Always Pondering Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Hey LS, It's been a really long time since I've been on this board because my life has been growing and growing and basically completely flipped from terrible to good. Firstly, I wanted to thank a lot of the members on here because when I was having a rough time, you all helped me out and gave me the push I needed to get to where I am today. For that, words cannot express my gratitude. Here's a very short run-through of my relationship with my ex before I go to my story/concern. We were in a RS for about two years. We're both in our early 20's, still in university. I wouldn't say the RS was disastrous to the point of cheating or anything but it was certainly unhealthy, no doubt about that. She broke up with me almost two years ago. Weeks later, started dating a fling. Weeks after that, got into a "serious" relationship. She emailed me not too long ago after about a year and a half of NC. She said "Sorry" and admitted that she didn't care the last time I tried contacting her where she ignored my message. She said that today (the day this email was sent) was the best day she's had in a long time and that her (now-ex?)boyfriend is gone and nothing can bring her down. She told me if there's anything I'd like to talk about, "shoot". So here's my question. Should I respond to her at all? I'm really leaning towards no but I would like to confirm it with you guys since I trust LS and all it has done for me. I feel kind of irritated because not only does the email sound short and not really genuine but she decides to contact me when they've broken up. She did this right after her fling ended too, I guess as an emotional comfort pillow or something. For the record, my life is going great nowadays and I'm 100% not seeking reconciliation with her. Honestly, I don't think she's looking for a friendship but even if she was, I'm not sure if I want one. Not after all that's happened. 3
organizedchaos Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Sounds like she's still trying to ease her conscience. Forgiveness. I'd say, "nah, I'm good, thanks." 4
Light Breeze Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 For the record, my life is going great nowadays and I'm 100% not seeking reconciliation with her. Honestly, I don't think she's looking for a friendship but even if she was, I'm not sure if I want one. Not after all that's happened. ^^^ That's your answer right there. If you're reluctant with being friends with her, then don't. She might even make a play at winning you back, so if I were you, I'll just avoid this and all the drama that would follow. 7
Tarot777 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I wouldn't. The " nah I'm good" reply seems good. Shes just vulnerable because of her break up, I do this with my exes, some guy hurts me and I run back to an ex seeking comfort . 2
FancyFace Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Don't even respond, she isn't worth the effort. 4
dyna85 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 She wants to know if you want to talk about anything after a yr and a half of nothing? Um...that's kind of a joke. Plus, she's sorry but not really sorry since she states she didn't care about your last message. Someone who disregarded your feelings and returns with a lame a$$ apology like this is not worthy of your attention. I would ignore her as you plan on doing. Seems like she's still got her head in the clouds and doesn't really understand the impact of her actions on others. I agree with the above commenters... so not worth the effort. Why question your perception? You're in a good place and your thoughts regarding her contact not being what you'd expect and not seeming genuine seem right on point to me. May she now reap what she sowed. 2
Itspointless Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Apparently she feels guilt as she feels the pain of being dumped herself. My guess is this is about her not you. 5
Haydn Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 If she is knocking down your door with a sledgehammer, then yes by all means speak her. But she just wants to see how you react. (my view) 3
No Limit Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Don't respond. It'll encourage her in her belief that you're still all teary-eyed that she left. 3
Author Always Pondering Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Thanks all for the responses. Yeah, I was already planning on dismissing the email but was curious as to what you guys think. I'm not sure if she was the dumper or the dumpee since what she said was a little confusing but regardless, either way doesn't matter to me and it wouldn't change anything. It's funny, I stopped expecting contact a long time ago but if I were to be contacted, I expected to feel some sort of satisfaction or ego-boost. Instead, I just felt a little irritated and that's all. Not sure if you guys are being serious about the "Nah, I'm good" response but I probably will choose not to do that. She'll get the message either way and frankly, I don't really care for a response back so there's that.
Itspointless Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 It is my guess that she has been dumped, as you wrote: that it 'was the best day she's had in a long time'. Ahhh ... 2
writergal Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 The term "breadcrumb" comes to my mind with her most recent email to you. She's fishing to see if you still care about her, if you still have feelings for her. She is looking for an ego boost. Anyone who has to proclaim to their ex how great their life is -- is lying. Why would she need to suddenly reach out to you after all this time, after everything she put you through? Her "sorry," and her invitation to "shoot [the breeze]" with you is a smoke-screen for what she really wants: attention from you. Don't give her any. Sometimes when past loves come back into our lives, it can have a positive outcome. But most of those times the outcome is negative. 6
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 She's looking to you for emotional support! I wouldn't even reply. Just delete. 1
quattrob Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Some girls are so predictable, talking about the ones that needs to be with someone for them to be happy. They breakup with their current bf and runs back to the ex for selfish reasons. TC, forget this B****. Not worth any attention from you at all. Don't even give her a reply. You don't want to give her any satisfaction at all. She can look for someone else for that. 2
erklat Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Always pondering, I remember reading your posts sometimes ago. Nice to see you got every dumpees dream and in how good place you actually are. I wouldn't reply for now as this is all about her. Keep growing and best of luck. 3
reddragon588 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I would assume she was dumped, and now she is trying to seek confirmation that she isn't the horrible person she probably perceives her now ex as for dumping her. I would just say something along the lines of "nice to hear from you, glad you're having a good day, enjoy the rest of your weekend" and leave it there. Always good to be polite. 2
Author Always Pondering Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Yeah, it's almost disappointing that things turned out this way. She already did this once before in the time between her fling and her now ex(?). I didn't think she would contact me at all but I said to myself "I swear if you contact me and it's right after your RS ends (if it was going to), I'll be real disappointed in you." I'm not making the same mistake twice. To top that all off, the email has about as much emotion as something I'd come up with right after crawling out of bed. Always pondering, I remember reading your posts sometimes ago. Nice to see you got every dumpees dream and in how good place you actually are. [...] Haha! Nah, it might have come close to it but I'm sure most dumpees dream of their ex coming back for reconciliation, not just contact. That's what I dreamed of anyways. [...] I would just say something along the lines of "nice to hear from you, glad you're having a good day, enjoy the rest of your weekend" and leave it there. Always good to be polite. I can see your perspective on that but in my situation, I don't think there's really a need for "politeness". I mean, what I got from the email was: "Hey, I didn't/don't really care but sorry about the past. Oh, if you wanted to talk about something from years ago, go ahead if you want." I don't have anything I'd like to talk to her about at this point. I didn't harbor any hate towards her but I mean, I don't see how I need to be "polite". 2
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