Just_Ice1007 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Here lately, my girlfriend of 8 months has been going to parties with a girlfriend of hers and there's always alcohol. I trust my girlfriend, but she has the "caring" personality and is very friendly with people, even people she doesn't know. But at the last party she went to, last night, she told me that a guy who she just met at the party, drank a little too much, and tried to kiss her. She avoided the kiss. Needless to say, this isn't the first time a thing like this has happened. She is not the prettiest girl in the world but I say she's above average.She always says stuff like, "I'm not even that pretty," or "I don't know why guys always hit on me." She's a very social person, who can give off the flirty vibe when she drinks, and I'm just worried that eventually a guy will succeed and actually kiss her. I don't have the time to lose my trust in her, or have a murder case on my hands.. Anybody have any advice, to maybe ease my worrying?
badpenny Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 What an odd phrase.... What do you mean by "I don't have the time to lose my trust in her...."? What DO you have time for? You seem fairly relaxed about her drinking, going out, and aren't too effusive about her looks.... Why are you dating her, exactly? Remember that should she succumb to the charms and arms of another man, there's a possibility that it's because she's not as happy in your relationship as she'd like to be....
salparadise Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Sorry, I can't alleviate your worries because I think they're probably well founded. Trusting your girlfriend fundamentally is not the same as trusting your girlfriend when she's out with another girl, partying and drinking (perhaps a little too much) where a bunch of guys are also drinking and hitting on her. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and too much alcohol can erase all inhibition and good judgement. Add to that peer pressure, the potential for someone to slip her a mickey, or for things to otherwise get out of control, and and it's not a matter of jealously- it can be dangerous. I get the impression you're both young, is that correct? There is good reason why mature people in relationships don't engage in these kinds of things without their partners present. I think you should have a talk with her and express your concerns. Make sure it doesn't come across as untrusting, judgmental, or dictatorial though. Be affirming and explain that it's because you care so much about her and it's the situation she's putting herself into that you're not comfortable with. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 If even under the influence she has the presence of mind to deflect unwanted physical contact, the kiss, I think it will be OK but since alcohol lowers inhibitions & put her in a vulnerable position, this is a slippery slope. It would be very easy for her to cross a line. Why is she only going to these parties with her friend? Why aren't you attending too? What are you doing to romance her so that she stops seeking validation from other men at parties after she has been drinking that she is attractive? At a minimum try telling her she's beautiful (Never say that she's not the prettiest girl in the world because she should be the prettiest girl in your world). When she does the whole fishing for complements thing & self depreciation, tell her to stop. Reassure her that she is pretty but that her saying things like that detracts from her specialness. Build up her confidence. 1
preraph Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 There's nothing wrong with her going out with her friends. She isn't looking for another man. She told you herself she rejected one that came on to her. I have to tell you, men tend to imagine that women get hit on much more than they do anyway. It was actually rare I got hit on out and about. It's not an everyday occurrence. I really get irritated hearing people say how they trust their girlfriend but then they pretty much insult their intelligence by acting like they don't have enough sense to make up their own minds whether they want to talk to or kiss a man, or they get it in their heads the friends are evil but the girlfriend isn't and will be unduly influenced. All I can tell you is if you're insecure, that's your problem, not hers. And if she's not trying to cheat, I think she has enough brains in that pretty little head to avoid it. And if she is, then you distrusting her or not letting her go anyplace alone won't stop her. At the end of the day, if they come back to you, they want to be there. If they don't, they don't, and no amount of worry will change that.
salparadise Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 At the end of the day, if they come back to you, they want to be there. If they don't, they don't, and no amount of worry will change that. Bzzzzzt. Are you being facetious?
Author Just_Ice1007 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 Well thank all of you for your replies, and i know that I tend to be insecure a lot, but it' only because I don't want to lose her to someone else. I tell her everyday how she's the love of my life and how beautiful she is. I take it that all of this worrying is nowhere near her fault. And i was not in attendance to this party because I had to stay home and study for tests. The many perks of still being in school. As to answer the question asked, yes we are both young adults.
todreaminblue Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Well thank all of you for your replies, and i know that I tend to be insecure a lot, but it' only because I don't want to lose her to someone else. I tell her everyday how she's the love of my life and how beautiful she is. I take it that all of this worrying is nowhere near her fault. And i was not in attendance to this party because I had to stay home and study for tests. The many perks of still being in school. As to answer the question asked, yes we are both young adults. i agree with donnivain and think her advice is spot on.....she is actually telling you what is going on.......i have this theory guys dont really want to know their gfs are being hit on...or how often so the truth is...in a relationship i am unlikely to say anything......unless of course i get anxiety about seeing that guy......which normally means i dont have control physically or they arent listening to me inserting boundaries..... ill seek help from my partner or at least let him know hey got a problem.....can you come with and just be there..........i find that a deterrent for most eager or overly eager guys..i let them see i am taken and meet the guy i am with...so they know you dont have a chance.... and i am not lying or playing a chase me game.....or begging for you to stick your hand up my skirt......i am being honest and have no game.... i would suggest this...be seen with her......let it be affectionate like holding hands kissing cheek......and if a guy is decent enough he will back off......when he knows a girl is in love and taken......and fade out ill tell you what attracts guys to girls who believe they arent pretty....that caring personality you mentioned...thats it....compassion and understanding is highly attractive.....especially with guys who might get overlooked or have suffered with rejection......in turn these guys can also get nasty when a nice girl turns them down graciously...... i think its a mistake to think she warrants guys to give her attention......being compassionate normally isnt self serving...... as i said i dotn tell bfs i get hit on...or when ...unless i can not handle the advances.....and then i involve the bf in a proactive experience...no violence ...just a clear message of not available...and it also lessens the rejection ...........from experience this works...... one reason i dont drink....is because i cannot control what happens if i drink....i have more control over me( i tend to be more affectionate when i drink) i prefer to not drink at all...i like being sober and fully functional..i would also suggest that if your gf wants to drink....that she do so in your company only...definitely not alone if she is getting hit on all the time.....deb
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