I flirted back with my (younger) coworker. Now it's awkward as heck!

[Bibi1798]

I started a new job about a week ago. A coworker was flirting with me hard. I thought he was cute so I flirted back. I was really attracted to him, but felt nervous around him, like I was in high school again. I told him his girlfriend is lucky, he says he doesn't have one. He told the manager he thought I was cute and the manager put us to work together on the same section. We talked, a lot. He's asking me all kinds of questions about my likes and dreams. Ya know, 'getting to know you' kind of questions. Then I find out he's a senior in high school, to be 18 in a couple months; I am 24! I bring this up to him because I was shocked he was so young. The guy tells me not to worry, 'I'm mature for my age, I have experience' yada yada. He tells me he's going to college for the same thing I happen to be going for, that he's financially stable right now and blah blah. We flirt some more. Somehow we got to talking about sex, he says he's a freak-into bondage, because, who wants to 'make love' when you can 'have fun'. I say, well I don't know about the whips and chains you're talking about, but a little choking can go a long way. I tell him that I think he's cute but I haven't been in a relationship/had sex in way over a year (which is true), the flirting is fun, but sorry for being awkward. He tells me that I shouldn't be sorry, he thinks I'm cute, and I carry myself like a queen.

 

One night, my sister came to pick me up, and him and two other coworkers needed a ride home, so she drove them all. The next day upon closing the smokers lit up a cigarette (me being one of them), and when he saw me smoking he said 'it's a little bit of a turn off', that 'this is worse than walking in on your parents having sex'. That night I needed a ride home from a coworker, so we piled into her car. While the two in the front were talking loudly in their foreign language, the two of us were in the back seat talking. Then he told me that he told one of our bosses that I'm cute, I said I heard. I then told him, awkwardly, that I find myself 'ya know, like attracted to you, sexually...sexually or whatever. I think you're very cute.' He pretty much laughs a little bit and says thanks or something. Then we arrived at my house and I got out.

 

Fast forward to two days later and we worked the same shift. There was barely any conversation like before. As I was the first one to start my shift, and it was slow, I got sent home early. This upset me a bit because I expected to work longer, he asked if I was going to cry. I laughed and said no, but thanks for your concern, that I expected to work later is all and now I need to figure out about a ride. He replies with 'well even a psychopath would be concerned'. I then brought up to him the conversation in the car the other night and apologized for talking like that since we are coworkers (and he's so young), he says 'don't apologize, I'm flattered. But I'm a 17 year old kid and I know my limits'.

 

Then my ride arrived so I said goodbye to everybody. Now I'm left wondering what. The. Hell. These past few days I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that I was/am attracted to a younger guy. And I think I was okay with it (no legality concerns where we live if the situation were to unfold in a certain way). This younger guy was flirting with me hard, and I totally flirted back. But what the hell, why talk to me like you're interested and then...nothing.

 

I'm unsure how to act the next time we work together. Like none of the conversations were ever had? It seems like every guy I try to flirt with ends up more-or-less rejecting me. But now specifically this guy, who was flirting with me for nearly a week, saying he's mature and whatnot, has just gone cold. I know I shouldn't have let my biology talk, but I did. Turns out I was in my 'fertile window' of my monthly cycle. Maybe that had to do with my lack of, uh, proper reaction. I just feel so stupid for continuing to flirt with a guy when I found out he was 'so young'.

 

What should I do to remedy the situation? I don't think I want to talk to him about it anymore, I've apologized. I'm pretty much over it. But not really. I hope I haven't hurt the coworker relationship, or my chances of keeping the job. Anyway, what are your thoughts/advice?

 

PS. A lot more than what I felt like writing about was talked about and whatnot , but I feel like this gives a good idea of the situation.

 

Also, I found out I used to work with his older brother.

 

Also, I know I'm an idiot, but I thought, hey, my dad is almost 10 years younger than my mom, so these things happen (even though their relationship didn't last). Uggghhh.

 

Also, it's probably too early for me to start dating younger guys. I have a brother who's 14, for christs sake.

 

My sister says it was all probably a ploy so he could make fun of me in the end.

 

I feel so awkward. ****. And damn my ovaries.

 

But yes, anyway, thanks for your comments, whatever they may be.

[d0nnivain]

You start with some introspection. Being attracted to younger guys is one thing. Having sex conversations with a teenager in the workplace is a whole other ball game.

 

 

You knew his age before the BDSM sex conversation. Once you knew his age, as the adult you had an obligation to stop discussing sex. I actually agree with his statement that is mature. He is the one who said that he knew his limits. You seem to be still looking for appropriate boundaries.

 

 

The past is past. For now all you can do is keep future conversations on the straight & narrow. Discuss work, the weather, sports & current events. If the conversation turns remotely flirty or sexual, steer it back to neutral subjects. If you can't, get a new job.

[preraph]

Here's what you do. Clearly he's not mature enough to know how to conduct himself at the office (sadly nor his manager). The age difference bothers you, and it should, especially in the context of working with him and also the fact he's so overt with no boundaries. This is not good. He may have some real issues. He has been very aggressive about all this with no boundaries.

 

I have met a couple of 18-year-old when I was your age who were fairly mature and with whom I had long sometimes romantic but mostly friendly relationships. One stays in touch to this day because I was special to him (35 years later). One, I was close to for 10 years or more. But both of them had boundaries . The first one, I lost track of for many years, but I inspired his career. The second one, he had boundaries. We really liked and were attracted to each other and it was him more than me that set boundaries, because he knew he wanted someone closer in age and to have kids and stuff.

 

The differences is this little guy at work is still not firing on all pistons and is just all over the place and could really cause you some problems.

 

I truly think the best course of action here is to tell both him and the manager, perhaps at the same time, that the flirting has got to end because he's too young and immature for you.

[gaius]

You're not an idiot bibi. Some guys aren't honest with their intentions for one reason or another and other guys are serious. It's the same across all age groups. =/ You liked him so you did the right thing responding in kind. Unless there was some kind of clear sign you missed/ignored, which there wasn't in this case, don't beat yourself up for taking a chance.

 

I would basically ignore him, give him the cold shoulder in regards to anything not work related, and even in that area make sure he feels a chilly breeze. As an aggressive guy he might even get off on losing your affection and trying to regain it again. But if you eat that kind of snub up and don't make him pay for it he'll probably lose interest completely.

[StanMusial]

Imagine how awkward it would've gotten had he tapped that. I'm guessing this is a restaurant or bar or something you work at? A 17 year old busboy who is "mature" and "financially stable"? Whew.

[preraph]

If you make him stop talking to you like that and he gets nasty about it, you can always tell his mommy.

[blackcat777]

In the best interest of your sanity, the rule concerning guys of any age is, if they stop pursuing you... stop pursuing them. Don't chase someone who isn't chasing you. It's the classic he's just not that into you, and your time is sincerely better spent with someone who values you enough not to jerk you around.

 

That being said, I have some empathy for your situation. I met my boyfriend at work, he was 19 and I was 27. I thought he was like... 23. I still get carded everywhere. We just hit it off instantly and I dug him as a person.

 

We didn't work together for long (he left for another job), but we made sure to keep it *strictly professional* at work. Flirting at work is always risky biscuits, and even what people think is cute one day may be scorned the next. Gossipers, drama queens, and backstabbers are everywhere, I avoid them at all costs.

Edited February 23, 2015 by blackcat777

[Emilia]

Just push it out of your mind. I can assure this isn't the last awkward/unwise conversation you'll have ever with a male co-worker, especially after having alcohol. Better get used to it.