compulsivedancer Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 My STBXH and I split in Oct, but we're still on good terms. I've had Facebook for about 10 years (there's still a photo or two of me that was posted DURING college - not many Facebook users can say that!). The question is, now that we're separated, what do I do about the photos? I don't really want to take them all down, and there are plenty that are of us that are in other people's albums. Do I just take down the wedding photos, or do I have to scrub my FB photos clean of everything to do with him? On another note, since we were all part of the same friends group, there are still some photos of me and xOM up there - all innocent photos, but they still exist. This is weird for me, as Facebook is kind of my adult life's journey, and it feels dishonest to take them down. That said, while not everyone burns photos of their xH, most people put away the album(s) and don't keep them displayed. I think maybe it's time, but I'm just not sure how far to go.
d0nnivain Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I have never faced this dilemma but I would probably save the photos to a flash drive or a cloud, somewhere off FB but I would get them off my page. 2
xxoo Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I've had Facebook for about 10 years (there's still a photo or two of me that was posted DURING college - not many Facebook users can say that!). ?? I don't understand. Lots of people used FB while in college. You can just make albums private, using the "only me" function. That would be like putting the albums away without destroying them. Think of it as decluttering! And try not to get too attached to something like a facebook persona. 5
Gloria25 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I don't see why you would remove them. Dude wasn't some guy off the street...he was someone serious in your life. Now, if you are like trying to reconnect with him and stuff and won't move on, I could see where keeping his pics would be an issue for someone new you may be dating. I also agree with the "private" thing. With FB I don't make public what I don't want people to see - even pictures of my family cuz that's their privacy (and cuz of all the enemies/haters I have out there).
BetrayedH Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I never deleted anything or hid. Never felt a need. Nobody really looks at ancient stuff but if they want to, they can go for it. I did block my ex simply because I didn't want to see pictures of her and the kids when I couldn't be there. I also wanted to live my own life with some sense of privacy from her. 2
Author compulsivedancer Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 ?? I don't understand. Lots of people used FB while in college. In 2005? Not many of them still have photos on there from then.
xxoo Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 In 2005? Not many of them still have photos on there from then. Is it because you were in college when you got on FB that it is so important to you? I can't relate. My FB acct is almost as old, and goes back to the birth of one of my kids, but it's just FB. The photos are mine, always, whether they are on FB or not. FB is just a tool for sharing, not an identity. 1
Author compulsivedancer Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Is it because you were in college when you got on FB that it is so important to you? I can't relate. My FB acct is almost as old, and goes back to the birth of one of my kids, but it's just FB. The photos are mine, always, whether they are on FB or not. FB is just a tool for sharing, not an identity. Most of the photos on there are posted by other people, with me tagged. I've never untagged myself from a photo that had me in it. It's like cutting ties. It's just a part of my history. When I show people photos of my life, I log into Facebook and scroll through my photos. I don't really have albums elsewhere.
Gloria25 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Is it because you were in college when you got on FB that it is so important to you? I can't relate. My FB acct is almost as old, and goes back to the birth of one of my kids, but it's just FB. The photos are mine, always, whether they are on FB or not. FB is just a tool for sharing, not an identity. But isn't what we share part of our identity? I mean, yes, I don't put certain likes I have in real life cuz family and/or the few people I friend I don't want to know those things - but the pictures and stuff I share "are" a part of me...I guess?
organizedchaos Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Pics of my ex are hidden from my timeline.
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 My STBXH and I split in Oct, but we're still on good terms. I've had Facebook for about 10 years (there's still a photo or two of me that was posted DURING college - not many Facebook users can say that!). The question is, now that we're separated, what do I do about the photos? I don't really want to take them all down, and there are plenty that are of us that are in other people's albums. Do I just take down the wedding photos, or do I have to scrub my FB photos clean of everything to do with him? On another note, since we were all part of the same friends group, there are still some photos of me and xOM up there - all innocent photos, but they still exist. This is weird for me, as Facebook is kind of my adult life's journey, and it feels dishonest to take them down. That said, while not everyone burns photos of their xH, most people put away the album(s) and don't keep them displayed. I think maybe it's time, but I'm just not sure how far to go. Doesn't fb have a setting where you can chance who sees each picture? Since you don't want to delete the pictures why not just change the settings to "only you" can see them? I doubt anybody will pay close attention to whether or not you delete or keep them up. 1
xxoo Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Most of the photos on there are posted by other people, with me tagged. I've never untagged myself from a photo that had me in it. It's like cutting ties. It's just a part of my history. When I show people photos of my life, I log into Facebook and scroll through my photos. I don't really have albums elsewhere. Like I said, you can set albums to "only me". That way, it's like having an album in your bookcase that you can open any time, but not photos displayed on the wall. The beauty of FB is that it is infinitely adjustable. You can change things, see how it feels, and change it back if you want. Just change a few settings and live with it for a week and see how you feel. 1
Selfish Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Maybe not now but when you are in a future relationship you may want to delete untag yourself. Not to "hide" the past but because it would be similar to having your ex husband's and yours wedding album on the coffee table and wedding picture on the wall. Maybe if old pictures it is on an out of the way wall/room but still there to be viewed and shown off. 1
MissBee Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 You don't need to delete them if you don't want to... The split is fairly new, I mean, over time you might feel more secure that it's time. Perhaps if you start dating again it will feel more appropriate. But I don't think there is a rule that you have to rush to delete them.
MidwestUSA Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 This is weird for me, as Facebook is kind of my adult life's journey, and it feels dishonest to take them down. Why would it feel dishonest? Reading this makes me sad, such a dependence on social media. Don't you have the photos in their original source - your camera, computer, or phone?
lgspot Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 CD---as an old guy, I would say never delete your history. The day will come you will relish it. STBXH is a big part of that. His family/friends is also a stage of your life. Especially since you're good terms. As a guy who has dated a bit, I have never minded (in fact mostly enjoyed) the past of a woman I was interested in. I would suggest you could go private with parts you are iffy about. Still, would also backup everything to this point on flash drive so you will have it just "in case." The divorce process can open a lot of emotions even amiable cases. A woman I am seeing now hates her ex. She and her family are Facebook fanatics. Just before Xmas she was going to delete everything about her H except pics with their daughter. Talked her out of it and she's actually glad she didn't.
Dybbuk Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Honestly my BF has pics of him still up when he was with his ex. She was a part of his life for 3 years. He was in love with her, and she was in love with him. The reason they ended was due to a lot of trouble in his life, and the fact that her lifestyle was hazardous to his recovery. They simply weren't meant to be, but the breakup was amicable and he holds no ill-will towards him, nor does she to him. Pictures included family and other relatives. Pictures were taken at weddings, holidays and other big functions. The relationship they shared was a huge part of his life, and whether the pictures exist on FB or not doesn't change that fact. It all comes down to what you want to do. If it's painful to look at those photos then take them down. If it bothers you at all to have them there, then take them down. If he asks you to take them down for whatever reason, respect his reasons and save the pictures elsewhere and take them down. Otherwise, who cares? It's Facebook. It's a social media account and I honestly believe if people took that a little less seriously it would be benefit more people in relationships. As the new girlfriend, it's never bothered me that he has old pictures on his FB. My BF isn't a hardcore FB user anyway, so whatever is on there is a collection of posts from his ex, his mom, and other family/friends that have tagged him and her together over the years. Now that we got together, we're accumulating the same amount of photos together. It's FB. Almost like an online scrapbook of sorts. If I can't trust my BF enough because there is a 2 year old photo of him and his GF during Christmas that she tagged him in... then we are headed for a rocky road of misplaced jealousy over the years.
Author compulsivedancer Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Maybe I'll hide them. I feel like any future guys would probably prefer not to see 18 wedding photos. Other photos of us are probably less of a concern
Erised Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I don't think it's necessary to remove a part of your history. I might hide a wedding album. 1
dichotomy Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Maybe not now but when you are in a future relationship you may want to delete untag yourself. Not to "hide" the past but because it would be similar to having your ex husband's and yours wedding album on the coffee table and wedding picture on the wall. Maybe if old pictures it is on an out of the way wall/room but still there to be viewed and shown off. Yep - this.
organizedchaos Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Honestly my BF has pics of him still up when he was with his ex. She was a part of his life for 3 years. He was in love with her, and she was in love with him. The reason they ended was due to a lot of trouble in his life, and the fact that her lifestyle was hazardous to his recovery. They simply weren't meant to be, but the breakup was amicable and he holds no ill-will towards him, nor does she to him. Pictures included family and other relatives. Pictures were taken at weddings, holidays and other big functions. The relationship they shared was a huge part of his life, and whether the pictures exist on FB or not doesn't change that fact. It all comes down to what you want to do. If it's painful to look at those photos then take them down. If it bothers you at all to have them there, then take them down. If he asks you to take them down for whatever reason, respect his reasons and save the pictures elsewhere and take them down. Otherwise, who cares? It's Facebook. It's a social media account and I honestly believe if people took that a little less seriously it would be benefit more people in relationships. As the new girlfriend, it's never bothered me that he has old pictures on his FB. My BF isn't a hardcore FB user anyway, so whatever is on there is a collection of posts from his ex, his mom, and other family/friends that have tagged him and her together over the years. Now that we got together, we're accumulating the same amount of photos together. It's FB. Almost like an online scrapbook of sorts. If I can't trust my BF enough because there is a 2 year old photo of him and his GF during Christmas that she tagged him in... then we are headed for a rocky road of misplaced jealousy over the years. Does he still have photos of them together on display at his place? Up on his refrigerator or the wall? Would you be or are you okay with that?
ScarlettDaisy Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I've debated this myself. I decided to just leave things as they are. I'm not involved with anyone so it's moot at this point. When that changes, I'll reconsider. If the future person has issue with it then I'll re-evaluate.
organizedchaos Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I've debated this myself. I decided to just leave things as they are. I'm not involved with anyone so it's moot at this point. When that changes, I'll reconsider. If the future person has issue with it then I'll re-evaluate. I'll ask you the same question. If you walked in to the place of your current boyfriend to find photos of him and his ex up on the fridge or the wall, would you feel Indifferent? Would you keep photos of you and your ex up for display in your home while in a relationship?
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