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Guy I was seeing broke it of as it was moving too fast


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Posted

Hi everyone, I haven't posted on here for some time but could really use some in put into a situation that has just developed with a really great guy I was seeing...

We met a month ago and the attraction was mutual. We had a great first date, went for coffee and talked effortlessly about everything and anything. From that day he would text me frequently and call , I was never the instigator of any of the contact. We had our second date 3 days later and our third 2 days after that. We both said we liked each other and the contact continued steadily with him initiating the calls, texts etc. We spent Valentine's weekend together and he bought me roses etc . When we weren't together he'd call me every morning before work and again later that day with texts in between. It felt right and I was happy to havemet a guy who seemed upfront about his feelings and seemed to want to spend his free time with me. We saw each other on average twice a week. The day before yesterday he was sick off work and spent the day in bed, still calling & texting as usual so when I received a text the next day saying he wanted to end things because he felt I liked him more than he liked me I got quite a shock. I said I was shocked to get it and asked him what happened. He said he felt it was moving too fast and he felt I was more into it than him. I really liked him and was so sure we would end up in a relationship so was ultra careful to never come across as needy or clingy and was never the initiator of plans, calls etc. I'm really upset, have met a couple of guys lately who ghost on me so kinda fed up at this point. He called me last night and said he'd miss me and really liked me but that it all for too much and he didn't think it was fair to string me along. He asked if we could hang out later in the week but I said no, I was sad at his decision but not heartbroken but if we continued hanging out I will get hurt and I really need to pprotect myself. I would love to have kept seeing him and seeing where we went but his pulling the plug has stopped all that. Any advice, has a good one got away, any chance of reconciling, and if I give him space will he come back? When he wasn't with me he'd say he missed me & couldn't wait to see me again. #bafflledbigblueeyes

Posted
Hi everyone, I haven't posted on here for some time but could really use some in put into a situation that has just developed with a really great guy I was seeing...

We met a month ago and the attraction was mutual. We had a great first date, went for coffee and talked effortlessly about everything and anything. From that day he would text me frequently and call , I was never the instigator of any of the contact. We had our second date 3 days later and our third 2 days after that. We both said we liked each other and the contact continued steadily with him initiating the calls, texts etc. We spent Valentine's weekend together and he bought me roses etc . When we weren't together he'd call me every morning before work and again later that day with texts in between. It felt right and I was happy to havemet a guy who seemed upfront about his feelings and seemed to want to spend his free time with me. We saw each other on average twice a week. The day before yesterday he was sick off work and spent the day in bed, still calling & texting as usual so when I received a text the next day saying he wanted to end things because he felt I liked him more than he liked me I got quite a shock. I said I was shocked to get it and asked him what happened. He said he felt it was moving too fast and he felt I was more into it than him. I really liked him and was so sure we would end up in a relationship so was ultra careful to never come across as needy or clingy and was never the initiator of plans, calls etc. I'm really upset, have met a couple of guys lately who ghost on me so kinda fed up at this point. He called me last night and said he'd miss me and really liked me but that it all for too much and he didn't think it was fair to string me along. He asked if we could hang out later in the week but I said no, I was sad at his decision but not heartbroken but if we continued hanging out I will get hurt and I really need to pprotect myself. I would love to have kept seeing him and seeing where we went but his pulling the plug has stopped all that. Any advice, has a good one got away, any chance of reconciling, and if I give him space will he come back? When he wasn't with me he'd say he missed me & couldn't wait to see me again. #bafflledbigblueeyes

 

 

I know that this may not be something that you want to hear but I really want to help you...

 

I went through the EXACT same situation about a year and a half ago, I got such a shock when the guy i was seeing told me that it was moving too fast and that he wasn't ready. This was after about a month of seeing each other and by that stage I was definitely on the way to falling for him. I too thought I had finally found someone who was upfront with their feelings.

 

He wanted to keep seeing me or hanging out but gave me time to think about it because he 'didn't want to hurt me'. After a week of not talking, I stupidly started talking to him again and we fell back into the same way that we were, hanging out all the time, lots of calls and lots of texts however we weren't together.

 

I of course, fell completely head over heels for him and I constantly felt helpless in the situation and all I wanted was for him to change his mind and it never came. We saw each other for just over a year and every time we got close again, he'd disappear. He was so hot and cold and in and out of my life and it was painful.

 

I am now suffering the biggest heart break that I have ever experienced in my life and wish more than anything I could go back to that day where he gave me the choice so I could spare myself over a year of confusion and mind games.

 

I just wanted to share my story because i can identify with yours completely and I don't want you to go through the same thing as me.

 

xxx

Posted

Um, what? What did you and I miss here? Sounds like you didn't do anything wrong. One thing I learned is, and what you need to learn is, text messages don't mean anything. He can contact you a lot but that doesn't demonstrate his connection with you. It all depends what was in the text and the depth of the conversations. Honestly I'm just as much as dumbfounded as you are, and I'm sorry that you're going through this. Did you ever felt like you did something to scare him off or said something? You say you want him to miss you but when he said he did you rejected him. I understand you were hurt and you wanted to guard yourself, but I think it was best if you talked in person. If he really really truly likes you, he will come back. If not, then onto the next one girl. Sounds really hard but no time should be wasted with someone who's not utterly crazy about you.

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Posted

The context of our contact was always very deep and meaningful, we woul I.m for hours and speak at least 3 times a day, mostly more. At one point I was thinking it was too much too soon but he kept on instigating so I just went with the flow, found it refreshing that this guy was so genuinely upfront about his feelings. We both have kids and he'd always ask about mine, he'd call me if he had a problem and to just say hey. I haven't liked anyone like this in a long time. Today will be the first day we haven't spoken in 5 weeks, I'm really gonna miss our chats and connection. Do you think if I leave him be he may come around? Even in texts yesterday he said he was really attracted to me, he thought we get on really well & he's gonna miss me. I said to him he should have just slowed it down and that he had that power seeing as it was him who was the driving force behind the speed at which we were travelling. I'm still in shock at the sudden end to this lovely thing that we seemed to have goin on :(

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Posted

And no, I don't feel I did or said anything to put him off, apart from saying I couldn't wait to see him and missed him but it was more in a jokey way and he reciprocated

Posted

One thing I've noticed is that people who are super quick to establish intimacy are also the quickest to pull away. I've been down that road, too -- they overwhelm you with attention and want to become an instant couple, then suddenly bail.

 

Some advice I was given once really puts the brakes on these kinds of crazy-fast relationships, is not to have sex with someone until you've agreed to be in an exclusive relationship. It takes quite a while to get to that conversation -- so that really weeds out the cheaters and the flakes.

 

Sounds simple, but it works!

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Posted

That's easier said than done. We did sleep together, a lot of times and he and I both agreed there was mutual chemistry. But now he proclaims that I liked him more than he liked me. Confused.com

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Posted

Like he would text me multiple times, and if I didn't respond soon he'd call me. It just felt so right , I'm so sad this has happened. I was so careful because I really liked him, so angry that he got away and I am completely powerless to get him back

Posted

It sounds to me like he was more into you than you were to him and he felt out of control so he tried to switch the situation around by saying you were more into him! Like some sort of reverse psychology.

Can't think of any other reason why he'd say something like that.

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Posted (edited)
That's easier said than done. We did sleep together, a lot of times and he and I both agreed there was mutual chemistry. But now he proclaims that I liked him more than he liked me. Confused.com

 

I hear you -- it's hard not to get swept away by someone who seems so right!

 

But someone who's pushing for emotional intimacy right away --and acting like an established couple in the first few months of dating -- can be a red flag for you now.

Edited by Ruby65
  • Author
Posted
It sounds to me like he was more into you than you were to him and he felt out of control so he tried to switch the situation around by saying you were more into him! Like some sort of reverse psychology.

Can't think of any other reason why he'd say something like that.

 

If this is what he's doing what's best way to get back on track. I really like this guy, was super careful not to screw it up by being needy or clingy

Posted (edited)
One thing I've noticed is that people who are super quick to establish intimacy are also the quickest to pull away. I've been down that road, too -- they overwhelm you with attention and want to become an instant couple, then suddenly bail.

 

Some advice I was given once really puts the brakes on these kinds of crazy-fast relationships, is not to have sex with someone until you've agreed to be in an exclusive relationship. It takes quite a while to get to that conversation -- so that really weeds out the cheaters and the flakes.

 

Sounds simple, but it works!

 

^^ This ^^

 

What you experienced is actually common. There are some that will try to fast forward the process to get what they need from you and most times the ones that are quick of the blocks normally crash and burn soon after. Bombard you with their attention, you get high and succumb, they get what they want and pull away. Then they end it but still throw you crumbs -- indicate that they like you, think you're attractive, etc. -- in hopes that you'll still be there to "hang out" and give him what he wants but with the understanding that he can't give you anything more.

Edited by Zahara
Posted

It wasn't you. It was him. He was driving this & he was the one who was proverbially pushing the gas pedal to the floor in the tempo of your relationship. Roses for V-day when you were together less than a month is awfully fast. You were simply along for the ride.

 

 

You only failed to recognize that guys like him do this -- all in hot & heavy but run as soon as you start buying their act.

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