happyfeelings Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I've known this guy for 10 years now. We met in high school when I was 13 and he was 14. I liked him instantly and I made it clear that I had feelings for him. He wasn't interested in a relationship with me but we remained close friends and he would always do special things for me like buy me a huge teddy bear as a Christmas present when he didn't get ANYTHING for our other friends lol. Eventually, he moved schools and we lost contact. A year later, we got back in contact and he confessed to me that he liked me the whole time but he was afraid of "ruining our friendship". Unfortunately, I had a boyfriend at the time. A couple months later, I broke up with my boyfriend and I started dating my guy friend. We were only together for a couple of months before he broke up with me and expressed that he wanted to go back to being friends. I was totally devastated and after that we had very limited contact and didn't see him for 4 years. In the meantime, I got back together with my ex boyfriend. So 4 years go by and he texts me one day asking if I want to watch the final Harry Potter movie with him (he knows im a huge Potter fan). My boyfriend and I were on the verge of breaking up so I said sure. We hung out a lot that summer (movies, concerts, bars) but nothing ever happened because we were both going through tough breakups. Then eventually he got a new girlfriend and I got a new boyfriend and we lost contact again for a few months. Fast forward to now, we are both single again. His last girlfriend left him jaded and closed off to relationships. He recently asked me to see 50 Shades of Grey with him and I agreed. A few days before we were supposed to go to the movies, I start flirting with him and it takes him by surprise which is normal considering I haven't expressed interest in him in about 8 years lol. When we finally meet up, he tells me of a fwb horror story he had with his best friend in which after they had sex, she said she had feelings for him and he had to cut off the friendship. He's very attractive and women throw themselves at him all the time. He thinks its really annoying and the only reason he's able to laugh it off with me is because he cares about me so much. We had a great time laughing at the movie and he treated me to Starbucks after. He told me he thinks I'm attractive but he just wants to stay friends with me. He wants to see me again soon. We have always been a little bit more than friends. We almost always hang out alone. He's invited me over to his apartment ALONE more than a few times but I've always declined since I've always had a boyfriend. My ex boyfriends have always been jealous of him (with good reason). Since we are both single, I would really love an opportunity to date and get to know him again. Do I still have a shot? Or is it a lost cause? TL;DR: I've know this guy for 10 years. We used to date in high school. I'm interested in him again but he's friendzoned me. What do I do?
preraph Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I think the only options with him are friend or FWB. And since you have more feelings than FWB or friend, I don't see much reward for hanging around. But if anything, friend would be best since you now know how foolish he finds girls who say FWB but want more. 1
Author happyfeelings Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 I think the only options with him are friend or FWB. And since you have more feelings than FWB or friend, I don't see much reward for hanging around. But if anything, friend would be best since you now know how foolish he finds girls who say FWB but want more. He would never fwb me, he respects me too much. And I wouldn't fwb him either. I'm up for being his friend though. I'm not in love with him I just wanted another shot to get to know him in a romantic sense.
stillafool Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 You just have to accept being his friend because that is all he wants. If he had wanted a romantic relationship with you he has had plenty of opportunities to make it happen. This guy should make more guy friends because his attractiveness is too much for female friends to handle. Don't expect him to become your bf because he has already been down that road with you.
Erised Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Do I still have a shot? Or is it a lost cause? He rejected you in that manner. Don't pursue it any further. 2
spiderowl Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 He's reminded you he's still seeing you as a friend and it would be awkward to be friends with benefits because you might start having feelings. I think he does not value you enough yet as a potential partner. If this is to change, you need to act counter to the way other girls have done and not even contemplate being a friend with benefits. Be unsure about him. Let him have to work to actually get a chance to date you and then don't just capitulate and be FWB or he won't value you. Because you two do tend to end up together, I feel there is a draw there and so it has a chance, but until he values you as someone who he has to work for (not someone who will throw themselves at him), it's unlikely to be a positive experience for you.
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 You can't be friends with him and hang out because you 'like' him and you're gonna read into anything and everything he says, a touch, a hug won't be just that, you'll get your hopes up that he's changed his mind or without knowing it you'll think you can make him fall for you. BELIEVE him when he tells you he's unavailable to date you. He is being honest, so respect that. If you can handle 'just' a friendship, then keep your heart out of it and don't let yourself become emotionally attached and invested in him. Treat him like any other friend! NOT as a romantic interest or a crush. That's not pure or platonic friendship.
salparadise Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Because you two do tend to end up together, I feel there is a draw there and so it has a chance, but until he values you as someone who he has to work for (not someone who will throw themselves at him), it's unlikely to be a positive experience for you. I am inclined to agree with spiderowl on this one. He is so used to having his way that you need to be the elusive one he can't have in order to trigger his gotta-have. It's not going to be easy. I hate game playing and manipulative stuff with a passion, but in this case you have to change things up and throwing yourself at him is not the way to work it. Beyond that, I don't know. The ladies are better at this than us guys. Good luck.
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 he said no once to a romantic situation with you...you have to believe that what he wants is truth.......you can eb friends with him.....but you need to define your boundaries and keep them in place...if he were to say to you hey.....i have changed my mind then sure think of him that way again...dont plan on it though or do anything but give him friendship.... that is what he said he wants give that to him and respect his boundaries...i got some advice about boundaries.......and i must say having them in place will protect your feelings as well as his.....and you can be friends...but ...if you cant handle the emotions and they start spilling over............let him go completely..in all honesty he rejected you before he should be the one to let you if he feels differently...a guy who can reject can let you know if he changes his mind..... deb
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