Kevin_D Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 The girl I've been dating for 6 months dumped me last night. She's ridiculously impulsive, so I knew it would happen sooner or later, yet it caught me completely by surprise because she's been crazy about me. Yesterday I told her that I felt that she was more cocky than usual. She disappeared for three hours and didn't answer the phone. Then she wrote something like this to me on Facebook. "This isn't working out, we both know it. I put all my energy into trying to make you happy, but I cry all the time when I'm alone. You shouldn't have to work this hard to make a relationship work. I'm mostly blaming myself, it's not your fault that I am so emotional, but I can't go on like this. I'm not ready." I asked her if she thought we could work it out or if was over, but she avoided the question and kept talking about how it was "her fault" and that it's "so sad". I told her that I understood her decision and thanked her for explaining why she couldn't go one. I then explained that I would pick up my stuff tomorrow and that I won't contact her after that because I need to heal. I thanked her for our time together and removed her from social media. About 15 minutes later, she called me. She cried and told me how she loved me, and explained that felt that she wasn't good enough for me, but that the thought of not being with me was terrifying. She contacted me today as well and said that she had been awake all night, thinking about me, and reading what she had written three times. She said that she was an idiot and hated herself for writing those things. She says that she would do anything for a second chance and promises that she will learn from this. I wonder if I managed to turn the tables or if it's a case of "I'll leave you before you can leave me".
badpenny Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I think the best thing to do woul be fo both of you to agree to a complete separation for 6 months, during which time she can try to level that head of hers, and you can rebuild your life and heal. What may happen during those 6 months? Who knows? Life is an awfully big adventure. You may meet someone better - and so might she. Just agree to touch base in 6 months - with complete, total, absolute No Contact from (or to) either of you. Work on yourselves. Then see if being with each other will work, too.
Ruby65 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Hmmm..... her reasoning doesn't make any sense to me. I don't think she's being honest with you about what's going on. Is she still hung up on an ex or something? Is that what she means by "I'm not ready"? She kind of sounds like she was using you as a rebound and feels terrible about it -- but is also is afraid of not having you there as a backup -- but also knows she doesn't love you the way you deserve. What do you think -- does any of what she wrote make sense to you? 1
bubbaganoosh Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 You admit that you knew she would dump you because she's impulsive so if that's the case how do you know that she's not doing the old bait and switch on you and if you give her a second chance she wont pull the same stunt. If she has a history of doing this then find someone a little more stable rather then always waiting for the rug to be puled out from under you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Don't get back together with her. She sounds emotionally volatile and she doesn't know what she wants. This will happen again unless and until she sorts out these issues. It's not worth putting yourself through this. Out of curiosity, how did you know she was so impulsive? What has she done prior to randomly breaking up with you? There was obviously a pattern of behavior that raised some warning signs for you. 1
mightycpa Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Just tell her if she thought she had problems before, she'll never be able to make you happy now, because the trust is gone. Then find girls to date who have less relationship drama. 1
Author Kevin_D Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Out of curiosity, how did you know she was so impulsive? What has she done prior to randomly breaking up with you? There was obviously a pattern of behavior that raised some warning signs for you. After my previous breakup, I've become very aware of the warning signs. For example, she is unemployed, depressed and have depts. She has health issues and is in rather bad shape, and yet she thought it would be a good idea to borrow $7000 to become a personal trainer. The day after she came to her senses and realised that it would actually be very stupid to do that. We don't live together, so we use to talk on Facebook. She used to post tons of pictures of us. But one night, all the pictures where gone and I couldn't contact her. She had decided that Facebook took too much time. She was back a few hours later. She has a problem with both spending and binge eating. Her solution is to avoid having too much money on her credit card and not have too much food at home, because that's the only way she can control it. With that said, she's always been really nice to me and has helped me turn into a much stronger individual than I was before. Though a part of me thinks that I should get out before it gets more complicated, I admire her for always taking full responsibility for her actions. She has contacted both old teachers and classmates and apologized to those she hurt. When I told her that I believed that she has BPD traits, she listened very carefully and agreed with me that she should have it investigated. She visits a psychologist every week. I don't know... I feel like I want to give her another chance. Apart from the drama, she has been really good for me. I know it will probably end eventually, but yet I feel that we in a weird way are good for eachother at the moment.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 She must have a second option that fell through. I bet! 1
Author Kevin_D Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Nah, I don't think so. I know she kept comparing herself to my ex and hated the fact that she was so pretty. I believe she felt for the moment that she will never be enough, panicked and decided to leave before I started checking out on my own.
kolleamm Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Don't be afraid to leave her, in fact leave her to teach her a lesson.
erklat Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 You can give her a second chance as I see you are not nearly shook up as when we were the first time. If your rs is mainly okay you can draw a line in the sand firmly and keep one foot close to the door. I have such relationship with my current spouse and we function great. We are not dependent on each other but we love each other in a very rational and easy way because we encourage each other to grow and build together. 1
BC1980 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 After my previous breakup, I've become very aware of the warning signs. For example, she is unemployed, depressed and have depts. She has health issues and is in rather bad shape, and yet she thought it would be a good idea to borrow $7000 to become a personal trainer. The day after she came to her senses and realised that it would actually be very stupid to do that. We don't live together, so we use to talk on Facebook. She used to post tons of pictures of us. But one night, all the pictures where gone and I couldn't contact her. She had decided that Facebook took too much time. She was back a few hours later. She has a problem with both spending and binge eating. Her solution is to avoid having too much money on her credit card and not have too much food at home, because that's the only way she can control it. These descriptions make her sound like she needs to work on some of her issues before she is ready for a relationship. She sounds very unstable and apparently has control issues. I'm sure she has good qualities, but, at this point, she can't show up and be present for an actual relationship. The way she dumped you is very impulsive and immature. 1
Author Kevin_D Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 You can give her a second chance as I see you are not nearly shook up as when we were the first time. If your rs is mainly okay you can draw a line in the sand firmly and keep one foot close to the door. I have such relationship with my current spouse and we function great. We are not dependent on each other but we love each other in a very rational and easy way because we encourage each other to grow and build together. Thanks. I enjoy being with her, but at the same time, I won't be devastated if things don't work out. In a strange way, I think this is what I need. 1
JS84 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Pull the plug on that relationship with both hands sir.
Holmes85 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 The girl I've been dating for 6 months dumped me last night. She's ridiculously impulsive, so I knew it would happen sooner or later, yet it caught me completely by surprise because she's been crazy about me. Yesterday I told her that I felt that she was more cocky than usual. She disappeared for three hours and didn't answer the phone. Then she wrote something like this to me on Facebook. "This isn't working out, we both know it. I put all my energy into trying to make you happy, but I cry all the time when I'm alone. You shouldn't have to work this hard to make a relationship work. I'm mostly blaming myself, it's not your fault that I am so emotional, but I can't go on like this. I'm not ready." I asked her if she thought we could work it out or if was over, but she avoided the question and kept talking about how it was "her fault" and that it's "so sad". I told her that I understood her decision and thanked her for explaining why she couldn't go one. I then explained that I would pick up my stuff tomorrow and that I won't contact her after that because I need to heal. I thanked her for our time together and removed her from social media. About 15 minutes later, she called me. She cried and told me how she loved me, and explained that felt that she wasn't good enough for me, but that the thought of not being with me was terrifying. She contacted me today as well and said that she had been awake all night, thinking about me, and reading what she had written three times. She said that she was an idiot and hated herself for writing those things. She says that she would do anything for a second chance and promises that she will learn from this. I wonder if I managed to turn the tables or if it's a case of "I'll leave you before you can leave me". Kevin_D, From this point on, I think you should start to pay attention to her actions more than her words. There are 3 things that are definitely happening right now (which I think you are already aware of). 1. She's already in the process of creating reasons on why the relationship wouldn't work out. It has been playing on her mind and it will keep on playing till she decides to do something with it (Sadly the only way she knows how to solve this problem is by breaking up). 2. You are her safety blanket, she saw her safety blanket getting away, she hasn't found your replacement yet, she decides to keep you around in the pretence of a second chance. 3. She's most deinitely immature in terms of her emotions and feelings. I personally think you should most definitely give her a second change, do everything the same way you always did (because you would only delay the inevitable by playing mind games with her), make sure if it comes to breaking up she's the one doing it, let her be the one who gave up on you and not the other way around. 1
Chi townD Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Kev! You've learned bud! She broke it off with you and you walked away calm, cool and collected. You walked away with dignity. That caught her off guard! She didn't know how to process that! She expected you to either beg and plead, or to blast her. She didn't expect that even though she can see she hurt you and that you were disappointed, but you handled it like a BOSS! It made her rethink her decision. 2
SoThatHappened Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Dude, You're in the middle of a whirlwind with my ex! You bastard! In all honesty, those warning signs you just mentioned (impulsiveness, binge spending, flipping back and forth between loving and adoring you) are things my ex did to a tee. Run man... run for your life. If you knocked this girl up, your life's over. Lemme guess... she's a BLAST to be around with, showers you with love, and is a wildcat in the sack? How's my aim? If it's even close, take it from me: tuck tail and run.
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