Guitarisgood Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 From the chubby lazy gamer to now a chiseled rig and new look, establishing a business and chasing contracts in photography (after realizing you have a knack for capturing pictures). You've heard the story. Guy gets the 'lets just be friends' talk one too many times and turns his life around. Now girls pick up on this. In particular those back in the days who declined. What's your move? Do you turn them down as you're still torn and the pain still rings true? Do you accept you yourself was not in the right shape and mind back then and if asked the question, 'would you date yourself', you know the answer truthfully? Do you give them and in essence yourself, a second chance? Now say there was the one girl who initiated all this with that infamous talk. Not a b*tchy, popularity chasing one but one of good heart and grounded. Do you give her a second chance?
Buddhist Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 It sounds like from this post that you made these changes not to conform but because you came to the conclusion that not all was right with Kansas? So are you out for revenge or do you just want to see your dreams come true? The answer to that question will tell you everything you need to know.
badpenny Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Multi-date, (but be honest and admit you're multi-dating) and see which one comes up as the better person. You know, humans can't help what they like, and what they don't like. Be honest - haven't you ever been in a situation where you've seen a couple, and silently asked yourself what she sees in him, what he sees in her, or even what do they see in each other...? In other words, you may see a guy, maybe looking a bit like you, dating someone you'd never dream of dating. At first glance. But maybe he likes ... whatever attributes and physical qualities she has. Even if they DO leave you cold. First impressions are what hit us. As they say, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression. But as you seem to be saying, you do get a second chance to change that first impression. You've seen these dumb lists of publicity photos - "Look at what this well-cut, honed, gorgeous fit *movie star* looked like as a kid! You won't believe the transformation!" Well, people can only initially go by what they see. And if you like how these girls look, and you're hoping their personality will match, then there's only one way to find out which ones are shallow, and which have more to them than meets the eye. You gave yourself time to transform yourself, and gained a healthy self-esteem and self-respect. It's only fair to give them the time to do the same.
mr_dave Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Now say there was the one girl who initiated all this with that infamous talk. Not a b*tchy, popularity chasing one but one of good heart and grounded. Do you give her a second chance? No, I wouldn't. If she rejected you beforehand and didn't give you a chance because you weren't ripped or successful enough, then why should she reap the benefit of your hard work now? Suppose your work dried up, or you got ill and couldn't maintain your six pack - she wouldn't think you are good enough for her again. There are girls out there who are loving and supportive of their squidgy, not so successful boyfriends - find yourself one of them, rather than this shallow lady. 4
NGC1300 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 F them all. You weren't good enough then; forget about them now. 1
preraph Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 You can't fault a girl for having standards. You should date (one at a time) any of these girls and see how it goes. If one of them was a real mean bitch, then no, skip that one, but there's a big difference between saying no and not being interested in what may have appeared to be an immature loser and being a mean bitch. Women need to have standards for choosing a man because it so often leads to them fathering their children. It's survival.
Gary S Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I would never go back to a girl who rejected me. Too bad so sad. I'm a nice guy, but not a pushover. I would always remember. There are tons of other single women out there, and all you need is one. Why not start with a new girl and a clean slate?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Haha - I've rejected girls that I'd be willing to go back to. Amazing how some women really come into their own after a couple years... 1
Author Guitarisgood Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Thanks guys, yeah thats the thing. If I were to put myself in someone else's shoes i.e. if there was a chick that was so unattractive and became interested in me would I turn her down? What if after some time, she started looking after herself and BAM! She's become super attractive and was still interested, what next? Thats the conundrum I feel. But right is right, leave the past where it is. I guess I've just been on that long a dry streak all focused on furthering myself now that any female attraction is really pulling at me.
somedude81 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Girl rejects you in the past. You turn your life around and now she's interested. I don't see what the problem is. There's no point in holding a grudge against somebody because they didn't like you when you weren't at your best.
chumble Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Were they at least kind to you, or bitchy when declining? If the first, then why not. If the latter, then no way.
Macattack Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I suggest you don't put them on a pedestal. Let them pay their own way on dates and see what happens. They should be required to meet your standards. Most women will leave you if your money dried up. There was a guy who lost his job but found a job however it was only 70% of his previous income. His wife left him for another man who made more. The sad part is he begged her to come back. He was surely being foolish.
LoveRefreshed Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 (edited) From the chubby lazy gamer to now a chiseled rig and new look, establishing a business and chasing contracts in photography (after realizing you have a knack for capturing pictures). You've heard the story. Guy gets the 'lets just be friends' talk one too many times and turns his life around. Now girls pick up on this. In particular those back in the days who declined. What's your move? Do you turn them down as you're still torn and the pain still rings true? Do you accept you yourself was not in the right shape and mind back then and if asked the question, 'would you date yourself', you know the answer truthfully? Do you give them and in essence yourself, a second chance? Now say there was the one girl who initiated all this with that infamous talk. Not a b*tchy, popularity chasing one but one of good heart and grounded. Do you give her a second chance? Dude, I think about this all the time. Back in high school and college, I just had no luck. Got friendzoned repeatedly. I wasn't the most attractive and had my problems with drinking, at the end of the day, I was always the life of the party. Had tons of friends, super social, incredibly nice, empathetic and caring. Just no one wanted to date me. I went to grad school for chemistry, started exercising a lot and slimmed down some.. and during that time several girls from my past who had friend zoned me made it blatantly clear they were now interested in more. I slept with one of them but no, I would not date any of them. What changed between then and now? I lost some weight and am more successful. I did not fundamentally change as a person, I am still kind and caring. I am still funny. They saw me for the qualities I had 7 years earlier, they had their chance to have a loving, caring, and good hearted man, but they opted for dick after dick because he had a six pack or some how exuded sexuality. They passed on it. I am not going to date a gold digger, or somehow shallow, or someone who thinks they are settling for me. I try to not be bitter about the loneliness which was my early 20s and before. That is the best you can do. Just approach a new girl who is meeting you for the first time... someone who never had lukewarm feelings for you. Edited February 25, 2015 by LoveRefreshed 1
Andy_K Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Of course you give them a chance. I don't know about you, but I'm only human and I can openly admit that if some girl I'm interested in were 50 pounds heavier and her life was a mess, I wouldn't be interested. Therefore I would see no reason to be offended by the idea that they might feel the same way about some people. What's inside is not all that counts. It's the full package.
guest569 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I dunno, i probably wouldn't waste time going down a path that didnt work out last time. If you've got everything going for you now, get out there and date someone new. I've had a few guys from school approach me, who I had huge crushes on, they don't even remember me from school. Look they are a decade late and I'm not interested anymore. That ship has sailed. However, if you are keen on one of these girls give it a go i guess. I'm torn, are they a bit shallow, or is it reasonable what they are doing ? We don't keep our good looks forever.
Moy Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 From the chubby lazy gamer to now a chiseled rig and new look, establishing a business and chasing contracts in photography (after realizing you have a knack for capturing pictures). You've heard the story. Guy gets the 'lets just be friends' talk one too many times and turns his life around. Now girls pick up on this. In particular those back in the days who declined. What's your move? Do you turn them down as you're still torn and the pain still rings true? Do you accept you yourself was not in the right shape and mind back then and if asked the question, 'would you date yourself', you know the answer truthfully? Do you give them and in essence yourself, a second chance? Now say there was the one girl who initiated all this with that infamous talk. Not a b*tchy, popularity chasing one but one of good heart and grounded. Do you give her a second chance? This. 1
Author Guitarisgood Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Of course you give them a chance. I don't know about you, but I'm only human and I can openly admit that if some girl I'm interested in were 50 pounds heavier and her life was a mess, I wouldn't be interested. Therefore I would see no reason to be offended by the idea that they might feel the same way about some people. What's inside is not all that counts. It's the full package. Cheers Andy, that's my thought exactly but I guess I still harbor a bit of bitterness (lets be honest anyone from this type of past would do) and distrust that just makes it hard for me to put myself out there again - with them particularly - even if I'm keen. Moy that's a cracker of a meme that sums it up pretty well these days! 1
carhill Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 When you change for the better and girls start raining down? IME, no, but the rejection rate lessened a bit.From the chubby lazy gamer to now a chiseled rig and new look, establishing a business and chasing contracts in photography (after realizing you have a knack for capturing pictures). You've heard the story. Guy gets the 'lets just be friends' talk one too many times and turns his life around. Never had that experience; most of the rejections came during the most successful period of life. The only 'change' that was 'better' was fitting into the box the local ladies found attractive better. Life pursuits and business success and personal fulfillment had very little to do with that. Now girls pick up on this. In particular those back in the days who declined. What's your move? Those who declined were consistent. I didn't revisit old failures. Do you turn them down as you're still torn and the pain still rings true? No data to offer. Do you accept you yourself was not in the right shape and mind back then and if asked the question, 'would you date yourself', you know the answer truthfully? I was too 'nice' and too trusting. Getting meaner and keener worked better with the local ladies. Not criminal meaner, just less 'soft'. Do you give them and in essence yourself, a second chance? Once someone says no I move on. They're erased. Best life choice? Perhaps not for others but it works for me. Move forward, not sideways or backward. Now say there was the one girl who initiated all this with that infamous talk. Not a b*tchy, popularity chasing one but one of good heart and grounded. Do you give her a second chance? In my 20's, sure. 30's, maybe. 40's, doubtful. 50's, not a chance. Brutal world out there. Lived enough of it in that realm. The good news is plenty of guys will give them a second chance so no worries. Void filled.
Erised Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 How dramatic is the change? If I lost 15 lb and that changed interest, I would not be interested. If margins are so thin, I would think... If I lost 150 lb (not that that's possible) and that changed interest, yea I would hardly blame them. I'd be willing as long as they were nice about it. That's attraction. If it was a matter of money, I'd be less likely to change interest. Who likes or dislikes someone based on how much or little money he/she makes? That's a fragile thing to hang a relationship on, because things happen.
Moy Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 If it was a matter of money, I'd be less likely to change interest. Who likes or dislikes someone based on how much or little money he/she makes? That's a fragile thing to hang a relationship on, because things happen. You'd be surprised. I'm 41 next month and in my OLD age demograph there are some single mothers and divorcees who straight away coldly hone in on you with the 'what do you do?' 'were you married?' 'how many kids have you got?' interview type questions to see how much alimony/child support you are already paying to gauge whether or not you'd have any left to pay for their families and/or pay off their debts. 'Looking for Captain Save-a-Ho' it's known as. Obviously, people that shallow aren't worth dating, but being measured on your money does happen.
preraph Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 You'd be surprised. I'm 41 next month and in my OLD age demograph there are some single mothers and divorcees who straight away coldly hone in on you with the 'what do you do?' 'were you married?' 'how many kids have you got?' interview type questions to see how much alimony/child support you are already paying to gauge whether or not you'd have any left to pay for their families and/or pay off their debts. 'Looking for Captain Save-a-Ho' it's known as. Obviously, people that shallow aren't worth dating, but being measured on your money does happen. Well, that road goes both ways. What if the reason she's finding out if you're solvent is because she is solvent and doesn't want to get involved with someone who can't keep up their fair share of expenses and will drain her financially? I hate golddiggers as much as the next person, but there's a far cry from someone who's out to land a rich dude and willing to prostitute herself for it and a single working mother who doesn't have any time to waste dating someone who will turn out to be a drain on her in any way.
AVarma Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 You'd be surprised. I'm 41 next month and in my OLD age demograph there are some single mothers and divorcees who straight away coldly hone in on you with the 'what do you do?' 'were you married?' 'how many kids have you got?' interview type questions to see how much alimony/child support you are already paying to gauge whether or not you'd have any left to pay for their families and/or pay off their debts. 'Looking for Captain Save-a-Ho' it's known as. Obviously, people that shallow aren't worth dating, but being measured on your money does happen. The funny thing is if you were 41 and never married they would probably see that as a red flag as well. Too many kids=too much baggage. Not enough kids or kids or previous relationships=red flag. You just can't win sometimes! 1
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