insert_name Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 If anyone approached me like you describe, I would think that he is going to mug me/rape me. It's creepy and only guys that do that are homeless or on drugs. Having said that, don't listen to people telling you that there are no leagues and similar. It's a feel-good BS. Asses your looks and go for women that you think are close to the same level. There are plenty of dateless ones out there that don't get asked out. Most of us can't get someone we find super attractive, that's just life. So if David Beckham approached you like that you would write him off as a creep and run away? At the end of the day 'everyone has their price' so its often the case with men that its not the behaviour of the man thats the problem- its his status or (lack of it) that dictates how his behaviour is judged. 1
wb1988 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 looooolllllll @ Wb1988 using that guy in the paper as an example. It's so unusual it made the ****ing paper! U dont see the irony of that? I was asking if the OP looked as bad or worse than that guy (that someone else posted a link to), we obviously don't know exactly how ugly the OP is. From what the OP said it sounds like he looked as bad as that guy and the women he was trying to hit on looked like that ugly guy's wife.
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Forget cold approaches, it's something of the past with the online phenomena. I would be creeped out at any stranger approaching me in public whether he is good looking or not. Also, if a good looking girl approached you what would you do? All men want a good looking woman but not all of them know how to handle them. Truth is you don't have enough self-esteem to have a successful relationship with a good looking woman anyway. I have contacted a regular joe blow online. Instead of being happy a good looking woman reached out to him he became suspicious. What does she want with me. Why is she writing to me. He puts himself down like he's just an ordinary man and I must have an hoard of men after me. So, even though you want a good looking woman, I don't think you have the self-esteem necessary to build and maintain a relationship with a girl that would look good to you and to other men.
runitonce Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Walking up to random people is going to bring random results. They could be married or anything People - men especially - often assume the best looking women are the most standoffish & the more average (but still decent) ones will be more accommodating to their approaches but this is a huge generalisation. U have no idea until you speak to them, but thats gunna be a lottery & you have to accept that In my opinion, you need to be in the top 10% of men & - I'd estimate - the top 25% of women before you start seeing any kind of regular success like this
fred123 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Forget cold approaches, it's something of the past with the online phenomena. I would be creeped out at any stranger approaching me in public whether he is good looking or not. Also, if a good looking girl approached you what would you do? All men want a good looking woman but not all of them know how to handle them. Truth is you don't have enough self-esteem to have a successful relationship with a good looking woman anyway. I have contacted a regular joe blow online. Instead of being happy a good looking woman reached out to him he became suspicious. What does she want with me. Why is she writing to me. He puts himself down like he's just an ordinary man and I must have an hoard of men after me. So, even though you want a good looking woman, I don't think you have the self-esteem necessary to build and maintain a relationship with a girl that would look good to you and to other men. I am exactly like this guy u mentioned but i am like this because iv had a good looking girl i really liked tell me I'm not good looking and laugh at me and humiliate me. i realised i was stupid to even try as she was out of my league and she knew that thats why she said i wasn't good looking. women smash our self esteem to pieces so thats why we are sceptical and suspicious whenever a good looking girl talks to us. she must want something
GravityMan Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I talk to all and sundry. I am not bothered at all. However the OP wants to know how to get a date when he is ugly and cold approaches are not working. Simple answer is that women are going to have to get to know him for the beauty within to shine. So he needs to talk to women and get to know them rather than jump straight in and ask them out. To be fair, the OP thinks he is physically ugly. Now, he's probably no Channing Tatum in looks, but I suspect that many men and women who are very negative about their looks exaggerate or overstate how bad looking they really are. In other words, it's all in their head, and their real issue is one of self-esteem. Unless the OP had some sort of disfigurement due to a birth defect, a disease or a horrible injury, I suspect that only a handful of those 50 women felt he was physically ugly. They turned him down for other reasons...perhaps his approach was too blunt, perhaps he gave off a weird/unnatural vibe...and many women are wary of being cold-approached in the first place for safety reasons. The word that comes to my mind when reading the OP's post is "clinical". Meaning, scientifically detached, strictly objective. (Although a small part of me suspects that he is trolling us...it is a bit hard to take his post seriously.) Some of the women he approached may have picked up on that. I see no signs of empathy, spontaneity, or fun/humor/lighthearted-ness. Those things are usually essential when connecting with others. I think the OP needs professional help to work on his social skills and self-confidence...and he needs to expand his social circle through interests (join a club or something), hobbies, volunteering and so on. Personally, I don't think I've even been in the mindset of "trying to get a girlfriend"...as if there's some magical specific strategy that one must follow in order to "win". GFs/BFs aren't things that you "get" or "win"...they're people, not property. Instead, in my experience there was mutual attraction (often at or near the beginning, but not always), it grew over time as we got to know each other, we dated, and after a while it became evident that it was time to take the next step. And nearly all of the women I've met and gotten to know (friends and dating) over the years...I met in school, work, through friends, at parties, Meetups, common interest activities and so on. Not on the street. 2
Mangina Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Ugly guys and girls have it tough that's just life.
Ethan78 Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Truth is you don't have enough self-esteem to have a successful relationship with a good looking woman anyway. This is a dubious and horrible idea.
ivionthenet Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Beauty and ugliness is socially created to a certain degree and subjective to a certain degree and there is the natural disharmony of a face that may be universally acknowledged. So ugliness exists, however to a large degree what we define as ugly or beautiful is very very personal and also depends on how much we give into pursuing the 'look' society finds beautiful in ourselves and in our partner. For me, I had some ugly boyfriends I think that even my best friend at the time made serious fun of, that really hurt me at the time. BUT, I never had a boyfriend with an ounce of body fat. To me, to have a guy with a spodgy stomach is far far worse that someone with a long nose or ears that are big and stick out to the side. I am not sure why. Again, it's subjective. The reason why I feel that this is relevant to OP's situation is because I wonder how much one can do to change their appearance. If OP reckons it's not possible, than disregard my comment. I agree with many comments above that suggest a more intimate social environment to meet women. And to seek help to work on on those issues.
runitonce Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Beauty and ugliness is socially created to a certain degree and subjective to a certain degree and there is the natural disharmony of a face that may be universally acknowledged. So ugliness exists, however to a large degree what we define as ugly or beautiful is very very personal and also depends on how much we give into pursuing the 'look' society finds beautiful in ourselves and in our partner. For me, I had some ugly boyfriends I think that even my best friend at the time made serious fun of, that really hurt me at the time. BUT, I never had a boyfriend with an ounce of body fat. To me, to have a guy with a spodgy stomach is far far worse that someone with a long nose or ears that are big and stick out to the side. I am not sure why. Again, it's subjective. The reason why I feel that this is relevant to OP's situation is because I wonder how much one can do to change their appearance. If OP reckons it's not possible, than disregard my comment. I agree with many comments above that suggest a more intimate social environment to meet women. And to seek help to work on on those issues. The trouble is, its not all that subjective or as personal as we're often made to believe Infact, its often much more subjective amongst men than it is women. I've seen a couple of articles/social experiments where men & women were asked to grade the opposite sex on their looks. Contrary to popular belief, women were, not only far harsher with their grades, but there was also much less deviation between their scores. Some men will give a women a 4/10 that others give an 8. This almost never happens with women, even if there r occasional exceptions (u maybe one) . They all agree with each other over what constitutes attractive- much in the same way u described your friends being around your non-classical looking boyfriends
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 This is a dubious and horrible idea. Because you picked one sentence out of my entire post and are looking at it out of context. If a man finds himself to be ugly, and lacks self-confidence, what type of relationship to you think he is capable to offer? If he dates a woman reasonably attractive he will constantly question why she is with him and not another man more attractive, he will constantly need reassurance why she is with him. He will also have trust issue, it will bother him that she has male friends, or that she goes out with girlfriends where there is potential she may come across attractive man. That is how low-self-esteem people feel in relationship, men and women. My best friend considers her boyfriend better looking than her and she tortures herself on daily basis thinking he will find someone better (looking) than her. So as I said, as it stands now, OP does not have the necessary self-esteem to build and maintain a healthy relationship.
slizl Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Being an ugly girl is like being a man, you're gonna have to work.
mightycpa Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 blind girls are people too. You should try them out, see how you do. If it is ugliness, you'll be wildly successful in comparison. If it is you, then you'll hopefully learn something.
runitonce Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 blind girls are people too. You should try them out, see how you do. If it is ugliness, you'll be wildly successful in comparison. If it is you, then you'll hopefully learn something. Riiiight. Actively walking the streets looking for a blind girl isn't really very practical though, now is it? Pretty silly attempt to say something profound tbh
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