Otter2569 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Last night I walked out (really drove away) on the woman who was the love of my life. Iv'e seen a behavior pattern that I don't like or understand and it continued in spite of all we do to reassure and love each other. I hope someone can help me make sense of what is / was going on. We go out we have the best time. It really doesn't matter where we go or what we do BUT the last several dates have all ended in huge fights. Always at the very end of the night and always after drinking. These result in her getting really angry and crying all night. She makes mean comments, goes to a very negative place and nothing I say or do can change it. She usually goes into some routine about her not being good enough, trying so hard, giving so much of herself, etc. which I don't understand at all because I go out of my way to reassure her with words and actions. Its all love all night until it reaches some weird tipping point then it drops like a freaking rock. Too often, too confusing, emotionally draining and hard to understand :confused:
Elle1975 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Stop the drinking. Alcohol doesn't bring the best out of people.
Darrk23 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Drinking seems to be the trigger for your problems. Like someone else said stop drinking cause its not helping. Don't go out drinking together.
Author Otter2569 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 You are onto something I am sure. What I dont get is that during the night we are having a blast and then at some point a switch is flipped and she turns into Jekyll & Hyde. We are typically not drinking in excess. Alcohol is a factor especially if we are at the casino and we get into the VIP room where drinks are free. It has ruined so many great nights lately.
Darrk23 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 You are onto something I am sure. What I dont get is that during the night we are having a blast and then at some point a switch is flipped and she turns into Jekyll & Hyde. We are typically not drinking in excess. Alcohol is a factor especially if we are at the casino and we get into the VIP room where drinks are free. It has ruined so many great nights lately. Maybe you need to sit her down while she's sober and talk about this. If nothing changes then walk away if that is what you want to do.
lolablue17 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Me and my wife was fighting a lot in the early days of us, I think half of the time we didn't talk to each other because of our fights. She even threw a plate, a glass and a fork at me. We are now 25 years together (BTW we had a fight today... :cool:)
Ifonlyihadknown Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I can only speak from my past experiences with booze. I found that things happened in my past simply amplified when drunk. What bothers you in a controllable manner when sober and still bothers you in the mindless place "booze" drops you in. Are all the ingredients you need for busting up. Sounds like a massive insecurity thing going on somewhere, talking it through on drink is fatal. Relationship therapy is good, I went a few times with my ex. They do seem to get to the route of it somehow, if you care about each other enough that is!
Author Otter2569 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 I do care enough to try and work through this but there is also a thin. My step father was a verbally abusive alcoholic. I am a social drinker and am happy to go home and sleep it off if I over do it. Iv'e got little tolerance for drunken anger...had enough of that growing up.
erklat Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Alcohol removes taught bihevioral patterns. I also flip when I'm drunk. Bipolar basically. Cut the drinks. Probably the gambling isn't helping either. I feel panic in a casino. I don't feel comfortable at all.
Author Otter2569 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Erklat, we only go to the casino when her father gets us concert tickets. We get a room and her dad usually gets us into the VIP room for free food and drinks. Last time we spent $20 each on slot machines. More fun to people watch.
Author Otter2569 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 We had a long talk this afternoon and it is the booze. She told me about several incidents in her past all related to drinking as well. She also said she was drunk last night and doesnt remember driving home or much of the fight. We really didnt drink that much (4 drinks (beer) over 3 hours) but i think that is irrelevant. She was embarrassed to admit that she thinks she is at risk of having a problem.
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