Paid for our first date

February 24, 2015

Both paying half is a good test for men too.. It takes balls though.. Any beta guy will pay for everything, trying to use money to win affections.

But if you are in your 20's, 30's, 40's and a woman does not have any money, then you know she is basically a loser that will suck you dry. If she feels repulsed to pay, she is a princess that will later suck you dry.

February 24, 2015

I don't care about the level of interest on either part, if the man doesn't pay then he's a self centered, miserly loser. Glad you will not see him again and you realize it now.

Years ago I went out on an internet date with someone and he didn't offer to pay his way. I paid for my meal/drink or whatever it was I ordered. Never spoke again. Then I went out on this other internet date with some self centered man years later, he paid then when we left the place he asked where I was parked. I pointed to a parking garage across from us. He saw me as some kind of idiot or a crazy person, I could tell by his body language and his vanity. He walked away and said "Bye. Thanks for the stories." How rude! I got a meal out of it.

February 24, 2015

No don't do this... If a girl asked me that it would be a huge put off. Even though I intend to pay.

Which is why you wouldn't be the one for her. Why a man would run away from an up front woman, I don't know. Maybe insecurity issues? What's so bad about a woman asking," are you paying for dinner or are we going dutch? " Oh well, maybe I'm just not afraid of an honest woman.

February 24, 2015

So tonight my date (new girl - 1st date) insisted to go dutch when the bill came. She said she prefers to be more "equal". Should I read into this much? Never had this happen before to me haha.

February 24, 2015

So tonight my date (new girl - 1st date) insisted to go dutch when the bill came. She said she prefers to be more "equal". Should I read into this much? Never had this happen before to me haha.

This I find to be pretty typical. I offer to pay half, some people will tell you that means she is not interested but it sounds like she just wanted to pay her share. Or like another poster said, I will let him shout something and then I will buy the next thing etc. If he doesn't let me pay my half, I pay the next time (I've shouted guys dates on numerous occasions as I also like things to be equal). I was obviously willing to pay my share for the record, I just didn't expect to pay the ENTIRE bill of a date that HE initiated. If you want to get into the gender debate, lets look at the gender pay gap and the various MAJOR inequalities that women face.

I definitely felt as though he's not the type of man to just take charge and deal with things, I got 'beta' impressions. I want a 50/50 deal, not a rude and indecisive coat tailer.

February 24, 2015

I always pay, unless she insist.

However, most women are not equal.

February 24, 2015

Also he did express wanting to see me again. I'm not interested and i think he is aware of it.. But not just for that reason.

Sorry barcode a lot of that post was directed at others

February 24, 2015

I love it when women accuse a man of being cheap because he wont pay the whole tab on the first date. The irony just goes totally over their heads.

I am cheap, there is nothing bad being cheap with money. Quite a few people are cheap. Did you know Warren Buffett didn't ever have lobster at a fancy restaurant? After work he would go to a fast food restaurant for a meal.

February 24, 2015

So tonight my date (new girl - 1st date) insisted to go dutch when the bill came. She said she prefers to be more "equal". Should I read into this much? Never had this happen before to me haha.

If I were her, I would've done the same thing. On subsequent dates however, if you had told me, "I've got this covered" then I would feel comfortable with having you pay for all of it and on our next date I would try to cover most of it if not all of it. It sucks when someone doesn't make enough of a decent salary to be able to treat their date (or their mate) to a lavish and fun outing. In that type of scenario, I would try to make up for it in other positive ways such as arranging for us to do something fun together that didn't cost so much money or saving up my money so that down the road I could treat him to a fun outing.

It's all about showing your date (or your mate) that you appreciate (and enjoy) their company and showing them how a person can be imaginative and creative with regard to doing fun and interesting things on a date without it having to break either one's bank.

.

February 24, 2015

What about the women who do not pay? It seems by the posting here that if a man does not pay, he is a cheapskate loser, but a woman not paying is just being a woman. Does this mean all of those women are self centered losers?

It's not about the paying or lack of paying, it's about completely ignoring the bill. If the OP had said, "My treat, I insist" and the guy said, "Okay", that would have been an entirely different story.

In this case the OP showed him the bill and clearly made no offer to pay, yet he still feigned ignorance about paying his share. So, yes, if a woman had tried to pull a crap stunt like that, she would be a 'self-centered loser' too. For some reason it appears to escape many of you that accepting an offer is not the same thing as cornering someone into an awkward social situation to get a free meal. If most of the women YOU meet are behaving like the OP's date, then you're obviously asking out the wrong women.

Both adults who meet for a date should come prepared to pay their share if the other person does not insist on paying for them, full stop. After they have done so, preferences can come into play, and they can choose to go out with the person again or not depending on compatibility, which may or may not involve whether or not the other person offered to pay. Before you cry "sexism!", you will note that heterosexual people typically do have 'sexist' preferences, by the very definition of the word. Plenty of men desire a partner with long hair despite having short hair themselves. Plenty of women desire a partner who is tall despite being short themselves. Plenty of men desire a partner with shaved legs despite having hairy legs themselves. The list goes on. All preferences are valid, however people should not complain if they cannot find someone who fits their preferences.

But it is really not disputable that ignoring a bill despite the other person making no offer to pay is rude, classless, and entitled behaviour.

Edited February 24, 2015 by Elswyth

February 24, 2015

I can settle this issue. All dates should be at the soup kitchen.

February 24, 2015

honestly, this is all ridiculous and over complicated.

The onus of paying for the date is on the person who invited the other person. It is as simple as that. If the girl says "do you want to meet for a coffee", she should be willing to pay for it. If the guy says, "Would you like dinner?", it is on him.

In this age, you should never expect a free ride, and with all situations, be ready to cover your half if needed. It is simple.

February 24, 2015

If I were her, I would've done the same thing. On subsequent dates however, if you had told me, "I've got this covered" then I would feel comfortable with having you pay for all of it and on our next date I would try to cover most of it if not all of it. It sucks when someone doesn't make enough of a decent salary to be able to treat their date (or their mate) to a lavish and fun outing. In that type of scenario, I would try to make up for it in other positive ways such as arranging for us to do something fun together that didn't cost so much money or saving up my money so that down the road I could treat him to a fun outing.

It's all about showing your date (or your mate) that you appreciate (and enjoy) their company and showing them how a person can be imaginative and creative with regard to doing fun and interesting things on a date without it having to break either one's bank.

.

Would you (or any other women here for that matter) let the guy pay if you weren't interested? Lol.

February 24, 2015

Would you (or any other women here for that matter) let the guy pay if you weren't interested? Lol.

No.

I always offer, but I never insist on paying unless I'm not interested. (UNLESS he had spoken of significant money issues, or I insisted on a certain place, or something like that.)

February 24, 2015

honestly, this is all ridiculous and over complicated.

The onus of paying for the date is on the person who invited the other person. It is as simple as that. If the girl says "do you want to meet for a coffee", she should be willing to pay for it. If the guy says, "Would you like dinner?", it is on him.

In this age, you should never expect a free ride, and with all situations, be ready to cover your half if needed. It is simple.

A. Women do not ask men out.

B. Does this apply for friends too? "hey susy, want to have lunch? "Ok Jill, you asked you pay!!!" or only when the possibiity of sex is involved?

C. If a woman is going, obviously she wants to go, right? She is not being forced.. If she was asked, or not.. If a woman asks me out, I would feel like a complete idiot to not pay for food I ate.. "Oh no, you asked!!!! I'm not paying!!!"

D. A cool chick you want to continue seeing would be happy to pay for herself, and insist on it.

Once you keep seeing a woman who plays games about paying at the beginning, way more often than not she will be the type who will resent you if she ever has to pay.

It does not matter how many women come online to say how they pay in the future, or later pay half etc. In real life that is typically not the case. Once the precedent is set that the guy pays, this is really awkward and uncomfortable to change in the future.

February 24, 2015

No.
I always offer, but I never insist on paying unless I'm not interested. (UNLESS he had spoken of significant money issues, or I insisted on a certain place, or something like that.)

Things are always logically backwards it seems lol.. If you DO NOT like a guy, you then pay.. Just like women who have casual sex with men they do not want to date..

If you are mature, and the guy is mature, why not illustrate that you care about his hard earned money, and that you are different than most women out there who are selfish with theirs?

February 24, 2015

Would you (or any other women here for that matter) let the guy pay if you weren't interested? Lol.

AsI said, for a first date, I always offer to pay whether I am interested or not. And I mean it...it's not some half-hearted attempt on my part...that'd not my style.

But rarely if ever had the guy ever taken me up on my offer... they have always insisted on paying, even when it's obvious we're not really clicking and there will be no sex.

So to answer your question, if he insisted, yes I would let him pay even if I wete not interested.

February 24, 2015

Things are always logically backwards it seems lol.. If you DO NOT like a guy, you then pay.. Just like women who have casual sex with men they do not want to date..

Because I'm not going to let a guy feel taken advantage of for a free meal... If I'm not going to see him again, I will be sure the time didn't cost him anything.

That's entirely different from casual sex with some guys and waiting with a guy you like, which is entirely about sending an impression.

He's always allowed to accept my first offer to pay if he feels strongly about it. I simply won't insist once he rejects it if I'm into him.

Though, this is really not an issue off forum, because I've never had trouble finding guys who want to be in a relationship with me, and most guys insist on paying. *shrug*

I had a third date recently where I tried insisting on paying for equity but he wouldn't let me even still. He makes significantly more than me, so I appreciated it. Still, I'm going to cook him a fancy multi-course dinner at home next date to get around that.

February 24, 2015

What about the women who do not pay? It seems by the posting here that if a man does not pay, he is a cheapskate loser, but a woman not paying is just being a woman. Does this mean all of those women are self centered losers?

If he initiated the date he should be prepared to pay and if she did, she should, but good etiquette would be both being prepared to pay their half, it has nothing to do with being a "beta" whatever that means if a man pays for a date though. If paying for a date would define your whole self as a "beta" then maybe you have self esteem issues because really who cares?? I don't think the OP cares about spending the money, just about the rudeness, which is epic!!

February 24, 2015

A. Women do not ask men out.

Absolutely incorrect. I was asked first by a girl for a coffee and she paid. I took a girl to dinner, paid. Cooked for her, bought everything. She invited me out for drinks, and she paid.

B. Does this apply for friends too? "hey susy, want to have lunch? "Ok Jill, you asked you pay!!!" or only when the possibiity of sex is involved?

We are talking about dates. Romantic interest, not platonic lunches. However, sometimes, I do indeed buy my friends meals.

C. If a woman is going, obviously she wants to go, right? She is not being forced.. If she was asked, or not.. If a woman asks me out, I would feel like a complete idiot to not pay for food I ate.. "Oh no, you asked!!!! I'm not paying!!!"

My point exactly. You should always be prepared to pay your own way. Many of my first dates, I let the girl pay her half. I do offer, and sort of insist if I enjoyed their company. If they insist, then I let them pay. However, I am sure to ask them straight to their face before the end of the date if they are interested in meeting again, and let them know they can be honest about it.

D. A cool chick you want to continue seeing would be happy to pay for herself, and insist on it.

What is your point? Now that I live in Germany, women here often insist on paying and it has no bearing on future dates.

Once you keep seeing a woman who plays games about paying at the beginning, way more often than not she will be the type who will resent you if she ever has to pay.

It does not matter how many women come online to say how they pay in the future, or later pay half etc. In real life that is typically not the case. Once the precedent is set that the guy pays, this is really awkward and uncomfortable to change in the future.

Has never been that case for me. Usually dating happens and I often will pay more at first. However, I find that the women (maybe I have a good picker) I date often want and are happy to contribute. I also tend to go for independent women and good people. Not beautiful, shallow insecure women. Who knows. I have in all of my relationships, have had girls spend the same if not more on me than I do on them. Not that I am cheap, but when your in very loving relationship, things are about giving, not receiving.

I find that monetary value counts little in terms of love. I give massages, poems, cook, walks, open up emotionally. These are the things that women want. A nice pair of earings and a wedding ring one day, that too, sure.. but mostly they want to feel loved. People mistake quality with price.

Bolded reponse.

Edited February 24, 2015 by LoveRefreshed

February 24, 2015

Bolded reponse.

People in Germany often times are more logical..

"Who asked who" is just silly.. A guy putting a meal on his credit card doesn't show he is successful, caring, a good provider, or any of the above.

Are we evolving as a society or not? Or do we want to pretend women are still weak, feeble, and can't possibly pay their own way? Or if they do pay they are deeply offended and hurt similar to children?

It's just so petty. "Oh he askled me! I am not paying!" Is that a woman that makes a good life long partner?

Edited February 24, 2015 by clevelander321

February 24, 2015

People in Germany often times are more logical..

"Who asked who" is just silly.. A guy putting a meal on his credit card doesn't show he is successful, caring, a good provider, or any of the above.

Are we evolving as a society or not? Or do we want to pretend women are still weak, feeble, and can't possibly pay their own way? Or if they do pay they are deeply offended and hurt similar to children?

What do you possibly know about people from Germany? Unless you have lived here or met more than 4 in your life, you have a very narrow perspective. I have only lived here for one year, so most of my dating experiences are American women.

You're right, it doesn't show any of that.. it is simply a nice gesture. For me, when I buy a girl dinner, it is to show her I appreciated the time we spent together, that is it. You look too much into it.

We do not pretend any of this, why do you think I said the onus is on the those who invite for the date! You're the one who shot back with the 1950s attitude of "women don't ask men out".... Are you evolving or do you still think women are weak, feable, blah blah?

And in the end, you are still responsible for your half, but I don't think under any circumstances is the person who got asked out required or should feel responsible to pay for the other person. Paying for another person should always remain a nice gesture.

February 24, 2015

What do you possibly know about people from Germany? Unless you have lived here or met more than 4 in your life, you have a very narrow perspective. I have only lived here for one year, so most of my dating experiences are American women.

You're right, it doesn't show any of that.. it is simply a nice gesture. For me, when I buy a girl dinner, it is to show her I appreciated the time we spent together, that is it. You look too much into it.

We do not pretend any of this, why do you think I said the onus is on the those who invite for the date! You're the one who shot back with the 1950s attitude of "women don't ask men out".... Are you evolving or do you still think women are weak, feable, blah blah?

And in the end, you are still responsible for your half, but I don't think under any circumstances is the person who got asked out required or should feel responsible to pay for the other person. Paying for another person should always remain a nice gesture.

So that's the logic? It is just "nice" for the man to pay. Ok.. Being "nice" is doing something when you expect nothing in return. Giving money to charity is nice. When you are obviously trying to get further with a woman, then you have an agenda. If you feel she will not talk to you if you ask for half, then you are doing so out of obgligation. It is not a "nicety".

Women do not typically approach men first,, plan a date, pick them up, ask them out and pay. At least not in the USA.That's called reality.

For many men a few dollars means nothing. It isnt "nice" to spend a few dollars that really means nothing. it is actually a bit manipulative, or they do not want to be "shamed" by not paying. So they pay. it has far more to do with being shamed than trying to be "nice".

Edited February 24, 2015 by clevelander321

February 24, 2015

You're right, it doesn't show any of that.. it is simply a nice gesture. For me, when I buy a girl dinner, it is to show her I appreciated the time we spent together, that is it. You look too much into it.

So by this logic, the person who does not pay, is not doing a nice gesture, and therefore is not appreciating the time spent together.

Correct?

February 24, 2015

So by this logic, the person who does not pay, is not doing a nice gesture, and therefore is not appreciating the time spent together.

Correct?

Jesus christ, what is it with you guys, semantics and looking more into things than it is worth.

This isn't the modus tollens of logic bro. A nice gesture, it is as simple as that. Nothing tied to it, no expectations for anything, just a nice ****ing thing to do. It is holding the door for the person behind you, buying a cup of coffee for your friend that walked to starbucks with you while you vented about your ****ty advisor, it is giving the second half of your twix to your friend.

Just because I don't feel like buying my friends coffee that day or I really wanted that second peanut butter cup or whatever, doesn't mean I like the person any less or appreciate them less. It just means today, I wanted my snack or I didn't feel like dropping an extra 3.5 for your latte machiatto.

Sign In

Paid for our first date

Recommended Posts

clevelander321

mortensorchid

Mr.D.E.B.T.

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

guest569

Imported

guest569

Macattack

BlackOpsZombieGirl

Els

Macattack

LoveRefreshed

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

Erised

clevelander321

clevelander321

katiegrl

Erised

Rejected Rosebud

LoveRefreshed

clevelander321

LoveRefreshed

clevelander321

Diezel

LoveRefreshed

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...