pandapop17 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I need some advice .. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15, we had a perfect relationship and it lasted 7 years, with 3 of those years away at university, but we made it; we hardly ever argued and got on like best friends as well as partners. 1 month ago he ended it, completely out of the blue, after a really happy day together, I didn't see any signs of it happening; he told me it was because we wanted different things in the future, and he didn't feel as though it was fair to lead me on any more. I have kind of accepted that the relationship is over now, but I can't move on. I've tried NC but it's so hard and I always cave and contact him ... he's carried on with his life as though I never existed, is very short with me when I contact him, and keeps on telling me that we'll never get back together. I don't know if it's just naive of me to think I haven't given him enough time to miss me yet, and that if I don't talk to him at all (the longest I have gone so far is a week), that he'll miss me enough to come back. I just can't understand how some one can wipe away 7 years of their life as though it never existed, and just cut contact completely when we used to talk all the time. I miss him so much, and don't want to feel this down about it any more I haven't seen him at all since he broke up with me, he refuses to meet me, and we have only spoke on the phone once. Does anyone have any advice ?? (and not just NC ... I am trying very very hard to do this)
Seeker12 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 It could be GIGS (grass is greener syndrome), being with someone from the age of 15, upto 22 i presume is a hard slog and means you lock yourself off obviously with that individual. This could ultimately result in the feeling that youre missing out, both a guy and girl can feel this, his actions suggest whatever the reason, its been on his mind long enough for him to really move on whilst with you, so when it came to leaving you, it was easy for him. I can honestly, seriously feel what youre going through, 5-6 months ago i had to end my 6/7 year relationship, even though it wasnt out of choice, on either, its still hard. People have different coping mechanisms, some people ignore the problem, others exaggerate the problem etc etc. What you need to do is get busy, its what i did, get your mind off him, and try spend minimal time by yourself so you dont get distracted thinking of him. Plus, if you want him back, showing him that youll always come back is enough for him to be comfortable, he can just pull the leash, and good old ex will come back quicker than tom on jerry, as soon as he realises youre out his life, im sure youll find he may become a different man.
Author pandapop17 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 I have had many conversations with people who say it seems as though this has been on his mind long enough, and I just feel so stupid for not picking up on any signs. I do want him back, and I have tried absolutely everything this past month, but have made myself look stupid, my next call is to completely leave him alone for a month, and then try contact him as a friend and hope the spark reignites; however, he has told me that even if he regrets his decision and wants me back, he won't come crawling because it's not fair on me.
Seeker12 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I have had many conversations with people who say it seems as though this has been on his mind long enough, and I just feel so stupid for not picking up on any signs. I do want him back, and I have tried absolutely everything this past month, but have made myself look stupid, my next call is to completely leave him alone for a month, and then try contact him as a friend and hope the spark reignites; however, he has told me that even if he regrets his decision and wants me back, he won't come crawling because it's not fair on me. I can sense and understand what you want, this person who had played a massive role in your life, was part of your life, now disappearing. I think its pretty clear now he probably did have it on his mind for a long time before making the break up move. For you, yes we all in one way or another want or may want our exes back, its why we are pouring our hearts out here. But trust me, when you make moves towards someone whose dumped you, they usually run the other way, and it creates more distance and more reason for friction. If you seriously want him back, you need to get on with your life, and forget/leave/stop communicating him. Forget about what he says (yes it will play on your mind so distract yourself), focus on you, and in a months time you will then be able to evaluate whether you want him back in your life. Just think of it like this, you are giving him every chance to walk back in, but he is actually closing every single door, that says a lot.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I would keep yourself busy. Don't text him (try try try) or show that you miss him, because that will push him further away. To be honest, he most likely met someone else. This happened to me. I survived by adopting a "my life can move on" mentality. I took up indoor rock climbing. Starting online dating. Found a BETTER man. It'll get better.
Els Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Sorry to hear this, OP. I know it's hard, but the majority of people don't end up 'happily ever after' with the people they dated in high school. 15 is very young and you don't really know who you are or what you want just yet, there is so much that would have changed after high school. Think of it as a fun and enjoyable memory, and try to move on, IMO. Go out with your girlfriends and meet other guys, talk to people, enjoy yourself and take up a new hobby. All the best!
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