Women, maybe you can explain my ex's actions because I am confused?

[sanne]

Ok, so I did the no contact thing for 3 straight days, and on the 3rd day she contacts me. Says she misses me, it's hard not talking to you, etc, but following the advice on these boards I keep the conversation very short and leave. Later that night I got really drunk and called her to come over and hang out with me and my friends. She actually came, said she would only stay for a minute or two, but then ended up staying until 4:00 am in the morning. As i was walking her to her car, she gave me a hug and then she went in for a kiss. We started making out, and then she had to go home, so I left it at that. Next day we talk again, and she says that she wants to have *sex* with me, and is very flirty. She also mentions that she wants to hangout with me again this weekend. The next night she IM's me again, and says that she really wishes she was over at my place, we talk for a few hours and then I get off.

 

The next day she text messages me about some random stuff, as if we were going out, telling me her sunglasses broke and that she won't have internet until wednesday so she won't be able to go online. Well later that night I see that all her roomates are still online, and then out of nowhere she signs on really fast and then signs off. It is now tuesday, and this all happened yesterday. What the heck is she trying to do here?

[Aguardiente83]

I'm not a woman but it seems like she realized that she might have come along too strong towards you so she wanted to distance herself from you a while so you wouldn't get anymore ideas, thats why she probably made up the while "my internet is messed up" thing. My advice, just wait around till she calls you and play it cool, don't sound desperate or needy, make her want you.

[RecordProducer]

Was she the one who broke up? Why? Some background info would help us get the picture. Her behavior can mean a hundred different things.

[sanne]

well the breakup was mutual, but she was the one that kind of brought it up. I was constantly getting upset with her, and telling her I was unhappy with things, and I guess she finally took it as a sign that we shouldn't be together. Anyways, I do want her back because I know I just wasn't ready for that kind of relationship and neither was she. I'm guessing the reason for all of this is that friday night she saw a different side of me that wasn't angry, upset, and bitter all the time. I know personally the breakup was necessary so I could fix my own problems, but I feel that I don't want to cut her out of my life entirely, I'd like to leave some window of opportunity their in the future.

[RecordProducer]

So you don't lack love, but you're incompatible as partners. That's very common. It usually ends up with a break-up, because one of the partner gets very tired of the relationship and leaves.

However, I think you might give it another chance, just to be sure that you're not right for each other if you are not. But if things work out this time, you will be very happy.

Talk to her about it before she ends up with someone else. If she rejects you, let her know that you won't try to reconcile again so this is her/your only chance to get together (cuz you don't want her to play games and pull your nose for months and sleep with other guys until she finally decides to be with you again). Besides, women like determined men. May I know your age, if no secret?

Good luck!

[sanne]

i'm 20, about to be 21, she's 21. The thing is I'm not so sure she's sleeping with other guys or anything of the sort. I've already hooked up with someone else since the breakup and have told her about it like a moron too. I guess she is ok with all of this. The only reason why I'm hesitant to bring up relationship talk is because this is exactly what she said she hated to do, talk about the relationship. She felt I was always bringing it up constantly. Sometimes I just don't get women, right now is one of those times. If she wants me, goddamnit just say so, if not then go your own damn way!

[sanne]

so what would be the best option, confront her about this all, or wait until she brings it up? I'm very tempted to send her a txt message or call her right now and ask her what exactly she is doing and if she is playing me, but something tells me that won't be a good idea.

[mixwell]

I would tell her how you feel in person.. Not too needy though.. Just say I was wonder what the deal is with the way you have been acting. Just say if you want to be together then we might be able to work things out if you want to and see what she says maybe ? Obviously there is some reason why she is contacting you. She might think that YOU might not want a relationship so you two could be miscommunicating here ? I don't know. I personally would just talk to her about it in person. Or maybe wait until you are doing something fun and having a really good time and say something like "we were good together weren't we?" then just wait and see what she says.. Dont say anything in this time things are quiet... If she says yes then say "lets get back together" dont ask her to.. Now if you say "we were good together weren't we?" and she doesnt answer or says something other than yes then just change the subject.. That should be a clear answer right there..

 

Its your call but you should see what is going on for sure!!

 

Take care,

 

Peace

[sanne]

Well i just sent her a txt message. Just basically told her things are turning a lot differently than I expected and was wondering if she was just going with the flow like I am or if she had other intentions. The message wasn't serious at all, didn't indicate I wanted to get back together at all either, I'm honestly just confused about what she is doing. Did I make a mistake in sending this txt message, or is that reasonable?

[sanne]

man, I don't know what the heck is going on anymore. My emotions are all out of whack now, I think her contacting me and doing those things has really made me worse off. I honestly just hate not being in control of my life like this. She hasn't called back yet because I think she's in class.

[sanne]

crap, I don't know what to think anymore. Last week I was confident and strong, NC was really helping me become a stronger person. I had a great time with the ex when I saw her too, but this week has been such a downer for me. I'm just stuck in limbo land now, not knowing what was really on her mind when she told me all those things.

 

So she calls me back, and I ask her if she got my txt message. She says she didn't really understand what it meant, and what her other intentions could possibly be. Then she started yelling at me for always wanting to know about everything, etc, very reminiscent of our arguments when we were going out. Now I could have taken her head on, like I normally do, but I decided to just not say anything and to apologize because my intentions were not what she was thinking. Apparently she's been really stressed out and has had a bad week too, so I guess me calling and asking her these kind of questions wasn't helping either. Well the good news is that she is going with things like I am, she repeatedly said that she was seeing how things would go and that there was no other way she could act. I guess I just shouldn't question this or analyze it anymore.