Paid for our first date

[guest569]

Hi, I'm a woman and was on an alright date with this guy, we chatted for a couple of hours. At the end he left the bill on the table, so I picked it up and we walked to the counter, he just stood there beside me while i paid for both of us. Didn't even offer to pay his half. It's ok, it wasn't overly pricey.

 

I found it really awkward especially seeing as he is the one who asked me out.

 

Not seeing him again.

[Vintage79]

Ok...so you had a drag of a date,. and he clearly wasn't interested. When I was in undergrad and grad school I'd frequently go dutch on first dates, but not offering to pay is pretty ridiculous. While I now always pay, as I make very good $$$, if the woman makes no attempt to pay on the first date, it's almost an instant pass unless everything else is amazing. Yeah - maybe not the best way to operate, but gesture is very presumptuous and it's hard to weed out the gold diggers. In the end, I want an equal partnership, and they need to be equally invested in the relationship - that's not necessarily financial, but they need to be willing to make the effort and at least try...

[clia]

Hi, I'm a woman and was on an alright date with this guy, we chatted for a couple of hours. At the end he left the bill on the table, so I picked it up and we walked to the counter, he just stood there beside me while i paid for both of us. Didn't even offer to pay his half. It's ok, it wasn't overly pricey.

 

I found it really awkward especially seeing as he is the one who asked me out.

 

Not seeing him again.

 

Yuck. But why did you pick up the bill if you weren't planning on paying for it? Next time, let him pick up the bill. If he walked away and left it on the table, you do the same. He'll figure it out when he gets to the cash register.

[LoveRefreshed]

Very strange that he asked you out and didn't pay. That is something that would bother me. I would have said "separate" at the register.

 

However, other than that aspect, I do not feel he was obligated to pay (I do since he asked, but not because it is a he). I have purchased many a girls meals only to end up never seeing them again.

[losangelena]

When the bill came did you discuss who might pay? Or did you both stare at it awkwardly? How long was it sitting there before you picked it up?

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Haha, if he didn't at least go dutch with you, I would have made a cold remark towards him and left. What a loser.

 

 

Even if I don't feel a vibe with a girl, i'll still offer to pay - its the gentleman thing to do for a first date. If she insists, I will go dutch - but I usually take that as a potential sign that she's not interested.

 

 

When the bill came did you discuss who might pay? Or did you both stare at it awkwardly? How long was it sitting there before you picked it up?

 

Irrelevant. When it arrives he should make it clear he's taking care of it. Even if I'm not grabbing my money yet to pay, I'll grab the fold and bring it to my side.

[clevelander321]

This happens to guys 99% of the time.. Girl looks at bill, guy pays. Did you ask him for half? Why did you pick up the bill? Why didn't you take out your half and give it to him?

[TigerCub]

Haha, if he didn't at least go dutch with you, I would have made a cold remark towards him and left. What a loser.

 

 

Even if I don't feel a vibe with a girl, i'll still offer to pay - its the gentleman thing to do for a first date. If she insists, I will go dutch - but I usually take that as a potential sign that she's not interested.

 

 

 

 

Irrelevant. When it arrives he should make it clear he's taking care of it. Even if I'm not grabbing my money yet to pay, I'll grab the fold and bring it to my side.

 

You're a gentleman, but not every guy is like you unfortunately.

 

But good on ya!

[katiegrl]

Well gotta hand it to him..it's a great strategy.

 

Go out with as many women as you can, if you dig her, YOU pay.

 

If you *don't* dig her, stare at the bill until SHE picks it up ...and SHE pays.

 

Saves him a ton of money...while at the same time dating as many women as he can until he finds his dream girl.

 

I wonder what dating for dummies handbook he got that from.

 

Nice guy. Pffft.

[guest569]

Ok, since the details seem to matter. The bill was sitting there the whole time. He got up and went to walk away so i said "oh here's the bill" and held it up, he let me hold onto it, his wallet never considered seeing the light of day. Guys have always shouted for the first date, i always pay half unless he insists. I did not offer to shout him, he just didn't pay. Why would I need to ask him to pay his half?

[guest569]

Another thing, the date went pretty well until that and he seems keen to see me again. So i dont think it was that he wasn't into me. But perhaps he just wants more free food.

[katiegrl]

Another thing, the date went pretty well until that and he seems keen to see me again. So i dont think it was that he wasn't into me. But perhaps he just wants more free food.

 

Define "he *seems* keen to see me again.". Did he ask you out again? If so, did he ask you out before or after you picked up the tab?

[losangelena]

Ok, since the details seem to matter. The bill was sitting there the whole time. He got up and went to walk away so i said "oh here's the bill" and held it up, he let me hold onto it, his wallet never considered seeing the light of day. Guys have always shouted for the first date, i always pay half unless he insists. I did not offer to shout him, he just didn't pay. Why would I need to ask him to pay his half?

 

EEEK! Next!

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Another thing, the date went pretty well until that and he seems keen to see me again. So i dont think it was that he wasn't into me. But perhaps he just wants more free food.

 

If you have any self respect, don't see him again.

[Art_Critic]

no second date.. what a cheapass weak man...

[kendahke]

Hi, I'm a woman and was on an alright date with this guy, we chatted for a couple of hours. At the end he left the bill on the table, so I picked it up and we walked to the counter, he just stood there beside me while i paid for both of us. Didn't even offer to pay his half. It's ok, it wasn't overly pricey.

 

I found it really awkward especially seeing as he is the one who asked me out.

 

Not seeing him again.

 

I'd have put my half on the counter and walked out the door and let him deal with his half. That was really messed up. If he asked you out, he should have paid or made it clear that you both were going dutch.

[kendahke]

This happens to guys 99% of the time.. Girl looks at bill, guy pays.

 

who asked who out on the date?

If you asked, you pay. If you didn't ask, then she wouldn't have been there. Duh.

[GemmaUK]

I never allow a man to pay for a first meet.

 

 

Basically I always pay my share - whether it's split on the night or he pays and then I pay..

 

 

However, I am pretty generous and when I treat I DO treat.

 

 

I also bear in mind if they have travelled to me too - travel costs.

 

 

 

 

Having said all of that, male gold diggers do exist. I dated one (for not very long).

 

 

If a man didn't split a first bill with me I wouldn't see him again.

[rester]

Hi, I'm a woman and was on an alright date with this guy, we chatted for a couple of hours. At the end he left the bill on the table, so I picked it up and we walked to the counter, he just stood there beside me while i paid for both of us. Didn't even offer to pay his half. It's ok, it wasn't overly pricey.

 

I found it really awkward especially seeing as he is the one who asked me out.

 

Not seeing him again.

 

Did he choose the place, too? I can only imagine how men like this deal with other social situations or a group dinner bill.

 

I never mind paying for the first few dates. I'm not flashy and have never attracted "golddiggers", and I think a lot of men are overly paranoid of being used for a free meal. If you can't afford the place or you're worried about being taken for a ride, make the first couple dates cheap. Coffee, a wine tasting, ice cream, a walk around a free park or something with a low admission cost. If she likes you it won't matter. If it does, don't take her out again.

[Mangina]

That statement makes it clear that you don't go past the 1st or 2nd date.

Cuz most girls invite around (3rd or 4th date) if they like the guy and have something fun in mind that they wanna enjoy with him.

 

yeah invite the 1 out of 5 guys they decide to give a second date to. so it is not just me but with online dating, 4 out of 5 guys pay and do not make it to second date. that's just the way it works. if we do not pay that is a guarantee we will not get a second date so either way.

[katiegrl]

That statement makes it clear that you don't go past the 1st or 2nd date.

Cuz most girls invite around (3rd or 4th date) if they like the guy and have something fun in mind that they wanna enjoy with him.

 

^^True dat ...

[TigerCub]

yeah invite the 1 out of 5 guys they decide to give a second date to. so it is not just me but with online dating, 4 out of 5 guys pay and do not make it to second date. that's just the way it works. if we do not pay that is a guarantee we will not get a second date so either way.

 

Aaaaand?

 

So what men have to do the initial asking out, they have to pick up the bill for the first date, and they should be charming and be gentlemen.

 

So what?

 

Women a lot of the times get used for sex, they get sweet talked to by some confident smooth guy that knows what he's doing, he tells her how she's special and blah blah, fu**s her then disappears.

 

So what?!

 

Both genders have their own hurdles.

We learn, we adjust, we accept the pitfalls and the risks and we go on.

 

What is being angry about it helping you?

[Mangina]

Did he choose the place, too? I can only imagine how men like this deal with other social situations or a group dinner bill.

 

I never mind paying for the first few dates. I'm not flashy and have never attracted "golddiggers", and I think a lot of men are overly paranoid of being used for a free meal. If you can't afford the place or you're worried about being taken for a ride, make the first couple dates cheap. Coffee, a wine tasting, ice cream, a walk around a free park or something with a low admission cost. If she likes you it won't matter. If it does, don't take her out again.

 

most of the girls are not trying to use guys for free meals. they just go out and then decide whether or not to give a second date. the free meal is the result. they do not see it as a big deal because they are not the one paying every time.

[Buddhist]

Easy fix for this. Put your half of the bill in cash in the bill booklet, thank him for his time and leave. I never do more than coffee on first meeting and always ensure I have the correct change.

[NJ123]

yeah invite the 1 out of 5 guys they decide to give a second date to. so it is not just me but with online dating, 4 out of 5 guys pay and do not make it to second date. that's just the way it works. if we do not pay that is a guarantee we will not get a second date so either way.

 

Stop using online dating. You said yourself the women are extremely shallow on there. Why even go on dates with the women on there & have to pay when it's highly likely they have at least 3 or 4 guys their dating at the same time.