Gloria25 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Look, in the dating world we all need to do some "research" if you will on a potential interest. Back in the day - and maybe some still do - rely on family, friends, church members to give us the 411 on someone they know we might be interested in and/or has expressed interest in us. But, at what point do you think it rolls over into stalkerish behavior? I mean, there was a Seinfeld where Jerry didn't get the tel. of a chick he met and someone told him to wait in the lobby where she worked at. So, when you think about it, Jerry had to do a bit of "stalking" to figure out what time she got off of work. But it all worked out cuz she liked Jerry. Maybe she would have considered him a stalker if she wasn't interested in him? So, when do you think the line gets crossed into "stalking" instead of "research".
spanishchick00 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Well, yeah, if that woman in that Seinfeld episode wasn't interested in Jerry, then yes, she would have considered him a stalker. Because she wouldn't want to be bothered by some guy that she didn't like at all. Makes sense. I think if someone accuses one of a "stalker" its because they don't like them at all and are an annoying knat. A few years ago, this guy-that I was madly in love with-went out/slept with called me a facebook stalker all because I kept messaging him on facebook after he went overseas for work. He didn't have a problem with it in the beginning, but several months later-his behavior changed, he never responded back, turns out he got engaged/married. When I told him congrats on this marriage, he told me to stop stalking him on facebook and to leave him alone. Stalker=unwanted attention from someone that does not like you and tells you to leave them alone. 1
Maleficent Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I think the line is where there is "physical contact". By that I mean real life contact. I've googled and Facebooked potentials - first to make sure they exist and to find out some useful information - like if there is a new picture of the guy every week with a different girl in some bar chances are I'd pass. But finding out where they work and "accidentally" bump into them in the lobby I find falls in the stalker category. Kind if like you can easily find someone's street address online but it's not ok to go knock on their door you know lol
MissBee Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Stalking is harassment. Googling someone or asking others about them isn't harassment. You're free to do that. But waiting outside elevators, buildings, calling their phone when they don't want you to, driving by their house, and so forth especially if they have expressed discomfort with it and you're harassing them is stalking. 2
preraph Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I know exactly where the line is. At the point your attention is unwanted and you continue to do it, it's stalking. If the person doesn't know about you, then you can amend that to say that if any reasonable person would find it creepy and like they were being surveilled, it's stalking. For instance, no one wants some creep waiting for them to leave work and following them after they leave. Invading a person's privacy with your presence is stalking. Seeing them at a bar on Friday and then going to the bar the next Friday to see if they're there again and talking to them is not stalking. Following them home from the bar to find out where they live or go is stalking. Doing a quick bit of research or placing yourself in front of someone once to get noticed or have the opportunity to be up front and honest and meet them is just positioning or research. I think most people would do that at some age. However, if you follow them around and keep that up, it's creeping. A low self-esteem stalker (as compared to a sociopath) which is most of them, don't have the nerve to just go talk to the person and come out with it. So they just keep that up hoping by some miracle the person will eventually notice them and be the one makes a move. Once you've already met the person and continue to follow them or watch them, whether they were friendly or not, that's stalking. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 So, when do you think the line gets crossed into "stalking" instead of "research". It's all about if the person likes the pursuer or not. That simple. I had an ex girlfriend reveal to me during the relationship, when I had asked her out, and she agreed, she lost my telephone number. There was a brief period where we working at the same place (it was her second job), so she asked a manager for my number. The manager was reluctant, but she convinced him to give up my number from my personal file. Now because I liked her, I thought it was gutsy and sexy that she did that. Of course if I was not interested in her, I would have found that extremely inappropriate. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I think that stalking behavior is not only when there is real life contact, it can be stalkerish just coming from the point of view of the person who is doing it, if you are doing research to find out something and then you find it out if you are not being stalky, you will either act on it by approaching the person or decide "no" and walk away from the whole thing, if you keep investigating you are heading into sketchy territory. Not that you will necessarily step over any lines and become a danger to your target but I bet that most actual stalkers started out kind of benignly like this.
Davey L Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Waiting in the lobby where she worked because he didn't get her telephone number isn't stalking. But if she then made it clear she wasn't interested and he then did it a second time that would be stalking. It's the continuing to follow a woman that isn't interested that's stalking. 1
autumnnight Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Hey, Google is the safe woman's friend IMO. And if someone begins stalking you, spokeo, peoplefinder, and a really good anti-malware program is great too. lol
SycamoreCircle Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Stalking is in the eye of the regarded.
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