renzen14 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I can stop thinking about my ex! We met when he was on Holiday from Switzerland while visiting a friend of his in Los Angeles. I just thought I had made a friend in Switzerland. However on our second date, he made it pretty clear that despite the distance he would like to court me as he's never met a woman like me before. Flattered at that time and I really thought he would just fade away the moment he returned to Switzerland the following week. But that was not the case he was very persistent, romantic and made plans to return twice to spend time with me. In the beginning I was going out with other men but after 3 months of everyday contact I felt that I can trust his intentions and he deserved my full attention. Plus after being out with other guys I just wanted to go home and skype with him. It didn't take long before he had a special place in my heart. I also like the idea of the distance that forced us to be friends first. I'm extremely independent and thought this would be an ideal start! While he was here we went out 4 x in August, and he returned in November for my birthday and I even brought him to my mom's for thanksgiving. Everything felt so right and natural with him. He also started looking for work here. Which scared me how fast things were moving but he assured me that he had nothing to lose and he would regret it if he doesn't. I kept on pushing him to do whats best for his career and if he and I were supposed to be together than it will happen. I wanted to visit him and also see his life and meet his friends. instead of rushing everything. The week he was here was amazing. His departure day was sad for him and he didn't feel well. He also told me he hates saying goodbyes, but he was to return in 3 weeks for christmas for 2 weeks stay. I was looking forward to making plans and learning more about him. After he left I felt like a bandaid had been ripped. We shared such and intimate and natural time together and I got really scared of being so close to someone. I know this is my issue to work out. We spoke after a couple of days after his return to Switzerland. I knew he was not feeling well and was jet legged, worried about an ill sister and catching up on work. The last thing I wanted was to add stress to his life. Autonomy is what I seeked and thought I would have that with him. Apparently he was also stressed out since he's been applying for work in Los Angeles and dealing with Visa and felt overwhelmed. I reiterated how much it was important for me to have him be happy with his career and be fulfilled and not rush this. If it meant I had to travel every month to visit him and get to know each other that way until the right opportunity came but he was pressuring himself and stressing himself out and also me! Once we skyped we had a few misunderstanding via texted and we both were guarded and ended up breaking up! Which is not at all what I wanted. This man was special to me and I made him know that. He also told me how he was falling in love with me and I was everything he wanted and when he left we both felt so lucky to have found one another! I know those rare connections do not come around often. After this heated breakup happened I called him back right away to say why are we breaking up we like and care about each other lets just step back and take it slow. He was defensive and told me he was not on the same page and didn't have feelings for me! I was confused and heartbroken and became needy for the next few weeks pleading with him. I'm not sure how I went from a strong independent happy woman in love to a desperate woman chasing him.. I didn't understand how he can turn it off like that. He's been cruel and mean and finally he told me how after we broke up he couldn't eat or sleep for a week! So of course he had feelings for me, he was trying to save face! It sucks that he's that immature to let his pride get in the way esp. when I've apologized and owned up to my part. My fears initiated all this and I cant help but blame myselfRight now It's important for me to heal our friendship because I really do miss him. But I feel like he goes back and forth from showing that he has feelings for me to just cold and sadistic and completely discarding me! He's told me how he didn't think I would give him a chance and how he didn't think he as good looking enough for me and how I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever dated. I know he took me seriously, he told his friends and family that he found the woman of his dreams and he was moving to California so I'm sure he felt like a failure when he told them we broke up. I think me chasing him has not only turned him off it also made him arrogant. We facetimed 4 weeks ago and I did not want to video because I didnt want to see him and it makes me sad. But he was VERY complimentary about how good I looked and how nice it was to see me. Then he stopped himself as if he was convincing himself that he cant go there again and he needs to have more willpower. It was really awkward. I told him I missed him and it was so good to see his eyes and smile again and how important he is to me and I wanted to work on it. He told me he was never in love with me and it was all infatuation and he's not moving! I never asked him for a relationship or to move. But I feel like he's trying to hurt me and also convince himself that he was not in love! It's been 4 weeks since we communicated. My last Whatsapp to him I told him how I felt and how it's too bad he can belittle our time and the kind of woman I am to some childish fantasy or infatuation. How he's made this experience very ugly and immature and I don't expect anything from him and even friendship is questionable since I feel like he was not sincere nor genuine with me. He never responded and I didn't expect him to, but he rereads my whatsapp messages a few times a day!! My head tells me I dodged a narcissist psychopath but my heart says something else!
Buddhist Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Yeah I don't know if we can really label him a narcissistic psychopath at this point. Absolutely nothing about this says anything to me except holiday romance gone wrong. He was there visiting friends, found someone he liked, went off on the holiday romance thing and then eventually thought better of it. Familiar story. So okay he might have said a few dickish things but I am hard pressed to see any kind of manipulation in it. Long distance relationships have like a 10% chance of succeeding at the best of times. And the best of times usually includes.... - Long term, serious relationship already established - An intention by both parties to get married or live together in some kind of permanent capacity. - A definate plan, timescale and end to the distance Your romance had none of that going for it, I'm not surprised in the least that it fell apart really quickly. The only difference between this and say holiday romances of the past is that you couldn't skype people before. But the end result is still the same, once you go home, the hormonal goggles wear off and it's good night nurse. Just cling to memories of the fun you had, not the stupid arguments that came after.
jt27 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 You may have dodged a narcissist but from the looks of it, it's unlikely. Take it from someone whose previous relationship was with a narcissist. Narcissists displays many distinct characteristics. The biggest one of all is the lack of empathy. Do you feel he never really considered your feelings? Normally they are so focused on themselves, they don't see you as a seperate person. People are used as "supply" for their own needs. Did you feel that way? Narcissists twist things and make it feel as though everything is your fault. I agree with Buddhist that there doesn't seem to be any evidence of manipulation. Narcissist also needs constant reasurrance and contact which is pretty hard in a long distance relationship. Sounds a long distance relationship that just didn't work out.
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