 2015

The whole concept of the person who asks out the other should have to pay is ridiculous. Men do the asking out in 90% of first dates. That's just how things are. Women aren't entitled to a free meal simply because they are women.

I do like the idea of simply not paying at all for the food if the date was really bad. I can imagine getting up as soon as I'm doing eating, and saying "Thank you, I had a nice time" and then walking away. I wonder what kind of scene the woman would make.

February 24, 2015

I think in early dating it's always expected that the man should pay (since he is usually doing the asking out).

After 3 or more dates, I think its OK for the girl to pay sometimes or go half/half.

February 24, 2015

I don't think the free meal, gold digger girls are as prevalent as many guys believe. I have personally known a woman that would get free dates via POF or Facebook, just because she was bored on a Saturday. She would take almost any offer she got, just for a free meal or movie that weekend if she had no other plans. Whether they should or not, men will start to be wary of all women when they hear of, or meet a girl like that.

The biggest issue here, as far as men go, is the mixed messages many women give. Guy doesn't pay? He's a loser. Girl doesn't have to pay, but she is somehow exempt from that loser judgement. Men, we know the BS for what it is, because most of us have been on plenty of dates where a woman never made any motions to pay. That's why when a woman makes a thread complaining about a guy not paying, a lot of guys have no sympathy for her. Also, men like to be appreciated too. Everyone here says paying for a date is a kind gesture, but it's rare that a woman offers to pay.

Look some of the threads on here. People talking about going on over 100 dates and still can't find someone they connect with. Some guys get a little bitter paying for those 100 dates is all. Me, I generally have better luck that that. If I was paying to meet 100+ women I might get sensitive about paying for dates too.

I can understand this to an extent, but wouldn't you just go with what you can afford? I can understand getting sensitive about paying for 100+ dates that go nowhere, but they don't have to be expensive unless these guys want the types of women that expect that, and that's a whole other issue. It's their choice to invite women on these dates. Make them cheap and you avoid getting resentful towards an entire gender.

I mean, if you look at a first date as an alternate to going out with friends, you'd probably be saving money unless you go to a nice restaurant for every first date. Take a woman out for ice cream...that's like $5, and compare it to going out to a bar with friends...that could run anywhere from $15-$100 or more, depending on your style. You have to look at dates like you are paying for an experience. If you don't want to pay for that experience, don't ask anyone out on a date. There's no reason in my mind to try to impress anyone with an expensive first date.

February 24, 2015

I must have went out on dates with very nice men....they show up at my door, dressed nicely with some flowers for me. They paid for the date without snivelling about it. Most men don't like it when a women reaches for the bill on a formal date because they like being the man, and taking the lead....maybe they were just more mature about dating?

I have taken guys out on dates, some I picked up, I dressed very nicely for them, I pay for everything without snivelling about it.

Now if it was a casual, "lets hang out and have a drink" then of course I would offer to pay half or at least leave the tip. Hanging out IMO is not a true date.

Women do need to step up and ask men out....it's a modern age, not the 1950s.

February 24, 2015

I don't think the free meal, gold digger girls are as prevalent as many guys believe. I have personally known a woman that would get free dates via POF or Facebook, just because she was bored on a Saturday. She would take almost any offer she got, just for a free meal or movie that weekend if she had no other plans. Whether they should or not, men will start to be wary of all women when they hear of, or meet a girl like that.

That girl is a L-O-S-E-R! I feel sorry for guys who have the unfortunate bad luck of taking a woman like this out on a date! No wonder most guys are paranoid about this!!! I'm glad that I'm a decent and fair enough woman to always offer to pay my way on any date that I go on. Not only does doing this make me feel better, but I'm sure it makes the guy feel better as well. It lets the guy know that she's a considerate person and self-sufficient enough to take care of herself and it also lets him know that she's NOT using him just to get a free meal or a free outing, as is illustrated about the loser in your post above.

The biggest issue here, as far as men go, is the mixed messages many women give. Guy doesn't pay? He's a loser. Girl doesn't have to pay, but she is somehow exempt from that loser judgement. Men, we know the BS for what it is, because most of us have been on plenty of dates where a woman never made any motions to pay. That's why when a woman makes a thread complaining about a guy not paying, a lot of guys have no sympathy for her. Also, men like to be appreciated too. Everyone here says paying for a date is a kind gesture, but it's rare that a woman offers to pay.

Look some of the threads on here. People talking about going on over 100 dates and still can't find someone they connect with. Some guys get a little bitter paying for those 100 dates is all. Me, I generally have better luck that that. If I was paying to meet 100+ women I might get sensitive about paying for dates too.

Women are NOT exempt from being a loser for not paying, as you know from what I've posted above. And any woman who thinks she gets a "free pass" for free food or free entertainment by virtue of her gender is simply possessing an outdated attitude. This isn't the 1950s! And you're right...guys ask girls out a lot more than women asking guys out; especially for a first date. If you add it all up - that's a LOT of $$$ guys shell out for first (and sometimes subsequent) dates and out of all of those dates they spent $$$ on, half of those (or maybe it's more) don't work out and they end up never seeing the girl again.

Even though I don't make that much of a salary, I would still always pay my way on a date. And, if I don't have enough money to pay my own way, I would cancel the date and tell him I'm unable to go out with him because I'm low on funds. Even if he insisted that he wanted to go out with me and that he'd cover the bill, I'd still be very hesitant. It would depend on the vibe I felt from him and if I was sure he understood that if he did pay for the date this time, that I would appreciate it and would try to cover our entire date next time or at least cover my portion of it and then be creative on subsequent dates we went out on to show my appreciation, such as setting up a picnic at the beach complete with a basket filled with edibles I made myself and a bottle of Moscato or something along those lines.

.

February 24, 2015

The whole concept of the person who asks out the other should have to pay is ridiculous. Men do the asking out in 90% of first dates. That's just how things are. Women aren't entitled to a free meal simply because they are women.

And men aren't entitled to dates because they have an interest.

The answer to that is don't date.

February 24, 2015

I don't mind paying or being generous but when people act entitled to it or that is my duty as a man it really brings out my stingy side. I do not owe anybody my money unless they are the government or I bought something from them.

February 24, 2015

Quoted wrong post above- cant edit

February 24, 2015

If you add it all up - that's a LOT of $$$ guys shell out for first (and sometimes subsequent) dates and out of all of those dates they spent $$$ on, half of those (or maybe it's more) don't work out and they end up never seeing the girl again.

You hit the nail on the head here. Those of us with bad track records end up having a lot of "buyer's remorse" for all of those early dates that amounted to nothing. It's less about the money spent and more about the money being spent poorly, at least for me.

In my ideal world, the early costs (when you're getting to know each other and determining whether it will go anywhere) would be split. Once a relationship is established, do whatever makes the most sense for that relationship.

February 24, 2015

Originally Posted by mortensorchid
I don't care about the level of interest on either part, if the man doesn't pay then he's a self centered, miserly loser. Glad you will not see him again and you realize it now.

Years ago I went out on an internet date with someone and he didn't offer to pay his way. I paid for my meal/drink or whatever it was I ordered. Never spoke again. Then I went out on this other internet date with some self centered man years later, he paid then when we left the place he asked where I was parked. I pointed to a parking garage across from us. He saw me as some kind of idiot or a crazy person, I could tell by his body language and his vanity. He walked away and said "Bye. Thanks for the stories." How rude! I got a meal out of it.

Why is a guy a "self-centered, miserly loser" if he doesn't pay for the entire date? Why do you feel you're entitled to enjoy the date without having to chip in your half of it?? And on top of that, you expected HIM to pay for your parking garage fee after he had paid for the ENTIRE date?!?!?

And um, excuse me - you "got a meal out of it"?????? Wow. Just, wow. Women (losers) like YOU are the reason so many guys are paranoid about this subject!

.

February 24, 2015

Why is a guy a "self-centered, miserly loser" if he doesn't pay for the entire date? Why do you feel you're entitled to enjoy the date without having to chip in your half of it?? And on top of that, you expected HIM to pay for your parking garage fee after he had paid for the ENTIRE date?!?!?

And um, excuse me - you "got a meal out of it"?????? Wow. Just, wow. Women (losers) like YOU are the reason so many guys are paranoid about this subject!

.

Yup. They ruin it for the good women who like gentlemenly behavior.

February 24, 2015

I don't date men who expect me to go halves from date one.

BUT - and listen - my love language is gifting and being spoilt. I cannot do without it.

In turn - I also spoil my men. I am generous by nature. What I buy for my men as surprise gifts and plane tickets balance out the fact that they take me out and treat me to all the meals. It is just a gentlemanly thing to do. I still prefer the guys to as me out, do the chasing and courting and take me out and treat me to nice meals

.I just love to spoil my men; think 600 dollar vintage watches even though I am a full time podiatry student who works just 15 hours in a podiatry shoe store. A surprise plane ticket for a weekend way to a new domestic location that neither of us have been to before...So it goes both ways! Yes I am not comfortable with a man who will NOT take me out and spoil me. I NEED the man I date to WANT to take me out and treat me to a lovely meal each time we go out.

HOWEVER - one guy told me he has to save money and so he prefers to cook a nice meal after the first couple of dates as opposed to dining out. When we were dating, he took me out a few times for a meal, and then he started to invite me in (once we started having sex) and he would spend ages cooking a lovely meal for the two of us, complete with a nice wine and DVD'S - all his dime but still cheaper than eating out!

I am straight up and honest with men though. I am who I am, I am not going to sit there and watch my friend getting taken out weekly and treated to dinner by her wonderful boyfriend, when I have to accept a 50/50 affair. Sorry but I am good enough to get what she has. It is clearly of utmost importance to me or else I feel ripped off if I have to date the guy who goes halves when my mates get treated like princesses and spoilt to lovely dinners out weekly.

Again - I was brought up by very generous parents who spoilt me so it feels natural for me to want to spoil men with gifts, and in return, spoil me to dinners out and the things I feel are the men's role to carry out and that make women feel special.

Us women who prefer the gender roles to stay in tact when it comes to dining out ARE NOT princesses! We also like to spoil our men right back, it is NOT a one ways street, and dinners out are just OUR way or wanting to feel special, it is not that we expect EVERYTHING from the man bar nice dinners out. Furthermore, I am also working my ass off doing a podiatry degree full time and working, in order for me to have an amazing career and a high income in 3 short years - so I am NOT a gold digger and I fully intend to earn my own dollars, which I just can't wait to use to spoil the lucky guy I happen to date.

Dinners out to me are representative of HOW I want a man to view me; as a woman he just loves to take out and spoil and treat to dinners. I also don't want a tight ass with his money. So a key factor in my preference towards men treating ME dinners is that: I am generous by nature and prefer a guy to also be generous... going halves for the bill is cheap in my honest opinion - yes we want our own careers and we are ambitious and intend to earn our own incomes - but it is just not nice to take a lady out for a nice meal and ask her to pay half.

I would have felt so embarrassed in front of the waitresses and staff at the restaurant when the guy didn't pay and the OP had to pay.

I would never talk to him again. Call me entitled all you like, I don't EXPECT a man to pay I ALWAYS offer - and if he accepts I don't opt to see him again, because it just so happens to be very important to me that a man is generous with his money and that I get treated and spoilt to lovely meals. And then I spoil them right back in other ways.

February 24, 2015

The whole concept of the person who asks out the other should have to pay is ridiculous. Men do the asking out in 90% of first dates. That's just how things are. Women aren't entitled to a free meal simply because they are women.

I do like the idea of simply not paying at all for the food if the date was really bad. I can imagine getting up as soon as I'm doing eating, and saying "Thank you, I had a nice time" and then walking away. I wonder what kind of scene the woman would make.

Why shouldn't you pay if the date was bad, then it was probably very bad for your date as well, are you planning to dine and dash??

And of course no one is entitled to a free meal, if you don't want to pay for a date just make it perfectly clear that you do NOT intend to pay at the time you ask the girl out, then she won't accept with any unfounded expectations!!

February 24, 2015

And men aren't entitled to dates because they have an interest.

The answer to that is don't date.

Huh?! So, if a guy doesn't want to feel that he has to shell out $$$ for like 10 or more dates that he'll go on with several women, NONE of those women can't step up to the plate and OFFER to pay their way or at least offer to help pay for SOME of the date? And since you feel that any woman shouldn't have to offer to pay for her portion of the date, you tell him that if men don't want to pay for the date that they shouldn't date AT ALL?!

Sorry, Kendahke...but I politely disagree with your perspective on this.

.

February 24, 2015

I must have went out on dates with very nice men....they show up at my door, dressed nicely with some flowers for me. They paid for the date without snivelling about it. Most men don't like it when a women reaches for the bill on a formal date because they like being the man, and taking the lead....maybe they were just more mature about dating?

This is why men pay.. They are shamed into it.. As you can see, if a man does not pay for the entire date he is snivelling, immature, not a man, not nice etc. Amazing how important money is to a woman if the possibility of sex is on the table.

Which is fine for me if women would just admit this, and know themselves. Just so many ridiculous excuses as to why men must pay for their company.

February 24, 2015

This is why men pay.. They are shamed into it.. As you can see, if a man does not pay for the entire date he is snivelling, immature, not a man, not nice etc. Amazing how important money is to a woman if the possibility of sex is on the table.

Which is fine for me if women would just admit this, and know themselves. Just so many ridiculous excuses as to why men must pay for their company.

No - Men pay because its what a man does.

Letting the Woman pay is something you do after you know each other well enough - then its OK to take turns sometimes.

February 24, 2015

This is why men pay.. They are shamed into it.. As you can see, if a man does not pay for the entire date he is snivelling, immature, not a man, not nice etc. Amazing how important money is to a woman if the possibility of sex is on the table.

Which is fine for me if women would just admit this, and know themselves. Just so many ridiculous excuses as to why men must pay for their company.

Stop letting yourself be shamed. I am fine with being immature and stingy as long as I am not broke. I will be an immature boy with disposable cash to spend on my immature things.

February 24, 2015

No - Men pay because its what a man does.

Letting the Woman pay is something you do after you know each other well enough - then its OK to take turns sometimes.

Sure, that's thing are, if you're living in 1942.

February 24, 2015

No - Men pay because its what a man does.

Letting the Woman pay is something you do after you know each other well enough - then its OK to take turns sometimes.

Ok, following that logic, what is it that a "woman does"?

And as a separate question, would you pay as enthusiastically if your date had sex with another man before the date? Or if she has a FWB she plans on seeing afterward? Or if it is a thursday date and she tells you she has a date with another man the following day?

Edited February 24, 2015 by clevelander321

February 24, 2015

Ok, following that logic, what is it that a "woman does"?

Stays in the kitchen.....bakes pies.

February 24, 2015

This is why men pay.. They are shamed into it.. As you can see, if a man does not pay for the entire date he is snivelling, immature, not a man, not nice etc. Amazing how important money is to a woman if the possibility of sex is on the table.

Which is fine for me if women would just admit this, and know themselves. Just so many ridiculous excuses as to why men must pay for their company.

Oh, come on. Nobody is being shamed into anything. You have a choice when you ask someone out. You can either expect to pay, or you can be up-front and tell them you want to go dutch, or you can choose to not ask them out. Certain choices you make will yield different results, some better than others. Own your choices and stop complaining about the negative outcomes.

It's common social convention that whoever asks the other person out, pays. It's also common social convention to eat with utensils and hold the door open for your date. You don't have to do any of this stuff, but there are plenty of men like myself that have no problem with it, and they will get a more positive response.

Also, you have a choice how much you're willing to spend. It can be $100 on a nice dinner, or $5 for an ice cream. You're the one in control of how much you're willing to spend if you're the one doing the asking.

If you're finding too many women that prefer fancy dinners and that you spend a bunch of money on them, and you don't like it, then just avoid those women in the future.

February 24, 2015

Sure, that's thing are, if you're living in 1942.

Um even with all of the hardcore feminism today - most girls still expect guys to pay. Sure its acceptable to go dutch, whatever - but a lot of girls only offer to pay half and still expect the man to insist on paying. If the guy DOES actually let her pay when she offers - she thinks less of him. You can call it the "check dance" - guy reaches for bill - girl reaches for wallet - guy says no don't worry I got this.

I hate games and wish it were more clear cut but that's how it is.

Any guy worth his salt will just suck it up and insist on paying so he doesn't diss his date and shoot his chances of getting another date.

Now if you don't want to see that girl again, you can definitely take them up on paying half if they offer.

February 24, 2015

No - Men pay because its what a man does.

Letting the Woman pay is something you do after you know each other well enough - then its OK to take turns sometimes.

I respect your outlook with regard to this subject. You seem very sincere and it appears that you were raised to be the quintessential gentleman. Just becareful of the girls you date and make sure they don't take advantage of your generous nature (I'm sure you're doing that already).

So, let me ask you a question. If you're on a date and the girl takes her purse out and you see that she has every intention of paying her half of the dinner/movies/bowling/etc., what would you say to her?

.

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Paid for our first date

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