mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) So I'm writing this because I am actually very sad and I need your help. I've met a girl and I went out with her for three times. Everything went fine, kisses were included... We were texting and I called her too. On date we went to restaurant and so on, she liked it. On valentine's day I bringed her flowers. But I just don't know what I've made wrong. Today we were supposed to met, but because of bad rain she didn't came to my town. Totally understand that. I replied to her message... no problem and I called her at the evening (of course I've mentioned about meeting next day) also we talked about everything, but at the end she said we're not meant to be together, you're so different than I am. You're moving too fast and I'm not that romantic as you are. Also she said that we'll talk about this next time. Why she said next time? Why she went out with me than more than once? Why she was sending me emoji like :* and so on. Why she wished me good night :* I am sad and I can't sleep right now, because what she said. I was trying hard just to be with her. Maybe I am really to romantic and to kind. Seems like all girls like bad boys. Can you help me? Edited February 23, 2015 by mewuau
quattrob Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 TC, firstly how old are you? You seem inexperienced and young. She told you exactly why, you are moving too fast for her. Being romantic and all the other things isn't what's really bothering her. It's that you are all over her and too fast. You 2 only met 3 times and you're going in head first and you're making it alittle bit uncomfortable for her, at least your pace is. People in general for some reason don't seem to get attracted to people who seem too obvious or desperate. You seem to have some of each of these. It turns people off unfortunately. Slow down your approach with her and give her alittle more room to breath. Otherwise you're really going to lose her, if you haven't already.
todreaminblue Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 to me ok theres an air of incompatability....if she truly liked you she would have said hey too fast lets take it slower and be open and honest with you.....if there was a strong attraction its a shame people get turned off by people being their natural self......when in all likelihood the only way to be is to do what feels good in your heart in other words yourself.....if a person is open and honest they will let you know if you are being your affectionate self thats sweet you are romantic but can we slow it down a bit.......i am not comfortable moving too fast or accepting gifts so early...... if she were attracted to you.....this would not be an issue of we arent meant to be together......which is actually an ambiguous statement with many possible reasons behind it..... i would go with lack of attraction and not that you scared her off with a bunch of flowers and a text message or two many....that really isnt what you would say if you were truly attracted to someone...you would simply say ...take it slower..or i dont feel comfortable......deb
quattrob Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 to me ok theres an air of incompatability....if she truly liked you she would have said hey too fast lets take it slower and be open and honest with you.....if there was a strong attraction its a shame people get turned off by people being their natural self......when in all likelihood the only way to be is to do what feels good in your heart in other words yourself.....if a person is open and honest they will let you know if you are being your affectionate self thats sweet you are romantic but can we slow it down a bit.......i am not comfortable moving too fast or accepting gifts so early...... if she were attracted to you.....this would not be an issue of we arent meant to be together......which is actually an ambiguous statement with many possible reasons behind it..... i would go with lack of attraction and not that you scared her off with a bunch of flowers and a text message or two many....that really isnt what you would say if you were truly attracted to someone...you would simply say ...take it slower..or i dont feel comfortable......deb I would like to add that people especially girls in general like attention so kissing, hugs and sweet words are just "in the moment" things. Sometimes people just does those things because it's natural for them to do so when you make them feel special/good. But deep down if they aren't that attracted to you for whatever reason they will eventually tell you that you two are too different to be together.
Author mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) Thank you for your help. I am 18 years old. I don't know should I just leave or what should I do? I made some mistakes, everyone do. What do you recommend, should I wait one day and than make call, message? Or just leave it.. Now I feel like a crap, also I couldn't sleep. Why she didn't told me this before, it was waste of my time, just because she was pretending she likes me? Edited February 23, 2015 by mewuau
quattrob Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Thank you for your help. I am 18 years old. I don't know should I just leave or what should I do? I made some mistakes, everyone do. What do you recommend, should I wait one day and than make call, message? Or just leave it.. Now I feel like a crap, also I couldn't sleep. Why she didn't told me this before, it was waste of my time, just because she was pretending she likes me? TC, sometimes things and people don't move at your speed/pace. You have only dated 3 times and you are already having troubles sleeping and being too emotional. This is my advice to you, you need to take a few steps back. What I mean is you should avoid any contacts with her for awhile. See if she looks for you. If she does, then depending on what she says (if it's positive) you may start doing low contact. Relationships are a 2 sided affair. Like a tug of war you need both sides pulling, if you pull too hard the other person will fall and it won't be fun and comfortable to play. Right now you're pulling way too hard and she's not pulling on the rope at all. You need to see if she wants to pull on that rope by giving her the chance to initiate. Good luck and please don't overthink things, let time do it's work.
Author mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Yeah why I am that kind of person? I don't know what to do now... I've contacted some girls and they said : Trust me women do not like when guys move fast especially if they have been hurt before but the only way to fix things with her is to talk to her tell her how you feel about her and that you are willing to slow things down, but that is all you can do. She probably likes you a lot but is a bit scared/uncomfortable at how fast you're moving and she isn't ready or feel like her feelings are as strong as yours. Give her time, don't be so intense and maybe it can still work out How much time should I give? Thankss
quattrob Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Yeah why I am that kind of person? I don't know what to do now... I've contacted some girls and they said : Trust me women do not like when guys move fast especially if they have been hurt before but the only way to fix things with her is to talk to her tell her how you feel about her and that you are willing to slow things down, but that is all you can do. She probably likes you a lot but is a bit scared/uncomfortable at how fast you're moving and she isn't ready or feel like her feelings are as strong as yours. Give her time, don't be so intense and maybe it can still work out How much time should I give? Thankss You are young, I was the same as you before, I would move so fast in the beginning and do so much. It just overwhelms the girl I had interest in. This isn't attractive because people in general want to discover things slowly instead of having everything put right into their heads and faces. Trust me TC, I can relate to you because like I said I was once like you who threw myself out there fast to the girl I liked. In all honesty, you just needed to show this girl you are confident in what you enjoy, be fun and happy around her. This is how you show girls that you like them. Not buy them flowers or call/text them like crazy. You can't be so obvious, at least to girls that dont like you that much. One thing's for sure, this girl found you attractive enough to go on dates with you, at least during the first few times. But you were moving way too fast and that attraction got destroyed. So just wait it out and let her contact you. I don't think you should ask how much time should give because these things can take awhile. But I would say either she contacts you first or when your mind and heart is calmed and can really think and feel clearly then you may contact her to see how she is. When I say you need to wait until your mind and heart is calm, what I mean is you are not so obsessed with her and can actually accept that this relationship isn't going to work with that mind set, you can contact her because you won't be expecting anything. And you would be ok if she still decided to say no to you. You need to be like this for it to be ok for you to contact, otherwise wait for her to contact you.
Author mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Thank you very much for your reply. I've made a mistake and yeah we learn by making mistakes. I purchased flowers for valentine's day. I'll just wait maybe she'll call me after sometime we'll see... Now I feel better haha. Thank you
quattrob Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Thank you very much for your reply. I've made a mistake and yeah we learn by making mistakes. I purchased flowers for valentine's day. I'll just wait maybe she'll call me after sometime we'll see... Now I feel better haha. Thank you Don't worry, just try your best to stick to my advice. We all make mistakes like you said and I am confident you can do it. Feel free to post more if you need more help, we will do our best to help you out.
Author mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Don't worry, just try your best to stick to my advice. We all make mistakes like you said and I am confident you can do it. Feel free to post more if you need more help, we will do our best to help you out. Thanks I've got one more question If I'll contact her after some time. What should I tell her over phone? Should I message her like this "hi, what's up? Sorry for being too intense, I hope we can still be friends"
lumberjac Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Thanks I've got one more question If I'll contact her after some time. What should I tell her over phone? Should I message her like this "hi, what's up? Sorry for being too intense, I hope we can still be friends" I wouldn't say that if I were you. if she reach out or when you feel like its the right time. just start with some casual chat, but dont say things like "hope we can still be friends" cause surely you are not just after friendship, and by saying that she'll think you have agree to what she said and you are happy to settle with just friends. just message her and chat, go easy and see where it takes you
PegNosePete Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Sorry but she is simply not interested in a relationship with you. She has quite clearly told you this. There's no need to second guess her motives. You need to move on and find someone more compatible.
Author mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Thanks for comments. Now I really don't know, that was the first opinion I get from someone who said I just need to move on. From others, I get mostly opinions that there's still a chance.
d0nnivain Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I don't think you did anything wrong. What happened was she gave you a chance, which is good. However, during the 3 dates & communication in between she came to the conclusion that you & she are "different" her word. Young girls can't handle the challenge of different & she couldn't either. Instead of working to find common ground she took the easy way out & said that she does not want to date. At this point, you take her at her word & walk away. Chasing after her, begging or worse trying to change yourself to be something she wants won't be good in the long run. 1
Author mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) I don't think you did anything wrong. What happened was she gave you a chance, which is good. However, during the 3 dates & communication in between she came to the conclusion that you & she are "different" her word. Young girls can't handle the challenge of different & she couldn't either. Instead of working to find common ground she took the easy way out & said that she does not want to date. At this point, you take her at her word & walk away. Chasing after her, begging or worse trying to change yourself to be something she wants won't be good in the long run. Thank you for opinion. But she said before also sometimes I like you. I don't know now should I make a call and tell her that I was to pushy. I won't look for second chance, I'll just tell this and wish her all good and it's up to her. Edited February 23, 2015 by mewuau
TigerLilly78 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 She just didn't feel things for you "romantically" it happens im sorry she prob met you a few times cause she wanted to make sure she was making the right choice and to give you a fair chance best to move on and go nc if you cannot bring yourself to be platonic friends..
TigerLilly78 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Thank you for opinion. But she said before also sometimes I like you. I don't know now should I make a call and tell her that I was to pushy. I won't look for second chance, I'll just tell this and wish her all good and it's up to her. She sounds like a nice person and I think you are confuseing that with her maybe still being intrested in you as a possible bf I really dont think she is tho. If you want give her time and space if she wants to she will contact you but dont make any more contact it will only come off as pushy and shes clearly told you that you were already being to pushy. Time to move on a little for yourself and find other women to date in the mean time..
Author mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 She sounds like a nice person and I think you are confuseing that with her maybe still being intrested in you as a possible bf I really dont think she is tho. If you want give her time and space if she wants to she will contact you but dont make any more contact it will only come off as pushy and shes clearly told you that you were already being to pushy. Time to move on a little for yourself and find other women to date in the mean time.. Now I feel like a ****. I'll wait till tomorrow and than I'll call her. I'll just say about that how I was pushy and if she wants to come along out... What do you think?
rollercoaster11 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 You sound so confused. Do you know anything about her past because it seems to me like maybe she just got out of a relationship and thought that she was ready to move on and she compared you to her ex and realized that you weren't him or maybe she wasn't attracted to you....not saying that there is anything wrong with you...I get it you were trying to be romantic and win her over and there's nothing wrong with that but it just was wasted on someone who wasn't receptive to it and it was too much too soon.Either way she called it off. Give it a little more time before you decide to call....maybe you will decide within that time that you don't care that much. Let her contact you first...its hard I know but you will love and respect yourself in the end. Restraint and time will counteract any negative feelings that you are feeling right now.
d0nnivain Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Now I feel like a ****. I'll wait till tomorrow and than I'll call her. I'll just say about that how I was pushy and if she wants to come along out... What do you think? By calling her after she told you that she didn't want you to, you are still pushing. 1
mightycpa Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 By calling her after she told you that she didn't want you to, you are still pushing. "One last push ought to get this rock to the top of the hill!" said Sisyphus. 1
Author mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) By calling her after she told you that she didn't want you to, you are still pushing. How "she told you that she didn't want you to" she didn't said that. I'll give some time and we'll see... Edited February 23, 2015 by mewuau
quattrob Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 How "she told you that she didn't want you to" she didn't said that. I'll give some time and we'll see... TC, you need to just listen to my advice because right now you are so confused and worried and overthinking everything. Just look at your replies/responses and the questions you ask. You look so obsessed about this situation and her. Do you think this is attractive if she saw you doing this? Most likely no. So you need to stop overthinking and just do it.
Author mewuau Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 It's quite different in other forum I get totally different comments. Girls helped me (same age as I am) and they said that I should at least call her and talk to her about that. example: ... But hey you can see what happens and if it doesn't work out, she isn't worth your time and you can find a girl who is.
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