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Bringing up ex girlfriends' names? Is this weird?


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Posted (edited)

I like the guy I'm seeing. He's a great guy. But there's something odd that keeps cropping up, and I'm trying to figure out if it's just me, or other people would think this is weird as well.

 

On one of our dates, he mentioned all of his ex girlfriends by name (like listing them off, which I totally understand). But something weird, for me, happens when you mention someone by name--they go from being "oh my ex girlfriend from college" to an actual, fully dimensional, personality filled, person. Once you put a name with the face, it's just different somehow. Is anyone else like that?

 

 

I've never mentioned any of my exes names to him. I didn't feel like it was pertinent to any of our conversations thus far. Sure, if he asked what their names were, I'd tell him, but, if I'm telling a story or mentioning something that they REALLY have to be mentioned in, I mention it as "oh my ex from ___", I don't just throw out his name. My best friend? I call her by name in our conversations all the time. My exes? I feel it's sufficient to just say "my ex from (insert period of my life here)".

 

 

 

 

I thought maybe it was just me feeling weird, but tonight we were on the phone talking about something, and he blurted out, "Oh, well my ex girlfriend, (INSERT HER NAME HERE), did XXXX (finishes the story, about how she came to visit him)." I was just like "Oh." In no way, in my opinion, was mentioning his ex relevant to being able to tell the story. He could have just said "I knew someone who did xxx" and that would have sufficed perfectly. Or, if he really had to tell me it was a former girlfriend, he could have just said "my old girlfriend from college" and I would have gotten who he was talking about perfectly.

 

 

Does anyone else think it's weird when a man has to mention his ex girlfriends in stories they otherwise could be left out of? And more so, being sure to mention them by name? Is it immature, and just a sign of inexperience? Or more a sign of a guy trying to assert how much success he's had with women, to prove something? If we'd been together 4 months, and he was recounting to me the story of like how he lost his truck keys in a lake, and the girlfriend had to be called by name, that would be one thing and totally understandable. But mentioning names to someone you've just started seeing?

Edited by LifeandPerseverance
Posted

Yeah it's very weird because he's even talking about his ex girlfriend(s). Who does that? It's not normal, at all.

 

My guess is that he's pretty self absorbed and trying to make himself appear more attractive. I'd find the talk douchy and a complete turn off.

  • Like 1
Posted

He sounds rather immature, or emotionally unintelligent. You are doing him a disservice by keeping your feelings about this habit of his to yourself. Honestly, I don't know that I'd be able to move forward with a guy who did this, as it would bother me a great deal, but that may be a hindsight bias because a lot of the guys turned out to be creeps. My H never talked about his ex, and if I ever asked, he was always very neutral in speaking about her. I appreciated this about him. Anyway, just tell him how you feel about it. Some guys just need a little coaching. But if he disregards your feelings and continues, I'd definitely consider it to be a big red flag.

Posted

Hmmm I see it totally differently from the other posters. If they played any sort of significant role in his life then of course he will mention them. And I think giving them a name helps put it all in perspective for you timeline wise. I would rather hear my GF use ex BF names then just "a guy I dated". In fact if she doesn't give me a name I either ask for it or give them one myself "Buffalo Wild Wings guy" or "failure to launch guy".

 

I guess it all depends on how close your two are and your relative self confodence.

  • Like 3
Posted

what a frickin name dropper!

  • Author
Posted

One other thing I didn't think of, but maybe I felt it on a subconscious level while this was bothering me enough to log in and post--the ex who got her own story tonight? Yeah, he has tons of pictures of her in his phone. I know because he actually encouraged me to look through his pics last week (and send fetching pics to myself)...and I saw them all. And that was this girl.

 

 

That relationship ended a year ago. Why would you still have the pics in your phone?

Posted

I've been with my wife for 8 years. She knows about my past. Let's just say my ex-girlfriend has created some rather funny stories that sort of stick with a person. She was very much a drama queen and everyone from my family to my friends can recite some humorous stories of her flipping out (which are funny now but not then). It is obvious I picked the right woman to marry. My wife is never bothered when I bring this up. She shouldn't be, because you should always trust each other and be able to talk about things of the past. It isn't as if my ex is ever in a good light and it isn't as if she gets brought up all the time, but the odd time there is a funny story to tell and it is what it is.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

Yeah but the name dropping + all the photos (because it's not like you can sync your phone to your computer or anything--they obviously have to stay on your phone, for a year after the relationship ends, obviously.)? Does that just point to weird vibes?

Posted

I don't find this weird at all. I have many photos on my Facebook still with my exboyfriend. Why delete? it was part of my life, the relationship wasn't bad. I find it weird when people delete parts of their lives just to please their future partner. I come with all my experiences, and if someone doesn't like that so be it.

Be happy your boyfriend is so open with you about his past.

I rather have a boyfriend who talks highly of his exes or doesn't show resentment towards them than a boyfriend who talks about how much of a hoe his ex was (had that too - he ended up disrespecting me similarly....)!

Posted

I hate when people purposefully don't.

 

Feels like hiding stuff.

 

I would strongly prefer my partner did refer to by name as part of his history he's sharing completely with me.

  • Author
Posted
I don't find this weird at all. I have many photos on my Facebook still with my exboyfriend. Why delete? it was part of my life, the relationship wasn't bad. I find it weird when people delete parts of their lives just to please their future partner. I come with all my experiences, and if someone doesn't like that so be it.

Be happy your boyfriend is so open with you about his past.

I rather have a boyfriend who talks highly of his exes or doesn't show resentment towards them than a boyfriend who talks about how much of a hoe his ex was (had that too - he ended up disrespecting me similarly....)!

 

 

Yeah but that's just it--HE **DOESNT**speak highly of the exes. Gathered from what he's said about them, his view of how they treated him, he DOES resent them. So why is he friends with all of them on facebook? If it ended so badly, why would you stay friends with her, and keep all your pics of her on yor phone? AND feel the need to mention said girlfriends by name in stories?

Posted

Okay, keeping pics is one thing, or casually mentioning exes names in the context of telling a story is understandable, but I think the point that was missed here is that he is rubbing these things in her face. That's a big no-no, as far as I'm concerned. OP, at this point I'd say he's being disrespectful. Proceed with caution, if at all.

Posted

I don't know. Depends if you're good friends or not. My guys all told me about their business before, during and after. I'd rather know who to look out for, personally. At least he's open. Of course, you're only hearing his version of the story, which is usually slanted to make the teller look good.

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